megatron24 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I'm 33 she's 27...we have had a lot if ups and downs in are relationship..The last couple months after having are son she has been distant. I'm very affectionate by nature she isn't as affectionate...she seems preoccupied by her school and career we barely talked. We got into a huge argument I left moved with my mom and she left and got her own place. We re connected a couple weeks later...and we both admitted to ours faults..but we still live separately she also said she no longer wants sex until she's married with I don't like but hey I planned on marrying her soon anyway. I've been going to church more and trying to be abetter man...when we get back together...but something with her just doesn't feel right...I asked to move in and she said we need more time apart..because she wants us to be right this time. I've been helping paying a lot of the bills at the house etc as well...is she just playing me until she finds someone else? Or is she sincerely putting her effort into this?
Author megatron24 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Yeah i dunno...we get real close to having sex then she stops saying it's not rite?? I guess but we have a child together and have had sex a million times...she always complained I don't want to marry her but I do...even bought her a engagement ring.
valerasoy Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 (edited) Now hold up. Just because she doesn't want to have sex until marriage doesn't mean she's sleeping with other men. It might sound bogos and old fashion, but there are many people who feel this way. The question is, is she using this as an excuse to not sleep with you? However, I think you should just respect her wishes, especially if you care about her like you say you do. How do I know this? Because I felt like this, and I know how its like to have someone not respect your wishes, or values. Ends up badly. Anyway, I'm going based off my experience; I think she's sincerely trying to change somethings in her life due to religion, or lifestyle . And why not? She's entitled to whatever life-style she chooses. It's her life; her way of being. I used to be really religious--based off what I heard of other people too--whenever I did something against my religion like drinking, smoking or sex, I would feel immense guilt. In order to reduce this feeling, I would distant myself from people who perpetuated that behavior. Why? Because I didn't know how to address it to the other people, or person. I did it out of fear because I figured the other person would not understand. Which is the case many, many times. Especially with sex... So this frustration is manifested in rather counteractive ways which results in arguing . I'm not saying this is situation at hand, but it sounds very similar to me. Also, you mentioned going to church so it must be for some reason. You'll never know unless you have an open discussion with her. No arguing, just two adults having a chat. Say that you've been noticing her being distant and cold. Tell her that you're intending to marry her, and want to make things work. Friendly, open, honest and straight to the point. But please don't assume she's sleeping with other men unless you have concrete proof. Edited December 15, 2013 by valerasoy 1
Author megatron24 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 I do respect her wishes...we had a talk about it a couple of days ago...she really didn't mention religious reasons though....she's actually been very moody cussing a lot and I've been calming her down... (not cussing at me btw) I've been the responseoing to church ironically alot...and honestly I don't feel like she cheating per Se...because she let's say didn't shave a bit upstairs and downstairs when we didn't see each other for a couple weeks. she said she wants more then just sex outta of a relationship..and that sex isn't a big deal to her...she just been fixing the house up...and concentrating on are son..she recently has been telling me she loves me and miss me lately. thanks 4 response btw
Poppyolive Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 "I'm 33 she's 27...we have had a lot if ups and downs in are relationship..The last couple months after having are son she has been distant. I'm very affectionate by nature she isn't as affectionate...she seems preoccupied by her school and career we barely talked" Have you discussed these feelings with her? If so what were her answers? What was the big argument about? and what faults did you both admit? She could be dealing with some post partum depression here that you or her may not be aware of. Do you see your son? You are not officially back together right? Have you asked her what she wants? What do you want? I sense she may be upset you haven't asked her to marry you, you now have a kid, and you've planned on marrying her...so why haven't you asked, whats holding you back? I am interested to know the answers to these questions but also for you to ask yourself these questions! I think if you are both honest, and you tell her you feel she's being distant, then ask her why, ask her what is going on? If theres something you can do?? then take those answers and work out a compromise. I am interested to know how it all goes. 1
Author megatron24 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 I see my son at least 4 times a week and keep him overnight sometimes as well...i spend the night over there as well. We're still not together technically but we're starting to head down that road. I love her to death I've told her this a million times and I'm showing it as well...I'm just starting to a little impatient with the process...she also got a home that's a but too expensive for just her...she said the plan is for us to live together in the future again. I'll just focus on buying her another ring in the meantime and be there for her.
