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Leigh 87

By Leigh 87
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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i think once a day isnt a bad ask.......i think phones are open communication vehicles...i prefer voice recognition......once a day

 

I prefer it but I don't want to rule this guy out if he only prefers to text once per day, opposed to the good morning text and goodnight text I PREFER from a man....

 

If he goes more than two days without texting? I would talk to him about it.

I would ask him if he believes he would be like in general with every girl.

I would explain that I felt that if a guy is crazy about a girl, he would text once per day.

I would give him a chance to voice how much he wants to remain with me, and to prove my theory wrong.

If he goes ONE full day and night without texting? I would feel a bit crap about it, but as long as he texted the very next day, I would be cool with it and I would just figure that he wasn't much into texting girls.

 

I would prefer him to initiate one text every day. If he made a HABBIT of regularly texting me one day, and then not the next day, then I would consider talking to him about it.

I will simply tell him that: look, this is just a small issue I am having with you and things are otherwise great, however; I believe if I am on a guys mind, he will opt to text me every day.

I am conditioned to think if a guy is thinking about me a lot, he will think to text me at least once during each day.

 

I would them let him speak and give him a chance to voice his opinion on the matter.

Edited by Leigh 87
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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I prefer it but I don't want to rule this guy out if he only prefers to text once per day, opposed to the good morning text and goodnight text I PREFER from a man....

 

If he goes more than two days without texting? I would talk to him about it.

I would ask him if he believes he would be like in general with every girl.

I would explain that I felt that if a guy is crazy about a girl, he would text once per day.

I would give him a chance to voice how much he wants to remain with me, and to prove my theory wrong.

If he goes ONE full day and night without texting? I would feel a bit crap about it, but as long as he texted the very next day, I would be cool with it and I would just figure that he wasn't much into texting girls.

 

I would prefer him to initiate one text every day. If he made a HABBIT of regularly texting me one day, and then not the next day, then I would consider talking to him about it.

I will simply tell him that: look, this is just a small issue I am having with you and things are otherwise great, however; I believe if I am on a guys mind, he will opt to text me every day.

I am conditioned to think if a guy is thinking about me a lot, he will think to text me at least once during each day.

 

I would them let him speak and give him a chance to voice his opinion on the matter.

 

 

 

 

I have this belief that beginning a relationship takes a little effort give and take from both..i agree with your above statements.....you are giving....just dont let him do all the taking and you feel like crap all the time..deb

bene Established Member

bene

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Leigh87, I always like your advice on this board but girl, hold your horses!

 

I think it's one of the pitfalls on dating that we set up some "rules" in our mind and then feel let down if others don't play by these rules (that they are not aware of). You have a very strong opinion that if a guy is crazy about you, he'll text first thing in the morning. Texting may just not be as important part of a relationship in his mind. Maybe he feels that you already know that he likes you and it doesn't occur to him that the absence of one text message is so significant for you.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Leigh87, I always like your advice on this board but girl, hold your horses!

 

I think it's one of the pitfalls on dating that we set up some "rules" in our mind and then feel let down if others don't play by these rules (that they are not aware of). You have a very strong opinion that if a guy is crazy about you, he'll text first thing in the morning. Texting may just not be as important part of a relationship in his mind. Maybe he feels that you already know that he likes you and it doesn't occur to him that the absence of one text message is so significant for you.

 

 

 

I have been known to assume things about guys.

 

The guy I met in Berlin earlier this year, we met for a night, kissed and cuddles with no sex, he said he was VERY into me and wanted a relationship when he got back from travelling. I flew home, to Aus, the day after I met him.

 

He did not message me every day in the end and so I did not believe he was sufficiently into me. He assured me he was, but it was not enough.

I ended up telling him I liked another guy. He instantly shut me down and would not give me another chance.

If I had never said that, we would likely be hanging out right now, that he is back home...

 

He could have just been busy travelling the world and partying, and not felt the need to get to a wi fi outlet every single day for me....and still been genuinely really into me and excited about re connecting when he returned home. He said he was really excited about spending time with me when he returned home and that he wanted to start a relationship as more than friends when he arrived home.

 

 

 

I also don't like the fact that my guy does not believe in paying for all the dates for a girl.

He thinks the girl should go 50/50 for the first date, to show the guy that she can stand on her own two feet and that she will not just depend on him.

 

Yet he has paid for most of our meals out.

 

 

 

 

...The fact he does not believe the guy should ALLLWAYS pay and the fact he does not need to text me until 7 pm, are both yellow flags, leaning towards red.

