Doobee Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I don't know how to feel. Whenever I see my girlfriend, I'm happy enough doing nothing crazy. We're not the kind of couple that goes out to bars ordance clubs or skiing or explorating Manhattan We do something crazy every once and a while, but not often. We usually end up hanging out in my home, watching tv on my couch. Usually watching a movie or just flipping around. This is how most of our nights go actually. We consider ourselves homebodies, but we know that maybe we should be doing alot more than just sitting around every time we see eachother. It's now becoming an issue though. To her, which hurts my feelings alot. It hurts especially when she tells me how a couple that isn't even a couple anymore went out to ski for a weekend. She told me that 'they're not even together and look at them". Being the man in the relationship, I feel like I'm failing. And when my friend told me recently to "not stay in tonight, take her somewhere nice", I felt like she'd be better off with my friend than me. I'm embarassed...I'm sad... I hurt inside..... I just can't think of things to do with her that we'd both have fun doing. We don't like to ski goshdarnit! How do I approach this situation? I've shown her that I really do try thinking of things for us to do.....And she says "don't worry, I'm just overreactiing. don't go crazy trying to think of something to do!". But I still feel inadequate. We've been going out for almost 3 years now, we're each 21 years old.
Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Take her out to a hotel room room with a jacuzzi, go ahead of time and spread rose petals on the bed, (I dunno) Find something you like to do like go out to see a movie, take her to an at least semi-fancy resteraunt. Make a night every couple of weeks where you find something new and exciting to do...look up inexpensive (if money is an issue) horse riding lessons...or go play putt-putt or ride the golf carts, go to the zoo, something, there are probably a million things you could do together even if inexpensive at least you'd be together and having new fun! Don't feel bad but I would try and do something about it so the relationship doesn't get stale...
moimeme Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I just can't think of things to do with her that we'd both have fun doing. We don't like to ski goshdarnit! There are thousands of things people do. They listen to music. They go to plays. They go for walks or hikes. They take up a sport or exercising together. They maybe take classes. They join volunteer organizations. They take up hobbies. They could play games. They might even cook dinner together. Heck, even if you watch TV, you'll see people on TV doing things together that you could get ideas from.
jesusfist Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 perhaps you could go learn dancing or martial arts together.
johan Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Next time you're just hanging out, when she gets up for something and comes back to the couch, throw down a little super glue before she sits back down. Problem solved.
johan Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 If you absolutely HAVE to go out and do something, I suggest just exploring your yard and maybe the street outside your house. Don't go so far that you can't see your front door, in case you want to run back in. Seriously, it IS nice to have someone you can just hang out with. But the relationship can get very stagnant and your old age will be staring you right in the face if you think about it. Maybe that's what's on her mind. Also she might be getting the impression that you've made her your life, and you might have to face it that your REALLY settling in with her. If she left, you'd might be in bad shape and you'd have to rebuild your life. I had to do that once. NO fun. The suggestions the other people had were good. Maybe you can do some of those things with another couple, which would really help to lighten things up for you.
Thinkalot Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I'd start planning things to do at least every now and then. Your gf is probably hoping you'll do just that, even though you both like relaxing. You don't have to go skiing. You can have a picnic, take a walk, read poetry together, cook an amazing meal together, go sit in a cafe and chat, play board games, go to the gym, go for a hike, go away somewhere cosy for a weekend, go out for a nice dinner, go to the theatre, go to a concert... There are so many things depending on your interest. Dont beat up on yourself though. It's easy to get comfortable and in a routine. Just try spicing it up a bit from now.
RowanRavyn Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I don't think Skiing is the point. I think the point is she wants to know that while you guys are homebodies (hey we really understand in this house), she is still precious enough for you to actually get outside your comfort zone and do something FOR HER. Like everyone said, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it needs to show effort on your part.
Adunaphel Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by RowanRavyn I don't think Skiing is the point. I think the point is she wants to know that while you guys are homebodies (hey we really understand in this house), she is still precious enough for you to actually get outside your comfort zone and do something FOR HER. Like everyone said, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it needs to show effort on your part. I totally agree with RowanRavyn. I'm in the same situation as your girlfriend, my bf and I spend almost all our time together at home( most of it in front of the tv) and I am basically feeling bored with it. Don't feel bad or inadequate. She was not criticizing you. She was not telling you that you are a bad boyfriend. She just hinted that she'd like to do something together that is different from sitting around. It doesn't sound like she was getting tired of *you*, she's just tired of never going out, and she is trying to communicate it to you. It's now becoming an issue though. To her, which hurts my feelings alot. It hurts especially when she tells me how a couple that isn't even a couple anymore went out to ski for a weekend. She told me that 'they're not even together and look at them". Don't feel hurt. She was not comparing the two of you to the other couple. She was not telling you that the guy in the couple is a better bf than you. She was probably trying to bring up the "we don't go out often" topic in a non-direct way, so it wouldn't look like she was criticizing you or unhappy with you. I'd bet she was just trying to bring the subject up in a "light" way(and she failed). Being the man in the relationship, I feel like I'm failing. And when my friend told me recently to "not stay in tonight, take her somewhere nice", I felt like she'd be better off with my friend than me. why? I've shown her that I really do try thinking of things for us to do.....And she says "don't worry, I'm just overreactiing. don't go crazy trying to think of something to do!". Don't show her that you *think* of something to do. Show her that you *do* something! It hasn't to be something exceptional or really special. It just has to be *something*! An inexpensive picnic in a park/in the country will do. Going to the movies, or to a play, or to an art exibition will do. Going to the zoo or to an amusement park will do. Even a walk together will do. All the suggestions you received from other posters are good ones. I just can't think of things to do with her that we'd both have fun doing. If you can't think of something you'd *both* enjoy, even something that you enjoy and she doesn't hate is better than nothing.
