Freeman1123 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Been a member of this forum for a week or so now, seems a really good place so here goes nothing. This is partly venting/partly seeking advice and partly just having people to talk to you as the circumstances make it difficult in the real world as it were. Bear with me, this is long... 4 years ago, ish. I'm in a relationship, so is she. I started going college with her and this sounds cheesy but from the moment I saw her I thought wow. Anyway, we've always had kind of a flirty relationship and been really good mates from day one. To the point where my ex got really funny and told me to delete her from Facebook/block her number blah blah. I'm 21 now so we're talking kind of 17/18 years old. So me and my ex eventually broke up, nothing directly to do with her but I think that might've had an impact and again me and her are good mates, we meet up a couple of times walk around the shops kind of business. She's in a relationship at this point, we go out one night to celebrate a mutual friends birthday. We get very drunk, we spend most of the night out with each other apparently. I was under the impression she was more or less with a guy so I didn't try anything. Subsequent conversations have revealed she wouldn't have turned me away if I kissed her... I go to Uni, we're about 2 years from present day atm. She's with a guy, there's a band playing where I go Uni and we're both a fan, she comes up with the idea we should go see them and we should spend a couple of days with each other. I'm more than up for this so a date is set which about 18 months ago now. Throughout the next month or so I get a lot of she's not happy with her boyfriend blah blah blah. I come home for Xmas, we go out and we talk about our 'date' she suggests we stay in the same bed... Again, I'm more than up for this. We kiss, agree it's a mistake and we go home. The week after she cheats on her boyfriend, I'm gutted, i thought we had something, obviously not. She supposedly tells her boyfriend and they sort things out, I go back up to Uni and I'm a bit meh towards her but again we get talking and our 'date' is now like a month ago, i've had drunken phone calls telling me she loves me. A week before she comes up, she goes on a break with her boyfriend. She comes up, we get drunk. The inevitable happens between two drunken people... However a mixture of the drink and pressure meant I couldn't exactly perform. But we kiss and spent a couple of nights together she goes home and she properly (Facebook) breaks up with her boyfriend. I arrange to meet here when i get home from uni, I do and see her out and she more or less blanks me so I'm pissed off. But we get over it. I try and see her as much as possible but there was always some excuse. I did spent a couple of nights with her around mine and we were more or less a couple when together. But whenever it came down to THAT I could never perform. This goes on for months, seeing each other ever couple of weeks, i'm speaking to her everyday and we've both it's more than just casual sleeping together. We were out one night, she kissed someone else, I flipped said I didn't wanna see her again, the usual, again we talk about it and I go back. She messages me out of the blue saying she misses her ex and it's weird so she want's us to cool off for a bit. So I did, I went out a couple of weeks after and kissed some girl, she was there that night saw it and broke down in tears saying how she didn't want me out of her life and she was stupid to try and push me away and she regrets messing me around. We start seeing each other every week or so getting really close. I arrange to go Xmas shopping with her but again something comes up and she's busy. I see her walking around town... With the ex. I send her some drunken rant and don't speak to her for about 3 weeks. We're at this point last year now. We get talking for one reason or another. In this time it turns out she's slept with a guy she was kind of talking one night. She'd also slept with someone on Xmas day... We meet up, drunk. Go back to mine, I perform. I'm thinking this is it. New year, we could make this work, we meet up every weekend she stays around mine. Knows my parents it's all good, despite what had happened. We go to gigs together and we arrange to go on holiday to a festival together. Life's good, but we're not actually together, whenever I try and bring that issue up I get fobbed off by some excuse and one night she breaks down in tears on me, how she's not right in her self and it would unfair to bring me in and how she'd always rushed into things so she was enjoying what we had and didn't wanna ruin it. I thought fair enough I'm enjoying it too. Fast forward to May this year, I go into work as usual and get talking to a couple of colleagues. They ask about this girl I'm seeing, I say her name and one guy starts describing her exactly and ends it with oh yeah. Her who's going out with my little brother. His little brother is the ex from before. I'm devastated, I don't know who to talk to what to say. I was meant to be seeing her the day after, I text her that night and she sent me one text saying ok. I say her the next day and tried to find what was going on, all she said was it was a huge mistake and she didn't wanna hurt anyone she just got in too deep she tells me she's told her ex/boyfriend she's told him everything and they were gonna work it out. He then messages me arranging to meet because he doesn't think he's being told it all. I meet him and explain. She had told him THE DAY BEFORE that she had met me once and kissed me, that she thought I was ugly and barely even a mate. She had also text him saying how much she loved him and how sorry she was and how they would make it work, I had received nothing from her, not even a sorry... They got back together. Somehow. Still with me? Good. I didn't speak to her for a month, I'd say I was pretty close to being over her tbh. She drunk messages me about money she owed me, I told her to keep it cause I didn't wanna hear from her or see her. But I'm drunk and get ranting about she broke my heart etc. We arrange to see each other for me to get my money and some closure, we meet, again she cries says she regrets it all. I made her happy, she loves me, she didn't love the ex, now current boyfriend and she didn't enjoy being with me, I was her escape. She also said it was easier to get back with him and people and put pressure on her to do so. It's at this point you tell me how stupid I am and how I should've left it there. We get talking again, she's still with him and she's constantly telling me how unhappy she is with him. She eventually breaks up with him and tells me how she couldn't stop thinking about me and nothing really compared to what we had together, I went on holiday without her, got back. Invited her around mine, we slept together. A lot. We're talking around August of this year by the way. We start seeing each other again, meeting up coming around mine etc. She has a job interview in London, we go down and have the night together. She get's the job, it's working away fro 5 months. At this point i'm telling her what we're doing is just casual until she goes, she always get's upset and tells me it's more and we can make it work out there, to the point she says if me and her were settled down she wouldn't have considered going out there. We're up to about a month ago, we get pregnant, complete accident and we agree to get rid. I tell her I'll be there every step of the way for her take her places and just be there. I go out and get a text saying she'd fell down the stairs and lost the baby. I was gutted for her because we didn't want it to end like that. I get talking to a mate of hers when i'm. She slept with him a couple of times after her and her ex split up, about the time she was telling me that nothing compared to me and she more or less broke up to be with me, she tells me it's cause she was low and needed picking up. I go around hers the next day partly to see how she's doing and partly to talk to her about it. I go around her ex answer's the door! At this point I just laughed and walked away. Didn't speak to her until she left. She's out there and like I said had always stuck to the "once she's out there that's it" kind of mentality so it tell her this last week, she drunken messages me on Tuesday telling me she missed me and she felt like me and her had got really close over the last couple of months so didn't wanna call it a day. The last thing's said to each other was me saying I'll leave to you it, I'll try not to drunken text you Sunday (I'm going out) she asks why Sunday and I said I dunno I might miss you like you did. She said "Ok fine xx" that was Thursday and I haven't spoke to her since. Here's the issue. I want to be over her, but I am petrified of being on my own. That's why I went back in the Summer. How do I get over her? I want her to miss me and want a relationship because i want to have the upper hand and tell her no and walk away. But I don't think I'm strong enough because I know what I've got with her and I know when we're together we're really good. I know at ever opportunity she has treated me like ****, but speaking to someone and seeing them every week or so for the best thing of 18 months is a hard thing to say good bye to. If you're even still reading I'll be amazed but any kind of words of advice for me would be great. thanks a lot guys Edited December 15, 2013 by Freeman1123
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