dakinehigh737 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 hey everyone...i need some help, me and my ex were going out for about 20 months. She spent the night at my house New Years and we were doing great she was all over me and happy and it was grand. THis stuff has been goin out for 2 months though, every 2 weeks or so shed just say..i jsut want to be friends, and i now i did wrong..but id beg back for her. And shed be fine for a while and be normal, then shed do it again. Well last night she made it clear, no more. now that i know, i dont know what to do. It seems like shes being so selfish. about 6 months ago she cheated on me and i stayed with her, i didnt love her i felt the same way she does now, but i stayed with her for HER, and now when i dont even do anything she breaks up with me and isnt even willing to try. WHen i call her to talk she yells and screams to leave her alone and that she doesnt want to talk about us anymore, it hurts so bad im so depressed i dont know what to do. I dont think itll be completely over, it cant be after 20 months. she just simply said, "i fell out of love with you" and i said, wil this be forever, and she said, no, i just want to be a teenager. Im so hurt i dont know what to do i just sit in my room and think and i hate it cus i cant stop crying, i need help i dont know what to do, i cant find any friends to go out with cus its winter break everyone is gone..someone please help!
iceisles Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I'm very sorry to hear that. As much as you'd like to find some magical words to change her mind right now, there won't be any. The best thing you can do is give her plenty of time and space. It seems like she still cares about you, but maybe after 20 months, she needs a break. It is not uncommon for younger individuals to start feeling constrained after being together so long. The fact that she said it won't be forever in regards to "falling in love" suggests confusion, IMO. I think your best bet here will be passive no contact - which means no e-mailing, calling, or IMing her for awhile. If she contacts you, be polite but let her guide the conversation. Give her time to sort out the whirlwind of thoughts in her head. Stay strong, and I promise you'll get through this.
Gab Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Oh my gosh this exact same thing happened to me with my boyfriend. We were together about 20 months too and he cheated on me but we stayed together too. He had broken up with me once before saying he just wanted to be friends and we had got back together but then he just randomly text me drunk one night sayng he just wanted to be friends. And everything had been fine before that (or so I thought). Then he was kind of nice to me for about a week but now we don't communicate really at all. He sent me a merry christmas text but thats bout it. I know it really hurts. And I was really depressed too. (plus he told me about 4 days after he dumped me that he was now dating his little sisters friend who he had cheated on me with the night he broke up with me). This totally made me crazy and depressed. And I thought that it would never get better, that I would always love him and think about him and never find someone else. But you know what? Now I don't think about him all the time and I don't love him anymore. Sometimes I don't even like him anymore. Sure every now and then I think about him and get sad and miss him but I KNOW that there is someone out there who is better than him and can treat me the way I am meant to be treated. The same is true for you. The way I started to get over him was by working on myself, exercising and hanging out with friends (even though I didn't want to) and by forcing myself to do other things that didn't remind me of him and things that we had done together. Avoid places you regularly went to with her and DO NOT listen to the radio. Songs can make you really really sad and depressed when you are vulnerable. Read a book. That's always good. Get mad at her. She didn't deserve you and she didn't treat you right. Try to think of the bad things about her. And remember that if someone is meant to be for you then they wouldn't pull this kind of stuff, as another posters signature doodah says "watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter about love but rather I realise that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how amazing it will be when I meet the right one" (or something to that effect) Look after yourself. You are the most important person in your life, getting through this time with your self respect and dignity in tact will only make you a better person in the future, and one which your ex girlfriend will kick herself for losing. There is someone better out there for you. Be strong.
backatone Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 It would be nice to know the ages of you two. Im betting 21-24. Please let me know.
