How do/did you think [an affair] would end?

[MissBee]

I was reading in another thread, and have also seen before, OW saying they didn't think the A would end "this way", the this way usually meaning something painful, whether he opted out, dday occurred and he threw them under the bus or some other thing that wasn't mutual or amicable.

 

I'm curious, current OW/former OW (and MM/MW too) how do/did you envision it ending?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I knew in my heart it would be a disaster. I had wanted to stop it all three weeks prior and I wrote him a letter saying as much. He wrote me another letter (there were lots of them) convincing me why it all could work, we couldn't walk away from each other, etc., etc. He said that if and when it all blew up he would stand beside me and we would face it together. At the time I was so messed up I believed him but oddly enough I told him I would continue knowing that if if blew, I would be standing by myself.

 

That is exactly what happened - thrown under the bus, facing public humiliation on my own (because he ran), a big fat mess.

 

It was a FAR bigger mess than I ever imagined.

[Under The Radar]

Well, not sure if your looking for prior OM's to post in this thread, but I was naïve enough to think it WOULDN'T end. Over the years there were times that I thought it was over, but then she would always come back when I least expected it. So, when it finally ended for good, I thought she'd knock on my door again someday, but ...... she never did (at least for 6 months).

 

I think the hardest part (and I never anticipated this from her) was the coldness and cruelty she treated me with the last time we spoke. Funny enough, she came looking for me 6 months later, but I was already in another relationship. When she did reach out to me again, her disposition had returned to the sweetness and loving personality I had known. It was weird the extreme change from cold to hot again.

 

When I told her I was moving on she offered to leave her husband and children for me (which I'd never wanted); I told her to be thankful they never found out and that I wished her well ....... to please move on with her life to. Regretfully, she would not stop contacting me and my only choice was to threaten exposure of the affair to her family if she didn't leave me alone. I NEVER would have done that, but I needed her to believe I would so she'd stop pursuing me. I never heard from her again after that.

 

There was never a "D-Day", but the stress of living a double life had consumed and deteriorated her over the years. There was definitely pain in staying and pain in leaving. Nevertheless, the loyalty towards her outweighed my own happiness at the time. I also didn't want to feel the heartache and withdrawal from detaching. Because she was so much older than me, and we had a strong connection, I felt safe that it would never end. I was wrong about that and thankfully so.

[Cinnimon]

Well, not sure if your looking for prior OM's to post in this thread, but I was naïve enough to think it WOULDN'T end. Over the years there were times that I thought it was over, but then she would always come back when I least expected it. So, when it finally ended for good, I thought she'd knock on my door again someday, but ...... she never did (at least for 6 months).

 

I think the hardest part (and I never anticipated this from her) was the coldness and cruelty she treated me with the last time we spoke. Funny enough, she came looking for me 6 months later, but I was already in another relationship. When she did reach out to me again, her disposition had returned to the sweetness and loving personality I had known. It was weird the extreme change from cold to hot again.

 

When I told her I was moving on she offered to leave her husband and children for me (which I'd never wanted); I told her to be thankful they never found out and that I wished her well ....... to please move on with her life to. Regretfully, she would not stop contacting me and my only choice was to threaten exposure of the affair to her family if she didn't leave me alone. I NEVER would have done that, but I needed her to believe I would so she'd stop pursuing me. I never heard from her again after that.

 

There was never a "D-Day", but the stress of living a double life had consumed and deteriorated her over the years. There was definitely pain in staying and pain in leaving. Nevertheless, the loyalty towards her outweighed my own happiness at the time. I also didn't want to feel the heartache and withdrawal from detaching. Because she was so much older than me, and we had a strong connection, I felt safe that it would never end. I was wrong about that and thankfully so.

 

Undertheradar, may I ask how did it end? Did you end, did she end?

[Cinnimon]

I guess to be honest I always had this in the back of my mind that it wouldn't end well for me. I don't know why because he never for 3 1/2 years made it seem as if I had anything to worry about.I think for me, I felt this in the back of my mind because besides me being able to walk away, he always had all the power in a sense. I don't think OW/OM think to much of it ending as they are convinced that all the MM/MW are saying is true and in time it will be exactly as promised. Rarely the case as I have learned from LS.

[Under The Radar]

Undertheradar, may I ask how did it end? Did you end, did she end?

 

 

Well, initially she walked away from me. I was absolutely heartbroken, but at the same time I was relieved. I had been the OM for 8 years (we were friends for 10) and she was 23 years older than me. So, although I was sad, I felt like maybe I had a chance to start over with someone my age (who obviously wasn't married).

 

I never thought I'd get out of that relationship. Like I said, my loyalty towards her outweighed my own happiness. I really loved her and felt like I'd be condemning her to a failed marriage and a life of loneliness if I abandoned her ...... so, I never did.

