Jump to content

Being in my thirties, is it too much to ask...

Zoyalover

By Zoyalover
in In Search Of...

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Zoyalover Member

Zoyalover

Posted
Posted

That I can meet someone who is solely interested in the same thing I am which is genuine friendship, to get to know each other, not be interested in a relationship and not be interested in having sex? I am having a tough time finding this. I have been broken up with my ex for over 6 months and feel like I am just about ready to get to know someone else. The only problem is is that the guys I have been meeting ALL want to get married. I am not interested in that right now, I just want to get to know someone, be friends to start and then see if things can progress. Anyone been here before?

  • Like 1
SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
That I can meet someone who is solely interested in the same thing I am which is genuine friendship, to get to know each other, not be interested in a relationship and not be interested in having sex? I am having a tough time finding this. I have been broken up with my ex for over 6 months and feel like I am just about ready to get to know someone else. The only problem is is that the guys I have been meeting ALL want to get married. I am not interested in that right now, I just want to get to know someone, be friends to start and then see if things can progress. Anyone been here before?

 

 

 

Those are fair wishes, but males simply don't work that way. Nearly all of the guys who would sign-on to become your friend, would at the same time be targeting you as a romantic partner. With that beneath the surface, you just wouldn't be getting true sincerity in your quest for male friends.

 

Women, for having sooooooooooo many options, relative to men, can afford to designate mere 'friends', but men just don't have options in such numbers, so they tend to make them count.

  • Like 1
Tony T Established Member

Tony T

Posted
Posted

Are you saying that they are interested in getting married RIGHT NOW???

 

Many men are interested in marriage but, just like you, they want to proceed in a relationship that seems right to them and see where it goes. Just because a man is interested in marriage doesn't mean they want to grab your hand and move down the aisle that minute. It doesn't even mean they are interested in YOU to be married to. It just means they are interested in the concept.

 

If you back off and let things happen, you might find these men think about marriage much the same as you do...and be thankful for that. There are a number of men (and women) who want nothing to do with marriage at all.

 

There are also cases of men stating they are interested in marriage because they may think that's what you want to hear. Just be cool, let things happen the way they will. Nobody can force you down the aisle unless they drug you, and even then you have relatives who'll look out for you in that regard.

 

Where baggage is concerned, people from any age can have baggage. Lots of generalizations going on here.

TintedChrome Member

TintedChrome

Posted
Posted

My head is exploding.

A woman in her thirties is complaining that men her age are looking to form a relationship with a woman and commit to her and get married.

Now I've heard everything.

 

 

Anyway, don't expect much success Zoya. If a man asks a woman out, he's looking for a relationship/companion/sex/lover/wife/children/girlfriend or some combination of the above. He's not expecting to make a pal or buddy out of you. That's what we have our male friends for.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Zoyalover Member

Zoyalover

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Are you saying that they are interested in getting married RIGHT NOW???

 

Many men are interested in marriage but, just like you, they want to proceed in a relationship that seems right to them and see where it goes. Just because a man is interested in marriage doesn't mean they want to grab your hand and move down the aisle that minute. It doesn't even mean they are interested in YOU to be married to. It just means they are interested in the concept.

 

Tony,

 

There is one guy from my church who said that I was going to be his wife and said that he had been watching me and knows some things that I like because he has a "spirit of discernment" (I'm not judging). Hear that freaked me out so I decided to spend some time with him. When I did he was nice but to me very pushy. He kept talking about being with me and about marriage. I kept asking if we could just get to know each other? I felt overwhelmed by that since I'm just getting out of a relationship.

 

If you back off and let things happen, you might find these men think about marriage much the same as you do...and be thankful for that. There are a number of men (and women) who want nothing to do with marriage at all.

 

There are also cases of men stating they are interested in marriage because they may think that's what you want to hear. Just be cool, let things happen the way they will. Nobody can force you down the aisle unless they drug you, and even then you have relatives who'll look out for you in that regard.

 

Where baggage is concerned, people from any age can have baggage. Lots of generalizations going on here.

 

I thought I was backing off and letting things happen by taking up for myself and letting these men know what it is that I want, but maybe I want too much...

 

I hope I cleared up any generalizations by giving you a direct example.

  • Author
Zoyalover Member

Zoyalover

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My head is exploding.

A woman in her thirties is complaining that men her age are looking to form a relationship with a woman and commit to her and get married.

Now I've heard everything.

 

I'm sorry TintedChrome, please don't get upset... I am not complaining by any means. What I am saying is I just want to get to know a guy without him constantly speaking of marriage, trying to get in my pants, and insisting that I am going to be his wife without having taken the time to get to know me.

 

Anyway, don't expect much success Zoya. If a man asks a woman out, he's looking for a relationship/companion/sex/lover/wife/children/girlfriend or some combination of the above. He's not expecting to make a pal or buddy out of you. That's what we have our male friends for.

 

Yeah, I guess I just need to not entertain men, or any idea of dating for that matter, until I am ready to hear about how I am going to be someone's wife...

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
Posted

Have you tried befriending other women? Women sometimes make great friends. Also, your friends don't have to be your same age. One of my good friends was in her late 60's, and I in my early 20's. Now there is a respect issue -- you must treat an older person with more respect. But otherwise, it works out.

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
Posted
My head is exploding.

A woman in her thirties is complaining that men her age are looking to form a relationship with a woman and commit to her and get married.

Now I've heard everything.

Stop overreacting. :rolleyes:
  • Like 1
FrankieFrank Established Member

FrankieFrank

Posted
Posted
That I can meet someone who is solely interested in the same thing I am which is genuine friendship, to get to know each other, not be interested in a relationship and not be interested in having sex? I am having a tough time finding this. I have been broken up with my ex for over 6 months and feel like I am just about ready to get to know someone else. The only problem is is that the guys I have been meeting ALL want to get married. I am not interested in that right now, I just want to get to know someone, be friends to start and then see if things can progress. Anyone been here before?

 

Your best bet is laying your intentions out in the open right away.

 

Then again it still doesn't guarantee anything. But at least you minimize risk of stringing someone along.

  • Like 1
Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted

Z:

Meet guys outside of your church.

G

  • Like 2
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
Tony,

 

There is one guy from my church who said that I was going to be his wife and said that he had been watching me and knows some things that I like because he has a "spirit of discernment" (I'm not judging). Hear that freaked me out so I decided to spend some time with him. When I did he was nice but to me very pushy. He kept talking about being with me and about marriage. I kept asking if we could just get to know each other? I felt overwhelmed by that since I'm just getting out of a relationship.

Well church... The religious conservative types are hardly the ones to base any kind of generalisation on. Date outside church.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...