backatone Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Sorry, I re-read and I guess you are teenagers. That is even worse. Bottom line.........this girl is about 4-8 years from even having the slightest idea what she wants from life. Have fun, your young. Another will be along soon.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 were both turning 17 in a month and 2 months...i know i need to stay strong, but i cant get myself to stop texting her, i asked her if we could jsut have a break for a months, not break-up fully, she said, ok whatever you want to call it, and i said, ok..but promise me no guys?, and she said this exactly "Daniel im sorry if you take this the wrong way but im not gonna make any promises. This is changing my mind and i dont want to do that. So i cant promise you anything, i need to go, ttyl, bye" and thats what she said i hate pain im such a pussycat to it..and im hurting so bad, i want her back so much i dunno what id do without her. We hung out everyday at school we did stuff after and on the weekends, its all racing through my mind and i dont know what to do...i..i love her so much :'(
Gottabestrong Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Dear Daniel I am very sorry for you. I know life is hard, especially when you are a teenager. The only advice I can give you is to not contact her but try to focus on your own life. Give her some space and let her see what life without you is like. Maybe she will discover in a few weeks/months that she wants to get back together. Please believe me that life will get better again. You are still so young, there will be much more love in your life for sure. All the best.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 i know..i know..everyone is telling me the same thing life will get better, but i dont think so..i dont think it will get better without her, i love her so much, we had everything in common. Plus i didnt say this before, but she was my first almsot 2 years ago, she was my first kiss, my first real girlfriend, my first best best friend, and 6 months ago she was my first partner in everything sexual. She was my first for everything, and we were together for so long, i dont know what to do anymore. Im flipping out, im even going to horoscope pages and checking stuff out, everything is telling me i will get through this tough day, but when i look at her horoscopes, it says, she must retrace her steps, shes doing something wrong and lifting the wrong thing off her shoulder for the New Years...odd thing is 8 different websites say exactly the similar thing. i dont know what to do anymore my chest is pounding i jsut dont want to be here anymore, thats how i feel..i want her back
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 thank you Gab,i didnt see your post earlier i jsut read it..it hurts right now iw ant to get over it so bad but its so hard. How long as it been for you, how long did it take for you to get somewhat over it to the point of how you are now? it hurts doesnt it...the problem im having is, i just want to be with her, i dont want to see her with other guys, and i dont know, its hard to stop thinking about all the stop we did all the good times we had, and ya trust me im not listening to the radio, songs made me sad all last night when i was driving home from getting food. I hate this i jsut wish i never did anything these past 20 months, i wish it didnt last that long so that i dont have to worry about it now, i want life to go on but its so hard it hurts so much and im just weeping. Im praying to God more than ever for mercy, i just want this pain to go away.
i understand Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 When i was younger i used to do the same thing by checkin out my exes horoscopes all it did was mess my mind up even more. Those things are so vague and can apply to anyones life. What you need to do is get back your confidence be YOU and the rest will follow. I'm not going to give you more cliches because by now you've heard it all. Pick yourself off the ground quit feeling sorry for yourself and TRY to move on. Sitting on a computer going on google and checkin out horoscope sights arent going to help. You've heard this before your YOUNG. Lifes short your going to have many more partners....trust me bro i've been through the exact same thing your going through....i made a fool of myself by begging pleading and trying to make her feel sorry for me. When in the end i just lost my dignity move forward and learn from this. Life is tuff. So is Love.
Gab Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Hi Daniel. My ex-boyfriend dumped me about 3 and a half months ago. For the first month I was a total mess, all begging him for attention and grovelling for his time. I was soooo depressed and would just sit for hours crying. I wrote some VERY embarrassing letters to him which I didn't get around to giving to him thankfully because they were so desperate and pathetic sounding. For some reason I thought that he would help me feel better if he just knew how much he was hurting me but then I realised that he couldn't ever make me feel better because he was the reason I was so upset. I was the only one who could make me feel better. It was strange because one day I just woke up having not dreamt about him for one night and it was such a relief and I realised that I was going to be okay. For a while I would go from being very strong in my belief that I was getting better to suddenly feeling totally down again, sometimes because I had seen something that reminded me of him and sometimes for no reason. It really really sucked. But I kept going and now I am good. About a week ago (round Christmas) I felt sad for a bit but I realised why I felt sad and accepted it. And I thought to myself "this is the last christmas that I am going to be sad thinking about him because next year he will not be on my mind" it made me feel better. One of the worst things is the feeling of emptiness and loss. It was like "what is the point of anything if he's not there to see it/hear it/feel it/ experience it". But you will realise that you are the point. You are someone without her. Sometimes you get so used to being part of a couple that you forget that you are perfectly okay on your own. And it's actually nice now, I can do whatever I want whenever I want, I don't have to check with him to make sure that we don't have plans before agreeing to do something with my friends or whatever. I know that I felt really shocked when he dumped me because