Going back to normal after rejection?

[TheElementalFlow]

Initially I told this girl I liked her after talking to her for a month. After talking we started hanging out everyday for about 3 - 4 months now. I thought 3 - 4 months was about right because the fact is every guy is afraid of being lead on, so I wanted to ask to decide whether she was worth it because she was the first girl who gave me a chance and didn't act all weird when I told her I liked her.

 

I decided to ask her how she felt about me just to be on the same page and that I wasn't trying to rush or anything. She said she was neutral and that she was being blunt and I asked if she was willing to consider my feelings later on if I got to know her more, she said ya. Apparently she it's been like a year or so since her last serious relationship of 2 years. She felt like her ex was a waste of her time when she could've been focusing in school. etc. She said that she was not sure if she's ready for a relationship yet as well.

 

The next day though, I felt like she became distant all of a sudden in person, but we still text and hit the gym together sometimes, like couple times a week. It's been like 3 weeks after and I decided to talk to her again, and ya it slipped my mind to just ask her yes or no instead of neutral so that I can just move on, but again she said she was neutral and that she didn't want to break my heart etc.

 

I just told her I just want my friend back because I miss hanging out and just talking in person. I believe she's not ready for me yet with the problems going on in her life. She felt I liked her too soon was what she told me, but she also knows that she's the first girl I've ever walked up to and just straight up asked for her name and number. Apparently my gut feelings lie to me when I felt that we clicked until I broke that balance of asking her how she felt about me. She told me the reason she was distant was that she wanted to give me time to think it over. (I think when girls does that, it creates miscommunication and the guy wondering).

 

I've never had a girlfriend before so (she also knows this), this is a first time experiencing this kind of ups and downs and I'm a college student at 22. I don't have many girl friends, but this girl was the first that I liked and willing to hang out with me.

 

Well, heart is already broken, but thing is I just need to get over it and told her, I want to keep it strictly friends. I just want to be the support that needs to wash away her insecurities. I understand that girls don't like rejecting guys because they're afraid of losing their friends. I told her just give me a chance to take things back to the way it used to be back when we were just being flirty and what not. I told her that I'll show her I'm not like the other douches that treated her back or left her when they were rejected and I'll keep to my word of just being friends, but at the same time still trying to get to know her. I don't like to make things awkward because I believe it's only awkward if you make it awkward.

 

I don't mind just being friends. I don't care what other people say about friendzone, but I think that's a good thing because you are getting to know each other still and some girls play it hella safe. That neutral part got to me and made me question about how if she was willing to consider my feelings down the future. Some people may ask the question, is she worth it? I would say yes, I'm willing to be patient because I don't have the drive to chase other women right now and just want to focus on school and make time for friends as well as get to know this girl. I'm usually the kind of guy who is not interested in girls because I hate the feeling of being vulnerable and just want to focus on myself. I told myself I wouldn't fall for her from the beginning when we hung out, but it just happened.

 

I'm wondering if after all of this if I still have a chance? If she starts to have feelings for me later, I'm probably not going to just say yes right away, I'd test the waters to see if it works out, but through this experience I'm going to play it a lot safer and keep my defenses up because it will not be the same as when we met because over time people change and we just gotta test to see if we're compatible to those changes. I kind of learned though that it is best not to get my hopes up.

 

I want it to go back to the way it used to be, but don't know how. I do miss how we used to text each to each other good morning, good night, everyday and flirt through txt and in person etc., but I know what's done is done. Just need advice on how to bring it back to normal.

[StrongLass]

Just need advice on how to bring it back to normal.

 

Two things will:

 

1. Self control/discipline

2. Time

 

 

Even then there are no guarantees. I highly advise filling your life up with other things that have nothing to do with her, and avoiding hanging out with her exclusively all the time since it isn't healthy to fixate on one person (especially when they're so lukewarm about you, yikes!)

[smuggy95]

you say you want to be there for her...she doesn't 'need' you. yes, it's nice to be a reliable friend, but get it out of your head that she depends on you for anything and focus on your own life and then you will find things will be light and casual again, because it really won't mean anything for you anymore.

until then, it's gonna be weird, because she will still be on guard, wondering if you still want her that way.

[WordvAction]

Lol there's alot of hypocrisy in this, and I know; because I was here myself a few years ago.

 

You're okay with just being friends, yet you still have feelings and want to know if she will return them?

 

You being there for her as support when she's is distancing herself from you is showing that you're not a douche by going back to being "flirty friends"

 

I understand that you're trying to rationalize but I'm calling bull**** on your post. You got rejected (Neutral= she's too nice to tell you straight up she's not interested). You still have feelings for her, so of course you're going to miss her and want her back in your life, because you enjoyed the feedback she gave you when you had feelings. You want to stay in her life and be friends with her to show her that you're not a douche so you can one day in the future get into a relationship with her. You're hoping if you get to know each other better, she'll realize what a great guy you are and develop feelings.

 

If you want help on actually dating this girl, let me know and I'll respond again. Otherwise, you can ignore me and enjoy your "friendship".

[todreaminblue]

i wouldnt want a guy to feel neutral about me i understand your concern

 

 

the friendzone is a good way, determines compatibility...if you cant be friends you cant have a relationship in my mind......you should be able to have a partner who is your best friend who has your back..the one person who you can be totally honest with besides god..to me the definition of best friend is this......someone who knows you better than any other........and exes well......they shouldnt know all your life anymore.......that honesty is reserved for another.......so kudos on debunking friendzone....its true what you say.....

 

 

but

 

as far as my friends go...i am never neutral.......i am protective loyal stand beside them .......it is yes or no.....no .....meh.......

 

 

that is friend zone...you are there for them you love them they love you.......a relationship with your best friend ...have many benefits......one of them is never having to feel the other person feels....meh...i wouldnt take a bullet for a friend and go yeah ....meh....feel neutral about that person...friendships that are strong and life long....are not that neutral uninspired way..never.....MEH said with a shrug and a yawn.......stuff that..should be cant wait to spend time with this person and feel blessed every day a chance of a new adventure with many laughs attached.....yeah ok i am a big idealist kid.......good luck..dont accept meh.......do a burn out from neutral into first gear stamp yoru foot on the accelerator....... and say hey .....yeah i want yes or no meh doesnt cut the mustard buddy.....meh yourself...deb

Edited December 20, 2013 by todreaminblue

[preraph]

A person who "just wants to be friends" doesn't write nine paragraphs about the other person. Be honest with yourself.

 

You are too intense too soon. What this should tell the other person is that you don't know her well enough to be this over the top, so you must just be in love with the dream girl inside your head and projecting that onto her.

 

She's luke warm. It's not likely that's going to change. She has you in the friend zone, and there you will stay. If you want romance, go out with other women and just go have fun and zip it. You're fishing for commitment and it's coming off desperate and unfounded and premature. Sorry to be blunt, but I can tell that just from your writing, so I'm sure they're not missing that in person.