BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 My plans for moving out Saturday got changed to Sunday because my dad went out of town last minute. Which is why I haven't posted till now because I didn't want you guys to think I was backing out. I wanted to post here when the deal was done. So here I am...all moved out. I can't even control my crying it's so awful. My lips are numb and my stomach is aching because I just realized I haven't eaten anything in the past 24 hours. My face is swollen and my body is sore. I hugged him last night. I wanted one last hug because even though we aren't meant to be I care for this person and love him. I tried to remember his hug...the tightness of his grip, the beating of his heart, the way his shirt felt against his muscles and the smell of his Burberry cologne. He squeezed me and rested his chin on my head as I wrapped my arms around his waist and knew this was the last time. After all was packed this afternoon, I double checked the house to make sure I got everything. I went into my empty room and just bursted into tears. It was symbolic because I too was empty inside. All my dreams I had with him are empty now... I wanted to leave a note, but I didn't. It's better that way. I hate to say this, but... We had sex this morning and it was me that seduced him. I don't know why I did it, I just let my emotions get the best of me, and my horniness... I told him afterward how we can't do that anymore, that I was wrong for doing that and he said, "yea we will see about that in a few days." I know it was wrong and afterward I felt like we just used each other and it didn't feel right. Lesson learned. I wish I didn't do that. I told him how I don't want to use each other like that anymore and become a sex toy and that we should start seeing other people if we need our needs met. You know what he said as a joke? He said, "I'm going to find a hot woman with a tight pu**y." I gave him a dirty look and left, went into my room, shut my door and cried. He went to take a shower and I wrote a note to him that said, "F__ you. Go get your tight pu**y. I'm done" When he saw the note, he came to my door and said, "are you serious? you know I was kidding." I just ignored him and stayed silent. He kept trying to get me to talk and I continued to ignore him. I was mad how he said something like that. When he left for work he shouted, "Goodbye, you can come out now, I'm leaving." I thought that remark would make it easier to leave, but I find myself sitting here wondering how it could've been any harder than it was. I've never felt so dark and depressed in my life. I understand it was wrong to sleep with him. I guess I had a stupid moment. It's all over now though. I'm officially out. That's last thing I said to him was, "F**k you." Take it easy on me, I'm not feeling very well.
fixing Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I was so proud of you reading this until i reached the middle... Anyways, that guy sounds like a pompous, arrogant a$$wipe if im honest. His dialogues makes me cringe. Anyway, well done, your finally out but for fook sake, NO MORE. He doesnt give a shiite about you and he would be more than willing to use you for sex when he wants. So well bloody done for getting out of that hell hole. Now the NC can begin x x x x 4
JDPT Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Sounds like you dodged a bullet, now is time to recover. 2
anna121 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 So glad you moved out. Not, um, the cleanest break I've ever seen, but, well, split milk and all that. Now, please list as many ways as possible that you can ensure that you never speak to him again. 3
AnyaNova Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 He's no great loss. He sounds like an epic tool. You're better off. Epic tool indeed! Brilliant choice of words to describe his lousy ass. 3
AnyaNova Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 First thing OP should be doing, is changing her phone number. Amen! Amen! Amen! I mean EVEN if the OP's ex said that horrific thing to try and distance himself from the pain he was experiencing, a true gentleman, someone worthy of the OP would never have said it. Ever! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Well, that was a lot more dramatic than it needed to be and the sex was a horrible, horrible idea, but at least you are out. The process wasn't great, but the end result is a positive. Now it's time, as other posters have said, to block his number and make the break clean. No more sex, no more hugging, no more talking, no more anything. The hardest part is done, now to the rest of it. 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I feel awful that I vanished and moved out without saying a word and I feel awful that I told him "f*ck you". I just feel bad that I left someone like that...I question how much I really love him if I could be so heartless? I have no idea what his reaction will be when he gets home. I wish it was him getting heartbroken and realizing he lost someone special. But who knows... Why do I feel like an awful person? This has been so hard today for me.
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Well, that was a lot more dramatic than it needed to be and the sex was a horrible, horrible idea, but at least you are out. The process wasn't great, but the end result is a positive. Now it's time, as other posters have said, to block his number and make the break clean. No more sex, no more hugging, no more talking, no more anything. The hardest part is done, now to the rest of it. Yes, no more sex, please!! If you're horny again, just take care of your needs yourself I agree 100% the hardest part is over!! Time to start healing! Good luck and we're all here for you! 1
JDPT Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I hope you don't cave in and seriously commit to this as excruciating as it is. Hang in there we are all here for you. 2
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 He clearly doesn't care how you feel, why do you care about him? Look, he's proven that he lacks empathy, so no, I highly doubt he will be 'heartbroken' that you've left. Not yet, anyway, and possibly never. He's used to you being his little doormat, his little puppet on strings. This is why I want you to change your number, so that when the chasing does happen (and it will, this guy's ego is huge), you're protected from it. Change. Your. Number. Okay :-( How do I deal with this pain in the meantime?
