Winter blue Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) I posted here a few days ago about my ex called me after four months of NC: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/448464-ex-called-after-four-months-nc Today I took a female friend to my favorite Japanese restaurant for lunch, where I also introduced my ex to and we had a few dates there so I have been avoiding it since the BU. I was thinking to myself before we planning to go there, "why should I stop going to my favorite restaurant just to avoid seeing her or be reminded of the shared memories", I thought I am strong enough after four months passed by. So while we eating, the worst nightmare happened. My ex walked in with her sister. My friend saw her first and told me that looks like my ex so I turned around to look and she was standing at the door looking outside. I'm sure she saw my car too which was parked in front of the restaurant. I turned around and told my friend to just pretend we don't see them. So we kept eating, and they took the table behind us to sit. Me and my friend continued chatting and when we were about to leave, we were at the counter paying the bill, I looked my ex side and the next minute she was waving and smiling at me. WTF I thought to myself I will just go over to say hi, in my mind, I didn't want to be seen as the bitter ex. So I went to their table, said hi to the sister. My ex said to me 'small world' (apparently she knows I'm avoiding her at all cost), asked me what we had for lunch to which I simply answered sushi, told her I gotta go my friend is waiting, she said let's catch up sometime, I replied 'I don't think that's a good idea.. goodbye". Then I walked out. I'm not sure if by going over to say hi to them I was appearing weak or anything. My friend said I should just ignore her, for what she did to me. I thought about both options, I could ignore her, but then I might appear rude and bitter and she might think I'm still not able to let go. On the other hand, if I show calm and polite and just say hi, I will be seen as confident and already getting over her. I chose the later. But now i can't stop thinking of what just happened, and I still find it difficult to have a conversation with her. Why the hell she keeps going to my favorite restaurant, which she knew I would frequent sooner or later. Did she go there on purpose? I now recall what she said to me the other day when she called, 'I'll see you around'. Ouch. My friend said I should call her and tell her to stop contacting me and restate that I cannot be friends with her. I am not sure if it's necessary, I feel like by doing that I will let her know she can still have an impact on me. I might say that to her only if she contacts me again, otherwise I guess keeping silent from my side is the best? Edited December 15, 2013 by Winter blue
Am4Real Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 By your actions, that is, worrying how you’re perceived by your EX signals you are not over her, not yet. You might be making progress however it is highly doubtful you are over her. The mistake you made was going back to a place that has sentimental memories and possible chances for you bumping into her. Are you being honest with us….is it possible you knew she still visited the same old hang out and you chanced a visit for a “chance” meeting? Your story seems to indicate running into her may have been an underlying wish and what your asking us is to interpret her behavior. So let’s do that… By your description because we don’t know her at all, only you do, she sounds like she is over you and possibly genuinely wanted to know how you are. She threw it out there possibly to make you feel good…perhaps she has some guilt over the break up and thought you and her talking would clear the air and let her feel better about herself. If I remember correctly the time she reached out to you came with no purpose at all, so I’m assuming she is ridden with guilt or needs validation from you since you have maintained NC so well. Who knows – who should really care? The point is I have no clue what she thinks or what her motivations are and you’re friends advice to you is nonsense. I recall your original post about her contacting you and I believe we all agreed she was selfish and immature for doing that…does your friend really think calling her and telling her not to contact you will change that…of course not. Besides, she was in a public restaurant, whether she saw your care there or not after all these months has little to do with you and healing because you should have not gone into an old hangout in the first place – not until you heal completely anyway. Look man, stop visiting the old hangouts until the day comes that you are completely healed and running into her means nothing…and continue ignoring her and any contact by her. You sound like a good guy who is doing all the right things to heal…don’t stop and don’t divert from your plan, just stay away from possible run-ins with your EX. You know what I’m talking about…. Happy Holidays.
