The stupid twist in the story :(

[confusedsoul14]

Hi everybody!

Recently, I have started liking this guy (let’s name him P). I’m not sure if he likes me back but I think he shows interest in me. I feel a strong chemistry between us whenever we meet, and I have also caught him staring at me a couple of times. Things were going great until a few weeks ago when a mutual friend (let’s name her S) expressed her feelings for P to me. At this point, I need to tell you that P is a very polite and nice guy and so has a lot of friends. He is also very good looking and so has a few close female friends. I never noticed him flirting with them or anything so I never suspected any of those girls crushing on him or vice versa. But now, S keeps on talking about him. They text each other and she tries to spend as much time with him as possible, although it’s still not very clear if P wants any serious relationship with her. Like I said before, P is very polite in nature and is never rude to anybody. So it’s very hard to tell who he likes and who he doesn’t. In the meanwhile, I keep feeling that there is chemistry between me and P, but I’m somewhat scared of doing anything because I’m afraid that I might hurt S. She is my friend too right? Also, how can I take things forward when I’m not even sure if P likes me or S? I have been trying to be as matured about this whole mess as possible, but I really need answers to my questions at the same time! So, any suggestions? How can I find my way through this twist? Please, help me (

[felicity1]

You are still not sure if he actually likes you. Is he aware that you like him?

 

I guess, if you are worried about upsetting your friend it's best not to flirt too much at P-but just enough to show that you like him, be subtle about it.

 

Once he realizes you like him, he will approach you he if he shares the same feelings. Wait for him to make the first move. This way, your friend is more likely to get angry at P and not at you-hopefully.

[confusedsoul14]

You are still not sure if he actually likes you. Is he aware that you like him?

 

I guess, if you are worried about upsetting your friend it's best not to flirt too much at P-but just enough to show that you like him, be subtle about it.

 

Once he realizes you like him, he will approach you he if he shares the same feelings. Wait for him to make the first move. This way, your friend is more likely to get angry at P and not at you-hopefully.

 

I think you are right! I try to drop him as many hints as possible without being obvious. I think he picked some of my hints and it seems like he doesn't mind. You know what I mean? I feel like he tries to drop hints to me too, but then sometimes he seems scared of messing things up for S, since he already knows for sure she likes him and that this might hurt her. I really don't know if he is trying to keep everyone happy at the same time, or he is simply not interested in me in that way.

[felicity1]

 

I really don't know if he is trying to keep everyone happy at the same time, or he is simply not interested in me in that way.

 

 

Time will tell whether he's interested or not.

 

To give you a hint, confident guys like him, are attracted to confident girls who feel good about themselves. So, try not to show him that you are desperate for him. Show him that you are happy with yourself regardless of what he may think of you. Maybe if you pull back a little. Flirt sometimes but not all the time. Tease him, but again keep it subtle. Get what I mean?

 

Down the track if things don't turn out how you want it means that P is simply not the guy for you. You want a guy who loves you right? ...not a guy you have to hanker after.

Edited December 15, 2013 by felicity1

[confusedsoul14]

Thank you soooo much! I loved how you explained what I should do. And I couldn't help thinking how right you are when you said that I want a guy who loves me. It's just that right now I only want P be that guy. But maybe I have to be patient and see if this whole thing is really worth my time. But, oh my god, it hurts so damn much to see him with someone else

Once again, thanks a lot for your advice

[emva07]

idk if you'd have the guts to do this but I'd say talk to him one on one about your feelings and how you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings.

 

At the end of the day it doesn't matter who flirts the most, it's the girl HE likes the most or if he's iffy about both of you, it will come down to who is the one that has the courage to go for it.

 

Yes, confidence is a big deal here, seems like your friend is going after what she wants so she might end up winning the race.

 

I say this because it seems like it has come down to the wire, timing is essential here as to who may get him...it may be as simple as the girl that steps up first.

 

I say in life, go for what you want....you don't want to hate yourself later because they end up together when the whole time he could've chosen you but you stayed quiet.

