Flaky girl after first date, pursue or abandon ??

[datingnoob93]

Hi I'm a 20 year old student and I don't have a whole lot of experience with dating. Last girlfriend was in high school. Anyway, I went on a first date dinner (my 3rd first date ever) earlier this week that was kind of lukewarm at best. We didn't share a whole lot in common and there were a lot of awkward silences, and at the end there was only a handshake, no kiss or even a hug. I didn't think I would see her again but I believe in second chances especially at our age. So I texted her the day after and told her I had a great time and would like to see her again, and she responded surprisingly positively.

 

2 days later, on Thursday, I texted her again, and it went like this:

[small talk]

Me: what are you doing this weekend lets go out again.

Her: I'm working

Me: how about monday

Her: i'm working late, might have some time during lunch though

Me: great! Let me take you to [restaurant x], its a great place and you'll love it

Her: sure, that sounds awesome, we can def do that

Me: ok i'll pick u up from work at noon

Her: might have a late morning meeting, let me check my calendar I'll text you later this afternoon.

 

She never texted me back, although she DID respond (positively) to a tweet I sent her yesterday about something unrelated. So its Sunday now and although she did agree to go out she never actually confirmed the time. What should I do ??

 

A- assume she is no longer interested until she texts me back to confirm. If I don't hear from her by Monday morning then I will no longer pursue her and forget about the whole thing. If she IS interested in me she would have contacted me already, right ?

B- show up to her work at noon to pick up her anyway, on the assumption that she might be half expecting this. (she DID agree to lunch, after all)

C- text her today and ask again to confirm. I don't really want to do this because it makes me look weak and needy, and she is working this weekend.

D- text her Monday morning. Again I don't wanna look weak.

 

Any suggestions ??

Edited December 15, 2013 by datingnoob93

[nomadic_butterfly]

Hi I'm a 20 year old student and I don't have a whole lot of experience with dating. Last girlfriend was in high school. Anyway, I went on a first date dinner (my 3rd first date ever) earlier this week that was kind of lukewarm at best. We didn't share a whole lot in common and there were a lot of awkward silences, and at the end there was only a handshake, no kiss or even a hug. I didn't think I would see her again but I believe in second chances especially at our age. So I texted her the day after and told her I had a great time and would like to see her again, and she responded surprisingly positively.

 

2 days later, on Thursday, I texted her again, and it went like this:

[small talk]

Me: what are you doing this weekend lets go out again.

Her: I'm working

Me: how about monday

Her: i'm working late, might have some time during lunch though

Me: great! Let me take you to [restaurant x], its a great place and you'll love it

Her: sure, that sounds awesome, we can def do that

Me: ok i'll pick u up from work at noon

Her: might have a late morning meeting, let me check my calendar I'll text you later this afternoon.

 

She never texted me back, although she DID respond (positively) to a tweet I sent her yesterday about something unrelated. So its Sunday now and although she did agree to go out she never actually confirmed the time. What should I do ??

 

A- assume she is no longer interested until she texts me back to confirm. If I don't hear from her by Monday morning then I will no longer pursue her and forget about the whole thing. If she IS interested in me she would have contacted me already, right ?

B- show up to her work at noon to pick up her anyway, on the assumption that she might be half expecting this. (she DID agree to lunch, after all)

C- text her today and ask again to confirm. I don't really want to do this because it makes me look weak and needy, and she is working this weekend.

D- text her Monday morning. Again I don't wanna look weak.

 

Any suggestions ??

 

Go no contact and see if she initiates. The onus is on her now since she flaked. It sounds like she wasn't exactly mind blown or maybe she is genuinely busy. Only time will tell but I would start to explore alternative options.

 

DO NOT I repeat DO NOT go anywhere unannounced especially to a place of work of a woman whom you barely know!! This could get really ugly and I personally would be creeped out by it!! Don't risk a potential scene or it going in a direction you didn't think possible. ALWAYS get confirmation and it's too early in the game for this kind of a surprise. This is reserved for secure and legitimate couples.

[datingnoob93]

Good tip on not showing up to her work, I don't know what I was thinking there.

