Summer Lovin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I really just feel so depressed, empty and neglected most of the time. I'm 26 and live across the country from my family. I went away to college and graduate school and got a job where I'm at. I moved here to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up but I stayed here because I got a good job. I feel incredibly homesick and like I'm missing out. My sister is in college still and is 20, and I just feel like everything is all about her. I feel like when I left everyone bonded and then I wasn't part of it anymore, I was more of an intrusion/pain when around or something. For some reason, I tend to upset my mom when home. I just feel really angry and am tempted to just cancel my trip for the holidays altogether. I've really felt this way since I left for college many years ago. I'd call home and my sister would be the main topic of conversation. Whenever I would talk about me, I was told how self-centered I was, and I feel my mom was much more critical of me. I think my sister is glad I'm far away. I have a good job where I'm at but I feel very alone. Whenever I talk to my mom about this she just tells me that I need to make friends where I'm at and is more critical than sympathetic. She's not understanding of how I feel I don't think. My mom is constantly bragging about my sister and posting pictures of her on Facebook, and every time it gives me a little stab. She did post pictures when I was younger, but I guess I feel very alone and pretty miserable where I'm at. I almost feel like I'm not a part of the family anymore and sometimes I feel like they're glad that I'm not there. Most of my friends have gotten married off and have started their own families. I just feel myself growing more depressed and miserable. I'm going home for the holidays and am just worried that it's going to be emotional for me and difficult for me to leave. I guess I feel lonely and like I'm not truly a part of the family anymore. I also feel like I call home a lot, but I feel to overcompensate for not being there. Before when I had my boyfriend, I didn't feel as lonely out here. My sister doesn't call home a lot when she's at college but she's much more independent than I am. I've expressed all of this to my mom and she just tells me how stupid I am being. Any advice??
wavejumper Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 does your school have any counseling resources? There is a lot going on here that you might want to talk with a neutral party about. Continuously looking to those who are, in essence, rejecting you will only keep you stuck in a painful cycle of paralysis and victimhood. It sucks your family can't give you the support you need. This might be telling you to go out in the world, kick some ass, and make new, healthy bonds with people who support you in a way you need to be. on your trip home, try to hold a witnessing space so you can see (as neutrally as possible) where you are reacting as opposed to responding. this might give you some new insights into the dynamic. good luck. enjoy your family for who they are, failings and disappointments and all.
regine_phalange Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I think the best thing would be to express your concern to your family, that you are jealous that they are alltogether, miss them... Don't mention your sister. I guess your mum is also sad that you feel that way, but doesn't want to appear emotional, because she wants to motivate you. Sometimes there are misunderstandings where someone gives us advice or solutions, while we just need that someone to share our feelings. Then we feel no one understands us when in fact that someone does and just wants us to be happy.
HokeyReligions Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Cancel the trip and use the money on yourself. Screw the "family" if they dont care about you - then you dont care about them. Maybe do some volunteer work or go someplace you've always wanted to go instead. Maybe you'll meet the love of your life. Have fun. Learn a new hobby. Sign up for a class. Curl up and read. Watch a movie marathon. Cook a new recipe. Do all of those things. Personally I would much rather be alone than be somewhere I wasn't wanted. 1
HokeyReligions Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Cancel the trip and use the money on yourself. Screw the "family" if they dont care about you - then you dont care about them. Maybe do some volunteer work or go someplace you've always wanted to go instead. Maybe you'll meet the love of your life. Have fun. Learn a new hobby. Sign up for a class. Curl up and read. Watch a movie marathon. Cook a new recipe. Do all of those things. Personally I would much rather be alone than be somewhere I wasn't wanted.
HokeyReligions Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Cancel the trip and use the money on yourself. Screw the "family" if they dont care about you - then you dont care about them. Maybe do some volunteer work or go someplace you've always wanted to go instead. Maybe you'll meet the love of your life. Have fun. Learn a new hobby. Sign up for a class. Curl up and read. Watch a movie marathon. Cook a new recipe. Do all of those things. Personally I would much rather be alone than be somewhere I wasn't wanted.
Author Summer Lovin Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 I think it mostly stems from me being homesick, feeling lonely and empty. I'm contemplating moving back to where they are, but I'm not sure if it would be a mistake. I have a very good job where I'm at but don't feel content or happy here. The past few years, I've moved around a lot, and I almost feel ready to just go back where I grew up. I'm not sure what I was looking for from moving around so much.
skydiveaddict Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Any advice?? Move closer to your family
Author Summer Lovin Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I've made the decision to move back closer to my family eventually, but I've only been with my job, which I very much enjoy, for a few months. So I feel that I need to stick it out for a little longer. I've never really been settled/established anywhere before, I've spent the past few years wandering. After finishing undergrad, I went to grad school so I knew it wasn't going to last for very long. I'm really ready to just feel a bit more settled somewhere.
HokeyReligions Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I've made the decision to move back closer to my family eventually, but I've only been with my job, which I very much enjoy, for a few months. So I feel that I need to stick it out for a little longer. I've never really been settled/established anywhere before, I've spent the past few years wandering. After finishing undergrad, I went to grad school so I knew it wasn't going to last for very long. I'm really ready to just feel a bit more settled somewhere. Give yourself five years where you are. Grow your career so if you decide to make a move you'll be more confident and have broader opportunities. I said the same about myself when I moved across the country. I hated it at first. I went to school and worked and rid a lot of volunteer work. I still gated it and said five years. That was 1983. I'm about 20 miles away in the suburbs. That's as far as I got. I met someone and as the saying goes - we settled down.
skydiveaddict Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I've made the decision to move back closer to my family eventually, but I've only been with my job, which I very much enjoy, for a few months. So I feel that I need to stick it out for a little longer. Well then you are more than half-way there. Hokey is right. Stay with it for a little while longer and you will be fine.
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