Raven1018 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 When did you guys meet? It worries me that you say you are so in love with someone you have been dating for a month. Maybe its time to slow down and really try to figure out who this individual is. I know a lot of people lie about age online and use excuses like they were insecure and what not but Im not sure if I would be more suspicious of someone who likes to lie about trivial things or someone who only lies about big things. So just to get this straight: You never asked him outright what his age was? Is that correct?
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 This would make almost everyone online a hypocrite. The majority of girls will date older guys but are VERY reluctant to date much younger, and guys are the opposite. ... only because most women aren't looking for casual sex. It's assumed that most men only date up in age if they are expanding their pool of FWB and f-buddies.... especially the guys online. I've tried to convince women here otherwise... that older men are just as bad as the younger ones that way... but to no avail.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I would not have been as excited to meet him. I didn't want a LTR with a man who's 10 yrs older then me. I was about to ask you how old you were but this answers it. You have every right to want a partner who does not differ too much in age from you. I presume that you indicated your age preferences in your profile. By lying about his age he did not respect those. If you still want kids 41 is already older to become a dad. He sounds like the typical 40 something who wants a younger woman. Now I have to admit that I plan to lie about my age when I go back to online dating. I don't like it but I'll be 50 next year and if I put my real age in my profile I would only get reactions from old geezers who are at least 10 years older than me. I want a guy my age. So I'll deduct a couple of years from my age in my profile and come clear about it before anything that goes further than friendship develops. You only knew him a month. You can't speak about love after such a short time. I would break up with him, at your age you have plenty of opportunities. And it will be a lesson for him that lies get you nowhere.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I've tried to convince women here otherwise... that older men are just as bad as the younger ones that way... but to no avail. Exactly! Maturity and integrity has nothing to do with age. I would even say that age makes someone's flaws bigger if they lack introspection and the will to evolve. It's one of the shocking and disappointing things I noticed when dating in my forties: that people can become older without learning anything...
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I don't lie about my age. I'm not interested in older men. So if he lied about his age, I'd thank him for his honesty (now) and then tell him I'm no longer interested. RedRobin, it's a nice principle not to lie about your age as an "older woman". But you are a woman and I presume you are more or less my age (mid or late fortes) and you want someone not a lot older than you. I am afraid you will quickly notice that a lot of men you consider as your target group consider you too old. And yes, we could say that if they want younger we don't want them. It's just that there are very few remaining then. That's why my plan is to reduce my age by a couple of years next time I do online dating. The worst thing that can happen is that they have a trauma from having had a drink with a woman their own age (not that they would have guessed it if I would not tell them).
crederer Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 That's such a weird thing for me. Lying about age? WHAT? Why on earth would someone want to do that? Red flag.
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 RedRobin, it's a nice principle not to lie about your age as an "older woman". But you are a woman and I presume you are more or less my age (mid or late fortes) and you want someone not a lot older than you. I am afraid you will quickly notice that a lot of men you consider as your target group consider you too old. And yes, we could say that if they want younger we don't want them. It's just that there are very few remaining then. That's why my plan is to reduce my age by a couple of years next time I do online dating. The worst thing that can happen is that they have a trauma from having had a drink with a woman their own age (not that they would have guessed it if I would not tell them). I understand the desire to lie about age. Some younger women lie about being older(!!) and women in their 30's start feeling the urge to lie about their ages so they can meet men interested in starting a family. You don't need to be in your 40's to feel the urge to lie. Most men do online dating to get access to women they wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of meeting IRL.. that includes much younger women. It doesn't matter if you lie or not... they will still be trolling down no matter what. What I hear from a lot of men is 'it's hard to believe you are that age'... and I tell them I look like a woman who has taken care of themselves. Lying about age does nothing to educate 'men' about what real women look like. All of this is why I don't do online dating. People are obliged to lie about all kinds of things in order to increase their odds of meeting someone. The whole industry has had an extremely corrosive effect on how people meet and relate, if you ask me.
