Texting

[xxoo]

The early stuff is based on fantasy-versions of each other. Very romantic indeed, but not reality.

 

Maybe you prefer to live in fantasy than in reality?

[Leigh 87]

That's a perfectly reasonable standard for a relationship. But it takes time for a relationship to develop. The early stuff is not "really into" you, it's really feeling sparks that may or may not last--usually not. Time is necessary to discern what is lasting and what is passing, what is real and what is fantasy.

 

 

 

That's true.

 

Well I need an instant romance that turns into something long term.

 

I am well aware it seldom lasts even with very intense beginnings. I have had guys dissappear after the acted into me.

 

I am not investing too much in the way of my expectations with this man.

 

I need something special from date one. I don't want kids really therefore I don't really need to settle for less than a big romance. My biological clock sure aint ticking.

[ThatMan]

Idealization brings about good feelings. But you do not *need* to experience that feeling. It's extremely unhealthy to worship a fantasy instead of the poor soul so happens to be there. That's why it's so unfair to place expectations on people. This unhealthy idealization always swings into devaluation.

[Leigh 87]

You seem like an egomaniac.

 

You want the guy to desire you more than you desire him. You have the princess mentality.

 

You want the guy to be nuts about you, crazy about you, who can't stop thinking about you. You say this over and over again. It's clear that you want the guys whole life to revolve around you and you only.

 

I want to be just as crazy about them.

 

I have had guys crazy about me in an all consuming way. I didn't feel the same way about them.... I need to feel it back , this crazy love feeling.

[Leigh 87]

It seems very one sided though. You want the guy the be crazy about you, but you yourself seem only lukewarm towards him.

 

 

The "strong romantic feelings" seems to be going in one direction.

 

Im falling in love with him.

 

Out of all the guys I've really liked, he is by far the one I am most into.

 

I want him to feel the same way about me.

 

I am crazy about this guy... yet I never initiate texts until he texts me first cos the guys who have been most into me always initiate the first text of every day.

[MidwestUSA]

Im falling in love with him.

 

Out of all the guys I've really liked, he is by far the one I am most into.

 

I want him to feel the same way about me.

 

I am crazy about this guy... yet I never initiate texts until he texts me first cos the guys who have been most into me always initiate the first text of every day.

 

So, how does he know you're crazy about him if he always has to initiate texting?

 

You want more than you're giving, I'm afraid.

[Leigh 87]

By the way , I wouldn't let this guy near me as it stands; I look awful with blisters alllllll over my chin .....

 

It's honestly awful.

 

He wanted to come stay Wednesday for a couple days and then it's his birthday celebration. .

 

I am thinking of canceling the Wednesday date plans due toy disgusting weeping chin

 

Fingers crossed my blisters somewhat go down by Saturday for his 30th bday gig. ....

 

 

 

[InnocentMan]

Im falling in love with him.

 

Out of all the guys I've really liked, he is by far the one I am most into.

 

I want him to feel the same way about me.

 

I am crazy about this guy... yet I never initiate texts until he texts me first cos the guys who have been most into me always initiate the first text of every day.

 

Oh dear. You're not falling in love with him. You're falling in love with the image you have created of him. It's not the reality. How can you love someone you don't really know? Can you know someone in less than a month? What's he like when he's sad/happy/in crisis. Does he go cold on people after a few months? There's a million other things you don't know about him.

 

The forum is littered with threads about 3/4 month relationships that have suddenly ended, leaving the dumped party in total confusion. It's fine to feel a strong attraction to someone, but talk of love is way too early. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. Enjoy getting to know him, before you start thinking about love. I know it's easier said than done when you have strong feelings so quickly, but it will be much better for you in the long haul.

 

If you think you love him after less than a month, then you have a very weak definition of love. Personally, I blame Hollywood movies for the prevalence of this attitude.

[Leigh 87]

I got very sunburnt

 

Hence the whole lot of blisters on my chin.

 

My entire chin is filled with fluid

 

I want to see my doctor

[mammasita]

I understand how you feel Leigh. I've been with my guy for 3 months now. He always texts me "good morning beautiful".....a couple weeks ago they kind of faltered and it made me feel like he was losing interest (we're "official" BTW)......I brought it up.....

