crazy girlfriend lying heroin depression

[serenity_plus]

so ive been in a roller-coaster relationship for about 7-8 years and im 30 now. ive been pretty stressed out the whole time, but when im with her everything seems ok. however, ive caught her in numerous lies. i never caught her cheating and never looked in her phone (which i regret).

 

i will describe this girl as immature and emotionally unstable. she has been dealing with depression and has been on anti-depressant since the age of 12. i believe she has also had visits to psych hospitals for panic and anxiety. i think she is pass aggressive and kind of just "goes with the flow". i remember her describing herself as a chameleon in social situations.

 

i already wrote this once, but i lost it. im frustrated but i'll do my best to write it again.

 

our relationship has been off and on but ill cut to the main part here.

 

so the year before, i found out my girlfriend was using heroin behind my back. i was aware of her heroin use before but not the severity. i know towards the end she was shooting it. i found this all out through her parents. things were always a little fishy with her. getting home late, not returning calls and texts. anyway, after this happened, she went to detox and then upscale 30 day rehab.

 

i was upset and confused when all this happened but she was adamant about staying together. she called me from rehab everyday. i told her i would work through it and try and trust her. she sounded sincere

 

when she got out everything was back to the way it was. i was still upset but i was trying to trust her and work it out. then if things couldn't get any worse, her brother killed himself 5 months after her stint in rehab. from here on, everything went downhill. i remember one month, i only saw her maybe twice. communication was cut again and it was stressing me out because i didn't trust her. however, i kept trying to work it out.

 

so towards the end, i didnt hear from her in over a week. everything seemed to be sort of normal so i called her phone and it was disconnected, as in out of service. this shocked me and i knew it wasnt good. i finally got in-touch with her at her house and she told me she had been busy but will call me tomorrow because she's off from work. guess what, no call. so i call her the next morning and she tells me she wants a break and this and that. so i flip out on her and tell her to never call me or talk to me again because i knew something was up. i went NC

 

fast forward a month and half, she starts blowing up my phone with texts and calls from a different number. after about a half hour i decided to pick up. she told me that she was using again and got arrested in some nearby city for buying heroin and was going to jail. i was angry but she wanted to talk to me and even hang out. i said no but agreed to talk to her on sundays. again she sounded sincere

 

so we talked on sundays usually for about 2 hours but i didn't want to see her. one day she shows up at my house very desperate. trying to hold me, saying she loves me and wants to be with me. i was being very resistant. well i ended up bangin her and we hung out till 1am.

 

so we have our sunday conversations for about a month and realized that this isnt helping me but only hurting me. so the last time we got into a fight and told her not to call me anymore, hung up, blocked her numbers and went NC again. its been 3 weeks and i haven't heard from her. i don't really want to hear or see her because i don't trust her and God only knows what she's doing. im doing ok. the first week is always the roughest.

 

i feel like she knows me too well and is just manipulating me. i can see myself getting back with her and in a few months the same cycle will occur. i just want a normal relationship so i can relax. im so hurt by what shes doing. im not sure if i love her or am just upset about being used and betrayed and possibly cheated on. my goal is to keep up NC and hopefully get my strength back.

 

im not sure what im asking here. im still really upset about the whole thing. my confidence is zilch. my self esteem is nada. i used to like to go out and drink and smoke but that just makes me depressed and anxious anymore. i don't really have friends so i decided to just post on here.

 

i could probably go on forever. please, if you guys have any comments, questions or words of enlightenment, please post. i tried explaining in a shorter version because i lost the first draft so everything may not make sense. but i can elaborate on anything you feel is significant.

[d0nnivain]

Being in love with an addict is hard but you can't save her. You have to save yourself.

 

Try joining a group called Narc-Anon. It's a support group for people who love addicts. It's OK that you two are broken up; you still need help processing what you are feeling & understanding that she will always pick the drugs over you

[bubbaganoosh]

You should have never got involved with someone with all those problems because in the long run, they become your problems.

 

If she wants help, she'll get it but you can't give her the kind of help she needs. She requires professional help and rehab but only if she's willing to get it. My advice is to move on and don't turn back because it will take you down.

[Haydn]

Stay away from her, she will drag you further down. People like this are highly addictive to certain people and i place myself there too. You cannot rescue her but she will make your life hell if you keep going back. Keep strong and keep posting.

[serenity_plus]

Well I haven't talked to her in little over a month. She did call and leave message but I didn't reply. I'm trying to move but still have some setbacks. But I definetly feel more stable than when this first went down. The bad thing is I have a lot of free time because classes don't start until mid January. So I sit around a lot and dwell in the past. If I was just stronger things would have been different. And I'm also mad at myself for putting up with for so long. I guess i am just very inexperienced at breaking up and relationships.