How to Regain My Self Respect

[Bishop556]

A month ago, my ex broke up with me. We had a very loving relationship, but I was experiencing depression and it took a toll on our relationship the last few weeks. So one day we had a fight, and I accidently raised a fist at her, but I stopped myself from hitting her. She broke up with me the next morning because I could be potentially abusive, completely not acknowledging that I have been very loving to her for the last year and a half.

 

So, I was emotionally distraught and checked her tumblr. She posted messages talking about how she ****ed two guys, and is now probably going to start dating another man. For example, one her posts was "On a scale of 1 thru 10, how inappropriate would it be for me to bring someone home who I did the frick frack with in my mom's car." So, being the emotional wreck that I was, I asked her questions on her tumblr, she eventually caught on and stated that I was harassing her. One of these questions was "It seems that you are moving on very fast. Do you feel that having casual sex is just a distraction from reality?" She responded that she felt no shame in what she was doing. I feel like a complete utter idiot for doing this. I just felt so hurt.

 

Over the course of the breakup, I apologized, walked to her house with a card and roses, wrote her a two page letter to show her who I really was. Nothing worked, all of it was in vain. I feel that I loved her more than she ever loved me. She is telling me that she is over me, and wants to see other people. If she got over me in a month, then she never loved me dearly. How can I recover from this? I am a great friend, lover, and human being, but I feel lost, hurt, and worthless in the back of my mind. I treated her so well, I loved her tenderly and with utter devotion. I helped her escape the pits of depression, but when I am experiencing issues, she does not wish to work through them. I know I'm venting, but I really would appreciate someone to talk to.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Bishop556

[whichwayisup]

Keep in mind you're dealing with someone who has depression, so how she reacts/thinks/processes stuff is not normal. What she sees and believes to be the truth may not be 'the truth' but her skewed vision bends in a way that is messed up.

 

Spend time with good friends and family, those who do love and care about you. Your guy friends who make you laugh! Humour and being around positive and loving people that you know will help you feel better about yourself. And time..grieve the loss and just know that you will be okay.

[livingnightmare]

I know how you feel, I suffered depression in a relationship that was brought on by the relationship, then persecuted for it. At the end of my relationship I was a wreck on top of it she rubbed in my face her sexual antics in detail straight after the split, I lost the rag spat on her and slapped her, I'm ashamed of that, and that is the first time I ever raised a hand to a woman and my last ( I will never be in a relationship like that again and will see the signs next time (if there is), I know people will condemn me for it, but when you have been messed around for years given no peace for not 1 day trying to build a life a family, hold on to a job (after loosing 2 jobs over her) 1 when I had no choice but to defend her from ghetto thugs that she ran out on the road to fight and I ended up in jail I couldn't leave her to fight alone, I came out to stop it and was attacked. I also lost a job when I broke my feet when I found out she cheated years previously we had a child together and she built a family on a lie I was given no support to get over this. I also lost a 3rd job after i was dumped as i was having a nervous break down.

 

I still have issues as I loved this woman with all my heart, we had a child together, and to this day cant understand how someone could wear you down and persecute you for it, but you must move on, Im trying to do the same, but im still filled with anger, resentment, bitterness betrayal all of a sudden out of the blue, its hard when your feelings are not met back , its hard when you have no control but one thing you can train to control is your own feelings, it is hard as I know well , Im guessing my anger will pass again soon. But you must try to change things, I had a few setbacks since my breakup, I became a fully blown alcoholic binge drinker, cannabis abuser because of them but have knocked the drinking out completely now which is why I think I'm having flashbacks as I never dealt with emotions properly.

 

You must no matter how hard it seems, force yourself to take part in activities, hobbies be around positive friends who will listen, family who will listen, you must surround yourself with this no matter how hard it seems, you do not want to be like me where issues come out later on because you never built a life after the split (I had other things happen that didn't allow me to move concentrate on building my life.) What ever you do don't stop working on these things, go NC, when you seem depressed a woman doesn't want that, they see it as weakness you must appear to be strong. Don't let this happen to you, you are in control of your destiny, she wasn't meant to be with you, I know the regret you feel from raising your hand it was wrong, but we are human, I don't know why you raised your hand but I do know some women push us over the edge especially when you are suffering from mental health issues and you can see them getting kicks from it ( I know some men do the same also.) Thats what happened to me anyway.

 

Be strong work on yourself improve yourself, its win win, she can then see what she lost as a bonus.

 

I am putting my action into place today, me and a friend are setting up a business, we are joining a gym, we have set a date to quit smoking, I intend to become a muscled up beast with lots of money in my pocket, my heart is set on it.... set yourself goals and work on them, who knows who you might meet when you are great physical and mental shape.

 

Keep it lit!