Texting

[Leigh 87]

This is a train moving too fast an about to derail.

 

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but this is textbook clingy psychogirlfriend behavior.

 

 

It seems in the span of a week or two you have already lost yourself.

 

 

 

How am I psycho girlfriend? I let him initiate texts. I don't text him 1000 times a day. I love the fact he has friends and a full life outside of me. I don't demand too much of his time.

 

My friend, I am very socially adept at this stage of life; I have learnt how to act around guys, while still being myself.

 

I honestly don't act I ways to this man that are psycho.

 

 

He really seemed to like me e from day one. I happened to think we both could potentially have something special, too.

 

 

As much as I THINK we both seem to be into each other, I do realise that he could turn out to be a dud. A loser. A psychopath. A sociopath.

 

I will be fine if he turns out to be bad or simply lose his interest in me!

 

I have a full life outside of my relationships these days. I am fairly confident I'll only cry for a day over any guy, before more or less getting over it.

 

 

 

He won't be finding me psycho. ...

 

 

 

He knows I love to write about dating. He sees no issues with it.

[CarrieT]

How am I psycho girlfriend?

Starting a thread where YOU are the first three posts analyzing - and overanalyzing - TEXTING patterns of a guy you have barely known three weeks is NOT healthy and demonstrates psycho-girlfriend behavior.

 

Does your therapist know about this?

 

The mere fact that you don't recognize how unhealthy this behavior is speaks volumes.

[Keenly]

I can already tell you are not going to listen to any of us. But I'll try anyway.

 

Just because you don't text him does not give you this barrier that keeps your inward behavior from being unhealthy.

 

 

Come on... its been less than a month and you are obsessed. That's not healthy.

[Leigh 87]

If you truly feel that what you are doing to yourself is healthy and sane, then who are we to stop you. But from a neutral third party observer, you are acting crazy.

 

 

 

How?

 

I simply believe in seeing people who are really into you and NOT bothering with people who are not merely lukewarm about you.

 

There are plenty of die hard romantics out there. We believe in love like in the movies... we prefer to meet people who strike us from the first meeting opposed to dating those we are not all that excited about

 

He is the one who invited me to his 30th after merely ONE date. To meet all his friends and family.

 

He is a super friendly, seemingly normal guy... he has a lot of friends and seems ro be devoid of mental problems. He's super positive and drama free!

 

I haven't done anything psycho.... I text him at a fairly normal frequency

[Keenly]

How could you possibly know ANYTHING about this man in less than 30 days ....

[Leigh 87]

I can already tell you are not going to listen to any of us. But I'll try anyway.

 

Just because you don't text him does not give you this barrier that keeps your inward behavior from being unhealthy.

 

 

Come on... its been less than a month and you are obsessed. That's not healthy.

 

I don't feel obsessed. That's simply not how I feel. I have put more thought into my friends and other crap.

 

I know how I feel. I know more than you would.

 

I simply want a guy I am dating to be really into me. Or I am not motivated to date him .

 

I was trying to ascertain whether or not he was demonstration behavior that is indicative of him showing a low interest.

 

I soon realized he was acting just fine.

 

Not really a big deal?

 

 

 

I think I am a nice and normal girl to date. Fun loving and caring, whilst also giving him plenty of space.

 

 

 

 

I

[Leigh 87]

How could you possibly know ANYTHING about this man in less than 30 days ....

 

 

 

 

Sigh.

 

I don't! !!!!!

 

He could be a total weirdo for all I know:lmao:

 

But I am really into him this far and I am enjoying taking this risk in getting to know him.

 

I am prepared to deal with any undesirable consequences. I have swiftly gotten over the past few guys within days.

 

I have known people to fall hard for their partners and also last long term.

 

Not everyone needs to pick boring and sensible options where they are not all that excited about dating their partner initially.

[Leigh 87]

Starting a thread where YOU are the first three posts analyzing - and overanalyzing - TEXTING patterns of a guy you have barely known three weeks is NOT healthy and demonstrates psycho-girlfriend behavior.

 

Does your therapist know about this?

 

The mere fact that you don't recognize how unhealthy this behavior is speaks volumes.

 

She knows I like to write a lot about dating.

 

She can see my tone and general outlook on dating; she feels people online don't read me correctly.

 

She thinks it's normal for people still in the other 20s to want to better understand sociological phenomenon, such as the potential correlations between behaviors such as texting and, for instance, the usage of social media within dating and the level of interest expressed between partners.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Mascara]

I do kind of get this - I'm one of those women for whom "treat em mean, keep em keen" just doesn't work. I like men who are obvious in their affections. I lose interest if someone is emotionally distant, or who is clearly trying to play hard to get.

