Could really use some support right now

[MoveAlong]

I'm trying my best to stay on top of my game. I have been maintaining NC, and trying my best to control my emotions. However, I still can't help missing her. It's the dreams, music, snacks...life is so different, and I haven't been able to get this strange weight out of my body. It's kind of painful, and I feel it all day even when I'm not thinking about her. It's like my body is physically suffering. It's been nearly 7 weeks of NC and since BU. My heart seems to have reached it's lowest point and has lifted, but is stuck.

 

I wish I could go back and have ended things on poor terms. Now I'm dangling out here, unable to clear my head, and can't help but think about her. The worst thing about all this is that I am hanging onto hope. A friend of mine told me that he and his gf broke up for a year...he maintained nc until finally she came crawling back. I know I won't hold on for that long since I'm not that kind of person...but I sure as hell wish I understood what was going through her head.

 

I'm not waiting for her right now, but I am trying to lift myself out of this hole. No matter what happens, even if she comes back, I need to pull myself together. I just feel so pathetic. I've never been so emotionally hurt as I have this year.

 

Thanks for reading. I just need to tell you guys what I'm feeling and thinking.

[Fangorn]

Buddy, it's tough. You need to acknowledge and accept the emotions but you also need to set some goals to work towards for yourself. You can try all you want to control and ignore the emotions but it'll never work.

 

What's helped me is accepting the emotions fully, and riding them out but having set myself things to work towards, I find that I'm focussing the negativity into working to better myself and in turn, this is giving me less time to think about my Ex.

 

I'd recommend joining some kind of fitness class highly. I began Muay Thai and the high I get from that is like cocaine to me at the moment. You could also join a gym to weight train but I find the social aspect and having to interact with other people outside of your comfort zone helps deal with a lot and shows that life will continue, no matter how hard it is today.

 

Good luck bro.

[rosedl]

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart". Washington Irving

I think we do ourselves a disservice when we try to actively stop our feelings and reject what is in our hearts.

 

The act of resisting your feelings of love for her can actually make it harder to heal. The love you have inside of you is yours....yours to give...yours to feel....when we try to repress it or deny it, we close ourselves off. It is dishonest.

 

We try to protect ourselves from repressing it and all it does in come out in other ways that make ourselves more miserable. We don't want to feel the love because we attach the feeling of loss to it. It is the story we tell ourselves around it that brings the pain. Not the love itself.

 

And, often what we are feeling during these times is not that loving. We are angry. Understandably so. Rejection hurts. We are sad. We want the pain to go away. We try to control the misery by spinning thoughts in our heads...if only this....if only that...then, I would be okay.

 

I am no Gandhi. Believe me. I have been so angry that I have fantasized about smashing every single window of my ex's house out with a baseball bat. I don't judge the thought. I notice it and let myself feel the anger.

 

All kinds of thoughts spinning in my head. I'm 42. All my relationships have ended in heartbreak. I will never find a man who really wants to share a life with me. Fear, fear, fear, fear....Attachments to outcomes. Rejecting what I have and making my well being contingent upon outside outcomes. Yep, I spin and spin and spin.

 

I do not want to hold these attitudes. I hope I can become more present to live with what is in my life right now instead of constantly longing for something or someone not there.

 

I love my ex. Very much. I would marry him, if he reciprocated my feelings and wanted a life with me. He doesn't. He has issues that make that not possible. I am angry at him right now because he has chosen to continue his old patterns rather then move forward with me. But, it isn't for me to say what he should do. I just know I can't keep holding my heart out in my hands for him to scoop it up, hold it close, and then throw it on the ground. He doesn't want this relationship....some of it I know is fear....some of it is because he is a solitary individual....I can't condemn his choices. I can just remove myself from the middle of his own conflict and stop letting him manage his anxiety and internal conflict on me. The best we can do is make a healthy choice for us and stop torturing ourselves with the what ifs and if onlys and wishing things were different and feel the pain......

 

Resisting increases pain.......

[MoveAlong]

Buddy, it's tough. You need to acknowledge and accept the emotions but you also need to set some goals to work towards for yourself. You can try all you want to control and ignore the emotions but it'll never work.

 

What's helped me is accepting the emotions fully, and riding them out but having set myself things to work towards, I find that I'm focussing the negativity into working to better myself and in turn, this is giving me less time to think about my Ex.

 

I'd recommend joining some kind of fitness class highly. I began Muay Thai and the high I get from that is like cocaine to me at the moment. You could also join a gym to weight train but I find the social aspect and having to interact with other people outside of your comfort zone helps deal with a lot and shows that life will continue, no matter how hard it is today.

 

Good luck bro.

 

Thanks, it's just tough to live everyday in a complete slump. I try my best to hide it especially since I have a ton of work due next week. I really really need to stay focused but damn, I just don't know how I got into such a terrible mood. It's unlike me...it's so obvious to people.

