Chris_T. Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by SoleMate Yes, I do see a definite tendency toward "battle of the sexes" here. May I propose a middle ground? Nubianangel, can we agree, that as Adunaphel and Otter have said, you did not do wrong - and yet your ex was very hurt. Your right to do what you did is not really questioned - AND the pain it caused your ex also seems to be a fact that all the men understand (even if the women don't). So can we boil it down to...he was hurt by what you did. If you hurt someone you love - even if it is inadvertent - you apologize. IF you still love him. You don't get stuck in "who's right, who's wrong" or even "you made me hurt you". The same rule applies to him. He hurt you with his careless breakup - so he also owes you an apology. As far as how to get him back...acknowledge his pain, admit the part your actions played. Ask what you can do to help ease the pain. Ask if he will work with you on putting things back together. Don't justify your behavior during this critical time when he is hurting. Later, perhaps you can talk about some ways to think about commitment, physical or emotional. You're right, I don't quite see why you want him back when it is that easy for him to tell you "it's over". Your choice, of course. Just a thought - how much of his reaction is that unthinking, jealous, dog in the manger rage, and how much is honest grief at a tragic loss and sundering? BTW - you did what we always advise on LS - you were honest with your partner about an essential fact even thought it cost you big time. You did the right thing, and I hope when he comes to his senses he will realize that he had something good when he had you. I think you hit the nail right on the head. I don't think she did anything wrong, I don't think she cheated...but the responses from the women made me a little angry. Basically, since he hurt her, he had no right to feel hurt. That's BS. ANYONE would feel hurt if someone they loved slept with someone one day after a breakup, regardless of who did the breaking up. I split with my GF around 5 months ago and a month ago she told me she had started sleeping with someone else. We had been in contact and seeing each other the whole time since we split. She started seeing the guy around 2 months after our breakup...she waited until a month ago to tell me because she was scared about how i would react. Our breakup was due to the fact that I was an a-hole to her. And I know she didn't cheat on me and I know that she had every right to do what she did and I know that if I wasn't such an a-hole none of this would ever have happened...but it still HURTS. A LOT. A LOT. But, I'm glad she told me instead of me hearing it through mutual friends and I'm glad she cared about how much I was hurting. I reacted much like her BF did too initally....how could you do this, blah, blah ,blah. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again...she waited a few weeks until I calmed down and we talked about it. She could have just told me to f off after the way I reacted...but she didn't. Because she still loves me. We are talking and seeing each other again and who knows what will happen? So, nubianangel, sorry if I kinda flew off the handle with my first response...it kinda hit a little close to home. I commend you for being honest with him and I hope everything works out for you. Good luck.
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