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his wife is threatening me

vanellope

By vanellope
in The Other Man / Woman

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

Posted
Posted (edited)

for my story can find my post before.

 

this week the wife get the access and reading all our mails in her husbands mailbox, so she know our things well, and more now she got a video which married man took on me when our intimate moment, the video only me on it with his voice and his hand only.

 

now the wife tell me that she get this and my company and my family's mail list.

 

and in this moment, this married man who I love very much just tell me that he cannot force wife to delete the video and I should know now who hurt the most is his wife.

 

so true reality.

 

when he took the video, I did tell him to delete it because I do feel it's dangerous to put this kind of private things on phone. he said I don't trust him and he will protect this very well. now, he say, is it his fault? He don't know how his wife can successful log in his mail account.

 

only at the critical time you can really see a person, and who he really care about, I, who trust him very much and love him very much, now just can be threaten by his wife because his undoing.

 

pathetic.

Edited by vanellope
HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted

He threw you under the bus.Thats what most MM who are caught do. They will turn on you just like that after Dday IF they want to stay with their wife. He is doing whatever he can to pacify her so he wont feel the full impact of her rage. Him telling you that his wife is the one who really hurts now is him saying he has made his choice, its her feelings over yours. In fact, if your feelings get demolished, he expects you to shut up and take it.

 

Honestly...if you leave him alone now, she MIGHT not release your video to everyone you know, if you dont, you can pretty much guarantee that she will and probably more. Sounds like this wife intends to fight for her marriage and doesnt mind crushing you to do it. It doesnt sound like MM minds much if you get crushed, either.

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whatatangledweb Established Member

whatatangledweb

Posted
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I am not trying to be mean, but you are as much to blame as him. You chose to have an affair with a married man. You chose to allow him to take a video of you. Your actions are a part of the whole undoing. In her mind you intruded on her marriage. You didn't care about what happened to her. Now she doesn't care how you will feel. Stop talking, writing, etc to the MM or his wife will release that video.

 

My husband did not allow me on his secret email. I found it. I'm sure that is how she found the video.

 

I am sorry you are hurting and that you fear embarrassment from the video. Unfortunately for you, only she controls whether it is sent or not. He can't stop her.

  • Like 6
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

I am sorry too that you're hurting and that you're probably going to be embarrassed by this if she sends that video to your family and friend, to work etc... It sucks but all I can say is, own it. Just don't play the victim here, as the above poster said, you went into this knowing he was married and chose to have an affair with a MM. I wish you had made him delete it right away, it was wrong of him to keep it... anyway, it happened and as awful as this is going to be (if she sends it to people you know), at least now you know where he stands...With his wife. Your A with him is over and he did throw you under the bus. Grieve the loss, go through the stages you need to go through so you can get over him and move on with your life.

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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thank you all, the affair did end at October by me because he told me he will not marry me, and we do try to be friend with each other, no sex no above friend talking. this is end and I do try to heal myself, I know it's wrong. but his wife found our old stuff this week, the video is more than one year ago.

 

I already write to his wife that we over already. but the married man told me that his wife want to revenge me now. and he cannot stop her.

underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

Posted
Posted

Although I think you should have to sweat this out....I will give you some hope.

 

 

I too found pics and videos long after the affair was over. The only other person in our case to see them was her husband.

 

 

Now the reason you will still sweat. I still have copies of all of them including all of the emails. I have kept up my end of the bargain....no contact and they will stay safe. Talk to my husband for any reason and she will find the plastered all over her neighborhood and the internet.

 

 

You don't want them released then don't take them in the first place. And certainly don't share them with married men.

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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I send the mail to his wife and him together said we are over, he write back.

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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now I keep the evidence when her husband write me.

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Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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Can I ask something though? Isn't it illegal to use this video without the permission of the owner? I mean, if the wife makes it public, can't the OP press charges? Some famous people press charges when journalists publish photos of them without their permission, that's why I'm asking.

 

The only thing you can do is forget about him, send him a text on his mobile (that his wife will see) saying "i'm done, don't bother me again, never want to see you again, have a good life" and disappear. Maybe his wife will not publish these photos if she believes you are gone for good.

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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I have the evidence of this affair and I have her husbands video too, and I have the mans company list too. but the reality is mans nude video is not big deal but woman's is. and the other reality is affair for the man is not big deal but woman will label as evil.

 

affair seems always OW fault even in the beginning I thought he is seperate already.

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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I don't think English is your language OP and this poster is just being judgemental and unhelpful, Choose to ignore these people who are just venting their own problems and here only to take it out on others.

 

yes, thank you.

English is not my native language and i can't find OW discussion forum in my language so that's why when I find this place I try to ask question here. I have nobody can asking advice in my life.

happy stillmore Established Member

happy stillmore

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Amazing how pain is universal. It's just the words that are different. :(

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

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I plan to tell my family this first in case they receive the mail and open the video.

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Ruffian1 Established Member

Ruffian1

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Illegal?? Probably so. If you can prove that she is the one that posted it on the net or where ever. There are way to cover her tracks so you can not prove it was her.

 

Oh yeah, and in fault some states, adultery is considered for a spouse to D the WS. Kinda like an illegal act in the marriage.