Edited by Leigh 87
lamaga Established Member

lamaga

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The guy I am dating never texts me, only if I initiate, and then not even always texts back. When he has credit on his phone, he usually calls me to see whats up and if I want to hang out. So, I think everybody is different.

crederer Established Member

crederer

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Why so much focus on who texts who? I never pay attention to that. If I feel a need to send a text, I do, if she wants to, she does.

 

You're over thinking it.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Why so much focus on who texts who? I never pay attention to that. If I feel a need to send a text, I do, if she wants to, she does.

 

You're over thinking it.

 

 

So if you were totally nuts about a girl you just met and you fell madly in love with her fast, you wouldn't feel the need to text her daily?

 

Really?

 

Tell me how you WOULD act, then, regarding your texting behaviour to a girl you are entirely crazy about?

Graduate Established Member

Graduate

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So if you were totally nuts about a girl you just met and you fell madly in love with her fast, you wouldn't feel the need to text her daily?

 

Leigh, do you really need a guy to be absolutely nuts and crazy about you after only two weeks? Is it not enough for now if he really likes you and is falling for you, but still keeps a level head and waits and sees where it leads?

 

I think you might be setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect a guy to be crazy about you from the get go. I know those experiences can be intoxicating, but they often don't last. You know, the whole 'a fire that burns twice as bright, burns out twice as fast'.

 

I think his last text was really cute, saying he missed you and couldn't wait to see you again. Sure, it is tough if you have to wait for a whole day to wait for him, but it is early days in the relationship. Why don't you wait a month to see whether things develop? I've read many times that it is much healthier for a relationship to develop slowly and to not give too much too soon.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Leigh, do you really need a guy to be absolutely nuts and crazy about you after only two weeks? Is it not enough for now if he really likes you and is falling for you, but still keeps a level head and waits and sees where it leads?

 

I think you might be setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect a guy to be crazy about you from the get go. I know those experiences can be intoxicating, but they often don't last. You know, the whole 'a fire that burns twice as bright, burns out twice as fast'.

 

I think his last text was really cute, saying he missed you and couldn't wait to see you again. Sure, it is tough if you have to wait for a whole day to wait for him, but it is early days in the relationship. Why don't you wait a month to see whether things develop? I've read many times that it is much healthier for a relationship to develop slowly and to not give too much too soon.

 

 

 

 

I want a guy to fall hard and fast for me.

I want a guy to meet me and be nuts about me right away.

 

Why not? It even happened to my best friend.

I want the sort of relationship where a guy is crazy about me from date one.

He said he felt something great about me from the moment he saw me and he had not felt that with any of his previous partners.

 

So.... I thought he was nuts about me. He texted me after the first date telling me he had the best date of his life and he was smitten and had a great feeling about me from the moment he saw me.

 

We even had drama on the first date; my ex texted me out of the blue whilst I was with the current guy! I explained to the current guy that I was in shock due to an ex from the past texting me and I needed time to think.

He still wasn't deterred. Furthermore, a guy went psycho on me and texted me fairly incessantly while I was with the new guy, and he still wasn't perturbed by a guy harassing me. A guy I am good friends with now but who fell in love with me and I didn't want to be with (so he went spastic when I found someone I wanted to be with)

 

I know the type of relationship I want. I am going to seek the thing that I most desire.

People who want a slower burn can go and find that. They can find a partner who is not all that nuts about them but has to grow to like them a lot.

I don't date guys who are not all that into me from date one and need months to truly be nuts for me......

 

My best friends guy was crazy about her the day they met. I personally want the same thing; I want a guy to have a very special feeling about me from date one.

 

I have spoken on here fairly extensively about the sort of love I want within my own personal- romantic relationships.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Do you feel the need to text him daily? It doesn't seem like you do... if you did you would initiate more texts.

 

I think you are playing a game on him. You want him to initiate all the contact between the two of you so you can maintain an upper hand over him.

 

You want him to desire you more than you desire him.

 

 

I want him to initiate texts to me daily. Absolutely.

 

However, I want to wait for HIM to initiate, so he does not think I am a bunny boiler type who is more into him than he is into me....

 

The guy who was reallllly crazy about me recently, he initiated texts every morning every single day. Cos I was on his mind 24/7.

 

I am trying to be open minded about the fact this guy obviously does not feel like texting me all that often every single day.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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So, tonight so far...

