ktsweets Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Hi there, I've been an occasional reader of this forum, but now I have a problem that I really need some help with. Some background: Me & my boyfriend have been together for almost 1 year. We are long distance (which is how it started), but still see each other every weekend and talk many times a day. He has been nothing but wonderful, understanding, and kind to me. We lived together this last summer, and have plans to move in together permanently next fall. However, I always find the past coming back to haunt me. I had fooled around with a few of his friends a few years ago, before I even knew him, but that still always bothered him. Some of them still live in his house (he lives in a frat). So, I've had to deal with those insecurities. Plus, when we 1st started dating, and hadn't made anything official, I went on spring break and kissed another guy. The next week, we officially became a couple & I didn't feel the need to tell him I had kissed someone else before that. However, he found out later on and felt very betrayed. I also felt horrible like I dissapointed him. None of this stuff is an issue really anymore.... however what just happened with us makes me think he might break up with me. About 3 years ago, when I had just turned 21 and was single & partying all the time, me and a friend of mine were invited to be a part of Girls Gone Wild. We did a little making out, rubbing over the clothes sort of thing, she grabbed my breasts.... but that was it. Once they said they wanted us to take our tops of we said no. They got mad and said they wouldn't use the footage then, and we said good we don't want you to! We took our free tank tops and left. My boyfriend saw the tank top right when we started dating, and I explained to him that I kissed my friend, but they didn't use the footage, so he didn't care. Then last night, when he got back to his fraternity, he saw a bunch of his buddies were watching Girls Gone Wild. And who were they watching but me & my friend going at it for everyone to see!!! He called me right away and was very upset. He wanted to know how he could trust me after seeing something like this. But, he also said he forgives me and it won't change things. However, I think he was lying. He's been ignoring my phone calls today, and I just have this horrible feeling that he doesn't think of me the same way he used to, that his image of me is tainted now. He always told me that he wanted to marry me, but who wants to marry someone who is on Girls Gone Wild?!! His friends also have pretty much told everyone on the campus about it, it is such a small campus that everyone knows everyone elses business. I don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated and ashamed.... I know he really loves me and wants to get past this, but I don't know how to help him do this? I feel like my actions from the past, before we were even a couple, are ruining this relationship What do I do about it? I'm not going to give up on him, that's all I know right now....
zilverenvlinder Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 what? this makes absolutely no sense. Your bf KNEW that you and your girlfriend were taped for GGW, so the chances that you would be on it at some point were very high. Also, you weren't even dating him at the time! Sounds like he has something up his ass. Your story irritates me because guys can be so unbelievably stupid. I'm sorry this had to happen to you kt. If he can't deal with something you did THREE fricken years ago then he's completely immature. Tell him you're sorry that they used your footage but there is nothing you can do about it anymore. Tell him it won't happen again and then ask him why he's watching Girls Gone Wild in the first place.
tiki Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by ktsweets who wants to marry someone who is on Girls Gone Wild?!! Well, you probably should've thought in terms of long-term effects that this could have on you. But you didn't. And it doesn't sound like he's going to be taking your calls anytime soon. Wow. This is crazy. You poor thing. From here on out, continue to be honest with people on what happened. Some may think it's an awesome experience that you were able to do something like that, others, not. It'll be a wash. But in your case, fnd someone that can stomach it. Good luck.
Scott S Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by ktsweets ... About 3 years ago, when I had just turned 21 and was single & partying all the time, me and a friend of mine were invited to be a part of Girls Gone Wild. We did a little making out, rubbing over the clothes sort of thing, she grabbed my breasts.... but that was it. Once they said they wanted us to take our tops of we said no. They got mad and said they wouldn't use the footage then, and we said good we don't want you to! We took our free tank tops and left. I think that anyone who claims that they never did anything when they were younger that they now regret is a liar. The things I would do differently if I were 21 again, but still having my 44 year old brain. Sigh! I believe that was very underhanded on the part of the GGW producers, telling you they would not use your clip, then doing so anyway, but that's a separate issue. Unfortunately, your bf has to process all this by himself. He may or may not wish to continue in your relationship, a decision he will make on his own. If he cannot accept this, then you are better off knowing now rather than having this continue to be a source of tension & conflict. You cannot change the past, obviously. All you can do is be honest about it, & show that you have matured & gotten past all that. ___________________________________________ If you place a mime under arrest, do you still have to inform him of his right to remain silent?