  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

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Posted

One of our infidelity hydras showed up in this thread so there may be a few quotes that go nowhere as the postings were deleted. Sorry for the inconvenience. Please continue the discussion on-topic and within our guidelines.

  • Like 1
sweet_pea Established Member

sweet_pea

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm sorry you're going through this. It really sucks. The legalities of the situation are tricky. It seems like he is letting her have access to the video and if he filmed it/was in possession of it, I guess he has control over how it's used with or without your permission? Im not a lawyer, so I can't be sure. Either way it's sad, stay strong and if you haven't already implement NC! No more contact with him ever, even if as friends.

Edited by sweet_pea
experiencethedevine Established Member

experiencethedevine

Posted
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So are you saying that as a BS you would want it plastered all over the neighbourhood that your H cheated on you??? I think not.

 

 

 

 

If my husband had been involved in seedy video's with the other woman and these had been exposed, I would most certainly land the exposure and consequences with neighbours and such firmly at his feet and feel no embarrassment whatever. I wasn't in them!

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HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

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If my husband had been involved in seedy video's with the other woman and these had been exposed, I would most certainly land the exposure and consequences with neighbours and such firmly at his feet and feel no embarrassment whatever. I wasn't in them!

 

Exactly. The OW in a situation like this has the most to lose. If a MM is exposed the BS receives sympathy and understanding. An OW exposed receives scorn and disgust.

  • Like 3
underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

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Frankly, that would just be one of his consequences for cheating and I wouldn't have blamed her BS for doing that. Funny part is...he never sent her pics or videos so it is kinda a moot point.

 

I have always said that if I where to expose her I would be exposing him as well. After all it is only fair!!!

  • Like 4
Bootsie Established Member

Bootsie

Posted
Posted

I doubt it's illegal for the BW to publicise the photos/videos, but it does depend on the content.

 

 

If the content clearly offends the local obscene or pornography laws, then sending them unsolicited people may be illegal. On the other hand if they are "everyday" porn, then the local laws may not have been breached.

 

 

If they are defamatory then there may be breaches of other laws when they are sent, but if they accurately depict what occurred it is difficult to see how they could be defamatory.

 

 

If the person did not consent to being filmed/photographed then distribution may again breach some laws, but in this instance it sounds like the OP agreed to being filmed.

 

 

If there was an understanding of confidentiality at the time of filming then again the person who allowed them to go further than the agreed audience may have breached a law, but you need legal advice about this, as it doesn't seem the wife illegally accessed them.

 

 

If somebody is blackmailing you (ie asking for money) and saying they will release the videos if you don't pay up, then again laws could be breached.

 

 

It is not simply a matter of saying it's illegal for the wife to do this.

 

 

I'm both a BW and a lawyer, so when I found naked photos of the OW on our home computer, I sent them out to her colleagues and family, making sure I breached no laws (the photos were not pornographic). I was aiming for maximum embarrassment to her.

  • Like 6
Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
Posted
for my story can find my post before.

 

this week the wife get the access and reading all our mails in her husbands mailbox, so she know our things well, and more now she got a video which married man took on me when our intimate moment, the video only me on it with his voice and his hand only.

 

now the wife tell me that she get this and my company and my family's mail list.

 

and in this moment, this married man who I love very much just tell me that he cannot force wife to delete the video and I should know now who hurt the most is his wife.

 

so true reality.

 

when he took the video, I did tell him to delete it because I do feel it's dangerous to put this kind of private things on phone. he said I don't trust him and he will protect this very well. now, he say, is it his fault? He don't know how his wife can successful log in his mail account.

 

only at the critical time you can really see a person, and who he really care about, I, who trust him very much and love him very much, now just can be threaten by his wife because his undoing.

 

pathetic.

 

as others have said, he's thrown you under the bus and now his wife's got the wheel and will forward-reverse over you a few times.

 

unfortunately i don't think there's much you can do. hopefully she's just threatening and decides against sending the video to your contacts. i would prepare for the worst though... not much you can do, take it on the chin, dust yourself off, and move on. at least in all this you have the benefit of seeing the man you 'love and trust and care about' for a gutless little weasel he really is.

  • Like 6
Artie Lang Established Member

Artie Lang

Posted
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your best bet is to see a lawyer about your rights concerning this video.

 

i suggest you document your contact with this woman if she decides to harass and/or threaten you in any way.

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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That's why I always said that when someone brings a camera in the bedroom and want you to be the one on tape, then that video belong to you and if they decline and you permit it, then your just asking for trouble.

 

Your going to do something like that then make the video, look at it and delete it. Too many times that this happens and there is nothing but trouble and embarrassment and someone suffers for being too trusting.

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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She hasn't done it yet. She probably doesn't even want to publish those files. She just (for goodness sake) wants you to not talk to her husband. You be kind and stay away from her husband, no talking to him, and don't force her to do anything drastic.

yellowmaverick Established Member

yellowmaverick

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You certainly did not feel as if you owed her any respect or consideration when you had sex with her husband. Why would you possibly think that she owes you anything?

 

You don't always have control over the consequences of your actions or what other people think of them.

 

I outted the OW in my situation when she would not stop stalking me and my children. I warned her that I was going to out her in a big way if she ever attempted to contact us again, yet she did it anyway and whined when I kept my word.

 

Your best bet is to stay out of their lives - for good.

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