irc333 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 There was this one woman I met online...on OK Cupid...VERY attractive for her age...she had herself listed as 43...I am 41. She was rather new to online dating. When we move the conversation to the phone...she says to me that she's not actually 43. Considering that she knows MY age, I figured I would ask, "Oh , okay...so how old are you then?" She said (yes, this is a total cop-out) , "You're never suppose to ask a woman here age!" Now, this would work if I had met her in Real life and this wasn't an online dating situation...because I don't ask women their age at a party or anything like that. But I let it go, because I enjoyed our conversations. We met in person, she was a stunning blonde with a great smile. She said she used to be a fashion/swimsuit model, but currently an RN. And yes, she did look older than her stated age...I was guessing early 50's...the tip off was her having to put on her reading glasses and look over them from time to time. It was kinda cute...but seeing that activity was a big tip off. I still liked her though, because she was very sweet and intelligent. I didn't press her for the "age question" again, until our second date...I was like "okay, we've been out twice now...so can you tell me how old you are?" And she's like, "Why is this so important to you?" And I said, 'Well, if this is something you are withholding from me, and choose to lie about...there's no doubt that if we continue to date, there's no telling what you'll lie about". I wasn't going to press for her true age, until my friend told me he was married to his wife of 5 years, before seeing some legal documents showing her birthday...turned out she was 5 years older than what she had told him. She also had been lying about other things to him, but hindsight 20/20. She said that she has NEVER revealed her TRUE age to ANYONE since turning the age of 21. (Yeah, talk about baggage...I guess the modeling industry ruined it for her). And somehow she felt entitled to never revealing her age. She immediately fell off the radar and I never heard from her again. the guy I'm seeing lied about his age. He's really 41 not 36. We' been dating for a month and he confessed to me. he said he didn't want to base our relationship on dishonesty. I'm not sure to walk away or forgive him.
irc333 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 A lot of older women feel justified in lying about their age in their profile. Some actually will admit it in their PROFILE, but will "plug in" the fake numbers so when men do their searches...she'll "pop up" in their search results. Kind of sad and pathetic,but true. I think it's because they feel that with good genes, they are entitled to lie about their age? They are quite stuck on themselves, too. They say things like "I never get carded going into a club!" Yeah, that speaks volumes, you're a lone 40-something cougar in a club full of 20 somethings" talk about mid life crisis. lol Or, "I get carded all the time!" as if it's something they love to brag about. Some are kind of into dating younger men anyways, because they feel men of a certain age start to care less about their pursuit of women or when they do go out with women, they've become complacent about their activity and appearance. They'd rather sit in front of the TV all weekend watching football, while she wants to go out and do a casual bike ride...so they tend to go after a bit younger men, because younger men are more active.
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Some actually will admit it in their PROFILE, but will "plug in" the fake numbers so when men do their searches...she'll "pop up" in their search results. This isn't lying. If I were to do online dating again someday, I wouldn't have any problems with this at all. No different than wearing makeup on a date, or high heels. You aren't fooling anyone. If the guy gets bent for 'wasting' the 10 seconds it took to read her profile, then that's a bigger problem than the fact she slid herself into his search criteria. Anyway, I rarely respond to men who emailed me first in any situation. Nine times out of 10 the guy hasn't read my profile anyway. When I did online, I just did my own searches and didn't rely on men initiating emails.
BikerAccnt Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I was about to ask you how old you were but this answers it. Now I have to admit that I plan to lie about my age when I go back to online dating. I don't like it but I'll be 50 next year and if I put my real age in my profile I would only get reactions from old geezers who are at least 10 years older than me. I want a guy my age. So I'll deduct a couple of years from my age in my profile and come clear about it before anything that goes further than friendship develops. NO!, dont do that Pink. Don't lie and subtract a few years. I hate when people, make or female, do that. Don't assume that all older guys (I'm 53) are looking for younger women. I know that I am not. I don't want anyone more than 4 or 5 years on either side of me and my profile states that. To me, starting a relationship on a lie, even one as small as age, is not the way to go.