 

But what I've discovered is that there is a middle ground. If it starts off fast and furious, it ALWAYS fizzles out. But if it starts where the guy is clearly interested (calls or texts regularly, asks me out, not looking for anyone else), then it gradually builds and builds into daily, frequent contact.

 

I've also learned that I'm better suited to no patterns in contact. So for example it's better for me if there are no good morning texts every day, because then you miss the first time he can't do it. With my guy, there is no pattern - we both know we'll talk or text at some point during the day.

 

So try not to go for the high octane thing. Let it build into one. I don't mean over months, but let it establish from the first few dates, and then about a month in let the passion build.

[Leigh 87]

I do kind of get this - I'm one of those women for whom "treat em mean, keep em keen" just doesn't work. I like men who are obvious in their affections. I lose interest if someone is emotionally distant, or who is clearly trying to play hard to get.

 

But what I've discovered is that there is a middle ground. If it starts off fast and furious, it ALWAYS fizzles out. But if it starts where the guy is clearly interested (calls or texts regularly, asks me out, not looking for anyone else), then it gradually builds and builds into daily, frequent contact.

 

I've also learned that I'm better suited to no patterns in contact. So for example it's better for me if there are no good morning texts every day, because then you miss the first time he can't do it. With my guy, there is no pattern - we both know we'll talk or text at some point during the day.

 

So try not to go for the high octane thing. Let it build into one. I don't mean over months, but let it establish from the first few dates, and then about a month in let the passion build.

 

 

I think I can find guys who are crazy about me from the first date and who also end up being compatible with long term

 

I don't need middle ground. I think you can fall pretty fast for certain people without needing a month to realize that you're falling in love.

[Mascara]

They can be crazy about you, but the ones that are over the top from the start are usually nutters. If he holds back for a few weeks, gives you space to get to know him and THEN ramps up the attention.... it's much better.

 

It took me years of dating to discover this. I don't think you're a bunny boiler at all, you just like men who are passionate and obvious. I do too. But if you're going to get a man like that, one of you has to rein things in for a few weeks.

 

I actually think daily contact is reasonable after 3 weeks. I like to feel connected to my man, going several days without talking to him is not for me at all. Some days it might have to be light, some days it might be lots of texts and calls.

[bene]

As for being crazy about the girl from the getgo...

 

I understand not wanting a man to be lukewarm but isn't it part of the joy of dating that you are developing the relationship gradually? It builds anticipation that is part of the charm. Guys just might not understand the need for texting every single day because they might honestly think that there is a thing going and it doesn't need constant validation. They also might not want to come on too strong. Even if people are crazy about someone they can show some restraint not to come across as, you know, crazy

[Leigh 87]

They can be crazy about you, but the ones that are over the top from the start are usually nutters. If he holds back for a few weeks, gives you space to get to know him and THEN ramps up the attention.... it's much better.

 

It took me years of dating to discover this. I don't think you're a bunny boiler at all, you just like men who are passionate and obvious. I do too. But if you're going to get a man like that, one of you has to rein things in for a few weeks.

 

I actually think daily contact is reasonable after 3 weeks. I like to feel connected to my man, going several days without talking to him is not for me at all. Some days it might have to be light, some days it might be lots of texts and calls.

 

You make some good points.

 

So you are all for a guy who's into you from date of one yet who also exercises self control?

 

I think I see where you're coming from. This guy started with daily contact initially, now he's not initiating as much. ... yet I can see him continuing to text more as we become more established.

[Mascara]

Yes, as long as he makes it obvious he really likes me.... I can hold off on the daily contact for a bit.

 

Basically, if it's a guy where you don't have to wonder. You just KNOW he likes you. I've dated men where I've wondered if he likes me, even when I've heard from him every day for the beginning.

[mishy]

Leigh I love you, but texting is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad!

[scorpiogirl]

Seriously. Just because you don't show him the psycho in you right away doesn't mean it's not there.

Just look at your posts here.

 

They don't even make sense. I know I don't know him in 30 days but I need him to be crazy in love with me now now NOW!!!

What is wrong with you?????

[Divasu]

So, tonight so far...

 

 

he texted at about 7.30 pm saying " hey sweetie, how r ya, bla bla blahh, miss u cant wait to see u xx

 

I texted a picture of my chin with blisters on it from the sun and captioned below it " too much sun yesterday, smothering myself in aloe vera to get better"

 

He then texted " oh sweetie tanning is bad use some ___ oil"

 

Another two texts after, without me responding, saying " Can't wait to see you next. Miss you xx"

 

" Goodnight sweetie "

 

 

A guy who was once really in love with me pointed out that this new guy I am speaking about cannot be that crazy about me, because he knows I am sick with a sunburn yet he is not by my side. Looking after me.