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 it happened before you were together. he just didn't like seeing it, and he didn't like all his friends seeing it, especially since some of them hooked up with you. maybe he doesn't like your checkered past, or maybe he's just weirded out by this particular situation. some people might feel this way. his frat brothers were watching girls gone wild and he walked in on it...i'd be willing to bet that if he knew nothing of this incident with you and if he was home when they were starting the tape, he gladly would have watched it himself and probably thoroughly enjoyed it. sometimes guys forget that real girls are needed to make these tapes for horny guys to watch, and sometimes it means a girl they know. they aren't robots complete with female genitalia designed to "get wild" on camera. funny how when you watch girls gone wild tapes, guys are all "that's so hot, where are these girls at and how can i find one for myself" but when it really comes down to it, they pull this "holier than thou" act and make you feel like a whore. either way, i wouldn't keep apologizing to him and acting like you did something wrong. this is your business, and he needs to get over it.
Author ktsweets Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 Thanks for the replies! You guys were right on! Luckily though, my b/f realized the same thing & called to apologize. He said he realized that even though I have done some *wild* things in the past, everything I've gone through has made me who i am today & he loves me for who I am (yeah I know it's sappy but I needed to hear it). He said he is also going to have a little *talk* w/ his friends about how they went around displaying the tape, and to make sure they don't act disrespectful to me when I'm down there this weekend - Darn straight! I guess my guy is more understanding than I expected him to be..... nice surprise...
zilverenvlinder Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by ktsweets Thanks for the replies! You guys were right on! Luckily though, my b/f realized the same thing & called to apologize. He said he realized that even though I have done some *wild* things in the past, everything I've gone through has made me who i am today & he loves me for who I am (yeah I know it's sappy but I needed to hear it). He said he is also going to have a little *talk* w/ his friends about how they went around displaying the tape, and to make sure they don't act disrespectful to me when I'm down there this weekend - Darn straight! I guess my guy is more understanding than I expected him to be..... nice surprise... awww that's good! i'm glad everything worked out for you!
XNemesisX Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 That is really great and I am glad to hear that! When I was reading your story I was thinking this guy sounds a lot like my ex. He was OBSESSED with things I had done before I had even met him. I had never done anything with any of his friends before we got together or anything like that, but I did not have an angelic background by any means. He would bring it up all the time and ask all these questions...he even told me that he would make himself literally sick to think about my past. Yet, his past is about 10x worse than mine. He's had threesomes, sex with people he didn't know their name...you name it he's done it. Even still, the fact that I have had a few boyfriends before him maddened him. I'm glad you have such an understanding boyfriend! It may bother him from time to time, but you just have to reassure him that that was then and this is now...and make sure you tell him no one else has compared to him! Guys need to hear that.
Scott S Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by YX32Nemesis When I was reading your story I was thinking this guy sounds a lot like my ex. He was OBSESSED with things I had done before I had even met him. I had never done anything with any of his friends before we got together or anything like that, but I did not have an angelic background by any means. He would bring it up all the time and ask all these questions...he even told me that he would make himself literally sick to think about my past. [sNIP] Even still, the fact that I have had a few boyfriends before him maddened him. I still find it puzzling that people think their SO should have been kept in an incubator or plastic bubble until the time came for their relationship. Like it or not, we all had lives before our current relationships, & the experiences, good or bad, have shaped who we are now.
Cecelius Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 I think you should give him some props for how he's looking at this. Whether people's past conduct should get them judged or not, most people would agree that there is a huge difference between knowing your girl put out some footage and actually seeing it. Ditto for it turning out that a number of his pals were former hook ups of yours. To me, the past is the past, and ideally it doesn't mean anything at all really, but it can be hard to take that view if the past is thrown into your present, especially in a very public way. I'd also point out that there is a huge difference between insecurities and personal preferences, and it sounds as if his thoughts were pretty tame. To the extent that he's just kind of set back by what he knows but isn't being obnoxious about it, it is kind of his prerogative to think what he thinks. If you think he's too reserved about it or that he doesn't think highly of you, dump him.
Recommended Posts