BlametheIrish Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 If you enjoy srx Id suggest taljing ti a premarital counselor before getting marrued. One who stresses the importance of a healthy sex life in a happy marriage. I don't know why but I.feel like she wants a ring in het finger so she can give up sex.,Again just a hunch so take from it what you can. Lack of sexual intimacy can and has ended many marriages. 1
Author megatron24 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Hey quick update I just had a conversation with my ex or whatever we are but she seems very shady...she said today she doesn't know if I'm marriage material anymore...and would need more time...she was cussing on the phone saying she's tired..saying everything takes time...i dunno anymore. She was cool and laughing yesterday off a sudden today she's miss attitude..A verycocky attitude. Maybe she is talking to someone else and weighing her options..If that's the case I won't be around when she decides. A little background...A couple days ago I asked her to send me some pics....she sent me one pic where she had no panties on a tshirt and she was kneeling down...that would be cool but that pic was taken in July sometime by her hairdo in the pic. She also looks at Porn occasionally still...lesbian porn...i just dont know whats going on with her..maybe im a damn fool..but shes horrible at communication Edited December 15, 2013 by megatron24
Author megatron24 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 My ex asked me to come over today for my birthday...she made me some food and bought me a cake...we went together to are son doctor appointment...we had some good convo...she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me because I hurt with lies in the past...and she feels like she can be in love with me again but I have to prove myself...she said she would like to live together again...As well. I admit I lied about some big **** to her...but I never cheated like she accused me of...i noticed some things about her tho...she was definitely babying her phone...and she kinda shifted on her idea of not having sex already...saying she gets turned on by me kissing her...but she thinks she has a hormonal imbalance... (I guess) because she thinks her drive should be higher. My gut is telling me she's talking with another guy it hasn't gone far...but she going to keep me on standby...In case I doesn't work out...I have to keep in touch because of are son...but imma start being more unavailable but treat her nice when I see her...Other then imma focus on my son and improving myself...
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Just talk to her about your son. That's it. Stop talking about the damn relationship. 1
Author megatron24 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Last update...Last night she invited me over... I came over she was still on that celibacy talk cool. We cuddle go to sleep. I got back to my mom crib the next morning..she calls me and we talk for a min...she starts having a attitude again...because her convo is self center as usual...All about her..she starts blaming me for all kinds of things in the relationship. Then the moment final hit me...i don't want her anymore...i don't care about nc or anything..I'm done. This woman is disrespectful and acts like she hasn't done anything wrong in are relationship. She never takes any accountability...for her actions. I just told her whenever I gotta go...she texted me all kinds oof nasty stuff how I'm sorry not a man..blah blah blah..thanks for this forum advice but I gotta feeling this will be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Author megatron24 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 You definitely have the wrong impression.. I'm very open and honest and communicate how I feel...All the time...but you just come to realization that the only person working to improve the relationship is you...and you get fatigue..i listen to her problems..All the time....i have given 100 percent. I show her nothing but respect...early on in are relationship we had called each other names...we both agreed to stop...she hasnt...she actually got worst. I usually just walk away or go somewhere else when she talks that way. She is the type of person that hold grudges for years...but she doesn't understand that she hurts others too...we're human we all make mistakes..she curses out the women at the daycare..her sister... me..everybody. Im Just Mentally fried...And Tired Of Dealing With The crap..Even Though I Love Her dearly..
Simon Phoenix Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I'll repeat myself again -- stop talking to her about the damn relationship, or anything that doesn't have to do with your child. Keep it professional. 1
Author megatron24 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 She has texted me all day...and called me a couple times. Saying stuff like make sure your next gf treats my son good or its going to be a problem lol..and i know u got my text messages etc....she text I have question about are son...she calls..i finally answer after the fourth phone call..i say yea what up...she said didn't u get my previous text..i asked her what does she want...she said u don't want argue today?..i said for what...then she says **** u and hangs up...i think she is truly crazy.
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