Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 That was quick, we lost her. What do you mean? You didn't lose me. I have every right to feel the way I do. I just lost someone. Of course I'm going to wonder. I did NOT want the break up. But I am accepting it. I'm working towards happiness. I've moved out and ignored him. I'm sorry...but if break ups were that easy to just drop off and never care about what they were thinking/doing...then LS would not exist.
JDPT Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 What do you mean? You didn't lose me. I have every right to feel the way I do. I just lost someone. Of course I'm going to wonder. I did NOT want the break up. But I am accepting it. I'm working towards happiness. I've moved out and ignored him. I'm sorry...but if break ups were that easy to just drop off and never care about what they were thinking/doing...then LS would not exist. In other words what he thinks or has to say is irrelevant to you at this point. The rest of your statement I can certainly resonate with. We have all been there and perhaps still going through it.
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 What do you mean? You didn't lose me. I have every right to feel the way I do. I just lost someone. Of course I'm going to wonder. I did NOT want the break up. But I am accepting it. I'm working towards happiness. I've moved out and ignored him. I'm sorry...but if break ups were that easy to just drop off and never care about what they were thinking/doing...then LS would not exist. No need to get defensive, haven't you read any of our threads? We have probably felt lower than you're feeling right now because I don't think it has hit you just yet. What do you mean that "he knows you're here." Are you serious? 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 No need to get defensive, haven't you read any of our threads? We have probably felt lower than you're feeling right now because I don't think it has hit you just yet. What do you mean that "he knows you're here." Are you serious? It's just a yucky feeling when people say I shouldn't care how he feels because I can't help that I care...I try not to, but I do right now. I'll get past it. Oh, it has hit me. I've been going through this breakup for 3 weeks now. I just finally made the final move. I finally ended what was sooo toxic for me. It's some sort of relief in a way knowing it's over. I just need to put one foot in front of the other right now. "Each time we pretend that what’s happened hasn’t happened or we deny our feelings and thoughts, we’re ignoring the very valuable and worthwhile people we are just so that we can preserve the egos of others and hold ourselves up to some sort of gold standard breakup." I like this quote. I got in a baggage reclaim. Lots of good stuff on there. Well I just remembered how the other day he said he knew I was on LS because he saw it on my browser. I completely forgot about it till now. He doesn't know my username or anything but it wouldn't be hard to figure out. I hope he doesn't look. Wait, he would have to CARE right?! lol You're right. I shouldn't care what he thinks/feels. I'm working on getting to that point. Just give me some time, okay?
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I hope he doesn't look. Wait, he would have to CARE right?! lol? It would be more out of curiosity, then care. Look at his actions. They don't spell care. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You can't tell yourself how to feel. Whoever said you "shouldn't" feel this way or that way - well, I disagree. You simply feel the way you do. What you CAN do is choose how to handle those feelings. It's healthy to FEEL your feelings, vent them out through talking and writing, then let them go. Just because you feel certain things for your ex doesn't mean you're going to call him or do anything about them. 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 You can't tell yourself how to feel. Whoever said you "shouldn't" feel this way or that way - well, I disagree. You simply feel the way you do. What you CAN do is choose how to handle those feelings. It's healthy to FEEL your feelings, vent them out through talking and writing, then let them go. Just because you feel certain things for your ex doesn't mean you're going to call him or do anything about them. You're right. I can handle them in a different way then how I feel about them. I still love him and care for him, but I really have let go of it all and him. Still doesn't make it easy right now and I still wonder what he is thinking/doing. Probably will for a long time. But I have enough will power to not contact and continue to ignore. "You want everything you’ve felt, been and done to mean something but it’s going to mean something entirely different if you continue to engage with this person and end up hurting further." This is exactly why I don't contact him. 1. I know it's over 2. He will never change 3. In order to be happy again, I have to let him go I know my ex well enough to know if he contacts it's because: 1. He feels guilty 2. He's lonely 3. Or he's horny
KelC411 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 SO proud of you! You are brave for leaving in the face of all your pain. It doesnt make it hurt less but it should make you proud of yourself. Now I am going to admit something embarrassing to you...one thing that has helped me when all those negative thoughts spon out of control and my self esteem tanks is to give myself positive affirmations. Whatever you like about yourself (for example I like that I am kind) say "I am *good quality*" out loud to yourself 5-10 times. Its very small and obviously not some magical technique, but I did realize that after doing it for a few days, my brain started to more positively even out all my bad thoughts. So whenI started to blame myself, or feel like crap that he didnt want me, it helped me remember that I have some good qualities too and, subsequently, that he had some bad ones. It helps for low self esteem which it sounds like you and I share as an obstacle. Good luck! We are all rooting for you (even the people who are a little harsh)!