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I feel awful that I vanished and moved out without saying a word and I feel awful that I told him "f*ck you". I just feel bad that I left someone like that...I question how much I really love him if I could be so heartless? I have no idea what his reaction will be when he gets home. I wish it was him getting heartbroken and realizing he lost someone special. But who knows... Why do I feel like an awful person? This has been so hard today for me. Don't feel bad, it's not like you left out of the blue. This was gonna happen eventually and he knows it. It was just a matter of time. 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Don't feel bad, it's not like you left out of the blue. This was gonna happen eventually and he knows it. It was just a matter of time. I did leave out of the blue... He had no idea.
JDPT Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Okay :-( How do I deal with this pain in the meantime? Embrace it an accept it as crazy as it sounds. It's part of you for now, it's part of your recovery for a little while but now that if you proactively contribute towards your healing you will see results, not today not tomorrow not in a month or two but eventually you will. This takes time, don't rush through it, pace yourself, you are in this for the long run. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I feel awful that I vanished and moved out without saying a word and I feel awful that I told him "f*ck you". I just feel bad that I left someone like that...I question how much I really love him if I could be so heartless? I have no idea what his reaction will be when he gets home. I wish it was him getting heartbroken and realizing he lost someone special. But who knows... Why do I feel like an awful person? This has been so hard today for me. You do realize that he doesn't give two sh*ts about how you feel don't you? I mean, he'll be disappointed that you aren't around to pay rent and hook up with when he feels the need, but it's time you put yourself in front of a person who really couldn't care less about how you feel. Like I said in the other friend, being a nice person does not equal being a doormat. You have been a doormat and you are still showing some doormat behavior (although thankfully you've made a huge step toward shucking that behavior). It's time to be a strong, willful adult, not a weak, desperate girl. You can do it. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I did leave out of the blue... He had no idea. Nor does he have the right to have any idea. 3
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I did leave out of the blue... He had no idea. No, no, that's not what I meant. What I mean is that this relationship is over, what just happened needed to happen, and your ex kows that. You two had even started treating each other horribly. 3
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 You do realize that he doesn't give two sh*ts about how you feel don't you? I mean, he'll be disappointed that you aren't around to pay rent and hook up with when he feels the need, but it's time you put yourself in front of a person who really couldn't care less about how you feel. Like I said in the other friend, being a nice person does not equal being a doormat. You have been a doormat and you are still showing some doormat behavior (although thankfully you've made a huge step toward shucking that behavior). It's time to be a strong, willful adult, not a weak, desperate girl. You can do it. That makes me very sad. I think this all too fresh right now and this is all too much to take in. I feel alone and I can't stop crying. I hate the crying!
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 That makes me very sad. I think this all too fresh right now and this is all too much to take in. I feel alone and I can't stop crying. I hate the crying! Embrace all that crying, after all that crying you'll feel good! Maybe just a little bit, but you will. I used to cry all the time, in public. But that's all in the past now. Believe me, things do get better. You just need to let time do its thing. 2
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 No, no, that's not what I meant. What I mean is that this relationship is over, what just happened needed to happen, and your ex kows that. You two had even started treating each other horribly. Oh okay. That's what makes me sad...how we started treating each other horribly, he began to resent me. I loved him so much, I didn't deserve that. I'm sorry for the pity party, I just can't feel anything else than pity tonight. And now I'm sitting on a couch, tired as hell and can't fall asleep. I'm scared I'll wake up with a panic attack. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 That makes me very sad. I think this all too fresh right now and this is all too much to take in. I feel alone and I can't stop crying. I hate the crying! It's sad, but it's a truth you need to embrace. While it sucks to embrace it, it'll get you where you need to go faster than living in denial. Living in denial like you have sucks even worse, because not only is it painful, but it's also a lie. Short-term pain of acknowledging the truth is better than the long-term pain of being strung along with a lie. 5
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 It sucks, but people like him don't feel empathy in situations like this. It isn't something you did, he's just incapable of it. And you can't fix it. It's not about you, he's just a tool. Don't take it personally. "Don't take it personally" aaah if we all were to understand this, our lives would be so much easier. I'm currently working on it.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Oh okay. That's what makes me sad...how we started treating each other horribly, he began to resent me. I loved him so much, I didn't deserve that. I'm sorry for the pity party, I just can't feel anything else than pity tonight. And now I'm sitting on a couch, tired as hell and can't fall asleep. I'm scared I'll wake up with a panic attack. Yep, it's hitting you hard because you delayed this process by staying in his house and hooking up and all that. Now that you've finally cut the cord, you are basically back to a repeat of the breakup. It sucks, but cry, yell, scream, ride it out. You'll make it out better on the other side. 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Thanks for being here with me guys. At least I have people to talk to. 1
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 It's sad, but it's a truth you need to embrace. While it sucks to embrace it, it'll get you where you need to go faster than living in denial. Living in denial like you have sucks even worse, because not only is it painful, but it's also a lie. Short-term pain of acknowledging the truth is better than the long-term pain of being strung along with a lie. I agree with the denial thing. For me the denial stage in my breakup was when I suffered the most. None of the other stages compare to denial. My breakup stages were: denial, depression, anger and acceptance. 2
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