25 year old crush

[Tara T]

Well, it started when I was 17, I'm 42 now. One Saturday night me and my then bf were watching MOTD when his older brother walked in with his best friend. I swear my heart stopped beating. Fred (nickname) was the friend (he was 20)Few months later, I was at work and Fred walked past, he started working at the same place.

 

He had a gf and I was still with my bf. He was always a bit messed up and was quite cruel to her ( he used to play 'Two outta Three Ain't Bad' to her ) but she was just a daft teenager and she stayed with him.

New Year came and I got drunk and dragged him outside and tried to clumsily snog him. He wouldn't. But we became best friends..like nothing we couldn't say to each other. Then the 4 of us used to knock about together - I loved him...not some stupid crush either...I always used to think we'd end up together.

Me & my bf split, I stayed friends with them.

 

He used to take me home in the car - and he said one time - It's not that I've never thought of you that way...but it's too messy.

So nothing happened...I got engaged again and planned to move away - he rang me and said he couldn't think of me living so far away.

 

I married my first husband and everyone inc Fred was like 'wtf you doing' lol

We did lose touch, he married his gf , she battled Cancer, they had two kids...he was eventually in love with her btw

They friended me on FB in 2008. She kept trying to get me to see them...but I couldn't face him I'd put on so much weight.

 

One night when I was on the sick from work...he made a status saying something about getting his wife back...she'd left him and took the kids.

It flashed in my mind that we'd be together - but I was with my second husband by this time and I would never be so gauche as to throw myself at him when he was having a having a breakdown. That was 4 years ago.....

I've not been seeing him for 4 years - I wish....just these last 5 weeks lol

We sent a few messages - he put the feelers out a few times but I didn't bite.

I've been unhappy for years, I think I got married cos I thought it would fix things.

I noticed Fred had started dating, I sent him a message saying eee we've never been single at the same time blah blah

ff to the night I went to see Russell Brand, I came home feeing frisky and noticed he was online - I may have sent him some frisky messages #did

And they were fully reciprocated....we decided to be Friends with Benefits

 

I hadn't seen him for 15 years but it was like yesterday...... we met up the first time - he picked me up in the car and we didn't speak..he took me to his house. set the timer on his ipad for 15 mins and we did nothing but snog, then he took me home - we didn't talk once

Next time we had coffee, talked non-stop for three hours, then he took me to bed. I say that because he makes me feel coy ? me coy ffs!

I came home and ended my marriage, nothing to do with him really but everything to do him too. If there was even a sniff that we'd be together - husband was history but I should have ended it years ago as I said.

I seen him again...we were in bed for 5 hours - and it wasn't even a massive hoying each about...it was talking and cuddling, hand holding and pretty wonderful vanilla sex.

In the meantime - he told me he was still messed up, didn't have the heart for a relationship..but wanted to spend time with me. He says he's just existing.

I'd think it was line if he hadn't said the same to the other 2 women he's dated.

I called him out and said if not me then who? we're perfect together.

He said good question - no one. I can't do it.

I get that...I didn't want to rush into anything...but I wanted to keep seeing

him.I told him I'd finished with K last week...he rang to see if I was OK...I seen him on Tuesday...same, coffee, chatting. bed for 4 hours....But it was different - cos he bit my back to bits while he was holding me and he wouldn't have done that before so it had obviously registered with him that he could.

I trust him enough to be naked with him, he kissed my tummy I'm still fat.... I mean that in a good way...he makes me feel beautiful & he makes me feel safe. I'm never more myself than when I'm with him, I don't feel like I need to act like a whore. He makes me feel like a woman.

I love him so much...but he didn't text me. and when I text him - and said I couldn't cope - he said he couldn't either. And he called it off. Basically because he knows how much I love him and he says he's bad news and he will hurt me.

 

I told him I thought he had feelings for me and he said - it wasn't how he felt about me that was problem - it was how he felt about himself. He said I was so nice that he would end up destroying me. That's not a line btw - he's the straightest talking person ever.So after some pathetic texts from me - it's over...I've been sporadic texting him this week, he always replies and says he'll always be friend.

But he can't see me for coffee...I could and not throw myself at him, I respect him too much (something that has been missing from my other relationships)

 

I suppose the up side is - he respects me enough not to use me...but I'm broken in half.

Ex wife is violently happy and getting re-married in March...he's not over her & its been 4 years.

 

Sorry for the ramble, I've edited this post from a message I sent a close friend.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Tara T

[SincereOnlineGuy]

First, I think the title of the thread should have had one less word:

 

 

"25-year crush" would have been more appropriate.

 

 

 

I really get the appeal to (emotional investments you made long ago).

 

 

And I've had experience with someone who (had really craved the chaos and drama they were used to, rather than a more stable, more white-bread sort of a relationship).

 

That drama (and the need for chaos) really is there, and it can chew-up more settled individuals.

 

Whatever you do, don't take it personally, or as if you aren't enough of a person to suit him. It is not your shortcomings that he needs in life... he instead needs the shortcomings in others, (which you don't have)... a need which likely results from his formative years, and the environment around him when he was very young.

 

Hope this makes some sense.

[Tara T]

First, I think the title of the thread should have had one less word:

 

 

"25-year crush" would have been more appropriate.

 

 

 

I really get the appeal to (emotional investments you made long ago).

 

 

And I've had experience with someone who (had really craved the chaos and drama they were used to, rather than a more stable, more white-bread sort of a relationship).

 

That drama (and the need for chaos) really is there, and it can chew-up more settled individuals.

 

Whatever you do, don't take it personally, or as if you aren't enough of a person to suit him. It is not your shortcomings that he needs in life... he instead needs the shortcomings in others, (which you don't have)... a need which likely results from his formative years, and the environment around him when he was very young.

 

Hope this makes some sense.

 

I can't see the edit button, but yes that title.

 

Thanks, I totally get that. It's true.

 

I've deleted his telephone number so I'm making steps to get over it.