 

"Hey is everything ok? I really love when you text me good morning and I've been missing it lately."

 

He said everything was fine and the next morning and pretty much every morning since ......things are back to "normal" in my eyes.

 

If he cares about your feelings and is in to you, he will resume. If he's fly by night, he'll blow you off.

Edited December 14, 2013 by mammasita

[Leigh 87]

Oh dear. You're not falling in love with him. You're falling in love with the image you have created of him. It's not the reality. How can you love someone you don't really know? Can you know someone in less than a month? What's he like when he's sad/happy/in crisis. Does he go cold on people after a few months? There's a million other things you don't know about him.

 

The forum is littered with threads about 3/4 month relationships that have suddenly ended, leaving the dumped party in total confusion. It's fine to feel a strong attraction to someone, but talk of love is way too early. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. Enjoy getting to know him, before you start thinking about love. I know it's easier said than done when you have strong feelings so quickly, but it will be much better for you in the long haul.

 

If you think you love him after less than a month, then you have a very weak definition of love. Personally, I blame Hollywood movies for the prevalence of this attitude.

 

 

 

 

I have seen the fairy tale love like in the movies.

 

My good friend and her bf fell super hard and fast. They both had major butterflies.

 

They fell in love within a week or so. They also lasted.

 

What I think happened is, they had very electric sexual chemistry and they also happened to fall in love and last.

 

I do believe that there is always going to be that person out there for everyone, that makes them fall totally head over heels.

 

I do think people can fall in love with a month or two of first meeting.

 

I really believe in that sort of love. I have had a lot of experience with men. I know some guys fade when they get tired of you. I realize you don't truly know a person after a month.

[Leigh 87]

I understand how you feel Leigh. I've been with my guy for 3 months now. He always texts me "good morning beautiful".....a couple weeks ago they kind of faltered and it made me feel like he was losing interest (we're "official" BTW)......I brought it up.....

 

"Hey is everything ok? I really love when you text me good morning and I've been missing it lately."

 

He said everything was fine and the next morning and pretty much every morning since ......things are back to "normal" in my eyes.

 

If he cares about your feelings and is in to you, he will resume. If he's fly by night, he'll blow you off.

\

 

 

Thanks so much for this...

 

My guy would always text good morning when he worked.. Then since stopping work for holidays, he would text me when he woke up, later in the day...

 

I never really initiated first texts during the day.

 

Do you think he got over always being the first one to initiate?

 

He seems like a straight forward sort of a guy. He doesn't seem like he would let me not initiating get him down?

 

He seems positive and drama free. I love that about him so far.

[InnocentMan]

I have seen the fairy tale love like in the movies.

 

My good friend and her bf fell super hard and fast. They both had major butterflies.

 

They fell in love within a week or so. They also lasted.

 

What I think happened is, they had very electric sexual chemistry and they also happened to fall in love and last.

 

I do believe that there is always going to be that person out there for everyone, that makes them fall totally head over heels.

 

I do think people can fall in love with a month or two of first meeting.

 

I really believe in that sort of love. I have had a lot of experience with men. I know some guys fade when they get tired of you. I realize you don't truly know a person after a month.

 

Of course it can happen. People fall in love at first sight everyday, but for every success story, there are a thousand traumatic break-ups once reality hits home. Be careful of your emotions, they don't always care for the consequences.

[Leigh 87]

Of course it can happen. People fall in love at first sight everyday, but for every success story, there are a thousand traumatic break-ups once reality hits home. Be careful of your emotions, they don't always care for the consequences.

 

 

 

So you're saying that most partners are not all that crazy about each other or into each other right away, upon the first meeting? And most of us have to meet people we are not all that excited about, and "grow" to love them, without the butterflies, good chemistry or special "feeling" about them?

 

I need to feel my heart race when the guy texts; otherwise, he is simply a friend. I have no interest in dating a guy I have low romantic feelings towards.

