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Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who did this to you?

purplesoccer34

By purplesoccer34
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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purplesoccer34 Established Member

purplesoccer34

Posted
Posted

For the longest time, I liked one of my closest friends. He had no idea about it, until my friend blurted it out to him one day. 6 months after hearing it from my friend, he asked me on a date. It took him 6 months, because he wasn't fully over his ex. So when he asked me on a date, I of course said yes, and we had a good time. For 2 months, he would spend a lot of time with me. We were affectionate, and he would go out of his way to see me and things like that, so I assumed we were dating.

 

During those two months however, he was also talking to his ex a lot. They were spending almost everyday together, having sex and all that. I didn't realize this until the end of those 2 months, which is when I confronted him about it. He then admitted that while he does like me, he's not completely over his ex and doesn't want to date anyone at the moment.

 

Suppose someone did this to you, and they come back to you a few months later--after this whole 2-month fling. They tell you that their ex is completely out of their life. They tell you that they no longer have feelings for their ex, and their ex no longer wants to talk to them. They tell you that they now want a serious relationship with you, would you say yes? Would you be able to trust them?

wavejumper Member

wavejumper

Posted
Posted

"Would you be able to trust them?"

 

NO

 

given you two weren't in a committed relationship (as far as I can tell by your post), it still reeks of deceptive behavior. I wonder if she knew if you were in the picture? was he open with you about dating others?

 

I'm sure he was giving you signals during this time. take some time to reflect so the next time you might be able to better recongize the red flags ;)

  • Like 2
HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

Not just NO but HELL NO.

  • Like 3
valerasoy Member

valerasoy

Posted
Posted

Well, how do you feel purplesoccer34? Do you want this person back after what they done?

 

I can imagine it's going to be pretty hard to trust this person. Only you know yourself, and what you're willing to tolerate.

 

I will tell you this. I don't think you should take him back. It seems too soon to jump right into a relationship, don't you think? And can you even call what you guys had before as a relationship? You even said that you assumed you guys were together. That means he never made it clear in the beginning, and just strung you along because you were willing and able. But you never required him to be in a committed relationship.

 

You are worth more than the deceit, pain and hurt he caused you. You need to show him he needs to respect you, and earn back your trust because you're worth it.

 

Whether you want to date him again, it's entirely up to you. But I don't think you should date him, in fact, I think you should keep your distance. It's for your own good. But if a faction of you believes he truly change, take it real slow and proceed with caution. You're the one in the situation so only you know how he's like.

 

If you don't take yourself seriously, and don't express that to him, neither will he.

 

Good luck, hun! ^_^

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

I'll say this in Spanish -- no.

  • Like 1
Poppyolive Established Member

Poppyolive

Posted
Posted

that's 8 months after his ex, and he was still seeing her every other day and having sex with her....You've no doubt got hurt, and can get hurt again. If i were you take some space away from him, he has already mistreated you in the building of foundation months...this guy is clearly not ready, not ready to be honest with you. You need to take control.

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
I'll say this in Spanish -- no.

 

 

I agree.....

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purplesoccer34 Established Member

purplesoccer34

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well, how do you feel purplesoccer34? Do you want this person back after what they done?

 

I can imagine it's going to be pretty hard to trust this person. Only you know yourself, and what you're willing to tolerate.

 

I will tell you this. I don't think you should take him back. It seems too soon to jump right into a relationship, don't you think? And can you even call what you guys had before as a relationship? You even said that you assumed you guys were together. That means he never made it clear in the beginning, and just strung you along because you were willing and able. But you never required him to be in a committed relationship.

 

You are worth more than the deceit, pain and hurt he caused you. You need to show him he needs to respect you, and earn back your trust because you're worth it.

 

Whether you want to date him again, it's entirely up to you. But I don't think you should date him, in fact, I think you should keep your distance. It's for your own good. But if a faction of you believes he truly change, take it real slow and proceed with caution. You're the one in the situation so only you know how he's like.

 

If you don't take yourself seriously, and don't express that to him, neither will he.

 

Good luck, hun! ^_^

 

This is actually something that happened a while ago, but I was just wondering what other people would do. Well, I did get into a relationship with him and we dated for a year. He was actually very good to me--he was a great bf but the entire time, I had this 2-month fling in the back of my mind, and I could never trust him. Whenever he hung out with a group of girls, I was always paranoid, even though he never cheated on me while we were actually in the relationship. Therefore, I was never able to open up to him or take the relationship seriously, which caused me to unintentionally hurt him. Now I'm feeling super guilty about hurting him and being overly paranoid--but I guess I had a reason to be overly paranoid? But yes, I realize I was stupid to get into the relationship in the first place.

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purplesoccer34 Established Member

purplesoccer34

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
"Would you be able to trust them?"

 

NO

 

given you two weren't in a committed relationship (as far as I can tell by your post), it still reeks of deceptive behavior. I wonder if she knew if you were in the picture? was he open with you about dating others?

 

I'm sure he was giving you signals during this time. take some time to reflect so the next time you might be able to better recongize the red flags ;)

 

When I look back, there were definitely red flags. As far as I can tell, I don't think his ex knew that I was in the picture. He didn't really say anything about dating others.

 

Anyway, thanks to you and everyone else for the responses!

Edited by purplesoccer34
rosedl Established Member

rosedl

Posted
Posted

It isn't the fact that he still had feelings for his ex. It was the fact he was dishonest with you.

 

The fact that he would be dishonest so that he could keep his options open is a huge red flag. If he is capable of manipulating this situation and deceiving you for his own benefit, what else will he lie to you about?

 

I keep coming up with new rules as I go. One is that if someone is still involved (either emotionally or otherwise) in another relationship, they are not dating material. Another is...if someone shows you who they are, believe them.

  • Like 3
igothithard New Member

igothithard

Posted
Posted

@ purplesoccer34

 

Let go, a lei in the beginning is not something you can build on. Even from a friend if you know what i mean.

You need someone from the same planet!

Its always easy said than done, going trough it myself!

  • Like 1
headinthecloud Established Member

headinthecloud

Posted
Posted
I keep coming up with new rules as I go. One is that if someone is still involved (either emotionally or otherwise) in another relationship, they are not dating material. Another is...if someone shows you who they are, believe them.

 

1000% true!!! I've adopted these rules too.

feelingtorn Established Member

feelingtorn

Posted
Posted

The fact that you are asking yourself such a question tells me the answer is NO.

 

When I was dating my ex, I googled "should I stay with my boyfriend?" or "reasons to break up with your boyfriend" a lot. I should have trusted my gut feeling. Hope my experience can save you from repeating my mistake.

 

Best wishes.

  • Like 1
headinthecloud Established Member

headinthecloud

Posted
Posted

I think consensus is fairly clear on whether or not you should consider this guy as BF material...

 

...can I get an "H" to the "E" to the "L" to the "L" to the "NO"!!!

 

You cannot trust a man who is so selfish that he used someone to help get over someone else. No respect, no trust, no RS.

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