 

One thing I do have to bring up is that she *IS* genuinely a very busy person. She works two jobs. She has never initiated contact with me at any point, although she always texts me back whenever I text her, even if it is a couple of hours later (probably because she is working). So I'm pretty sure I'll get a response if I texted her today or tomorrow, but I don't want some flaky BS response (oh, I'll actually be busy at lunchtime, maybe later??) or give the impression that I'm weak.

[MidwestUSA]

Good tip on not showing up to her work, I don't know what I was thinking there.

 

One thing I do have to bring up is that she *IS* genuinely a very busy person. She works two jobs. She has never initiated contact with me at any point, although she always texts me back whenever I text her, even if it is a couple of hours later (probably because she is working). So I'm pretty sure I'll get a response if I texted her today or tomorrow, but I don't want some flaky BS response (oh, I'll actually be busy at lunchtime, maybe later??) or give the impression that I'm weak.

 

No, she does not ALWAYS text you back. She said she'd text you later in the afternoon with a time. She didn't. A response to a tweet does not count.

 

 

The ball is in her court. From your viewpoint, you don't have a lunch date Monday. If she wants to date, she needs to make some effort. How long does it take to check your calendar and shoot someone a simple text?

[datingnoob93]

Ok what you guys are saying totally makes sense. As a guy I'm blunt with my feelings, I say what I mean, and I always follow up 100%. I never lead girls on when I know I'm not interested from my end, and I let them know of that immediately. I don't know why girls keep sitting on the fence and you don't know if they are genuinely uninterested OR just teasing you and waiting for you to pursue. I think some girls use this as a "test" to see if a guy is interested enough to keep contacting her.

 

I hate to defend her once again but how many chances do you give a flaky girl ? I read lengthy guide on another forum advocating a "two strikes" rule: forgive and give the benefit of the doubt on the first flake, strike out on the second flake.

 

GREAT guide how to deal with FLAKY girls! - Bodybuilding.com Forums

 

This girl only flaked once and it was already after a first date, so is it a little harsh to strike her out right away? Its not like she's a total stranger that I just got a number from and trying to set up a first date. Some people even advocate a three strikes rule. I'm thinking if I follow this rule maybe I should text her just once, right before lunch, and make it look like I'm important enough to have other plans myself.

 

[Hey xyz, are we still on for lunch today? Otherwise I have a meeting to make so you have to let me know.]

 

No response or another flake = strike out forever???

[MidwestUSA]

Well, yea, that's up to you. But take another flake as strike three, definitely, as well as a sign that she isn't interested. Good luck!

[datingnoob93]

*UPDATE*

 

Ok so she finally DID text me 30 min ago without me texting her first. She said she was "busy with work all weekend" had an "important" meeting to make on Monday and that we can go out "later next week" but did not name a specific day or time.

 

Is she just stringing me along with games or is this legit ? Should I...

 

A- respond by pinning her down with a specific time, place, and activity, like "we can go to X on Wednesday at 730" and if I get a noncommittal response I'll delete her number.

B- do not respond at all, and wait for her to make the next move. I might give her another chance if she texts me back next week with something like, "hi I'm free Thursday night if you want to hang". Otherwise she is out.

C- do not respond at all, and just delete her number, right here, right now.

 

I'm leaning towards B right now based on what MidwestUSA said about taking another flake as strike three, but I guess C is also valid?? But then again she IS a busy girl with work....

 

Thanks.

[stillafool]

I think you should wait for her to make plans since she is so busy. It's hard to tell if she is just keeping you on the backburner or not. It seems to me she is because when a girl is really excited about a guy she will do anything to maintain contact. Doesn't matter about the 2 jobs. What is so special about this girl? I would abandon and seek others.

[ChatroomHero]

"She said she was "busy with work all weekend" had an "important" meeting to make on Monday"

 

If she was mildly interested you would have some notion and not so much doubt. Do you really think she had an important Monday, lunch time meeting pop up on Sunday?

 

That's how women let you down nicely, slow to respond to questions they could immediately answer, not completely declining but never committing, various "things" popping up (on a Sunday mind you) that take up all their time, even at lunch on Monday, give you a vague time period (ala "later next week") to reschedule...and it will go on until you get the hint.