I felt like if anyone was going to dump someone then it really should have been me dumping him (cos of him cheating earlier in the relationship and me forgiving him etc). Maybe you feel like that too? But you can't make someone stay with you if they don't want to. And I personally wouldn't want someone who wasn't with me 100%. I know it's really hard and there will be days when you just cry in the shower and nights when you can't help but dream about her and wake up the next morning to the emptiness of reality but it WILL GET BETTER. It really will. Trust me. I'm young too and I know that there is more out there for me. But until you realise this for yourself just keep going on each day. Make yourself get up in the morning and do the things you have to do. Force yourself to think that you are getting better and are getting over her. And one day you will wake up and it will be true. And that will be good. Let yourself be sad and feel the pain but just remember that it won't be forever, like everything, this too shall pass.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 i really really hope so, cus its been a day and i already cant handle it. i just want her so bad but i know i cant have her anymore..at least not for now. I hope everything will get better i really do, i just need to work on getting my mind off a few things. My school is much more important to me, because that is what is going to decide on the rest of my life, i need to get over this somehow so i can make that and my own family my priority again. its going to take time but i think i can do it..i really hope i can.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 oh god..i cant even sleep at night, shes always out and about and i warned her that if she doesnt behave well have no friendship either. I told her, and we both agreed that we will prolly get back together, just not right now, but if i see her with a guy, to be honest, i dont think i could take her back, and i let her know that. She never text me after that (think she went to bed) nor did she text me before work this morning, so i dunno whats going on, she "said" theres no other guys, i dont think there are either, but maybe sometime there will be and i dont want to handle that. Bad thing is, starting this new semester, shes going to be in my math class for the rest of the yer every other day. So i dunno what to do. whats even gayer is she has to do this after she gets her expensive gifts from christmas, even though it was talked about being done before christmas, she has to act like she wants me, that made me fell all good that she still loved me, then from one great day to another, thats it she left me. I dont know, whatever, im so depressed nothing even matters anymore
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 omg you guys...i cant do this..im so deeply terrified, i cant stay aay from the phone from either texting or calling. She says not now when i ask her to come back..i say, give me a number something..something, she says.."i dont know like a months, i just dont feel the same about you right now."...i never did anything wrong i dont understand what she wants out of this. plus..i have a huge factor, my best friends, (4 of them) for the past 2 nights have been going to her house and sitting in the jacuzzi or playing pool with her. I cant handle this right now its too soon, i cant see 4 other guys with her in her house together, i just cant do this, im on the verge of collapsing..i dont want to be here anymore!! :'( :'(
opaleye Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I know this hurts but hang on. You need to give yourself a break from the situation. It's obviously stressing you out majorly and not doing you any good. Try to mentally release yourself, even if just for a couple of minutes. Just let it ride and see what happens. I know that's hard but it seems to be hurting you so much to be struggling and fighting and being burnt. Stop fighting for a second and try to just relax. Impossible right now maybe but just try. And be strong. You are not the guy who loses himself because of a girl. You are you and you are strong. And if you don't believe it then just pretend it.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Posted January 6, 2005 i did it..im getting over it..i feel sooo happy..im looking for new people already and ive found a few im interested in . i dunno how..this morning i was all in tears and i thought about her again and i called her....stupid i know, to try to get her bavk but she said no she couldnt..and then...i said...ok.. what made me feel better was...i found out her ex was at her house after she told me she couldnt talk cus she was grounded. She needed "comfort" cus she was crying too. Oh ya...well **** her, shes a stupid b***h...people dont do that..i dont want something like thatt in my life..so i hopped on the net...got on AIM and myspace..found some girls that go to my school that i know..and we started to talk and get to know eachother even more. So hopefully something will pop up..but as of right now..im not going to go kill myself with stress for someone that could give a shi* about me...i dont need that..i need a caring person..but most importantly..this gives me the chance to go study..school is wayyy more important! THANKS TO EVERYONE..i saw the light haha
opaleye Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Yay! That's awesome! I'm so glad that you are feeling better. But if you do wake up tomorrow and feel bad again or something don't beat yourself up about it, you are getting over her, just be prepared for a couple of slip ups now and then- i'm just saying this so that you don't feel like you are regressing in a couple of days or weeks you feel bad again. You are getting better! (and it's great to see that you have study as a priority- lot's of people see finding someone else immediately as a priority but this is way better- going from relationship to relationship isn't healthy and it seems like you are going about it all the right way! Yay for you!)
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 well...you might want to re-think that haha, yes studying will and is always my priority. But..i found someone new! Shes amazing..her name is annette she has all the characteristics i love...but im not going to rush into this, just gonna take it stready and soon enough something will happen But i dont feel bad at all..my stomahch was hurting again today, but it was only the stress in my tummy from meeting her i was anxious haha. thanks everyone!
