Strung the OW along

[theonersss]

I'm a married man. Began seeing another woman app 5 years ago

She knew I was married . For 5 years I strung this girl along telling her I was leaving getting lawyer etc. I guess she hit the wall because she left me 2 months ago. I always thought that when she left I'd be OK, I always knew she would go, but I'm not. I'm in agony. I've made the worst decision of my life. I've told her I'll finally do it. I really am ready. I bought her s Hugh diamond just to show how serious I am. And I am

I told her I would leave my loveless marriage and be over in 45 min. She just strung me along. I'm in the friend zone now. She still texts me in occasion said she has a new guy and can't even see me in person now. Angry. Any hope left at all? Should I try just not talking to her for a while? I really am out of words. PS. I know I ama piece of dirt.

[MidwestUSA]

'She just strung me along'.

 

Reread that as many times as you need to.

[theonersss]

I know. I know. I have no excuse

[BeingMe]

If you've been with her for 5 years...it's no wonder you feel your marriage is loveless AND the AP doesn't want you. The grass grows where you water it and you tried to split the water between lawns, so both have died off.

 

Out of interest, why DID you stay married and not leave for the AP? And when are you going to tell your wife? (because if you want to stop being a jerk, you need to tell her)

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I have no words for you. What do you want? I think James advice is good.

[theonersss]

With all respect

I know WHAT I did wrong

I need to get her back! I'm in therapy. I know what's wrong how do I fix it

[theonersss]

And I have told my wife, not about the affair, but I need to go. And I'm not looking for sympathy.

[theonersss]

I think my chances of getting any non judgemental advice here is slim

[CarrieT]

And I have told my wife, not about the affair, but I need to go.

Tell your wife about the affair.

 

Be honest - for once in your life - and come clean. It will make the inevitable journey (with or without the Affair Partner) that much easier for you.

[theonersss]

I give up.

[Raena]

I think you already got the best advice you are going to get.... divorce your wife, go no contact with the OW and move on to a healthier place in your life. Find out why you chose to cheat on your wife for 5 years, fix that issue and then, and ONLY then... start dating again and be faithful the next time around. At this point you cannot have a healthy relationship with either woman in your life so you need to move on from both of them.

[CarrieT]

I think my chances of getting any non judgemental advice here is slim

 

Many, many of us here have been on both sides of affairs so the advice you are getting is honest. We are not judging you; we are giving you suggestions on how you can move forward with your life in a way that will provide all involved with the best possible outcome.

[happy stillmore]

I'm always sorry to see anyone in pain. Now you are getting a taste of what the OW has been feeling for five years. It is horrible to want someone so bad and know you can't have him/her because that person is choosing someone over you. Exactly what your OW felt for years.

 

The only way she would consider talking to you is if you are moved out of the house and divorce papers have been filed. I know because that is exactly what my thoughts are as a former OW. After settling for breadcrumbs for almost three years, I finally had to move on. XMM's actions (or lack of) were contrary to his words. She reached her breaking point. She is finally realizing how nice it is to be able to enjoy a relationship openly and freely. Something you couldn't give her.

 

You have been living a fake life. It is time to get real with your life. Be honest with yourself, wife, everyone. Do you love your wife? Do you love OW? Is this love real? Are you regretting losing OW because you were taking her for granted for years? Is it a blow to your ego that she figured out you were not work waiting for? Or do you really love OW as a person and want to spend your future with her? If you stay with your wife, you better put 100% into the marriage. It would be using her as a security blanket if you don't. You would be preventing your wife from being with someone who truly lives her, if you don't love her and stay. A selfish thing to do. Admit it. You have been selfish for five years. Now do the right thing.

 

I suggest you talk to a therapist because you need to figure yourself out. You will have to talk through the pain and get real with your life. Scary thing for a person to do.

 

I hope you learn to find happiness in living a real life.

[carhill]

I think you already got the best advice you are going to get.... divorce your wife, go no contact with the OW and move on to a healthier place in your life. Find out why you chose to cheat on your wife for 5 years, fix that issue and then, and ONLY then... start dating again and be faithful the next time around.

 

As a fMM, I have to say I agree with this.

 

Whatever choice you make, form a plan and work it. Move forward. Life is short. Good luck.

[oldshirt]

I give up.

 

 

 

You did that a long time ago. and that is why you are in this predicament.

 

 

You gave up trying to make your own destiny. You just floated along like a cork bobbing in the water going wherever the currents and winds took it.

 

 

You gave up on your wife so that relationship fell. and you weren't decisive with the OM and so that fell.

 

 

It was your lack of decisiveness, lack of initiative and lack of will that destroyed both relationships. Had you have been decisive and committed yourself to your marriage, that may have worked and remained intact.