He said all his mates, if they were crazy about a girl, they would be by her side immediately if they knew she was in pain and suffering heat stroke and sunburn

 

 

I kind of thought this guy was really into me.

 

 

He lives about 3 - 4 hours away and he does not drive, due to having an aneurism when he was about 19; he is fine mentally and cognitively, but is not aloud a license.

He works and is totally normal, he is not by any means less desirable in other aspects of life; he just doesn't drive anymore, since his brain injury.

 

 

Maybe it is unfair to put that upon him? To expect him to commute through a serious of trains AND buses, travel for about 3 or more hours, just to see me, when I am not THAT sick?

 

This is straight up, obsessive. I hope you understand that focusing on each and every "text" interaction including timing, what was said, when it was said, time between response, etc., it will literally make you insane.

[Leigh 87]

Seriously. Just because you don't show him the psycho in you right away doesn't mean it's not there.

Just look at your posts here.

 

They don't even make sense. I know I don't know him in 30 days but I need him to be crazy in love with me now now NOW!!!

What is wrong with you?????

 

 

 

I need a guy to be really into me. That's all.

[Leigh 87]

This is straight up, obsessive. I hope you understand that focusing on each and every "text" interaction including timing, what was said, when it was said, time between response, etc., it will literally make you insane.

 

I enjoy writing about my love life a lot.

 

You're right though. I can't expect him to act the same way some other guys I know act when they are crazy about a girl.

 

So far, all the guys I know who fell hard for a girl and stayed with them; they all texted daily.

 

So forgive me for wondering why my guy texts me way less often than the two guys who wete really into me (yet who I wasn't into).

 

The guys who were most into me both texted me a lot. My good friends bf fell head over heels for her from day one; he texts her daily from morning to night albeit not heappppps pf texts.

 

I now know that I don't have any red flags yet. From this current bf.

 

I feel better not analyzing texting. So I won't.

 

However, I will broach the subject with him if he simply stops texting every day.

[MidwestUSA]

I need a guy to be really into me. That's all.

 

Being "into you" does not include him, with a prior brain injury and the inability to drive, coming to see and amuse you because you have a sunburn! And he lives four hours away?

 

Expectations (yours) are way too high at this stage of the game. Geez.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, if you don't get it together, you're going to burn this thing to the ground before it's even started.

 

So what if your friend and her bf met and fell in love instantly? It's LUST. Nothing more. They sound co-dependent to me.

 

If you don't slow down and give this thing some time to develop, you're going to crush the life out of every relationship. You are crazy, clingy girl. No one likes crazy clingy girl.

 

I don't think I am fundamentally a crazy or clingy girlfriend.

 

I do think my expectations were too high; for him to drop everything and travel via train for 4 or 5 hours just to come look after me due to me being badly sunburnt. But not on a too serious condition.

 

I am chill about the texting now. I see nothing wrong with seldom texting bar a once per day check in/ goodnight text. He always seems to initiate the first text of the day anyway, however, I am thinking I should start initiating the first text of the day.

[Leigh 87]

I had a bad experience with a guy recently that also influenced me.

 

My fwb who fell in love with me..

 

He would text all day every day. He'd tell me that he thought of me 24/7.

 

He dropped absolutely everything to be with me; just cos I needed a hug, he'd drive two hours just to give me a hug

 

Him and another guy who was super into me.... this other guy also texted me heappppps!!!!!

 

 

 

 

So can u see why I had a certain idea about guys ?

 

 

I have now realized that I am sooooo lucky to have a guy who is NOT obsessive.

 

I am LUCKY to not have one of those guys who would text me alllll day every day yet he still shows me via his actions that he's into me.. without being obsessive about it like the previous guys.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Leigh 87

[CarrieT]

I need a guy to be really into me. That's all.

 

No, you want a guy that is as OBSESSED with you as you are with them.

 

And pages and pages and pages and pages of people describing and advising how unhealthy it is doesn't seem to sink in whatsoever. Okay, so you like to write about your relationships. You don't see a problem with it. We see it as obsessive and unhealthy.

 

What you want is not healthy.

 

How you act is unhealthy and destructive.

 

At some point - we all hope - you will figure this out.

[Leigh 87]

I think I have a fair enough shot at being happy with this guy

 

I am not obsessed with him. I have a full life. I am not hanging for his texts.

 

I simply need one or two texts per day from a guy.

 

 

I don't think I want anything unhealthy.

 

I disliked how obsessive the last guy was.

[Leigh 87]

I have trained myself to feel very happy when a guy I fancy texts yet I don't really think of him when he doesn't text.

 

I am far from obsessive. I love to write about guys I am not even into. I genuinely love blogging or writing about people in general. . .. not just men.

 

I blog about friends, family and co worker. And men who I do and don't fancy.

 

I am not obsessed with the people I write about.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Leigh 87