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 "If someone didn’t care about you enough in the relationship, it is a waste of your energy to wonder why they don’t care now that they’re out of the relationship" "If you’ve been involved with someone who treated you poorly enough for you to consider them an assclown, as I commented to someone else, wondering why they don’t care enough for you is like putting your bucket down an empty well and wondering why no water comes back up." "The chief reason why we concern ourselves with why someone who didn’t treat us well in the relationship isn’t treating us well outside of it is because on some level, we had hoped that by no longer being with them that it would cause them to miss us and to ultimately treat us better." "It’s the old adage – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. True…but what people always forget is this: While we often don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone, even when we do realise how great/valuable/lovable a person is and what a huge mistake we may have made, in having some level of connection to ourselves, we may also realise that not only are we not capable of being and doing what that person wants from us, but that they may also be too good for us" 2
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 1. When someone rejects me and the relationship I have shared with them by breaking up with me, I will register this red flag, step back, and not attempt to change their mind. 2. I will not settle for less for the sake of having some crumbs rather than nothing at all. 3. I will cut contact to give myself time and space to grieve the loss of the relationship. 4. I will recognise lazy communication for what it is and not inflate it into them actually missing me and wanting to get back together. 5. For the sake of not confusing myself or causing me to do something that I later regret, I will not sleep with my ex. If I do, I will accept responsibility for the consequences. 6. I will not bombard them with my love. 7. I will recognise when I am becoming obsessed with my ex and will force myself to step back so that I don’t end up trapped in denial. 8. I will not punish myself for the breakup by neglecting me or doing stuff that is essentially me acting without love, care, trust, and respect towards myself. 9. I will not keep trying to get back together with someone who has already rejected me more than once. 10. I will not wait and put my life on hold for anyone. 10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue 2
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I'm really excited. Instead of thinking about my ex, I decided to make a plan to get on with my life and regain myself again. Right now I live with my dad. I make decent money for now, enough to live with a roommate and pay all my bills while having some extra cash leftover. My plan was to move in with my friend in March and save up some money while living with my dad. Well I just did a budget to see where I'm at and what I can afford and in February I'm asking for a raise at my current job. Whether I get it or not, if I were to get a part time job working 20 hours a week, making 10-12 bucks an hour, I could get my very OWN apartment!! I just need to make $500 extra bucks a month. That can't be that hard right?! And now that I'm single, I have all the time in the world for a part time job. My current job lets me out early on Tuesdays and Thursday, perfect for a second job! I'm excited!! I would rather live on my own. I think if I want something bad enough, I can achieve it!! Then I can get my own pup! 3
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I'm really excited. Instead of thinking about my ex, I decided to make a plan to get on with my life and regain myself again. Right now I live with my dad. I make decent money for now, enough to live with a roommate and pay all my bills while having some extra cash leftover. My plan was to move in with my friend in March and save up some money while living with my dad. Well I just did a budget to see where I'm at and what I can afford and in February I'm asking for a raise at my current job. Whether I get it or not, if I were to get a part time job working 20 hours a week, making 10-12 bucks an hour, I could get my very OWN apartment!! I just need to make $500 extra bucks a month. That can't be that hard right?! And now that I'm single, I have all the time in the world for a part time job. My current job lets me out early on Tuesdays and Thursday, perfect for a second job! I'm excited!! I would rather live on my own. I think if I want something bad enough, I can achieve it!! Then I can get my own pup! This is good. Keep writing your plans down. Focus on your goals and once you start checking them off the list, you'll start to see your accomplishments and that will help you feel stronger and have more belief in yourself that anything is possible, and that means even getting over this clown. I am sure you'll go up and down and while today you feel good, there will be days when you crash. But that's perfectly alright. It happens to everyone. It will be a rollercoaster for awhile and soon enough you'll start to stabilize. 1
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I'm really excited. Instead of thinking about my ex, I decided to make a plan to get on with my life and regain myself again. Right now I live with my dad. I make decent money for now, enough to live with a roommate and pay all my bills while having some extra cash leftover. My plan was to move in with my friend in March and save up some money while living with my dad. Well I just did a budget to see where I'm at and what I can afford and in February I'm asking for a raise at my current job. Whether I get it or not, if I were to get a part time job working 20 hours a week, making 10-12 bucks an hour, I could get my very OWN apartment!! I just need to make $500 extra bucks a month. That can't be that hard right?! And now that I'm single, I have all the time in the world for a part time job. My current job lets me out early on Tuesdays and Thursday, perfect for a second job! I'm excited!! I would rather live on my own. I think if I want something bad enough, I can achieve it!! Then I can get my own pup! Yes, yes, all the things you'll be able to do now! How exciting. And imagine when you finally meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!! I remind myself how nice it's gonna be to find someone I will be able to go to the movies with, without having to beg them to go with me to watch a movie every now and the. My ex never wanted to do anything. You'll find a guy who will give you flowers and all the stuff you're into!! How exciting is that?! 2
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 UGH. I was reading other threads on here and I read how one poster said if a guys says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" that usually means someone else is involved and he is cheating. I know it doesn't matter anymore, but now I'm wondering if there was someone else. I don't think he would cheat, but you never know. People are good liars. And hiders! He worked a lot and I lived with him for a little and I never suspected anything. But now that really bothers me, is this true that people are cheaters if they say that?! This is exactly why I want to remain NC, because I wouldn't be able to handle finding that out or him moving on with someone else. "Friends" will never be an option for me. To be my friend, you have to be worthy. And he clearly isn't. UGH UGH UGH!!
stillafool Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You can't be friends with him because you are still in love with him. When you feel indifferent about him you can be his friend. Hopefully by that time you will have moved on with someone else and not care about his friendship anymore.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 You can't be friends with him because you are still in love with him. When you feel indifferent about him you can be his friend. Hopefully by that time you will have moved on with someone else and not care about his friendship anymore. That also. But I will never be his friend. I've never been friends with an ex. Tried, but it never worked. Like they say, "When the past calls, don't pick up, it has nothing new to say!"