 

After this week, I'll start up a weight training routine with friends. I'll let ya know how it goes.

[MoveAlong]

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart". Washington Irving

I think we do ourselves a disservice when we try to actively stop our feelings and reject what is in our hearts.

 

The act of resisting your feelings of love for her can actually make it harder to heal. The love you have inside of you is yours....yours to give...yours to feel....when we try to repress it or deny it, we close ourselves off. It is dishonest.

 

We try to protect ourselves from repressing it and all it does in come out in other ways that make ourselves more miserable. We don't want to feel the love because we attach the feeling of loss to it. It is the story we tell ourselves around it that brings the pain. Not the love itself.

 

And, often what we are feeling during these times is not that loving. We are angry. Understandably so. Rejection hurts. We are sad. We want the pain to go away. We try to control the misery by spinning thoughts in our heads...if only this....if only that...then, I would be okay.

 

I am no Gandhi. Believe me. I have been so angry that I have fantasized about smashing every single window of my ex's house out with a baseball bat. I don't judge the thought. I notice it and let myself feel the anger.

 

All kinds of thoughts spinning in my head. I'm 42. All my relationships have ended in heartbreak. I will never find a man who really wants to share a life with me. Fear, fear, fear, fear....Attachments to outcomes. Rejecting what I have and making my well being contingent upon outside outcomes. Yep, I spin and spin and spin.

 

I do not want to hold these attitudes. I hope I can become more present to live with what is in my life right now instead of constantly longing for something or someone not there.

 

I love my ex. Very much. I would marry him, if he reciprocated my feelings and wanted a life with me. He doesn't. He has issues that make that not possible. I am angry at him right now because he has chosen to continue his old patterns rather then move forward with me. But, it isn't for me to say what he should do. I just know I can't keep holding my heart out in my hands for him to scoop it up, hold it close, and then throw it on the ground. He doesn't want this relationship....some of it I know is fear....some of it is because he is a solitary individual....I can't condemn his choices. I can just remove myself from the middle of his own conflict and stop letting him manage his anxiety and internal conflict on me. The best we can do is make a healthy choice for us and stop torturing ourselves with the what ifs and if onlys and wishing things were different and feel the pain......

 

Resisting increases pain.......

 

Thank you! I've read this three times now. What you wrote just means a lot to me; I feel better and I'm going to try to make it through this week. I love my ex. That's the truth. We were great, and that's all there is to it. Three years of ups and downs, but ultimately, distance and maybe the GIGS ended us. Here is the truth, and I don't think I've thought about it much.

 

I love her so much. I don't know what exactly went wrong, but I know that distance sucks so much. Our lives did change alot, but I thought we could adapt. If she were to ask me if I would take her back, I would need some time to think about it. If she never contacted me again, I would simply be upset that I lost a best friend. Life is about giving things up, and I suppose I'm already letting go. But you are right, I have been resisting my feelings...trying to transform my emotions into hate and anger. But it doesn't work because I won't hate her. As much I want to...I cannot. My anger is fueled by confusion and being left behind but I know that this emotion is unreasonable. I suppose I needed to get these thoughts out.

[Poppyolive]

I feel your pain and I'm sorry that you are going through this. I too have a heavy heart and a gut wrenching pain that is unbearable to process. I find when you are in this dark place, everything is effort and it constantly fills your mind and becomes physical pain. Here are things that have helped me, when its all too much take a little snooze to rest your weary mind and body. Another thing that I am amazed how much it's helped is starting a gratitude journal, entries that you will do nightly before bed. Eg of writing; today I am grateful for how I'm processing this heartache, I'm grateful for the love and memories we shared, the lessons learned and I wish her well. I'm grateful for friends, family, love, support, job, etc. Even things that happened in your day, I'm grateful for the kindness of the cashier at the supermarket, the call from so and so....write it all down, it will fill your heart with love, happiness & gratitude. Your sleep will be peaceful. Do the same each night, you will begin feel happier and peaceful and powerful, you will open up and notice more joy and happiness . replacing the pain, heartache and sadness.you will feel better. You will still have your moments of going to the dark place and thats ok. It has helped me a great deal, I'm very sure it will help you. Best wishes

[Parkour]

It will work out. I'm only just getting over it in the past few weeks. Me and my ex broke up 10 weeks ago. I wasn't eating properly for weeks, had really bad anxiety. However month 2, i started to find myself again, got a confidence boost from some random girl i met on a night out. Started talking about positive things with my friends again. I then got talking to this new girl at my work on my birthday drinks, not sure if it will last but we're both just courting at the moment. Really has helped me take my mind off my ex and feel like i'm myself again.

 

What i'm trying to say is, you kind of just have to accept that you need to weather the storm for a while, grieve, remember, but stay positive and do positive things. Best way to get over someone is to find someone else, but make sure you find that confident fun person before you do. Eventually it will swing for you!