 

I am cute and fun. I think it is entirely possible for me to meet "that guy" who really feels it for me from date one and who I also work out with in the long haul. I have lived with two exes before in long term relationships and I feel I can withstand a long term relationship again, with all the compromising and obstacles you go through daily when it comes to living together.

 

 

 

I do not think it is that rare to get a really strong instant impression from a person, and be really into them from the first date.

 

I don't think it is hard to find someone you are pretty into from date one. If you are normal looking with good style and substance and a lot to offer an array of people, obviously....

 

 

I have had about 2 or 3 guys within the past 5 months alone be really into me initially, before changing their mind:lmao:

I am after that initial BANG factor, that makes you want to kiss them on date one (chemistry) AND also makes you always wish it is THEIR text that beeps on your phone.

 

I have had it about 4 times this year, and this guy I had an instantly special feeling about. He said he instantly felt something special towards me too, before I had the chance to bring it up.

[xxoo]

So you're saying that most partners are not all that crazy about each other or into each other right away, upon the first meeting? And most of us have to meet people we are not all that excited about, and "grow" to love them, without the butterflies, good chemistry or special "feeling" about them?

 

A good portion grow to have butterflies and excitement after getting to know each other. Those are more likely to last than instant butterflies, which usually fade when you get to know someone and reality bursts the fantasy. The butterflies were not for the person, but for the fantasy.

[Leigh 87]

A good portion grow to have butterflies and excitement after getting to know each other. Those are more likely to last than instant butterflies, which usually fade when you get to know someone and reality bursts the fantasy. The butterflies were not for the person, but for the fantasy.

 

 

Well I got excited about my guy after date one.

 

I didn't need to get to know him to feel romantic and excited at the thought of dating him.

 

If I don't want to kiss a guy on date one I don't go on a second date. I prefer to not have to "grow" to want to even kiss someone.

[dontgo]

WOW!

I want my man to initiate the texting charade with me everyday and I'll be damned if he waits until 7 and if he skips a day he is tossed to the curb.

Oh my, you mean you won't pay for everything of mine either!

 

The easiest way of summing this whole thread up entitlement and princess mentality!

 

You will be hard pressed to find a man with that little self-respect and he will lack any backbone and gonads that women typically find appealing. One of these days you will learn that relationships are two-way. Meaning give and take. It makes you feel good to receive a good morning text, well guess what text him good morning first some time and he will probably be elated and might even fall harder for you, but you can't see that because you think EVERYTHING has to be done for YOU to fall for someone, HAHA.

[elbe]

You can't determine anything from texts. They are toxic for any relationship because people expect them at strange times and don't receive them, they misinterpret the text, etc. It's not even a good way to get to know somebody who is responding.

 

You need to call them and hang out with them. Otherwise, it's not even a relationship imo.

[InnocentMan]

I wasn't saying that at all. The feelings you are having at the moment can be described in many ways, but love isn't one of them. If this is how you describe love, you are basing on it physical attraction, and the small interaction that you have had with him.

 

Confusing this with love is why this is a very busy forum. When you meet someone new, which you have a sexual attraction to, your hormones will play any number of tricks on you, with the sole aim of getting you to procreate as quickly as possible.

 

This is a basic instinct that was perhaps needed in earlier times of humans, but in the modern world, understanding these emotions will lead to a much happier life, and much less heartache.

 

I'm not denying you feel strongly, we've all been there. Just try understand what it is. The way you are reacting to this text situation, is a perfect example of you over-thinking. The fact you think you're developing feelings of love, will magnify every single thing that happens and see things that just don't exist.

 

It may become something that resembles love, but that can only come with time, and actually understanding who the person actually is. At the moment, all it is, is your emotions and hormones telling you it's something that it really isn't. Hopefully, it can become what you want it to be.

 

You can still have all the feelings that you enjoy, just don't be so quick to confuse it with love.

[Fondue]

I didn't read the entire thread, but...

 

I wouldn't put too much stock into texting. Who does so, when do they do it, etc.

 

I am starting to learn that it simply doesn't matter. I, for one, usually do not initiate (I'm also a man). It has not hindered me in the slightest so far in getting dates, continuing to date, and develop a relationship. This has been true with all the women I had so far encountered. My lack of initiation did not hinder my chances. I also NEVER do the good morning/night thing. I think that's simply silly and wayyyyyyyyy too clingy. That hasn't stopped me from any dating as well.

