ponchsox Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Did you ex GF refer to you as a "nice guy?" I think some guys are too nice and their girlfriends seems them as weak and they lose interest. I'm not saying you to be a jerk but you have to be self confident and not codependent. Nice guy = friend zone or breakup?
somedude81 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 My GF, never called me a nice guy. Though in the break up conversation she pointed out a couple of times that I'm very sweet. I was confident though I don't really know what codependent means.
NGC1300 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Yes. "Nice guy" is just a euphemism for the fact that she thinks you're a loser, and you don't quite moisten her vagina enough. Women are very cowardly when it comes to breakups. It's always some form of "it's not you; it's me", and that's if they give you any explanation at all. 1
theonlyjuan Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Yep She spent forever moaning about how her ex treated her badly and made her feel insecure. I got " You're too nice " "Your'e too sweet blah blah " and it eventually ended. I am confident and not at all dependent, but I tried too hard She didn't mind moaning about her ex, but when she got what she wanted she complained. I definitely went out of my way to please her. I always held back on arguing with her when things annoyed me. Funny that it would probably work better now. I would never be like that with someone again and would definitely speak my mind more. I am generally a nice person anyway, but I will never go out my way to please again. If you're nice then don't change, someone will appreciate you. Just don't try too hard to please like I did, it's not worth it. Just be yourself 2
FortunateSon Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 I may have been the opposite, my ex doesn't think I am a nice guy, if anything she vilified me and found a way to resent and not appreciate all the nice things I did for her. I treated her very well. It didn't feel healthy. I am confident and not afraid to speak my mind and she didn't handle that well; if it wasn't what she wanted to hear it made me the "bad" guy. It was very controlling. 1
Mr me to Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 I may have been the opposite, my ex doesn't think I am a nice guy, if anything she vilified me and found a way to resent and not appreciate all the nice things I did for her. I treated her very well. It didn't feel healthy. I am confident and not afraid to speak my mind and she didn't handle that well; if it wasn't what she wanted to hear it made me the "bad" guy. It was very controlling. That is spot on mate... My ex has always been handled with kid gloves. Her family are the type to smile to your face and slander you behind your back... I was never anything but 100 percent honest and open with her and she couldn't take it she wanted the fakeness she had grown up with. 3
sambo77 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 I may have been the opposite, my ex doesn't think I am a nice guy, if anything she vilified me and found a way to resent and not appreciate all the nice things I did for her. I treated her very well. It didn't feel healthy. I am confident and not afraid to speak my mind and she didn't handle that well; if it wasn't what she wanted to hear it made me the "bad" guy. It was very controlling. Agreed. Good description. If (and I did because I think "relating" to someone means communicating how you feel to them...whether it's something they're gonna like or not) I communicated something to my ex that she didn't wanna hear (i.e., what I said maybe made her feel guilty or was critical of or oppositional to ANYTHING she'd done or said) then I think she subconsciously labelled me as "bad" and immediately projected anger in the form of passive aggression (those f£cking silent, cold periods drove me nuts) onto me. To my detriment, I would usually end up trying to "undo" the damage by retracting my earlier position...but nothing seemed to work...not communication, not love, nothing. It used to confuse the hell out of me...then I'd feel guilty and angry...and round we'd go...a merry-go-round of negative emotion until someone got off :-( 2
EnigmaWolf92 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Last phone call with my ex she told me I was a good person ect ect. but she needed space and then went and did all this stuff that contradicted her statement. Nice is normally a way of trying to feel better on there part. A piece of knowledge for everyone that uses the word nice however. "Nice first meant "foolish, ignorant," derived from Latin nescius, "ignorant"; nicety first meant "stupidity."
Woggle Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 This is why guys should make a woman earn this kind of treatment. If they say they want a good man make them show it through their actions. Once they earn it go all out but make them show it will be appreciated. 2
EnigmaWolf92 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 This is why guys should make a woman earn this kind of treatment. If they say they want a good man make them show it through their actions. Once they earn it go all out but make them show it will be appreciated. The problem is most times(at least in my experience) you end up with one person knowing what they want and the other having no real clue or bailing when the water gets to hot.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Did you ex GF refer to you as a "nice guy?" I think some guys are too nice and their girlfriends seems them as weak and they lose interest. I'm not saying you to be a jerk but you have to be self confident and not codependent. Nice guy = friend zone or breakup? I've noticed some parts of this are true, and some are not. Being a nice guy doesnt mean anything. If you are nice to your GF, then she isnt going to leave you or anything like that. I know plenty of guys who were the "nice guys" get married and stayed married for 40+ years. That part doesnt matter. So no, nice guy does NOT equal friend zone or breakup. What DOES matter is being your own person. Both men and women are attracted to those who are confident in themselves and can live their own lives. THAT part is 1000% true. Co-dependency and being clingy is a terrible look and will turn a lot of people off quickly. DONT be that guy...or even girl. So.... nice guy does NOT = friendzone or breakup co-dependency and clingyness= unattractive that can lead to a friendzone or breakup 1
sambo77 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Yeah...I think you're right confused. Being "who you are" is essential. I'm certainly not gonna spend my life being some "alpha male". Edited December 15, 2013 by sambo77
StyleOnEm Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 A nice guy is usually a pushover who allows people to walk all over him. I've dated my fair share of women to know that you need to have boundaries and not be afraid to hurt her feelings if it's what you believe in. I was never called a nice guy by her but I might as well have been the nicest bad boy she's been with.
haggard969 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 yeah i am a nice guy, i think some women want a guy to call all the shots n tell them what to do, they like there man to be a boss, other women like prince charming, sweet n what not, the problem is you were never really her type in the first place, you only had some traits of her dream guy 1
Jord11 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You could be so nice, hold the door, scratch her back, make her feel better, help her out, take her out for supper, it goes on and on it's what a nice guy does, but when she falls out of love loses interest all that sh*t doesn't matter! pardon my language, being a nice guy only goes so far till she loses interest and gets bored of it then dumps you to find another interesting partner, it's a no win situation believe me I've been through it
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