edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Hi all. So I met this guy about a month ago. We went on a date right before a week-trip I took abroad. We had a wonderful time and he messaged me the whole time I was away. He was supposed to go on his annual 2 week vacation the day after my return so we planned to meet that night. We did and he even said he missed me while I was away. It was fun but not as awesome as the first date... for some reason I felt too self-conscious... (maybe because I really like him) specially after we ended in bed. He didn't force anything, I was the one who made it 'available'. (I know, I know). So he flies the next day to his vacation. Not much contact except in the first 2 days. I let it be and tried not to be angry (I was), as I should understand someone would want to disconnect from the big city and really relax while on the beach. Besides, it's not like he's my bf and owes me anything. He got back this week and texts me the same day. I wait and respond the next day (just saying hi back, not emotional). Then he tells me he's sick in bed and going to a doctor. The doctor told him he has mono, that contagious 'kissing disease' and he tells me if I get sick and don't heal I should also see a doctor... I'm going abroad on vacation next week for a couple of weeks and was hoping to see him before I left... But now that he's sick he obviously didn't ask to make any plans. I offered to help. He said he's fine and doesn't like people seeing him sick. I am starting to create all these hypothesis in my head... Wouldn't someone who is sick want someone to take care of them? Do men feel differently about being sick and cared for? I know it could be weird as we don't know each other that well and I could catch the disease. But... perhaps he's not that into me? He didn't hint at anything emotional towards me after coming back :/ What do you guys think? How should I relate to him? Just let him be during his bed rest, or check in with him every few days?
elbe Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Offer to bring him home made chicken noodle soup. If he denies that then why bother...
Author edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Offer to bring him home made chicken noodle soup. If he denies that then why bother... Thanks Elbe - I kind of offered to bring soup before he knew what he had, and then he responded telling me what the doctor just told him about the disease. The guy (I dated) is a doctor himself, so I guess he could also see the implications of me catching it (?) I wonder if I should check out on him in the next days by texting or not... I don't get how guys really feel about it when someone (not that intimate) cares for them being sick. In general I think they want to pose as being strong, etc. and go into hiding mode.
Fondue Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I think you are too early in the relationship to be "taking care" of one another. You met this guy a month ago. That's not much at all. I would find very awkward if I was sick and a girl I barely knew offered to take care of me. That's overstepping boundaries in my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong though. In my opinion, let him be. Let him get better. He will schedule something with you when feels the strength for it-- assuming that is, he is still interested. From the sounds of it, he probably is. 3
Author edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Thank you Fondue, you're probably right... I hope I didn't screw things up by offering to help with anything while he's in bed rest I dunno, regardless of a relationship or not, I feel it's the right thing to do, even in a humanitarian, friendly way (but of course I offered mostly because I care about him and as me, he has no immediate family in the city). Why do you think he's still interested? I'm not so sure as he didn't make any comments about meeting later, or about his vacation I think you are too early in the relationship to be "taking care" of one another. You met this guy a month ago. That's not much at all. I would find very awkward if I was sick and a girl I barely knew offered to take care of me. That's overstepping boundaries in my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong though. In my opinion, let him be. Let him get better. He will schedule something with you when feels the strength for it-- assuming that is, he is still interested. From the sounds of it, he probably is.
regine_phalange Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I had mononucleosis many years ago. I dont know where I got it from, as I am strictly monogamous. It makes you a wreck for some months as your spleen and lymph nodes get swollen, you are very fatigued, your body aches, you should not work out or push your body in other ways. I remember that my then lovely boyfriend of 2 years wanted to come and see me and I didnt, because I was afraid I may pass it on to him. By the way he never listened to me, but thankfully he didnt catch it.
elbe Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 [male here] When I'm sick I long to be babied by a cutie.
regine_phalange Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 By the way, most men when they get sick, even with a simple flu, they think its the end of the world. Maybe he is feeling very down! You are very sweet for offering though, dont think too much about it! 1
Author edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Oh my it sounds terrible... From what I read, you can catch it from sharing glasses and someone sneezing, etc. Not necessarily from kissing although saliva transmission is the most common it seems (and we did kiss a lot during the period he was prob in incubation mode). Ugh... it seems like all the trips and disease will undermine this. So should I just give up on the idea of him? It's a fairly new relationship, and assuming he won't see me in several weeks... doesn't look like it will go anywhere I had mononucleosis many years ago. I dont know where I got it from, as I am strictly monogamous. It makes you a wreck for some months as your spleen and lymph nodes get swollen, you are very fatigued, your body aches, you should not work out or push your body in other ways. I remember that my then lovely boyfriend of 2 years wanted to come and see me and I didnt, because I was afraid I may pass it on to him. By the way he never listened to me, but thankfully he didnt catch it.
Author edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 elbe I think most men deep down want to be babied but at the same time are somewhat ashamed and want to be left alone. You guys are so complicated! 1
FitChick Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 If someone is contagious I wouldn't risk getting sick myself taking care of them because then I'd be no good to anyone. If we were married, that would be the exception. When I am sick, I am like an animal, I like to curl up in a ball and be alone. 1
Raven1018 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 When I am sick, I am like an animal, I like to curl up in a ball and be alone. Hahahah same. Im not into this cute-sy lets take care of each other thing. I am a damn pitiful mess when Im sick and grouchy as hell. Also, please do not shame yourself for sleeping with him. It is not relevant to the story and does you no good to take full responsibility for a tango that takes two. Although pushing for and actively pursuing it with someone you feel you might develop real feelings for is usually not good. Im not one of these people that thinks you should wait months and Im not saying you should feel guilty because you didnt do it by yourself, but just be mindful of that in the future. Theres no need to rush things. Thats what friends with benefits are for! When you like someone its okay to take it slow. I would also agree with others that you guys are too early in the relationship stage to be taking care of each other. He wants some space right now and has made that clear to you. Even as a woman I get the clingy vibe from you, no offense. But it is very offputting to women and men both. He is sick why are you making all these theories in your head? Now if this goes on for a long time and he makes different excuses why he cant see you, thats a different story. But if hes sick, hes sick. Leave it at that- you just met him. Text him in a week to see how he is doing. You DO NOT need to check with him every few days. Just take a deep breathe. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I think you are too early in the relationship to be "taking care" of one another. You met this guy a month ago. That's not much at all. I would find very awkward if I was sick and a girl I barely knew offered to take care of me. That's overstepping boundaries in my opinion. Yep. He's known you a month. Men are also, of course, less willing to be taken care of or seek help for medical problems. Furthermore, he doesn't want you to get sick. Those are 3 reasons right there that you shouldn't assume things. 1
Raven1018 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 ^^Totally agree. There was this one time when I was sick and I guy I had just met like two weeks prior offered to take care of me but we kind of had a whirlwind romance while on vacation that caught us both off guard and we became very close, very fast so it didnt phase me. There is no black and white code for texting or dating rules, you just have to learn to gauge things. From what you have told us it doesnt seem you two were at that level yet. I get the not wanting to seem unsympathetic but in this case, maybe something more along the lines of "Im so sorry, hope you feel better soon!!" may have been better. And then changing the subject to something else this way you are not talking about him being sick anymore (which he does not seem to want to talk about) and being over bearing, but are not leaving him hanging after he has just told you he has a moderate illness.
incelveteran Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 By the way, most men when they get sick, even with a simple flu, they think its the end of the world Thank God I am not one of "these men".
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