BLS Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 2.5 year relationship. 8 month BU, 4 NC. It's been at least 4 months since I felt the way I do tonight. Last night I thought about texting her and asking, specifically, why she broke up with me. This is a question I realized I legitimately don't think that I had asked her before. 4 Months ago I had begged her to get back together (texting and flowers). In retrospect, it was sad and pathetic. I never even got a personal response other than passive aggressive messages over her Facebook which I had been "stalking". However, it also functioned as true closure for me. I loved her, and doing those things was the only way I could know for sure she did not want me back. I still love her today, but I am at a weird point where I don't think I would be comfortable getting back with her in general. Its not something I could imagine, things would be too different. I realize, however, she has been on my mind a lot. Thinking logically, I know this is because things didn't work out with another girl I liked (and handled with grace). I wonder this now; will I ever truly be happy until I am in a new, long term relationship? That's besides the point. It's 430am now, and the extreme temptation to cyber-stalk hit me. I was on the verge of doing it. I was standing still, staring at the URL bar and realizing I am capable of reading all of her personal thoughts by typing just a few characters on my keyboard. I felt my heart rate escalate dramatically. I didn't do it. Instead, I posted here. This is my first "coping" post in months. The advice I anticipate from this post, of caring and supportive advise, will put me at ease. 5
penultimatethrow Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Not a lot to add except good job! I know the feeling of desire to stalk can be so powerful, to see what she's been thinking or saying or who she's been talking to. But nothing good comes of it. Nothing good! So well done for staying strong, keep it up. It sounds like you've moved on a lot since the last time you felt like this, and remember the day will come when you no longer feel this way at all. Look at the other breakthrough messages in this forum for more inspiration well done!
freebird31 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar situation. 8 months since the BU, 3 months NC. I was doing fine these last 3 months and suddenly this past week, the emotions returned. You just have to accept that it's going to be an ongoing battle. We all heal at different paces. You'll have your good days and your bad. Looking them up on social media is, in a way of breaking NC. Bc obviously your indirectly having a contact. Even just looking their name up, can set you back again. Just maintain self control. To keep me from stalking my ex, I blocked him from FB and deleted my Instagram.. It's ridiculous the measures we have to go to but hey someone once told me it's all about survival. If you have to be without social media for a few months then who cares, it's worth it. I'm even avoiding the places he might visit. Anything that could ruin my healing process. You got so far!! 4 months NC. That's an accomplishment. Don't throw all that progress away just for curiosity. If you keep looking her name up, you're just prolonging the healing. So how fast do you want to be over this, how quickly do you want to heal? The choice is truly yours.
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