 

As mentioned, she returned 6 months later apologetic and seeking a reconciliation. By then, I'd healed enough to dismiss the idea and move on. Had she approached me a few months earlier I have no doubt I'd have gone back.

 

I'm thankful it took her as long as it did to reach back out to me. That 6 months gave me much needed time to withdraw and process enough of what happened to continue on without her. So, to finally answer your question, I ultimately ended it.

[SunsetRed]

I knew it would end bad. Id seen enough of my friends who were OW get thrown under the bus and lose out to know what would happen to me.

Still, I tried to venture out w some hope for a different outcome, but I didn't put my whole heart and soul into it. actually, Im not able to put my heart and soul into any man anymore. Ive been hurt too much.

 

It ended bad, got thrown under the bus and disposed of. He still comes around every now and then, promising to leave etc. Most recently he came around and asked me to marry him, but that's only because I was/am with a new man now. He still lives w the wife and has never set foot in a lawyers office, how could he marry me?

 

He's leaving me alone now and things w the new bf are ok. He's not perfect, but everytime I feel that way, I just remember all the times MM acted ashamed to be w me in public and then I realize im in a good place.

[ElectricTangerine]

I thought we were going to stay together and that it wouldn't end. I truly believed I found the love of my life, but we'd have to face a few obstacles before we could truly be together. When we met he told me he was separated. I found out a year and a half later that for the first 6 months of our relationship, he was actually still living with his wife. So I had no clue I was participating in an affair. He also told me that he filed for divorce already... When in fact he never even consulted a lawyer. We were together for a year and a half before the lies came out. That was pretty much the end of our relationship. Just a few days after the lies came out, he actually did file for divorce and made more progress in 2 weeks than in a year. But the progress no longer meant anything to me.

[crederer]

Riding off into the sunset on a white unicorn while the wind was blowing through my hair (I also had a six pack, 24 inch biceps and a sack full of cash in this fantasy).

[Under The Radar]

Riding off into the sunset on a white unicorn while the wind was blowing through my hair (I also had a six pack, 24 inch biceps and a sack full of cash in this fantasy).

 

 

It would have been cooler if the unicorn had wings and you were FLYING off into the sunset ...... just saying .

[RickFox]

I thought we'd smoothly transition into a nice full blown relationship, and then stupidly, even after dday, I thought we'd still see each other and then reality hit with her saying don't ever contact me again and so on.

 

Fast forward to my last contact with her and i have no idea what I was expecting but I just realized she said leave me alone and this last bout of contact she said "I thought you were done with me." Well no Shhhht, realizing it now, should have been.

 

Bottom line, thought it would end with sunshine, and rainbows, and bubble gum kisses. Turns out it was sour grapes, bitter melon, and a mouthfull of dirt and more pain than I'd ever care to experience again.

[Popsicle]

I was reading in another thread, and have also seen before, OW saying they didn't think the A would end "this way", the this way usually meaning something painful, whether he opted out, dday occurred and he threw them under the bus or some other thing that wasn't mutual or amicable.

 

I'm curious, current OW/former OW (and MM/MW too) how do/did you envision it ending?

 

I envisioned us falling deeply in love (well, me falling in love for sure) and me hoping he would leave his wife and him leading me on and monopolizing on my feelings, only for his wife to suddenly find out and he throws me under the bus immediately.

 

Or

 

His wife never finds out and he just ends it with me one day because he's bored/tired of living lying to his family and friends.

 

Either way, I knew it would be heartbreaking for me, so I've ended it myself before we got to that point.

[bentleychic]

Realistically, I think I will end up ending because I cannot take it any more and I walk away.

 

I wish it would end the way that he says it will, but really don't think I'm willing to wait as long as it will take for that to happen.

[Nothisgirl]

Realistically, I think I will end up ending because I cannot take it any more and I walk away.

 

I wish it would end the way that he says it will, but really don't think I'm willing to wait as long as it will take for that to happen.

 

Can I just say + 10000 to this

Because that's exactly how I feel

[MissBee]

In my own case, I felt it was a dead end and would end sooner or later.

 

I told him he couldn't have two gfs forever and I knew he wouldn't choose me because I didn't make sense in his life.

 

I would go through all the rational reasons and tried to break it off several times, but would stick around anyway. I never imagined there would be a dday, and there wasn't, although I would sometimes wonder about it...but it wasn't a top concern. I didn't know exactly how it would end but I knew it would and when it did although it hurt it was more or less expected that that day would come. In our case though after rounds of back and forth and slow pulling away, there was NC and it ended without much fanfare or drama.