Ruby Slippers Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Some of the best advice I got after a breakup once was: Take good care of yourself. Be VERY good to yourself right now, doing anything and everything you need to feel better. When I want to take better care of myself, I start eating healthier, pampering myself with things like bubble baths and body oil rubdowns, getting enough relaxation time, and that kind of thing. 2
Volthi10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Wow, just reading this post your story and mine are very similar. :/ Not sure of the background of your relationship, but man im on the same boat...moving on is hard and getting it int our little heads that its done and over is not easy. We hold on to the hope that they mean what they do/say and then they crush us saying bs about us not being meant to be together.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Wow, just reading this post your story and mine are very similar. :/ Not sure of the background of your relationship, but man im on the same boat...moving on is hard and getting it int our little heads that its done and over is not easy. We hold on to the hope that they mean what they do/say and then they crush us saying bs about us not being meant to be together. Well, tell me what happened to you! :-) I don't mind sharing my thread...
Volthi10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Well my ex broke it off completely about going on two months now, but we were living together and our lease wasnt over until this month, but man its been hard the first few weeks assimilating my life on my own and him being gone (he left our apt and went to his parents house in his hometown). But just like yours he sends me mixed signals, we started with not talking at all, then we started talking again, i guess being friends, but its so confusing, hell tell me he loves me, he misses me, but that ill find somebody better, we have sex, then he says ill be better off, we hang out, then he leaves again, and i keep hoping he'll stay, but im two weeks away from moving into my own place and he'll be gone
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Well my ex broke it off completely about going on two months now, but we were living together and our lease wasnt over until this month, but man its been hard the first few weeks assimilating my life on my own and him being gone (he left our apt and went to his parents house in his hometown). But just like yours he sends me mixed signals, we started with not talking at all, then we started talking again, i guess being friends, but its so confusing, hell tell me he loves me, he misses me, but that ill find somebody better, we have sex, then he says ill be better off, we hang out, then he leaves again, and i keep hoping he'll stay, but im two weeks away from moving into my own place and he'll be gone Oh no! :-( That is very identical to mine. How long did you two date? How old are you two? I will tell you, right now it may be hard, but it will really hit you when you move out. And there is nothing you can do to prepare yourself. I just cried all day. But just let it out and go with whatever your emotions need to let out. Besides contacting him or begging/pleading. NC is vital in our situations!!! It really helps take back your power. Mine contacted me right away because he was shocked I moved out. But ignoring him made me feel back in control of myself and the situation. It's only Day 1 for me, but today I've been off and on. I haven't cried yet, so that's good! I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to get some Klonopin and Ambien because I can't sleep when I have anxiety and a broken heart. I also have called a Psychologist to set up an appointment, but am waiting for a call back. Once you move out and go NC, that's when the healing starts. You should be excited. Right now you are stuck in limbo and although you will feel sad when it's over, you will feel relieved too. Right now you are just prolonging the inevitable because of sucky circumstances.
Volthi10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) Oh no! :-( That is very identical to mine. How long did you two date? How old are you two? It sure is harder after its all done and said. Im 25 & he is 29. You?? We were together for a year. I am definitely in limbo. I need to have a talk with him, if its done its done. I cant be having these thoughts of uncertainty. Stay strong and it sure will get better. I keep telling myself I will be more than ok,I made it out of a worse situation a few years back I can definitely do it again and stronger. I have thought of going to a therapist, and maybe I should just to talk it out... :/ Edited December 16, 2013 by Volthi10
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I feel sick. I was making apples and peanut butter and I started thinking about how he used to sit on the couch and dip his apples in the peanut butter jar and when I'd kiss him, he'd smell like PB. I hurt. It's really starting to sink in...
clia Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Stay strong! We are all rooting for you. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Do not question your decision. You will be better off without him. You will meet a man who will cherish you, will be thrilled when you move in with him, and will treat you like a princess. It hurts now, but will get better with time. Next year at this time you will look back and wonder what you were so sad about because you will be in such a better place. Trust me!!! 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Stay strong! We are all rooting for you. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Do not question your decision. You will be better off without him. You will meet a man who will cherish you, will be thrilled when you move in with him, and will treat you like a princess. It hurts now, but will get better with time. Next year at this time you will look back and wonder what you were so sad about because you will be in such a better place. Trust me!!! Weird, I just told my mom that this morning. Because I know if I stick with NC I will get better, but in the meantime, UGH!!!!! The memories suck...I miss what he couldn't be...
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