 

 

he texted at about 7.30 pm saying " hey sweetie, how r ya, bla bla blahh, miss u cant wait to see u xx

 

I texted a picture of my chin with blisters on it from the sun and captioned below it " too much sun yesterday, smothering myself in aloe vera to get better"

 

He then texted " oh sweetie tanning is bad use some ___ oil"

 

Another two texts after, without me responding, saying " Can't wait to see you next. Miss you xx"

 

" Goodnight sweetie "

 

 

A guy who was once really in love with me pointed out that this new guy I am speaking about cannot be that crazy about me, because he knows I am sick with a sunburn yet he is not by my side. Looking after me.

He said all his mates, if they were crazy about a girl, they would be by her side immediately if they knew she was in pain and suffering heat stroke and sunburn

 

:(

 

I kind of thought this guy was really into me.

 

 

He lives about 3 - 4 hours away and he does not drive, due to having an aneurism when he was about 19; he is fine mentally and cognitively, but is not aloud a license.

He works and is totally normal, he is not by any means less desirable in other aspects of life; he just doesn't drive anymore, since his brain injury.

 

 

Maybe it is unfair to put that upon him? To expect him to commute through a serious of trains AND buses, travel for about 3 or more hours, just to see me, when I am not THAT sick?

BikerAccnt Established Member

BikerAccnt

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I don't have a text plan, so I tend to not text. I don't see the point in one line text. I'll pick up the phone and call. If you really want to do the one line texting hi how are you kind of stuff with me, you're going to need to do it via email.

 

Unless you want to pay to upgrade my phone plan :)

ThatMan Established Member

ThatMan

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Maybe it is unfair to put that upon him? To expect him to commute through a serious of trains AND buses, travel for about 3 or more hours, just to see me, when I am not THAT sick?

Leigh,

To be honest...

I believe placing expectations on anybody else is extremely unfair. I can see that you are burdening this man with your expectations. You just know that men wildly text the women they fancy each day. So you seem to expect daily texts from him and now you seem disappointed that he does not. Most people simply appreciate and cherish the person is in front of them for who they are as a person, rather than an idea or preconceived expectation. It's okay to express your wants and needs by asking him to visit. What happens when you ask him to check up on you?

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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He knows I was sunburnt and had heatstroke, and he also found out today that I had blisters on my chin.

 

The guy was really in love with me explained that he, along with all the guys he knows of, would have dropped everything to be with a girl they were crazy about, IF they knew she was sunburnt with blisters on her face.

 

 

.....My guy, to be fair, has a memory problem and seldom remembers everything said to him, by me. And he just spent an entire week with me after only our second date.

 

He says he misses me every day. He says he cannot wait to see me every day.

 

:(

 

 

I thought he WAS crazy about me, but yeah, now this other guy has put bad thoughts into me head regarding the fact this new boyfriend of mine has not dropped everything to come visit me, since I am sick with sunburn.

ThatMan Established Member

ThatMan

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.....My guy, to be fair, has a memory problem and seldom remembers everything said to him, by me. And he just spent an entire week with me after only our second date.

It sounds like the two of you appreciated each other's company. Did you have a fun week? He also says that he misses you each day. Are you taking the word of this other guy to substitute everything that has already been said? You are the only person who can express how you feel. I hope that nobody else will step between you and a friend to speak for your point of view. Why should it be different for him?

 

But are you okay? No fever and drinking plenty of fluid?

 

Do you think that a six hour commute both ways is reasonable thing for him to accomplish right now? Is it possible that he can both care about you but also remain unable to drop everything he's doing right now to see you?

InnocentMan Established Member

InnocentMan

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You keep saying you want someone to fall hard for you after the first day they meet you. Be careful what you wish for......

 

While I'm sure this does happen, and the couple live happily ever after, you should always tread carefully when you meet someone like this. People like this tend to do it with every pretty face they meet, and it's an inability to control their emotions based on mainly physical attraction.

 

Coming on so strong so early, leaves you with very little place to go in the following weeks /months. What are you expecting next? Engaged after a month, married after 6 weeks? I'm not saying it can't work, just tread carefully. You can still hold back a little, and show the other person that you like them, and it could go somewhere.

 

I hate to put a negative light on things, but I think how often he texts you might be the least of your worries. You probably can't see it, because you seem to want this type of behaviour.

 

Remember, slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.

Edited by InnocentMan
Queenie42 Established Member

Queenie42

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Maybe it is unfair to put that upon him? To expect him to commute through a serious of trains AND buses, travel for about 3 or more hours, just to see me, when I am not THAT sick?

