Jealous of his wife?

[glamxoxo]

Not sure if im even posting this in the right place. I'm jealous of my boyfriends wife. They have been separated since July 2012. We met in December 2012 and I moved in with him august of this year. I don't know how to get over my jealousy of his wife. They have a child together but he has full custody of his daughter so she lives with us. I feel like he will never love me as much as he loved her and i feel like i cant live up to her. I'm jealous at the fact that they still have to stay in contact because of his child but who knows what else they are talking about. I feel like i'm being silly and childish because of my jealousy issues and its causing me to not trust him because of my insecurities. I get jealous whenever I come across old pictures of them together on facebook and how close his wife is to his mother. I'm also scared that one day they will just get back together and maybe he still have feelings for her because he doesn't plan on getting divorced anytime soon. I have left his house and have been staying at my mothers because we've been arguing about his wife. He doesn't reassure me about his feelings. He just says that he doesn't need to owe me any explanations about anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

[experiencethedevine]

Not sure if im even posting this in the right place. I'm jealous of my boyfriends wife. They have been separated since July 2012. We met in December 2012 and I moved in with him august of this year. I don't know how to get over my jealousy of his wife. They have a child together but he has full custody of his daughter so she lives with us. I feel like he will never love me as much as he loved her and i feel like i cant live up to her. I'm jealous at the fact that they still have to stay in contact because of his child but who knows what else they are talking about. I feel like i'm being silly and childish because of my jealousy issues and its causing me to not trust him because of my insecurities. I get jealous whenever I come across old pictures of them together on facebook and how close his wife is to his mother. I'm also scared that one day they will just get back together and maybe he still have feelings for her because he doesn't plan on getting divorced anytime soon. I have left his house and have been staying at my mothers because we've been arguing about his wife. He doesn't reassure me about his feelings. He just says that he doesn't need to owe me any explanations about anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

You might be wise to seek some therapy in the first instance. I think your jealousy is rather more than what might be considered the norm. Particularly as you state that you are insecure.

 

 

Of course they have to stay in contact to bring up their child responsibly as parents. You cannot deny the child (the innocent party in all of it) the tenderness of being respected, loved and nurtured by two parents who have his/her best interests at their core in spite of the mess their own relationship might be in.

 

 

You will destroy what you have with this man if you continue down this road. Your jealousy is beyond reasonable. For your own sake, seek guidance with a professional.

 

 

Good luck.

[Raena]

Has he filed for separation legally? Has he taken any steps in that direction? Is he open about his conversations with her?

 

See, I can see why you'd have some feelings of jealousy if the answers to the above are all no.

 

I don't think you need counseling for that, what you need is to know that you are secure in your relationship with him. Tell him openly what you are feeling, not that he has to explain himself to you, but that he needs to make you feel like he isn't just hanging on to his wife.

 

Yes, you need to respectful of their relationship with their child. Yes, you need to feel comfortable with them having conversations together, that will happen.

 

Have you tried talking to his wife? If not, then you should consider doing so. Talking to her about her feelings about all of this could help you to feel better about the situation(or make you realize that there is more to the story than he is telling you). If you can't talk to her, then I would be concerned about being in this relationship if I were you too.

[glamxoxo]

I'm not sure if he has filed separation legally he just told me they have been separated since july of last year. I've asked about their conversations and he has said to me that he doesn't owe me any explanations or tell me what they are talking about. Am i wrong for wanting to know? I tell him how i feel and that i need reassurance about our relationship sometimes but he wont communicate with me and says im an idiot for thinking the way i do and my feelings are just drama.

[veryhappy]

You are not crazy. He is making you crazy.

 

This is also not about the child. Plenty of people deal with that and aren't making their new partners insane.

 

You will do yourself a big favor if you see all the red flags and cut this guy completely out of your life. You are a filler, he won't get divorced and probably the separation was initiated by the wife. Men can't be alone so you're just keeping him warm until he can convince her to take him back.

 

there's no future with a man married to someone else who wants to stay married to that person. You are this jealous because he's constantly setting you up to feel insecure and less then.

 

There's no good future with a man calling you an idiot and discounting your worries. Press eject and move on.

 

Why does he have full custody and how and why did they separate?

Edited December 13, 2013 by cutedragon

[Iguanna]

I can't even imagine staying with a person who does not try to make my insecurities go away in a relationship. You are raising his kid and this is how he pays you back? With saying that he doesn't owe you explanations? I hope you see that he is not interested in making this relationship work and that his mind and heart are with his wife.

 

I find strange the fact that a court gave full custody of the child to the father instead of the mother. Is the mother in rehab or in jail maybe and he is waiting for her to come out soon?

[Raena]

I'm not sure if he has filed separation legally he just told me they have been separated since july of last year. I've asked about their conversations and he has said to me that he doesn't owe me any explanations or tell me what they are talking about. Am i wrong for wanting to know? I tell him how i feel and that i need reassurance about our relationship sometimes but he wont communicate with me and says im an idiot for thinking the way i do and my feelings are just drama.

