I am trying to be strong!

[Peter55]

I was with my ex for 10 months and we had our ups and downs but nothing major. We ended things because see said school was to demanding. I know that wasn't the real reason but I took it as is and I've been trying to move on. It wasn't a bad break up but I took it really hard. We are both in med school. We broke up almost 2 months ago. I thought I would be over it by now. In fact I feel like I have all of a sudden gone backwards. I am definitely doing NC even though we go to the same school. I've only seen her once.

 

I've gone through the shock phase, then sad, then angry phase. I'm not angry anymore though, I'm sick of only thinking of negative things about her. Im just sad. I'm sick of having the urge to cry. I miss her but I'm not sure what I miss though. I know she took me for granted. I know she was shady at times. I know I could do better.... In all categories. But for some reason I'm struggling to let go. I think about her when I wake up. I think about her when I go to bed. I think about her all day. I can't sleep. It's really pathetic. And with the holidays right now this is really hard for me. I wish I was stronger.

 

I think I've done everything right so far. I'm doing bootcamps 3 to 4 times a week. I run more. I'm playing soccer and tennis again. I'm calling all of my friends and reconnecting with them. Going out more. I'm taking care of my hygiene. These activities have helped me get my mind off of her but when I have down time or I need to study all I think about is her. I don't know how to turn my mind off. Do I need to see a therapist? I feel like this is consuming my life. I keep reliving moments over and over again. Maybe it's because I don't know the real reason for the break up. I also know that I don't need a reason. I know I need to man up and be stronger but sometimes I don't know how.

 

Should I not be studying at school? I'm sick of people bringing her up. I'm sick of people asking about her that don't know that we broke up.

 

I need help!