BecomingABetterMe Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. He went through a pretty brutal divorce the summer before we started dating and was cheated on in a very cruel way. I was very cautious of starting a relationship with someone who'd obviously been through a lot so recently, but he assured me that he was fine and had done his grieving over the summer. He was an amazing boyfriend for the first six months - very attentive and affectionate. The second six months he started pulling away and stopped making much effort. He finally admitted that he was still struggling with his feelings about the divorce. He needed a lot of space and time to himself. I felt like a weekend-only girlfriend, and even on the days we were supposed to spend together he'd spend 2-3 hours at the gym and putz around his house before spending time with me. He's a genuinely good person and I love him a lot, but I felt pretty neglected. I broke up with him last week, and he's spent the last six days asking if I'm really done with him. I finally said okay, if we still want to date in six months we can do that. We laid out some ground rules - I will not be having sex with him or anyone else (too emotionally confusing), we can still hang out occasionally, and are welcome to be friendly with each other's friends and family, and we will revisit a dating relationship in six months. I think being apart will allow me time to grow my self esteem, as it has been getting stronger for the last couple of years, and pursuing my own interests. And for him, he will be able to spend some time having independence and being single for the first time in seven years. I'm hoping time apart will give him a greater appreciation for me, let his desire for sex build again (being belittled, emasculated, and cheated on by his ex basically killed his sex drive), and allow him the space he keeps saying he needs. Do you all think a break like this could work? If you've done something like this in the past, what have you done that has or hasn't worked?
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I don't really have much to say... but the old saying if it's meant to be it'll happen... Anyway, I mostly want to congratulate you for being so proactive about your life, your relationship. It takes guts to do what you did, I'm sure it wasn't easy, but you needed to do something about this situation because it was too late. Kudos to you!! Good luck and keep us posted.
Author BecomingABetterMe Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Thanks. I'm trying to do the right thing.
lauri Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. He went through a pretty brutal divorce the summer before we started dating and was cheated on in a very cruel way. I was very cautious of starting a relationship with someone who'd obviously been through a lot so recently, but he assured me that he was fine and had done his grieving over the summer. He was an amazing boyfriend for the first six months - very attentive and affectionate. The second six months he started pulling away and stopped making much effort. He finally admitted that he was still struggling with his feelings about the divorce. He needed a lot of space and time to himself. I felt like a weekend-only girlfriend, and even on the days we were supposed to spend together he'd spend 2-3 hours at the gym and putz around his house before spending time with me. He's a genuinely good person and I love him a lot, but I felt pretty neglected. I broke up with him last week, and he's spent the last six days asking if I'm really done with him. I finally said okay, if we still want to date in six months we can do that. We laid out some ground rules - I will not be having sex with him or anyone else (too emotionally confusing), we can still hang out occasionally, and are welcome to be friendly with each other's friends and family, and we will revisit a dating relationship in six months. I think being apart will allow me time to grow my self esteem, as it has been getting stronger for the last couple of years, and pursuing my own interests. And for him, he will be able to spend some time having independence and being single for the first time in seven years. I'm hoping time apart will give him a greater appreciation for me, let his desire for sex build again (being belittled, emasculated, and cheated on by his ex basically killed his sex drive), and allow him the space he keeps saying he needs. Do you all think a break like this could work? If you've done something like this in the past, what have you done that has or hasn't worked? A person is suppose to enhance your life not make it. If you are having difficulties and feeling neglected, I would move away from this situation entirely for a while... this means not hang out and talking. You cannot change how a person will "love you" and show you affection and maybe due to his past experiences he is stopping himself from expressing and letting himself open up completely. What do you feel deep down inside? The fact you ended it / moved to a break with him must mean you have already made up your mind regarding him. You have to ask yourself how interested you are in him. Once you know that answer, if your interest level isn't dropping and is still high enough for you to be IN love with him, taking a break is a risk you are taking as it may not end up with you two back together.
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