[MissBee]

Well, not sure if your looking for prior OM's to post in this thread, but I was naïve enough to think it WOULDN'T end. Over the years there were times that I thought it was over, but then she would always come back when I least expected it. So, when it finally ended for good, I thought she'd knock on my door again someday, but ...... she never did (at least for 6 months).

 

I think the hardest part (and I never anticipated this from her) was the coldness and cruelty she treated me with the last time we spoke. Funny enough, she came looking for me 6 months later, but I was already in another relationship. When she did reach out to me again, her disposition had returned to the sweetness and loving personality I had known. It was weird the extreme change from cold to hot again.

 

When I told her I was moving on she offered to leave her husband and children for me (which I'd never wanted); I told her to be thankful they never found out and that I wished her well ....... to please move on with her life to. Regretfully, she would not stop contacting me and my only choice was to threaten exposure of the affair to her family if she didn't leave me alone. I NEVER would have done that, but I needed her to believe I would so she'd stop pursuing me. I never heard from her again after that.

 

There was never a "D-Day", but the stress of living a double life had consumed and deteriorated her over the years. There was definitely pain in staying and pain in leaving. Nevertheless, the loyalty towards her outweighed my own happiness at the time. I also didn't want to feel the heartache and withdrawal from detaching. Because she was so much older than me, and we had a strong connection, I felt safe that it would never end. I was wrong about that and thankfully so.

 

 

Yea I thought I had said OM too.

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

When you said never end, you would have been content being her OM forever?

[AutumnMoon]

I picture it ending gradually, just slowing down into friendship without the sex. We are only physical once, maybe twice a month now.. and have had longer spaces inbetween, a couple times, because we do want to keep it controlled. I hope we are together for years. He talks about 20 years in the future. But I know that may not happen.

[Charlie Harper]

The most amazing relationship ended with a straight gaze of her into my eyes, and telling me she was crazy about me, then she had teary eyes , and told me that she hoped we would get together down the road. She had to give 100% to her family and with me in the picture it would never happen. I think of you as I wake up and you are the last thing in my head when I go to sleep, this will not end well, so I ask you to stop seeing me.

 

I loved her so much that I did, just like that, its been 10 months of no contact, the bardes part is that we were best friends... I never knew I could endure the pain and I still hurting but fine....

[Under The Radar]

Yea I thought I had said OM too.

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

When you said never end, you would have been content being her OM forever?

 

 

The answer to that question is no, I wouldn't have been content being her OM forever. Nevertheless, I thought my entire life would eventually play out in that role as the OM.

 

My love, loyalty, and empathy for her was too strong; I didn't want to hurt her by leaving after she had been so good to me. Only when she left me for that 6 month period did I have the clarity and courage to move forward in my life without her.

[Daisy2013]

The most amazing relationship ended with a straight gaze of her into my eyes, and telling me she was crazy about me, then she had teary eyes , and told me that she hoped we would get together down the road. She had to give 100% to her family and with me in the picture it would never happen. I think of you as I wake up and you are the last thing in my head when I go to sleep, this will not end well, so I ask you to stop seeing me.

 

I loved her so much that I did, just like that, its been 10 months of no contact, the bardes part is that we were best friends... I never knew I could endure the pain and I still hurting but fine....

 

This brought tears to my eyes. I know what it's like to love someone you can't have and have to let them go. I'm glad you are "fine" and hope you are truly happy one day.

[cocorico]

 

I'm curious, current OW/former OW (and MM/MW too) how do/did you envision it ending?

 

I envisioned myself getting bored and ending it. That's was how things always panned out.

 

Instead, we fell in lev, he left the BW, and we got M. With no end in sight, it just gets better and better.

 

You really cannot predict these things, it seems.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Charlie I think that you must have truly loved her because you wanted what was best for her (or what she thought was best). To let her go, although painful, was love. My xmom had a moment like that at the end only he was the one saying it to me. Sometimes I wonder if it was real and I get very angry for the shyyte I had to endure after the true no contact began, but in reality he had to do it for himself and really for me.

[Tlove]

I originally began seeing him with the intent to get over a long-term relationship of 20 years I had with my child's father. He was successful in helping me get over my ex. Unfortunately what was supposed to be a short-term fix for me became a 3 yr relationship. I knew in the back of my mind it would never last and it was wrong in so many ways. Well, I found out he had been seeing me and at least 2 other women besides his wife. I can't say I was shocked, but it still surprisingly really bothered me. I had grown to have feelings for him over the past 3 years. Anyway, long story short he had to end it with all of us. He's not sure what his wife is going to do about their marriage after she found out. I'm just going to walk away and use this as a learning experience. The other 2 women seem to be taking it a bit harder than I am. I figured it out like this, what goes around comes around.