 

Texting is more of a game of tag. Except that in most cases, instead of you trying to tag the other person, you're waiting for them to tag you (text you first). It's silly, it becomes a waiting game. Avoid that **** from the start by setting standards. You learn about each other VERY quickly in the beginning. If you make sure you text the way YOU want to text in the beginning, the other person will MIRROR you and follow the same protocol. If you don't like to text frequently and she does, simply reply less frequently. I can keep going on and on about this, but I think most of you get the picture.

[odin673]

Wow......I don't know where to start.

 

Are you looking for a stalker? If I was initiating everything, my interest level would gradually decline. Sounds like what you did to this guy. Most people, guys and gals, are like this. Put yourself in his shoes. The only people who are always initiating communication multiple times a day for months and months are unstable.

 

I think your whole approach to dating is off. You're putting people off and making them less interested because of some baggage you've carrying. Your expectation of a guy being "crazy" about you are unrealistic. No man will pursue a woman that hard if she's acting uninterested(never initiating texts). Most guys by that age have experienced heartbreak of pursuing that kind of women and will not make the same mistake again.

[CarrieT]

Wait, wait, wait….

We met for the first time on the... 29th or 28th of November?

If I read this correctly, between ^ THIS ^

And THIS:

We started officially being bf and gf on the 3rd of this month.

In the span of FOUR DAYS you become "official" and now - about two weeks later, you are once again starting these lengthy threads, analyzing this "relationship?"

 

 

Jeez-Louise, Leigh, I just want to slap you upside the head - again - for repeating the SAME PSYCHO BEHAVIOR that you have demonstrated for the past three years.

 

What happened to therapy? What happened to not dating for a while?

 

Don't you see that you are repeating the same, destructive pattern of over-analysis again and again and again????

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Keenly]

This is a train moving too fast an about to derail.

 

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but this is textbook clingy psychogirlfriend behavior.

 

 

It seems in the span of a week or two you have already lost yourself.

[Leigh 87]

Wait, wait, wait….

 

If I read this correctly, between ^ THIS ^

And THIS:

 

In the span of FOUR DAYS you become "official" and now - about two weeks later, you are once again starting these lengthy threads, analyzing this "relationship?"

 

 

Jeez-Louise, Leigh, I just want to slap you upside the head - again - for repeating the SAME PSYCHO BEHAVIOR that you have demonstrated for the past three years.

 

What happened to therapy? What happened to not dating for a while?

 

Don't you see that you are repeating the same, destructive pattern of over-analysis again and again and again????

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

 

I am in therapy.

 

In not psycho.

Do not txt 100 times a day? I don't need marriage or babies from a guy I've only just met?

 

I would say I act pretty sane:lmao:

 

I realize I don't know a person after only mere weeks. Anything could happen. I am prepared for any dire consequences.

 

Why be single for YEARS? I have enough charisma and social skills to simply meet people both offline, inadvertently, without looking. Or, online I've met this one guy.

I see no reason to NOT enjoy being close with another person. It makes sex much better and teaches me valuable lessons. That'll help me in future relationships.

 

 

..... I am not acting remotely psycho, hun. I let him do his own thing.. see his friends, live his life..... not texting him 1000 times a day or trying to dictate the way he should be leading his life..

I have a lot of friends I keep busy with most of the time. I am not making a new guy I barely know the centre of my universe? ????????

 

I do, however, enjoy writing about him and every guy I see. I like to write about dating in General. . Irrespective if HOW much I like a guy.

 

I like to meet people who in really into and who really seem to find who I am, special.

 

 

 

 

 

We both seemed to click well. We highly enjoy each other so far in every possible way. Why not accept his offer of bf/ gf?

It doesn't take everyone time to know if they feel chemistry AND also feel a strong romantic connection with a person who also seems compatible

Edited December 14, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Keenly]

If you truly feel that what you are doing to yourself is healthy and sane, then who are we to stop you. But from a neutral third party observer, you are acting crazy.