veggirl Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Oopsies, doubleish post. My first one wasn't showing up on my computer, so I tried to write it again.
ASG Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 @ Robin -- it's not the age difference in terms of years. It's the placement of the gap. What if it was 20 and 17? That's quite a gap isn't it? A teenager who's not yet legal and a 20 year old? This is only a one year difference from that. A 21 year old with someone who is not yet legally allowed to drink. One is considered a full adult, the other is not. Now, personally, I don't see it as a huge ordeal, we like who like -- unless it's a gross age gap where the person is old enough to be the parent of the other -- but I can understand why OP has her concerns and where the guy's parents would have their concerns. Their son is a teenager dating someone in their 20s. All that said, I'm not big on pleasing parents, conforming to what other people outside of my relationship have to say, etc -- so if I was op, or her boyfriend, I wouldn't care. But I can see why some people would be concerned. Really?! When I was 17 I was dating a guy who was 23. I was very much still in high school (started dating end of my junior year) and he was in college. No one batted an eyelid. My bf spent lots of time at my house, he went on holiday with me and my family, my mom had no issues with me sleeping over at his house (he lived on his own)... it was just... normal! There was no issue of me being a teen and him being in his 20's. Kelly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You also need to be assertive and tel your boyfriend that you are feeling overwhelmed with all the meet the parents pressure. THAT is not good. It's making you crack!! Tell him that you need to take it easy on that!
MrCastle Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Really?! When I was 17 I was dating a guy who was 23. I was very much still in high school (started dating end of my junior year) and he was in college. No one batted an eyelid. My bf spent lots of time at my house, he went on holiday with me and my family, my mom had no issues with me sleeping over at his house (he lived on his own)... it was just... normal! There was no issue of me being a teen and him being in his 20's. Kelly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You also need to be assertive and tel your boyfriend that you are feeling overwhelmed with all the meet the parents pressure. THAT is not good. It's making you crack!! Tell him that you need to take it easy on that! 23 and 17 -- yeah, in my circle my friends and I would have a lot to say about that. If one of us ever did something like that, we would all look at him like "dude...what are you doing? She's a little girl." That's just where we're at though. We don't date teenagers. Once I hit 20, that was it for me and teenagers. Now at 26, I won't date anyone under 21. I can see why some people would see it as a big deal and others wouldn't. But like I said, that can't play a role in a relationship. All that outside noise has to be blocked out. If this guy's parents have an issue, that's their problem. They shouldn't play a role in OP's relationship.
ASG Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 23 and 17 -- yeah, in my circle my friends and I would have a lot to say about that. If one of us ever did something like that, we would all look at him like "dude...what are you doing? She's a little girl." That's just where we're at though. We don't date teenagers. Once I hit 20, that was it for me and teenagers. Now at 26, I won't date anyone under 21. I can see why some people would see it as a big deal and others wouldn't. But like I said, that can't play a role in a relationship. All that outside noise has to be blocked out. If this guy's parents have an issue, that's their problem. They shouldn't play a role in OP's relationship. I get it... but my reality when I was a teenager was *always* older guys. And it wasn't one or 2. I dated several guys in their twenties before I was even out of high school. (Seeing as how that BF lasted until I went to college, these happened before!). They weren't serious or anything, but it was my reality. And my girl friends'. My close friends all dated guys that were much older than us. And it kinda stuck... Most guys that I've had any kind of serious or even semi serious relationship with has been about 7 years older than me, often more. But I agree with you that it should play a part in the relationship. Age difference is immaterial if your goals and feelings are the same. Heck, you can be the same age and be in completely different places in life!
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