 

At this point you have made it clear you want to go out with her. Asking her again is pointless. If she is busy and interested she will get in touch with you without any other effort from you. If she is not really interested, she will not.

 

No need to delete her number or totally cut her out but if I were you I would not put any more effort into it and if she contacted me and suggested meeting again I would be open to it but I would also nicely make it clear that I need a day and a time so I could make sure to fit it in my schedule.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm with these two ^^^, so if three votes makes it so, then so it is!

 

Her interest level just doesn't seem that high, and the last thing you want is to feel like you've forced someone with low interest to go out with you. Right?

[datingnoob93]

Yeah I would say right now I'm more interested in her than she is in me. Semester is over and most people are leaving/left for home for the winter break, so there's not too many fish in the campus pond until next month. I don't wanna be lonely for the holidays. And she's an 8.5-9.0 I would say even if her personality is stiff and reserved. I guess I'll just do nothing and wait for her to make contact the next time... if not then she's out for good.

 

I wish girls would be more forthcoming about this stuff.

[MidwestUSA]

Tis probably better to be alone for the holidays rather than trying to start something with someone new. All that flakey, flighty behavior. The awkwardness of one person being more into it than the other. Odd moments standing under mistletoe. Been there, done that. Will send you the t shirt.

 

Here's to better fishing in the new year!

 

 

(Oh, women wish men would be more forthcoming about this stuff too. It's not limited to one sex )

[datingnoob93]

OMG WTF ??!!!

 

its like almost midnight, she texted me again out of the blue saying that she wants to go to a holiday show that's playing in town next week. I'm sick of playing the text chase so I just call her up with the intention of sorting things out right here and right now, but nobody picks up and its says "user has not set up voicemail".

 

 

WHYYYYYY is this girl teasing and torturing me like this ?????? As soon as I'm about to just forget about her and let her make the next move, she hints at getting together without a definitive plan. Surely she can't have zero interest in me or she won't be doing this, right ? Does she enjoy this sick game ????

 

I'll try again during normal hours tomorrow. Should I call or text ??? I don't want her to not pick up when I call and risk the voicemail error again, but I also don't want more flake via text. Uggghhhhh !!!!!

Edited December 16, 2013 by datingnoob93

[Chicago_Guy]

OMG WTF ??!!!

 

its like almost midnight, she texted me again out of the blue saying that she wants to go to a holiday show that's playing in town next week. I'm sick of playing the text chase so I just call her up with the intention of sorting things out right here and right now, but nobody picks up and its says "user has not set up voicemail".

 

 

WHYYYYYY is this girl teasing and torturing me like this ?????? As soon as I'm about to just forget about her and let her make the next move, she hints at getting together without a definitive plan. Surely she can't have zero interest in me or she won't be doing this, right ? Does she enjoy this sick game ????

 

I'll try again during normal hours tomorrow. Should I call or text ??? I don't want her to not pick up when I call and risk the voicemail error again, but I also don't want more flake via text. Uggghhhhh !!!!!

 

She is either not interested or has little interest in you. A lot of attractive women her age are like this and they get so much attention from men that they can get away with this kind of behavior.

 

My advice is to be friendly with her, but don't ask her out again and don't initiate anything with her if it is just the two of you. If she is interested in you, she'll make it very obvious and may even start inviting you to things. Even if you are upset about this, you cannot let her know - you have to play it cool.

[Elliotte]

I suggest you start checking out other women. The more first dates you have under your belt, the more you're able to weed out the women who have no interest in you. This girl seems uninterested, it certainly seems like you are low on her priorities. When a person is interested in YOU, it is plainly obvious, they will actively suggest plans, correspond with you mutually, etc.

 

Chalk this one up as a loss and move on to other options, crazy chance she might just be busy and actually want to see you again, in which case she would text you once she had the free time. But most likely you're better off looking elsewhere.

[polynomial]

If she's so busy all the time, why you wanna date her anyway? She probably won't have time for you anyway.. Been there, done that. Not worth it!