 

Yes he DOES owe you explanations. If he doesn't see it that way, then you are right to feel concerned. If he isn't open about what is going on with his wife then there is probably much more to the story than he is telling you.

 

He calls you an idiot and tells you your feelings are drama? Ok, yeah, you need to lose this guy.

[glamxoxo]

He has full custody because his daughters mom would leave for months at a time during their relationship to other states to work as a stripper and come and go as she pleased leaving their daughter alone with random people and my boyfriend would never be able to find her. I guess being a full time mom cramps her lifestyle? I'm not really sure but thats the story he has told me.

[stillafool]

Wow! She sounds like a bad girl. I don't see why he has to talk to her so much if she runs all over the place and doesn't want to be a mother to their daughter. What are they talking about? If he has full custody why does he need to chat her up?

[Goodbye]

He has full custody because his daughters mom would leave for months at a time during their relationship to other states to work as a stripper and come and go as she pleased leaving their daughter alone with random people and my boyfriend would never be able to find her. I guess being a full time mom cramps her lifestyle? I'm not really sure but thats the story he has told me.

 

 

Hmm, I'd not be too jealous of her.

[blue963]

I wonder if this is not so much about you needing reassurance of the presence of the wife, but your presence in his life. Maybe there is something lacking and YOU feel insecure with him. What does he do to make YOU feel secure in your relationship. Perhaps that is the missing piece. If you were feeling secure you would not be threatened by his communication with her.

[SunsetRed]

You have a right to be jealous. Some of what you feel is jealousy may also be that you're simple scared because you know that this relationship is a scary, unsafe place to be. If he's been separated for nearly a year and a half and still hasn't filed for divorce, then he probably has no intention of doing so.

Its one thing to have communication with the mother of his child, but its another thing entirely to keep you out of the loop of whats going on w his divorce, esp if you are a couple, living together and sharing a routine and expenses. I feel that this relationship will only harm you and will end up being a complete waste of your time. Im not sure how old you are, but please don't waste your child bearing years w this man. You've done the right thing by moving out. Best of Luck

[Cinnimon]

He has full custody because his daughters mom would leave for months at a time during their relationship to other states to work as a stripper and come and go as she pleased leaving their daughter alone with random people and my boyfriend would never be able to find her. I guess being a full time mom cramps her lifestyle? I'm not really sure but thats the story he has told me.

 

He says basically it's none of your business but doesn't mind sharing info that paints him in a good light........Hmmm

[scorpio1978]

Sorry, but she doesn't sound like anyone you should be jealous of and the fact that you are there with him and the child and she is not says a lot. You are the one he is choosing to be with, not her. If they wanted to be together, they would be. A partying stripper who cannot take care of her own child? Oh, heck no. You're better than that. Come on.

 

 

So, try to empower yourself because if I was her, it would be YOU I was jealous of. The woman who has my husband and child. It doesn't help that you don't feel secure in this relationship and he is not helping matters in that sense. But...

 

 

You need to understand that there is a sacred bond between two people when they have a child. That is one thing you cannot mess with. They can hate each other, but that child will always be there and their communication must be too. So, honestly, I don't think you need to know what they talk about. You are not the parent, they are and it's not your business what the details of the conversations are. I am not trying to sound harsh, but that needs to be something separate outside of your relationship. That's between the two of them, not you. I do of course understand you wanting to know, but I think if you felt better in this relationship, you wouldn't even feel the need to ask.

 

 

You two need to work on communicating and if you are not getting what you need from this relationship, I would recommend you leave and find a man that you feel secure with, not one who makes you secure, but one you already feel secure with where you don't have to question anything or feel unsettled.

[whichwayisup]

Not sure if im even posting this in the right place. I'm jealous of my boyfriends wife. They have been separated since July 2012. We met in December 2012 and I moved in with him august of this year. I don't know how to get over my jealousy of his wife. They have a child together but he has full custody of his daughter so she lives with us. I feel like he will never love me as much as he loved her and i feel like i cant live up to her. I'm jealous at the fact that they still have to stay in contact because of his child but who knows what else they are talking about. I feel like i'm being silly and childish because of my jealousy issues and its causing me to not trust him because of my insecurities. I get jealous whenever I come across old pictures of them together on facebook and how close his wife is to his mother. I'm also scared that one day they will just get back together and maybe he still have feelings for her because he doesn't plan on getting divorced anytime soon. I have left his house and have been staying at my mothers because we've been arguing about his wife. He doesn't reassure me about his feelings. He just says that he doesn't need to owe me any explanations about anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Why does he not plan on divorcing any time soon?

 

Accept that his ex is going to be in your lives forever, make peace with it. Get to know her a bit too because you're a stepmom to her daughter. Really, if you all can get along, put the daughter first above your own worries, show her how great you are and include her at times, maybe you won't feel threatened.

 

Has he given you reason to worry?

 

You shouldn't be jealous of her relationship with her in laws, that has nothing to do with you and they will also be in each others lives because of the history and them being grandparents..

