I like her: how to tell her I want to see her again in a nice (not awkward) way?

[thesearchisover]

I really like this girl and I need to make plans to see her again since this will be our last day in a class together (we’re grad students in different PhD programs at the same school). I’m just not in shape to go “all out” and ask her out, because my grandma died yesterday- I’m fine but not in a cheerful or charming mood at all. If I asked her out on a date right now I'd probably mess it up (for good), and I really don't want that.

 

About the girl: she's a bit shy but very friendly. She seems the type who won’t date someone without knowing them enough. My guess is that she likes me a little (in a romantic way), but I’m NOT her dream guy or first choice. We sit next to each other in this class, but for my bad luck it's not a good talking environment (because of a guy who's jealous of me). So I usually talk to her while walking from class, although her friends are often around when we walk. I genuinely think she’d like me more if she got to know me better. I’m pretty sure she senses that I like her.

 

I was going to say something like “so is this the last time I’ll get to see you”, and then let her know that I’d really like to spend some time with her (lunch/dinner, hang out at the bar, or anything she wants). If things escalate to a "date", I'd be glad, but I just want to make sure that we don't part ways for good without ever getting to spend time together. So I need some help with exactly what to say. Answers from girls/women would really help: what choice of words will make YOU most likely to agree without scaring you away?

[ShyGuy5]

Just do it. No matter how much you rehearse it you inevitably will say something different in the moment

[redstreak]

"Hey, here's my number. Text me if you want to get together some time. Or if you don't have any plans next weekend I think I'm free on Saturday."

 

If she's interested she'll either: A) Text you. B) Make plans right there.

 

If not, no harm done and you take the pressure off of yourself so you're not fumbling around for words making a really big deal out of seeing her again.

[thesearchisover]

Thanks for the advice. I would like to be a bit more assertive than just giving her my number though- I want to "connect with her" a bit more. I actually think it's good if she gets a feeling of how much I would like to spend time with her and also realizes that I genuinely like her. BUT I want to avoid creeping her out at all costs, so that's why I wanted help with my choice of words.

 

In other words, I don't mind if she knows how I feel, as long as things aren't awkward for either of us. My hope is that she might have some TINY desire to see me again after this class/semester is over, and I want to try to arouse that desire- I'm just not sure of the best way to do it. Like I said, I would've ideally asked her out but I'm definitely not feeling up to it since my grandma just died. I should've asked her out earlier, but that's too late now- I was always hoping I'd "get to know her better" first.....

Edited December 16, 2013 by thesearchisover

[ShyGuy5]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward

[petitefleur]

Just my two cents, I hate when guys give me his number. It makes them seem lazy and careless to me.

[ShyGuy5]

Just my two cents, I hate when guys give me his number. It makes them seem lazy and careless to me.

 

You have to assert yourself. At the end of the day, if she is feeling you, then you can only screw it up by doing nothing. So what if you fumble the conversation a little. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter

[d0nnivain]

Does she know your grandmother died? I'm sorry for your loss, btw.

 

I'd say something like, I realize the semester is ending but my grandmother just passed & I'm not in a good frame of mind right now. Would it be OK if I called you for a date after winter break?

[thesearchisover]

No, she doesn't know about my grandma. The thing is, if I'm going to tell her, how do I do it without making it look like I'm trying to win her sympathy? It's good if she's knows why I'm a little out of sorts, but I'm just not sure if I should tell her something depressing like that since she didn't really need to know anyway. Any tips on how I should handle telling her (if I should tell her at all) would be helpful.

[d0nnivain]

Exactly the way I just said.

[rocketman122]

I usually felt if there was a good date and I would either say when will I see you again? or I would say I want to see you again. thats it. it didnt happen but if she mumbles with her words then its time to move on. but usually they offer a day and say either Xday or Xday is good for me..

 

 

you need to change your state of mind. but you should be in tune with how the date went. if it didnt go so well then just say thanks and move on otherwise just say it. dont be so wimpy.

 

She seems the type who won’t date someone without knowing them enough.

 

nonsense. youre making excuses. you even said why "but I’m NOT her dream guy or first choice" if you were attractive(I dont know how attractive you are obviously. im not saying youre ugly) in her eyes she would definitely want to meet you whether she knew you beforehand or not. what you said is nonsense and BS and an excuse.trust me, if you looked like brad pitt or cruise or whomever the women are getting wet about, she would VERY much want to get to know you, whether she met you beforehand or not. not putting you down, im just telling the facts. again, I dont know if youre ugly or not. and I accept it that I may not be the most attractive guy in every womans eye. it'd be stupid to that that.