freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 the guy I'm seeing lied about his age. He's really 41 not 36. We' been dating for a month and he confessed to me. he said he didn't want to base our relationship on dishonesty. I'm not sure to walk away or forgive him.
elbe Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Sounds like he did exactly what he "didn't want to do". IMO if you lie to me about something trivial you'll lie to me about something really hard. I don't care if this is harsh it's my policy. 2
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I'm really heartbroken =/ We were so in love..URG The age isn't the problem, it's the fact that he lied =( BUT he did confess and it's still pretty early on..which is why I am reconsidering it.
elbe Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I'm really heartbroken =/ We were so in love..URG The age isn't the problem, it's the fact that he lied =( BUT he did confess and it's still pretty early on..which is why I am reconsidering it. I wonder how old he really is...
edgygirl Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I "white lie" about my age online, but I never wait a month to tell. It is in my profile, and I disclose my age (3 years older) in the first date. Taking from me - this is the ONLY white lie I tell and the purpose it to get more people to find me on their search tools on the dating site. I am too honest and do not lie about anything else. So, no, I don't think it implies he's a liar in general. 2
Mariposa10 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 How did he lie about it? Did he tell you straight to your face? He did confess, and it's only been a month... Idk, this is a tough call.
InnocentMan Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 It wasn't a direct lie after you asked him a question. It sounds like just a general lie to the good people of the internets. Maybe he should have told you after a day or two, instead of leaving it a month. I'd be more concerned about the fact you think you love him after a month. If you didn't even know his real age, what else don't you know? 1
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 well, it's not "love" but we really like each other.
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Well... he lied to you at a time where you were taking him at his word about something obviously important to you, he lied and it hurt you. He confessed and is looking for your ability to forgive him, should you ? hmmmm... yes but be wary that he has more lies out there and will lie in the future. Do you think he hurried the I love you part of the relationship in order to 'hook' you so when he laid the lie out there you would not kick him to the curb ?, if he did that then he lies and manipulates.
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 well he didn't say that yet, we just have really good chemistry and we're really into reach other. he makes me feel like i'm 23 again (excited about love). To be quite honest it's been a while since I've been in an LTR so usually little things like this don't bother me. But we both talked about wanting LTR which is my guess why he opened up to me.
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 What I meant was do you think he poured on the personality or hurried the relationship so you would get sucked in so he wouldn't be dumped when he told you about the lie ?, he obviously knew from the first moment that he was lying to you so he had a plan on when to tell you and had a plan for it to all work and there is more to the plan than just a lie..
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 that's what I'm concern about =( What I meant was do you think he poured on the personality or hurried the relationship so you would get sucked in so he wouldn't be dumped when he told you about the lie ?, he obviously knew from the first moment that he was lying to you so he had a plan on when to tell you and had a plan for it to all work and there is more to the plan than just a lie..
FitChick Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 How is his age relevant one way or the other? Do you want to have kids? It's only a five year age difference. There are more important things to worry about. I've had enough men tell me their real age but lie about nearly everything else! Pick your battles. 3
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Your the only one that will be able to figure that one out, throw caution to the wind with wide open eyes and see where it goes, run at the first sign of any other cracks in the foundation or other red flags... Oh.. and googling a persons name with their city will bring up their age today...
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 How is his age relevant one way or the other? Do you want to have kids? It's only a five year age difference. There are more important things to worry about. I've had enough men tell me their real age but lie about nearly everything else! Pick your battles. To me the way she is answering it isn't the age but the lie that has created the anxiety.
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 age isn't the issue, it's the lie. 1
FitChick Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 If you knew his age before you met, would you have bothered to meet him? If you put an age range in your profile, you might never have met him.
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I don't lie about my age. I'm not interested in older men. So if he lied about his age, I'd thank him for his honesty (now) and then tell him I'm no longer interested. It's no different than if someone told me they enjoyed outdoor activities, and then turns out to be lying about that. It's a source of incompatibility. 4
Author freetolove Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I would not have been as excited to meet him. I didn't want a LTR with a man who's 10 yrs older then me. 2
SunnySide0418 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 He lied about it online. I don't think it's that big of a deal. I'd proceed with caution to be sure there are no other lies but I don't think it's a deal breaker. JMO. 1
mortensorchid Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 People lie about their ages online a lot. It would also give me pause to meet someone who lies about their age if they were to meet face to face for the initial contact. At least he told you, you could've gone on not knowing at all. Some have lied to me about things in the past, including their ages. Now that he has told you the truth ... What to do now? Well, consider a few other things here. You've known him a month. Has he lied about anything else? He might, you know. Do you want to put up with his lies? I have had some former friends who had reputations for lying to me and others. We're no longer friends because their lies were just the tip of the icebergs. Chances are this is the same situation. 1
RedRobin Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I would not have been as excited to meet him. I didn't want a LTR with a man who's 10 yrs older then me. Five years is the most I'd go too. If his upper age range on his own profile wasn't at least 10 years too, I'd dump him not only for lying... but for also being a hypocrite. The being a hypocrite would be a bigger dealbreaker to me.
Eggplant Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 It's a little red flag. Keep your eyes wide open. Notice whether exaggeration and little lies are commonplace. It's early yet, and you should not get comfortable.
Andy_K Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Five years is the most I'd go too. If his upper age range on his own profile wasn't at least 10 years too, I'd dump him not only for lying... but for also being a hypocrite. The being a hypocrite would be a bigger dealbreaker to me. This would make almost everyone online a hypocrite. The majority of girls will date older guys but are VERY reluctant to date much younger, and guys are the opposite.
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