 

 

If you had been decisive and left your wife for the OW it may have worked with her.

 

 

As it stands, you were wishy-washy and left it up to each woman to decide your fate so your wife continued to milk you for a loveless marraige and the OW moved on.

 

 

The women were decisive. What bit you in the ass is if there is one thing women have no respect for and no attraction to, it's wishy-washy men that can not be decisive and make a stand for themselves.

[AutumnMoon]

Only chance you probably have of getting her back is to just divorce. If your marriage is loveless, do it regardless of if you end up with your OW, you'll be better off and so will she and you will find someone else.

[tiredofitall2]

I think my chances of getting any non judgemental advice here is slim

 

No, not here. Go to the Other Man/ Other Woman forum in LS.

[Artie Lang]

i think you got bold, in-your-face advice..... you just can't take it, that's all.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh come on.

 

You only want her because you can't have her now anyway.

 

If your OW was still around and your wife moved to divorce you'd be posting here trying to save your marriage and how your affair was "a big mistake."

 

Wait until next week. There will be some other woman to eat your cake with and you can continue to use people as a coping skill. Just relax, some damaged soul will be along shortly.

[whichwayisup]

I'm a married man. Began seeing another woman app 5 years ago

She knew I was married . For 5 years I strung this girl along telling her I was leaving getting lawyer etc. I guess she hit the wall because she left me 2 months ago. I always thought that when she left I'd be OK, I always knew she would go, but I'm not. I'm in agony. I've made the worst decision of my life. I've told her I'll finally do it. I really am ready. I bought her s Hugh diamond just to show how serious I am. And I am

I told her I would leave my loveless marriage and be over in 45 min. She just strung me along. I'm in the friend zone now. She still texts me in occasion said she has a new guy and can't even see me in person now. Angry. Any hope left at all? Should I try just not talking to her for a while? I really am out of words. PS. I know I ama piece of dirt.

 

Have you even spoken to your wife yet about divorce or did you just react out of desperation that your OW decided to end it with you (good for her! To realize that you were dicking her around for so many years! that's cruel to do someone!)

 

Love how you've made yourself into the victim here. You lie and cheat on your wife, use the OW, play her for a fool, she wakes up, rids of you and now you want her back?

 

Divorce and BE ALONE, and ON your own for a while. Fix yourself because I'm sure you don't like the person you've become. Obviously you have potiential to be someone great - Your wife married you!

[Eggplant]

I have developed a theory, reinforced by LS posts like yours. I believe the MM's behavior is so inconsistent because there is a subconscious, calculating reptile brain at the steering wheel, making the conscious person feel whatever strong emotion be needed at the time to keep a relationship going with both women. Yesterday, when he had both women, he didn't feel any need to divorce. Now that one is walking away, suddenly he's madly in love with her, and will do anything to get her back. My theory is that if the OW were hanging on, but the wife were to suddenly walk away, then he would all the sudden feel madly in love with his wife again. There's this calculating lizard reacting to the actions of the women involved, and the conscious person just goes along for the ride and can't figure out why he/she has all these different changing feelings. OP recognize your feelings are driven by a selfish lizard and sacrifice out of love for the people you supposedly love.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm a married man. Began seeing another woman app 5 years ago

She knew I was married . For 5 years I strung this girl along telling her I was leaving getting lawyer etc. I guess she hit the wall because she left me 2 months ago. I always thought that when she left I'd be OK, I always knew she would go, but I'm not. I'm in agony. I've made the worst decision of my life. I've told her I'll finally do it. I really am ready. I bought her s Hugh diamond just to show how serious I am. And I am

I told her I would leave my loveless marriage and be over in 45 min. She just strung me along. I'm in the friend zone now. She still texts me in occasion said she has a new guy and can't even see me in person now. Angry. Any hope left at all? Should I try just not talking to her for a while? I really am out of words. PS. I know I ama piece of dirt.

 

If you love/loved the OW she would not have been the OW for five years.

 

If you think you love/loved the OW, and she tells you that she has moved on, and is enjoying her life with a new man....then because you LOVE her...you let her have this happiness. A happiness that you denied her for all those years.

 

If you have ever loved your wife you would want her to experience real love as well...not a man who uses her as a wife appliance. Let her go.

 

Take some time to get to know yourself. Who do you want to be? Do you really think cheating is okay? Is it okay to use another to fill holes in your primary relationship? What does that say about your character?

[William]

As the thread starter stated 'I give up', then logged out and hasn't returned, we'll close this up. If they want to add anything further, they can alert moderation. Thanks for your comments!