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure if he has filed separation legally he just told me they have been separated since july of last year. I've asked about their conversations and he has said to me that he doesn't owe me any explanations or tell me what they are talking about. Am i wrong for wanting to know? I tell him how i feel and that i need reassurance about our relationship sometimes but he wont communicate with me and says im an idiot for thinking the way i do and my feelings are just drama.

 

Then dump him. Really, if he was wanting to be with you as a life long partner, you'd know the details of what is happening next in the sense of them divorcing or legal separation etc.. He is giving you enough reason to feel insecure! He's abusive and rude! Forget my other post, RUN..End it! This guy is no good and he's so disrespectful towards you.

[Got it]

Not being transparent with me about his marital status and plans would be a deal breaker. His attitude would not work well with me. You can suggest couples counseling to work on your communication issues with each other. But, honestly, he is sounding kind of like a jerk.

[elbe]

This is why I can't date girls with children. I'm jealous of that skeezbag before I even meet the women.

[Nothisgirl]

Not being transparent with me about his marital status and plans would be a deal breaker. His attitude would not work well with me. You can suggest couples counseling to work on your communication issues with each other. But, honestly, he is sounding kind of like a jerk.

 

 

Exactly this ^^^

 

I would demand couples counselling to work on the way he speaks to you and treats you...otherwise I think you should leave...it sounds like he's still got one foot in her door.... I'm sorry

[Iguanna]

he is not in counseling with his wife ,mother of his kid, do you think he will go to any counseling with a woman he knows a couple of months and :lmao::lmao::lmao:already told its not her business to know more information ?

 

Are you aware that this woman is raising HIS child while his "wife" goes around the country and works as a stripper?

[stillafool]

I don't think it was a good idea to move in with him and his child until you saw fully executed divorce papers. This man is still in love with his no good ex wife and that's pretty clear. OP you were right to move out.

[scorpio1978]

I agree with him.

He dont own you any explonation . Because you know all you need to know and that is

that he is not single and still married.

 

On that note you should have stay away from day one and date single people.

 

But jet you choose to mess with peoples husband.

And this is what you get.

Marriages knows rocky times and people may separate a while to

think about things. etc. Its shore not a time for them to mess around.

But to still stay true to their husband/wife.

 

So i think it was stupid and wrong from him to have you and also bring you around his kid. And its also very wrong for the kid to see you a " whatever gf" coming in and make fights about her mom.

That is so wrong.

 

If he is still married means he is still married. So he have plans and will go back to his wife.

So there is no place for you.

 

You need to work on your self esteem and stop agreeing on being a sex object or partime thing.

And look for the best treatment from a single men.

 

This men is not yours never was.

He have his wife. You need to go get your own men somewhere else!

 

 

I disagree with everything here. You don't deserve what is happening here because this man is still legally married. People separate and divorce proceedings take a while sometimes. I would never look at you in this situation like a sex object or a "whatever gf" and there is a place for you in this relationship if you two and figure out what is going on. You are not messing with someone's husband like an affair. In this day and age, separated people date. It happens. Him being evasive is not your fault and being that your self esteem isn't the greatest it seems here, taking this so-called advice here will only make you feel worse. Don't let it.

 

 

Way to make her feel terrible here. My goodness..

[SunsetRed]

Some of these latest posts sound really harsh. At the same time, they are true too. The post about him not really being yours as long as he's married, the one about him not being serious about you because if he was, he'd file for divorce, the one about his wife and child still being his responsibility even if they are separated for 10000 years, all of these are hard to hear, but they are true too.

 

Most of us who are on the other end of this, know this to be true.

 

It sucks so much. I will never ever ever date another separated guy again. Separated is married. I wont date a divorced guy who constantly talks about his ex wife either. I wont date anyone who keeps talking about any ex, because I don't want to be w someone who has unfinished business.

 

I want to b w someone with whom I can start my own thing with.

 

Good luck and congrats on moving out. don't move back in.

[scorpio1978]

Doesn't sound smart to uae my reply as your guide line to

try to make sence

because main is true and real.

 

And its not about people do in this time of year.

its about what is rigth or wrong. Its stupid to prais her action

After reading that it still and was no succes in this time of year.

so why advice her messy junk food while she already went there

with no succes.

 

It can be year 3000 but that will never change the facts.

and married people will still have responsability with

their wife and kids. Rather you wasted your whole life in their

separation.

They did not separate to jave you. But because they thougth

that will help them figure things out.

 

Its a ilission to mes with not single men. Dont you see that

everyday in the om/ow topics. So what are you pretanding now??

 

 

The truth shall set you free.! A sweet lie does not help you with anything.

 

 

 

You can never win from a married wife.

there is a reason a men married her dont you think!?

we need to stop avoiding reality. And call bad good and good bad.

we only fool and hurth ourselfs. And waste to much time

while if we are honest it would have been less hurt.

no one login to hear the lie they know .

 

 

I can't even understand a word you are typing/saying. So, I have no response to this.

[Barrsitter]

You're wasting your time. Love is bull**** at the best of times, especially with a married person. Have more self-respect and give this guy the old heave-ho.