r33n4 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 I'm 19 and started dating a 40 year old guy about 2 months back. We actually met a while before that but due to personal hesitations due to the age gap, we never got a good start until I realised that it was really just the mental block about the age gap that was bothering me. Age is just a number. When I realised that, I was willing to try again. In the last 2 months, I've realised just how perfect he is for me. We can't stop talking and laughing when we're together and he just gets me like no one else. I never thought I would be attracted to a guy twice my age but we found something special and I can't ignore that. Every encounter we have is electric and he's just the guy capable of making me feel happy just cus he's around. But recently I've realised that things simply cannot go on like this. I'm in college now and staying in a hostel so I go home only on weekends to see my family. That's a big part of why we have managed to be this blissful together. My parents have always been controlling since I was young (basically the typical nosy asian parent types) so I've always been used to keeping things from them and going behind their back. But lately they have been letting go slowly, seeing as I'm older now and already in college. I've been reveling in this feeling of trust with my parents and I basically feel that now I'm old enough, I shouldn't have to lie to my parents. I hate the feeling of deceiving them and we've had more heart to heart talks lately and I realise I really enjoy having my parents as a part of my life so I can hear their advice. But one thing's for sure. My dad has explicitly said that he doesn't want me to be in any relationship until I get my basic bachelor degree. Last night we had a falling out and in the midst of it, he accidentally saw a pop-up message from the guy I'm seeing now. Of course, he demanded to see the whole convo. I freaked out and threw a temper. He got so fed up he stormed out of the room and I took the chance to delete all evidence. When he came back, we continued the fight and finally I did the whole fessing-up-about-something-unrelated-so-he-thinks-that's-what-I'm-hiding thing. It worked, surprisingly, and I managed to get him off my back. Problem now is I feel really guilty. I mentioned earlier that I'm enjoying this new found trust with my parents. Also, during the fight my dad also kept talking about how I keep deceiving and hiding things from him (he was actually talking about something else though and was totally jumping to conclusions about that but that's beside the point). In addition, my grades have been dropping and I'm worried about my gpa. If I don't do well and prove to my parents that I can survive on my own, I will never get to live my own life. I was really torn and finally I realised that I probably have to put this relationship on pause until I graduate. That's when I will be able to legitimately confront my parents and fight for the life I want. I know that even then it will be tough. They probably wouldn't approve of the age gap nor the fact that he's divorced and has a 9 years old daughter. But I think what we have is really special and worth fighting for. I've spoken to him about it and he says he will respect my decision and even wait for me even though I didnt wanna put that restriction on him. Any opinions? Also how do you suggest we go on pause. I'm faced with a dilemma. Do we not see each other until the day comes? or do we make an agreement to meet maybe once every 4 or 6 months? I think I probably wanna keep him updated on my life and I also wanna know about what he's going through. Is there a way we can subtly do that? I'm thinking like some form of blog or letter writing.. I'm still considering this option and we are still gonna continue like normal until January when my next term starts. I'm gonna re-evaluate this decision in January. Any advice greatly appreciated! thanks!
Author r33n4 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Firstly, thank you very much for your honest opinion. I understand where you're coming from. I've heard that many times but I think love comes in different forms. I'm not even going to be presumptious and say that I've fallen in love with him and this will last forever. I believe in taking things step by step. For now though, I see that this is something special we have. He's the 3rd guy I'm dating and I've always looked back on each relationship as a learning experience. It is based on all that I've learnt in my past relationships on what kind of guy is more suited for me and how to deal with issues, that I draw this conclusion that this connection we share is special. Also, with regards to what you said about my parents, I agree. My parents really care for me and I really wanna involve them in my life rather than doing the childish things I used to do like hide things from them. I wanna be upfront with them and convince them that they've brought up a beautiful and mature young lady. That's why I was thinking of putting a pause on this relationship. I wanna wait for a time when I can legitimately confront my parents about this. For me, this pause in no way means I am jumping into things. I feel like even though we say we will both wait, there's no point in rushing the progress of our relationship. I know it's selfish but anyway I know I will not be dating anyone else during this period until I graduate. But I really wanna see where this could go with him. When the time comes, only time will tell if we're compatible or not. For now it's still first impressions.
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