 

The short answer: Yeah kinda.

 

Just try and relax. It's only been two weeks. Three hours is a long way away, especially if he has to rely on public transport. And I realise that you're very seriously burned, but at the same time that's not the kind of illness he can do anything about beyond saying "There there" and rubbing the aloe in for you. It doesn't mean he's not into you. It's just impossible to drop everything (like the important family dinner he was at today) for a girl he hardly knows in another city.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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This is someone you met 17 or so days ago?

 

You are expecting way too much, way too soon.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Thanks guys for reaffirming what I already thought; there is a chance this guy is really into me, and I should not write him off as " not all that crazy about me" as yet....

 

 

I was so freakin happy with him until he didn't text me until 7 tonight, and he didn't drop everything to come look after me...

 

That ex FWB, who knows I am on loveshack and will be SURE to stalk my posts:sick:, will likely read this too; HE is the one who said that him and his friends would ALL drop everything, just to travel via train for a 4 hour commute in order to look after a girl with bad sunburn.

 

I cried. I burst out crying. I was thinking that this current boyfriend is very much into me and I was so looking forward to meeting his family and friends next week, and then this...

It hurts to hear that this ex FWB guy, who was really in love with me, would have dropped everything to be with a girl if she had bad sunburn.

He is not saying it to bring me down, he honestly believes that both him and his friends would drop everything to be with a girl they were crazy about, if she was badly sunburnt.

 

...This guy that is now my boyfriend, he has a life, a full life; he goes for walks, goes to the beach, watches movies from his very extensive collection..

He has dinner parties with family and friends.

Yet he manages to initiate a text every single day; I have never initiated the first text. Therefore, he has waited until later times in the day before texting me, since I never text him first.

 

He says he misses me and cant wait to see me most days. After spending the week together, an entire week after a week of knowing each other, he texted as soon as we said goodbye, saying that he almost loved me and he cant wait to see me again.

I think I have enough evidence to suggest that this guy could very well be genuinely crazy about me for more than just he sexual.....

 

He is absolutely NOT the type to ... go gaga over any pretty face. His ex was quiet unappealing by most peoples standards yet, of course, to him she would have been a beauty.

He was not all nuts about his previous lovers, he explained to me; he said there is something about me from the moment we met that was different and he just had a generally good feeling about me that he had never gotten before about other girls...

Lets just say, he was fairly hyped about me, enough to go and text all his friends that he had just had the best date of his life; I snuck a peak on the sly at what he was writing to people. He did not intend for me to see it but he was not embarrassed when I told him I saw it.

 

I think I will wait it out and get to know this guy more before jumping to any conclusions.

It seems like we had that initial "bang" where we both fell relatively hard.

 

 

 

 

 

It is not healthy to jump to conclusions over text frequency so early on, yet I know many guys who, when crazy for a girl, will surely text them a lot from day one.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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It's not healthy to be this concerned about a man you met 17 days ago. Leigh, you move way too fast. I understand that you believe you need it to be instant connection, but it's actually a terrible idea for someone like you. It sets you up for a fall again and again.

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callingyouuu Established Member

callingyouuu

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So if you were totally nuts about a girl you just met and you fell madly in love with her fast, you wouldn't feel the need to text her daily?

 

No, I wouldn't. Texting's not really my communication style of choice, and IMO it often leads to unfulfilling conversations.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I simply need a guy who's really into me.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I need to feel something different and special right away.

 

I prefer falling in love with a month or two opposed to the 5 or 6 plus months most people need. .

 

That said, I don't go thinking about marriage and babies either.

 

And I do want a proper partnership. . I do need the right long term match as well as that initial spark.

 

I just prefer a guy who's nuts about me from day one. ... oppposed to a guy who needs time to get all that excited about me.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I simply need a guy who's really into me.

 

That's a perfectly reasonable standard for a relationship. But it takes time for a relationship to develop. The early stuff is not "really into" you, it's really feeling sparks that may or may not last--usually not. Time is necessary to discern what is lasting and what is passing, what is real and what is fantasy.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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It's not healthy to be this concerned about a man you met 17 days ago. Leigh, you move way too fast. I understand that you believe you need it to be instant connection, but it's actually a terrible idea for someone like you. It sets you up for a fall again and again.

 

I think I know best who I am than you.

 

I want a guy to be crazy about me rather than be lukewarm towards one another initially.

 

I need strong romantic feelings from date one.

 

Instant connections make for great romance in my opinion.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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