Poppyolive Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Brought up feelings huh? I do think it was a coincidence. Its crazy the fact that one day you choose yo go she was there too. I personally think you were the bigger person by going up, saying hi, and refusing to "catch up sometime". Good for you. And of course its going to ruffle your feathers do to speak after seeing her. But I'm sure you'll be ok...now I haven't read your story, I will do after. I wouldn't go sending a message to her, its not her fault or yours that you both were at the same restaurant. So she didn't do anything wrong. Keep up your no contact. If she messages you, just ignore it. You're the bigger person then. Good luck 1
Author Winter blue Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 By your actions, that is, worrying how you’re perceived by your EX signals you are not over her, not yet. You might be making progress however it is highly doubtful you are over her. The mistake you made was going back to a place that has sentimental memories and possible chances for you bumping into her. Are you being honest with us….is it possible you knew she still visited the same old hang out and you chanced a visit for a “chance” meeting? Your story seems to indicate running into her may have been an underlying wish and what your asking us is to interpret her behavior. So let’s do that… By your description because we don’t know her at all, only you do, she sounds like she is over you and possibly genuinely wanted to know how you are. She threw it out there possibly to make you feel good…perhaps she has some guilt over the break up and thought you and her talking would clear the air and let her feel better about herself. If I remember correctly the time she reached out to you came with no purpose at all, so I’m assuming she is ridden with guilt or needs validation from you since you have maintained NC so well. Who knows – who should really care? The point is I have no clue what she thinks or what her motivations are and you’re friends advice to you is nonsense. I recall your original post about her contacting you and I believe we all agreed she was selfish and immature for doing that…does your friend really think calling her and telling her not to contact you will change that…of course not. Besides, she was in a public restaurant, whether she saw your care there or not after all these months has little to do with you and healing because you should have not gone into an old hangout in the first place – not until you heal completely anyway. Look man, stop visiting the old hangouts until the day comes that you are completely healed and running into her means nothing…and continue ignoring her and any contact by her. You sound like a good guy who is doing all the right things to heal…don’t stop and don’t divert from your plan, just stay away from possible run-ins with your EX. You know what I’m talking about…. Happy Holidays. Hi Am4real, I admit I'm not completely over my ex. Yes I'm progressing but since her recent actions on social media, my emotions got stirred up a little again. I have been avoiding to go to this particular restaurant for the last four months, I was simply not wanting to be reminded of anything about her. Today we were having a great time until my ex came, I wasn't really reminded by any memories while me and my friend were chatting. I was actually feeling a lot better, it's like you are finally being able to face your inner fear of some kind. I guess my friend was upset for me that my ex was still trying to chit chat, when i clearly told her I can't be friends with her. I told my friend about her recent phone call as well. She did call for a reason though, to congrats me for passing my exam, which took me seven months to do, it's very important to me and my ex knows it. I agree she was probably feeling guilty too about how she left me hence the phone call and friendly gesture today at the restaurant. Thanks for your comment I do appreciate it and I will keep avoiding these hangouts as you suggested. Happy holiday to you too.
Author Winter blue Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Brought up feelings huh? I do think it was a coincidence. Its crazy the fact that one day you choose yo go she was there too. I personally think you were the bigger person by going up, saying hi, and refusing to "catch up sometime". Good for you. And of course its going to ruffle your feathers do to speak after seeing her. But I'm sure you'll be ok...now I haven't read your story, I will do after. I wouldn't go sending a message to her, its not her fault or yours that you both were at the same restaurant. So she didn't do anything wrong. Keep up your no contact. If she messages you, just ignore it. You're the bigger person then. Good luck Thanks Poppyolive. That's what I thought at the time, I didn't want her to think that I hate her or anything, I don't want to be bitter neither. In fact I don't, I was angry at her before, but not anymore. All I want now is to get over her and move on. It did stir my emotion somewhat but now I calm down and think about it, I think I dealt with it well, I didn't take the bait to be friendly with her again, I was just cold but polite. I guess I was trying to show as indifferent as I can, regardless how nervous I was. Now that's the only thing still bothers me, I find myself just get stuck when I hear her voice, honestly I just want to run away from her the time I saw her.
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