littl Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) I Googled some months back and didn't see anything on this topic. I've let the situation go, but thought I'd ask here since I now have some time & more distance for reflection on this final bit. Maybe it will help someone else as well. Summary: Briefly dated someone. Things were going well. Something felt off, and I abruptly ended our association based on his not wanting to move forward but also not wanting to let go. After no communication for nearly a year--other than 1 no-content invite to an event of his 6 months in that I declined--he responded to basically my "Hi" with a paragraph of various self-reflective thoughts, his state of mind regarding his life, off-the-bat stating I could say anything I want to him in person or via e-mail, being open to any feedback on him so he could figure out how to become who he wants, that he thought we were very different & it would have been wrong to continue as we were though he'd always loved being around me in general, that he'd come to understand it's important to have someone make you better & support you in life, and then closed his note by offering to give me closure or whatever I wanted. After some verbose, airy follow-up on my part & then realizing this was again an unsatisfying interaction for me, particularly upon his 2nd response, I left the whole thing behind. (His 2nd response: appreciating what I had wanted to give but thinking he wasn't who I thought he was (yet), recasting things I wrote about me as about him, being glad I ended things before I got any more invested, and agreeing with my treatise that it would be wonderful to find someone "like-minded" to share life with--a misinterpretation, in fact.) If you've been this person, why would you offer these sorts of words to someone? Particularly someone you aren't exes with. And someone you aren't friends with. Edited December 16, 2013 by littl
Trimmer Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You cut him off abruptly, perhaps he was lacking closure all that time. So when you opened with "Hi" (and you did make the first move, it sounds like...) he was probably projecting that you were doing what he wanted to do, and that opened the floodgates. If you aren't exes, and you aren't friends, and you abruptly ended things, why did you reach out to him with a "Hi"? It's only one word - two little letters - but the very fact that you initiated it may have said as much to him as several of his paragraphs sent in response to you.
Author littl Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 "Hi" is the summary of what I sent. It was a sparse e-mail of little content. I was the one to end things, but it's clear even he agrees I was the one on the hurting end of the stick: he didn't want to move forward and he tried to offer me closure (a year after the fact). I reached out because I thought I was past mourning it and had struggled for nearly a year trying to figure out how I could be friends with this person, as he had begged me when I ended it. (Begged, said he would take responsibility, and then never did.) --I was always going to have to the one to reach out. I knew that despite whatever he had claimed.-- I wanted to see if new positive feelings could be created in place of old negative ones. To see if something new could allow us to relate. I had felt petty for not wanting to be friends. I no longer feel petty. I am puzzled by the idea that he would need closure since he's the one who's seemed confident we would not work.
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