[confusedsoul14]

I say this because it seems like it has come down to the wire, timing is essential here as to who may get him...it may be as simple as the girl that steps up first.

 

I say in life, go for what you want....you don't want to hate yourself later because they end up together when the whole time he could've chosen you but you stayed quiet.

 

Thanks a lot sharing your opinion. You are absolutely right about timing. Even I sometimes feel like I'm letting things slip through my hands by waiting for things to happen. Maybe, I really need to get into action instead. But ya, I have to say that I'm shy to confess to him and I'm scared that he will reject me and make me look bad in front of our group of friends :s

So for now, I'm trying to drops as much hints as possible for him to do something about it.

Like even today, i was sitting with the girl and then when he came, he put his bag on the chair next to the girl and then he sat on the chair beside me. And our knees were kinda touching, but he didn't move his leg away. It was me who gently moved mine after enjoying the touching for a long time. Hehehe!

But then, later, the girl went and sat on the chair on his other side and they started talking. It was probably her who initiated the conversation.

What do you think about that? Does it tell anything about him liking me?

[felicity1]

 

Thank you soooo much! I loved how you explained what I should do. And I couldn't help thinking how right you are when you said that I want a guy who loves me. It's just that right now I only want P be that guy. But maybe I have to be patient and see if this whole thing is really worth my time. But, oh my god, it hurts so damn much to see him with someone else

Once again, thanks a lot for your advice

 

 

 

I'm in a similar situation as you at the moment so I'm probably pretty much feeling what you are feeling!

 

The only way I can deal with it is to think, well if he wants to stick it out with her and doesn't want to give me a chance what can I do? I can't force him/look desperate b/c that will just drive him away. So I just sit back and and snigger "he doesn't know what he's missing" and the rest is fate.

 

I think the secret is to not put him up on a pedestal. He's no Wonder Man (which is probably the vision you have of him). At the end of the day, he's just a person, flesh, blood and bones, has his insecurities, drawbacks, weaknesses like anyone else, no different. I find this way of perceiving him dampens the "hurt". And if you ever do get to know him better, you'll discover all of this about him and you may even change your mind!

 

He's just another mortal being.

 

Confusedsoul, when you feel confused, remember to look inside yourself for the truth/wisdom. It's there in all of us. When someone you like doesn't seem to like you as much, the most important thing of all is that you love yourself! Don't wait for someone else to do it for you.

[felicity1]

 

.....he put his bag on the chair next to the girl and then he sat on the chair beside me.

 

/QUOTE]

Sounds like he's doing a bit of a balancing act-giving both of you a piece of himself. But he chose to sit next to you. That's positive...and the knee touching...looks like you're on the right track girlfriend!

 

Keep doing what you're doing.

[confusedsoul14]

Lol! Thanks a lot felicity1!

Well, u see it was a round table and there were four chairs. The girl and me were sitting side by side, and then were only two more chairs left- one on the girl's side and one on my side. So, P put his bag on the chair next to her and he sat next to me.

 

Hey, I didn't know you are going through a similar situation! No wonder you have such great advice for me! If you don't mind, I want to know your story as well, pls, pls?? Wanna share with me? Hahaha!

[felicity1]

 

Lol! Thanks a lot felicity1!

Well, u see it was a round table and there were four chairs. The girl and me were sitting side by side, and then were only two more chairs left- one on the girl's side and one on my side. So, P put his bag on the chair next to her and he sat next to me.

 

Hey, I didn't know you are going through a similar situation! No wonder you have such great advice for me! If you don't mind, I want to know your story as well, pls, pls?? Wanna share with me? Hahaha!

 

 

Well, my story is similar to yours except he's got a girlfriend. I could have got him before she did, but I was too slow/shy/ undecided and I guess I missed the boat, so to speak.

 

We were flirting with each other for months and he made a few moves on me but I kind of took him for granted at the time.

 

Then one day he suddenly stopped flirting and began to ignore me. This really hurt me and I then realized that I really did like him.