trevian32ca Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 here we have a page http://www.toronto.com where it tells you just about anything you can do on this city. Do a search on the net, but first ask yourself what type is your girlfriend...is she the romantic type? the business woman type? the nerdy type?
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 take her out to dinner go to the theater go OUT to the movies take a cooking class together take a dance class together go hiking go to a museum go shopping together go antiquing go horseback riding go on a picnic
doobee Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 I really want to thank you for your replies guys and girls. You really know what I'm going through, its pretty crazy that we may all come from different parts and different backgrounds, but we can all relate to relationships. You're all right, I need to stop thinking and start doing. Even just the smallest thing to show her that I care about our relationship and I put effort into it. One thing I failed to mention is that I end up doing alot of things with my group of guy-friends every time I go out with them. I guess that adds to her disappointed sentiment about me and her. Thanks for the pep talk, it feels good to have people to turn to.
Elmo Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Okay...I have a different interpretation of this. You seem to be okay with being a "home body". Your gf is unhappy not going out more. I don't see this is your fault. At all! It is not up to you to figure out an exciting field trip to please her, if, you are and she has, in the past been happy watching tv, having a nice dinner, chatting and snuggling on the couch. It seems to me she is bored now. Hey, I get it. That's cool. Ask her a couple of things that SHE would like to do. Then...do it. Right then! That moment! Make it fun and positive. If she pitches a fit and says that you should figure it out...yikes. I've never liked this kind of naked demand for attention. But you will have to determine if you do. I've always liked a give and take situtation. If there is a problem, you talk it out. The one with the wants/needs/problem should help with the solution. JMHO. Oh...forgot to mention that I am a girl. I've known lots of women who eventually get left for this kind of unattractive neediness. This usually shows up in even her "friends/family" relationships...where she needs alot of people paying attention to her. Think about this. If all the pieces fit....Ask her to go to counseling...if she doesn't.... RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! You will never figure every one of her needs out and will get very, very tired of her not caring about yours. Of course I'm only guessing here. But I have seen this scenario many times. Take it for what it's worth. Good luck.
moimeme Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 You seem to be okay with being a "home body". Read again. They do nothing but stay home and watch TV when it's the GF but he ends up "doing alot of things with my group of guy-friends every time I go out with them". I can't imagine any relationship surviving long when the chief activity they share (other than sex) is sitting watching television. It's nothing to do with her at all, IMHO. As he just said, he's plenty busy when other men are around.
Adunaphel Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by Elmo Ask her a couple of things that SHE would like to do. Then...do it. Right then! That moment! Make it fun and positive. This is very good advice. Does she ever say things such as "why don't we.......?" or "what about going to........?" ? If so, whenever she does this please take it as a request, not as a mere suggestion.
Elmo Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Read again. They do nothing but stay home and watch TV when it's the GF but he ends up "doing alot of things with my group of guy-friends every time I go out with them". I can't imagine any relationship surviving long when the chief activity they share (other than sex) is sitting watching television. It's nothing to do with her at all, IMHO. As he just said, he's plenty busy when other men are around. I read it again. It still seems to me that this has been "their" way of interacting....not that he had chained her to the couch/tv. I'm guessing, of course, but his doing alot of things with his friends is perhaps inititated by the "group" not necessarily our homebody friend. I'm sure you can't imagine any relationship surviving anything you don't care for. However, this is not about you.
seahorse Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Hi, I don't know where you live as location isn't posted, but there is also swimming? If you don't live near the coast, check out your local pool - good healthy exercise, lol, and a chance to get semi naked together in public!!!
doobee Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Your replies are really good. You're all really looking into this. I don't know, sometimes I think that maybe I'm bored of being with someone for this long? I'm young, I've been with her for a long period of time for my age (3 years). I get very excited thinking about cool stuff to do with the buds, but as you know, I can't think of "cool" stuff to do with her. But I can't stand the thought of not having those quiet couch times with her. The guys aren't all that great 100% of the time. She's being very careful in how to express her feelings to me about going out more, she doesn't want to put pressure on me or anything like that. From that you can gather that she's not a control freak. Ah, I don't know. Trying to do one little thing at a time is working out so far. And ya know what? Its been fun. Maybe I just needed a little kick in the rear and she was right.
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