loveiswar101 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) As in previous post my GF said it was to much, may of said need space, can't remember at time but all was over. This was a week Friday ago, i was shattered, lost last weekend, and all week have been in a mess, bit of relief midweek when saw therapist. Ok roll on this weekend. My kids from my previous marriage (7 yrs back) live interstate. They were arriving Sat (yesterday) for xmas. Now come Friday night I get a text from my ex... "Hi, how are u. Not day goes past that I (she) don't think about what's happened. Says must be looking forward to kids coming, then mentions her health which she knows concerns me deeply. Puts I'm in her thoughts, she needs to rest and heal. Hope Im ok. Then some xxx." Now this came out blue, before I even finished the text the tears were rolling...I had no choice and had to call her...it was probably the "in my thoughts " that did it. No answer, then she rung straight back. We chatted for 30 mins, starting slowly and then just general conversation, I did say I wish we communicated better. Understood her pain and was glad taking time off work. Joked about a few things, her laughing several times, I reminded her how I loved her laugh. I probably said a few needed things, but nothing to much, I knew I had to sound reasonable strong, 30 mins went so quick, near the end she said she need to heal and rest I replied with "i loved her with all my heart but once I hung up I would not ring her again or harass her, I wished her a happy xmas and leave it to her if she wanted to contact me". She replied saying she loved me very much. Said goodbyes..Hung Up. Ok, yes I'm weak phoning her in the first place, but f&*k me it's hard. I will however leave it her and give the space she needs and start NC again. **** I love this woman, the pain can't be justified. Edited December 15, 2013 by loveiswar101
swimswithjeans Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Loveiswar.... I know how you must be feeling right now. All I can say to you is this: PLEASE be fair to yourself, be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. Of course you wanted to call her - it is not a sign of weakness or even a mistake - it is just another part of your journey. You need to look out for long-term you and do what you said to her you would - just try your best every single day. That is all anyone can ask of you. Hopefully your kids can distract you a little bit. If you have to leave things - and right now you did - this conversation that you had with her is probably the best way you could.... It sounded loving and with no hostility. Just now is not the time for the two of you. Hang in there. Take care of yourself and your kids. Be kind to yourself, continue to see this therapist of yours. I am proud of you.
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Thanks you for your kind words, I gave it my all until the last few weeks when she started to drift. I helped her in anyway I thought I could to ease the pain from her body. I'm so lost now it feels I have no choice but once my kids go back interstate in the new year I will have to pack up shop and leave. Another town another country, I have so many bad memories of this town it kills me, even worse is the fact that the woman I love and will always love lives no more than 6-8 km away and a 5 min drive. Why me !
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) As in previous post my GF said it was to much, may of said need space, can't remember at time but all was over. This was a week Friday ago, i was shattered, lost last weekend, and all week have been in a mess, bit of relief midweek when saw therapist. Ok roll on this weekend. My kids from my previous marriage (7 yrs back) live interstate. They were arriving Sat (yesterday) for xmas. Now come Friday night I get a text from my ex... "Hi, how are u. Not day goes past that I (she) don't think about what's happened. Says must be looking forward to kids coming, then mentions her health which she knows concerns me deeply. Puts I'm in her thoughts, she needs to rest and heal. Hope Im ok. Then some xxx." Now this came out blue, before I even finished the text the tears were rolling...I had no choice and had to call her...it was probably the "in my thoughts " that did it. No answer, then she rung straight back. We chatted for 30 mins, starting slowly and then just general conversation, I did say I wish we communicated better. Understood her pain and was glad taking time off work. Joked about a few things, her laughing several times, I reminded her how I loved her laugh. I probably said a few needed things, but nothing to much, I knew I had to sound reasonable strong, 30 mins went so quick, near the end she said she need to heal and rest I replied with "i loved her with all my heart but once I hung up I would not ring her again or harass her, I wished her a happy xmas and leave it to her if she wanted to contact me". She replied saying she loved me very much. Said goodbyes..Hung Up. Ok, yes I'm weak phoning her in the first place, but f&*k me it's hard. I will however leave it her and give the space she needs and start NC again. **** I love this woman, the pain can't be justified. The road goes both ways. If she really "Loved you" then she would be with you. Why do you want our advice? You made it clear last time how there is nothing left here with this and to stay No Contact under all circumstances. You then told us something was wrong with us for NOT giving you hope. Telling her "I love her with all your heart" was pretty bad. You are now on that leash that she just tugged on. She wanted to see if you were still there, and sure enough, you were and in full force with your confessions of love. She is feeling pretty guilty for what she did and still pretty confused in her head because its new. There was a clear reason WHY she did it, no matter if she actually told you the real reason or not. You want hope, but hope is what is making you refusing to move on. The relationship will NEVER reconcile the way it is now. Yeah, you could get back together in like a week or some crap like that, but if nothing is fixed, it will continue to be like this. Those things dont happen until both groups MOVE ON and heal from the situation. ALL you are doing is making it worse by talking to her and not moving on at all. So, again.....do it! Edited December 15, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Ok, I guess many opinions on here of once 2 people BU that's it. Yes I understand NC etc. So basically a BU means 2 people are not compatible. The thing I'm a human being she contacted me I responded. Thought is that say in 2 months of NC she contacts me and says want s to catch up and talk, I guess if I go down the thought of most on here I would just say NO, we broke up...**** LOVE means NOTHING... Just my thoughts..
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Ok, I guess many opinions on here of once 2 people BU that's it. Yes I understand NC etc. So basically a BU means 2 people are not compatible. The thing I'm a human being she contacted me I responded. Thought is that say in 2 months of NC she contacts me and says want s to catch up and talk, I guess if I go down the thought of most on here I would just say NO, we broke up...**** LOVE means NOTHING... Just my thoughts.. Well love meant SO much to her thats why she left you. That makes plenty of sense. So are you pretty much just at beckon call And the thing is YOU ARE NOT MOVING ON. You are just waiting every single day for the situation of her calling and wanting you back WHICH MAY NEVER HAPPEN. A very strong chance it may never happen. Thats why if it even happens (which is a long shot), then you will have been a different person. Two months is nothing and the road you are now....hell a year wouldnt even be long enough. Edited December 15, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
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