 

After a few weeks I told him what I felt for him but he told me he had a girlfriend, hence the ignoring.

 

Since then he continued to ignore me for another month, then he started flirting at me again and was trying to talk to me but I decided to ignore him in return. This lasted for about another month but he has recently started to ignore me again-I'm upset b/c he gave up. I would have eventually turned around!

 

My friends said I should have let him talk when he was trying to, maybe it didn't work out with his girlfriend and that's why he was flirting again. I don't know. He has my number so if he wants to say something important he can contact me, unless he doesn't have it anymore.

 

Anyway, I'm assuming he still has his girlfriend b/c if he wasn't with her anymore and he really wanted me, then he would just tell me straight out. But he hasn't.

 

Confusedsoul, maybe you might have some advice for me?

Edited December 17, 2013 by felicity1

[confusedsoul14]

Oh I'm so sorry! Gosh, these guys are so impatient, they don't even let you take your time to think before you leap! If you are bit late, its like there's no second chance as they have already found a girlfriend. Even the guy I like seems so impatient to me sometimes. Why can't he wait for me to gather all my guts and finally approach him? I meet and talk with so many guys everyday but none of them make me feel like they kind of like me (or something of that sort) except HIM. He always makes me feel like he wants to talk to me and wants to know me better. But if get a little bit shy/hesitant, he instantly gives up! I mean he should keep trying right? Wth He hangs out with that girl a lot (because she would never leave his side, and he is too polite to ignore anybody) but he always has his eyes on me too....Sometimes I get so confused that I start thinking that this whole chemistry between me and him is simply a fragment of my imagination.

 

I'm proud of you that you had already spoken to the guy u like about how you feel about him (something I can't even imagine myself doing). I think you should try to know more about his relationship with his current girlfriend, to see if it is going smooth or not. If not, then you can wait a little longer to see if he single again by any chance. And this time, since you have already told him how you feel, you don't need to be shy anymore and you can instantly get into action if u still want him as much. And, no matter what, keep being very friendly to him and don't ever forget to be confident and cheerful Btw, when you told him how you feel about him, what did he say? Did he hint that he liked you too? I really hope so!

[felicity1]

 

... when you told him how you feel about him, what did he say? Did he hint that he liked you too? I really hope so!

 

 

When I told him I liked him, he went into a kind of daze and stared at me with a big a smile on his face for at least 6 seconds. Then I smiled at him and he suddenly became aware of himself and his whole body language suddenly changed and then he said "I was wanting to tell you I have a girlfriend".

 

It was so wierd, this sudden change in his behaviour in a split of a second. I honestly thought he was going to say "I like you too" as initially he had it written all over his face. Strange guy!

[felicity1]

 

..Sometimes I get so confused that I start thinking that this whole chemistry between me and him is simply a fragment of my imagination.

 

I'm proud of you that you had already spoken to the guy u like about how you feel about him (something I can't even imagine myself doing). I think you should try to know more about his relationship with his current girlfriend, to see if it is going smooth or not. If not, then you can wait a little longer to see if he single again by any chance. And this time, since you have already told him how you feel, you don't need to be shy anymore and you can instantly get into action if u still want him as much. And, no matter what, keep being very friendly to him and don't ever forget to be confident and cheerful

 

/QUOTE]

 

Oh no, I think when there's chemistry it's real. You're not imagining. You are definitely not kidding yourself.

 

It's more difficult for you to open up to him b/c of your friend. If she wasn't in the picture you wouldn't have another person to worry about. In my situation I don't know his girlfriend. Never met her.

 

Thanks for your advice about keeping friendly with him. I'm worried he might think I'm arrogant or stuck up or something b/c I've ignored him for some time. He'll wonder why I'm suddenly all friendly again. Oh well, next time I see him I'll say hi if I get the chance.

 

Thanks girlfriend!