gaius Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I would not have been as excited to meet him. I didn't want a LTR with a man who's 10 yrs older then me. Nothing wrong with admitting the fact he's over 40 is what really bothers you. On our first date my ex somehow got me to show her my drivers license without me realizing what she was doing. I forget exactly how it went down but she masterfully worked into it to the point I didnt realize that she was actually carding me till months later. Maybe that should be standard operating procedure for all women. 2
irc333 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 This isn't lying. If I were to do online dating again someday, I wouldn't have any problems with this at all. Anyway, I rarely respond to men who emailed me first in any situation. Rarely? That means you've had responded on rare occasions? When I did online, I just did my own searches and didn't rely on men initiating emails. I'm not sure what you mean by this, if you did not rely on men on initiating emails, then what DID you rely on? Quit speaking in riddles. lol
InnocentMan Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 The actual lie isn't really the issue anymore. The only issue is whether she wants to date a 41yr old man. Lying about your age online is a common sport, from both sexes. All humans lie, it's in our nature. We just do it to different degrees. If he said he was poor, but really he was a milionaire, would this still be a massive deal-breaker for the moral guardians of the internets? I'll assume that all the people who say they never lie, won't be having Christmas, or tell their children about the tooth fairy. The op has to decide if this particular lie is severe enough to warrant dumping his ass. 1
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Rarely? That means you've had responded on rare occasions? I'm not sure what you mean by this, if you did not rely on men on initiating emails, then what DID you rely on? Quit speaking in riddles. lol I did say rarely, yes... *I* initiate. I don't rely on men initiating emails. I have no problems reaching out to anyone, and figure this saves me tons of time. Being passive is not my style... so sitting around all doe-eyed waiting for Mr. Right to reach out is not something I'm keen on.
StanMusial Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I went on OLD specifically to try to find someone my age (mid 30's) and didn't have any luck. Maybe the women I were emailing were all in their 40's. It seems pointless to lie about something that is printed all over legal documents anyway. If I was going to do something shady I sure wouldn't do something I knew was going to get me caught anyway.
odin673 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 How is his age relevant one way or the other? Do you want to have kids? It's only a five year age difference. There are more important things to worry about. I've had enough men tell me their real age but lie about nearly everything else! Pick your battles. It is an indication that the person is willing to be dishonest to get what they want(whether it be more attention etc). It's very likely that there are other lies. Just because a lot of people do it, doesn't mean it's ok. If you don't want to reveal your age on your profile, put in a fake one and make a note that it isn't your real age in said profile.
runningfar Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I'd be upset about the lie... but he confessed and if he seems really sorry andthere seems to be something good there, I'd consider forgiving him. Not immediately, but if it was just what was written in his profile and not something you asked and he lied about, I'd be willing to be more flexible. I do think lying about your age or anything is universally stupid and ridiculous.
crederer Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Whenever I do online dating, I usually put the parameters for age higher than my ideal age. If someone has to lie about their age to get a date, it's probably not the type of person you'd want to date anyways.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 The best reaction would actually have been to tell him that you don't mind since you also deducted 5 years of your age. Now I would have liked to see his face if you told him that... Of course once we are emotionally involved, we are too hurt to come up with smartass replies.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 A lot of older women feel justified in lying about their age in their profile. Some actually will admit it in their PROFILE, but will "plug in" the fake numbers so when men do their searches...she'll "pop up" in their search results. Kind of sad and pathetic,but true. No. It's not the women who are pathetic, it's the men who won't consider a woman their own age once they are 40 or older. If you put your real age in your profile, a lot of men won't even see you because they put their search parameters at maximum 45. So far I have been honest about my age but what does that get me: guys end of 50ies or even in their 60ies (if they are honest about their age). That's why online dating stinks but I would not know where else I could meet someone. All guys I meet or either taken or gay .
FitChick Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Ageism permeates all facets of our society. Lying about income is much more important. Financial conflicts are the top cause of divorce. Forget about exchanging driving licenses. Exchange credit reports at the first date. As far as the OP goes, which is better -- marrying a man who is older with an established career who can support a family or marrying someone younger who can't? 1
incelveteran Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 , it's the men who won't consider a woman their own age once they are 40 or older. Some of us under 40 prefer women over 40 , and the amount of "cougars" on dating websites who want a 23yr old "stud" are pretty pathetic too. FitChick: marrying a man who is older with an established career who can support a family or marrying someone younger who can't? BRILLIANT. Best comment I have seen on this forum.
napy666 Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Unless the person is lying all across the internet. It's up to you on what you plan to do. Do you feel comfortable dating a 41 year old?
Recommended Posts