Been There Done That Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 PLEASE DUMP YOUR FRIENDS AND HER...YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND DESERVE BETTER - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. NOTE - REAL FRIENDS DON'T SCREW OVER FRIENDS. THAT APPLIES TO G/Fs AND B/Fs FIND NEW FRIENDS AND A NEW G/F - OVER TIME YOU WILL THANK YOURSELF FOR TAKING CARE OF YOU AND NOT YOUR FRIENDS. FIND A HOBBY, VOLUNTEER, BETTER YOURSELF BUT DON'T INVEST ANOTHER MOMENT OF TIME WITH SOMEONE WHO CHEATS, LIES OR HURTS YOU EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY. SIGNED, AN ELDER WHO HAS BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND FEELS FOR THE GOOD ONES WHO HAVE BEEN SCREWED WITH.
Author dakinehigh737 Posted January 8, 2005 Author Posted January 8, 2005 hey buddy, thanks for that advice....actually school is my priority. secondly, i do volunteer at the hospital near me..i work in the emergency room. and third...i found someone new..and i really like her...so i really hope it will work out. but thanks and everyone wish me good luck
magpie24 Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 Originally posted by Gab Hi Daniel. My ex-boyfriend dumped me about 3 and a half months ago. For the first month I was a total mess, all begging him for attention and grovelling for his time. I was soooo depressed and would just sit for hours crying. I wrote some VERY embarrassing letters to him which I didn't get around to giving to him thankfully because they were so desperate and pathetic sounding. For some reason I thought that he would help me feel better if he just knew how much he was hurting me but then I realised that he couldn't ever make me feel better because he was the reason I was so upset. I was the only one who could make me feel better. It was strange because one day I just woke up having not dreamt about him for one night and it was such a relief and I realised that I was going to be okay. For a while I would go from being very strong in my belief that I was getting better to suddenly feeling totally down again, sometimes because I had seen something that reminded me of him and sometimes for no reason. It really really sucked. But I kept going and now I am good. About a week ago (round Christmas) I felt sad for a bit but I realised why I felt sad and accepted it. And I thought to myself "this is the last christmas that I am going to be sad thinking about him because next year he will not be on my mind" it made me feel better. One of the worst things is the feeling of emptiness and loss. It was like "what is the point of anything if he's not there to see it/hear it/feel it/ experience it". But you will realise that you are the point. You are someone without her. Sometimes you get so used to being part of a couple that you forget that you are perfectly okay on your own. And it's actually nice now, I can do whatever I want whenever I want, I don't have to check with him to make sure that we don't have plans before agreeing to do something with my friends or whatever. I know that I felt really shocked when he dumped me because I felt like if anyone was going to dump someone then it really should have been me dumping him (cos of him cheating earlier in the relationship and me forgiving him etc). Maybe you feel like that too? But you can't make someone stay with you if they don't want to. And I personally wouldn't want someone who wasn't with me 100%. I know it's really hard and there will be days when you just cry in the shower and nights when you can't help but dream about her and wake up the next morning to the emptiness of reality but it WILL GET BETTER. It really will. Trust me. I'm young too and I know that there is more out there for me. But until you realise this for yourself just keep going on each day. Make yourself get up in the morning and do the things you have to do. Force yourself to think that you are getting better and are getting over her. And one day you will wake up and it will be true. And that will be good. Let yourself be sad and feel the pain but just remember that it won't be forever, like everything, this too shall pass. Thank You so much for writing that. I have posted a message on here too, nobody has said anything yet. I have printed you letter and put it on my wall so i can read it every day and get stronger. Thank YOU
denatalie Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Hey Daniel and everyone who feels or felt the same. In my situation my ex didn't even explain me anything. See, he is in Air force training since the beginning of June, we ve been emailing and caling each other, but around a month ago he just dissappeared and i coudn't call him (his phone was down). He didn't answer my email and since I'm abroad i didn't have the way to visit him. I didn't want to believe that at first couse we were going to get marry (he sweared to God about that so often) and thing is that the last thing i heard from him was "I love you". Why would one do that if he's going to break up?? Well he did and Daniel i feel exactly like you do - I want him back in my situation i can't even talk to him... i feel completely stupid and incredibly lonely... like there's nothing for me here anymore... I know that i will be better eventually, but I just don't know how to do things i must now - job, studying.... feels terrible and so unfair... Next time i won't be forgiving cheating like i did this time... wish strength to all of you guys ... Natalia
Recommended Posts