[confusedsoul14]

Oh, you are welcome girlfriend! I feel really good when I talk to you, coz I can't share this problem of mine with anybody else. Not even with my best friend because we all belong to the same group of friends and telling her might make things worse as she loves me a lot and might start taking this matter into her own hands and put herself in trouble... (she is adorable)

Well I met him today and he seemed so so so happy with her! He wasn't even looking at me that much today.... Well, i guess that girl is giving him more time and making him more comfortable than I ever could. I felt really helpless today. I still went and sat with them coz i ddnt want him to think I'm jealous or anything. Then I started being funny to hide my pain. He was laughing at my every joke and said that I am really good at imitating people and that I could become an actress... And all I could do was smile at him... Today the girl made sure that she sits next to him, and then at times they were having their own conversation and he was constantly smiling at her. I think he already gave up on me

[felicity1]

 

the girl made sure that she sits next to him, and then at times they were having their own conversation and he was constantly smiling at her. I think he already gave up on me

 

 

Don't let him get you down Confusedsoul. Keep happy in your heart and keep loving yourself. This is much more important than him.

 

As time goes by, if you notice their relationship is becoming more serious and they turn into a couple, then it's time for you to take a step back and stop flirting with him. I hope this doesn't happen, but if it does, be careful. If he has a girlfriend but he keeps flirting at you, this means he's not being a faithful/trustworthy boyfriend and could do the same to any girl.

 

So if he is paying lots of attention to the other girl and little to you, it's not that he has given up on you, it's just that he has to act properly and not get entwined with two girls. It's either one or the other. This is good for you to see b/c if something happens down the track and they split up then you know that if he gets with you, you can trust him.

 

Confusedsoul, you seem like a sweet, gentle, sensitive person and you deserve better than this guy b/c he doesn't seem to value your special qualities as much as he should. When you meet the guy who does, you know he's the one for you!

 

Chin up girlfriend!

[confusedsoul14]

Thank you so much for your kind words girlfriend! I really appreciate it... Yeah, as much as it hurts, I'm trying to see this situation as positively as possible. I said the same thing to myself today: He is trying to be honest with the girl who is working so hard to be his girlfriend (honestly, i don't think I put as much effort as her), so it's a very good thing and i should respect him for that. Maybe i would have the same thing if I were in his place. My only complaint is that he didn't give our chemistry time to develop into a relationship at all It ended as soon as it started...

 

Anyways, I wish you all the best with your situation and I really really hope you get the sweetest person as your man! You deserve that and there's no doubt about it.

 

Love and hugs to my girlfriend! <3

[felicity1]

 

Thank you so much for your kind words girlfriend! I really appreciate it... Yeah, as much as it hurts, I'm trying to see this situation as positively as possible. I said the same thing to myself today: He is trying to be honest with the girl who is working so hard to be his girlfriend (honestly, i don't think I put as much effort as her), so it's a very good thing and i should respect him for that. Maybe i would have the same thing if I were in his place. My only complaint is that he didn't give our chemistry time to develop into a relationship at all It ended as soon as it started...

 

Anyways, I wish you all the best with your situation and I really really hope you get the sweetest person as your man! You deserve that and there's no doubt about it.

 

Love and hugs to my girlfriend! <3

 

 

You know, in these situations I don't think it's healthy to let our emotions get the better of us b/c our focus gets shifted away from the good in ourselves. It takes two to have a relationship so if one person is not quite willing then sadly, there can't be a relationship. I keep telling myself this all the time.

 

For you it's even harder b/c you see him with the other girl. Ouch!!! That really hurts. It will certainly make you a stronger person!-and more experienced and understanding about relationships.

 

I feel the same about guys not having patience. We need time to work things out in our heads before we can act. What's wrong with these guys??

 

I wish you the best with your situation too Confusedsoul. Just focus on what you're learning from it, in what way can you benefit from it. What are the positives? And how can you apply what you have learnt in such situations in the future?

 

If it doesn't work out with this guy, I know you will find the man of your dreams one day!

 

Blessings to you girlfriend <3