M30USA Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I know the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. So can anyone here confidently say they remarried and now have a fulfilling, secure marriage which has lasted longer than, say, 10 years and isn't having the "same" issues pop up as first marriage? I'd love to hear your stories.
Silly_Girl Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Not my own experience, I'm only 5 months in, but my parents, my ex-in laws and many friends' parents have remarried and been together 20, 30+ years. I can't assert as to the quality of their marriages but until Loveshack I thought most 2nd marriages went the distance. 1
Janesays Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 We haven't been married 10 years, but so far my 2nd marriage is waaaayyyyy better than my first. 2
Woggle Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 We have been married seven years and it is far far better than my first marriage. It is my second and her first. I think we will make it and be happy as well. 2
dichotomy Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I am on my second marriage now, 8 years, and I can say with complete confidence it is a completely different....set of problems.:lmao:
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 i have never been married but had a fifteen year relationship that broke because of infidelity..he idnt believe in marriage but i did....he cheated....i still hold the same values as far as relationships go....i dont see why a second marriage should have to fail as long as the person getting married believes in commitment and compromise...and yeah love.....deb
Author M30USA Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I am on my second marriage now, 8 years, and I can say with complete confidence it is a completely different....set of problems.:lmao: As in...good problems? Bad problems? 1
dichotomy Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) As in...good problems? Bad problems? Without going into all the details. My first wife -did not really want to be traditionally married. My fault - I knew this and did not face it head on before marrying her. My current wife - I know she wanted a traditional marriage and love (thats one major reason I choose to marry her after my first wife mistake) - but what I did not know was she did not know how to do that, and in fact was really (really) messed/damaged up from her own first marriage and subsequent relationships afterwards. Her fault, she did not face it openly, get healthy, before marrying me. I think it sometimes comes down to how you deal and grow from the loss from a bad first marriage - and knowing yourself. I went into two years of therapy and got good people surrounding me to guide me in healthy ways of thinking. My current wife got really bad/limited therapy advice and really bad people surrounding her after her divorce. So I have spent years dragging her to MC to help her resolve her past marriage/relationship and understand what marriage is.... and I wish I did not have to do that. On the positive side I am married to someone who does enjoy and appreciate and value highly being in a good stable marriage and family situation, but she is still learning what it means for her to be a part of that. Edited December 17, 2013 by dichotomy
Arieswoman Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I was maried to my first husband for 8 years. I divorced him because he had an EA with a girl at work. I was on my own for about 15 years until I met my second husband and we have been married 5 years. Both of them are untidy about the house but there the similarity ends! I think that people need/want different things from a relationship as they get older. When I was younger I lacked confidence and picked someone who was very controlled, controlling and manipulative (although I didn't see it at the time). Hubby number 2 is very open and straighforward and a much more pleasant sort of character. So far so good ! 2
Author M30USA Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I was maried to my first husband for 8 years. I divorced him because he had an EA with a girl at work. I was on my own for about 15 years until I met my second husband and we have been married 5 years. Both of them are untidy about the house but there the similarity ends! I think that people need/want different things from a relationship as they get older. When I was younger I lacked confidence and picked someone who was very controlled, controlling and manipulative (although I didn't see it at the time). Hubby number 2 is very open and straighforward and a much more pleasant sort of character. So far so good ! Best of luck in the future.
Arieswoman Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Thank you for your good wishes M30USA ! 1
Solcita2 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 My uncle married his school sweetheart after she got pregnant. However they only got married by law and not by church (in Argentina even when the law one is the valid one, not getting married by the church might imply you don't think it'd last... for us, the "real wedding" is the church one). They lost that first baby. Later on they had 3 children together. They had a very nasty divorce after being married for 15 years. Both acused each other of infidelity, my uncle took all the money and etc... Then he remarried with his second wife (the OW according to his ex), they were older by this time (she was around 40). By the law and the church this time. It was her first marriage. They had a daughter right away and been together 22 years so far... In the other hand, my aunt never remarried and swore she would never do that again, but she did move in with her bf (the OM according to my uncle) and lived together for 5 years until he suddenly died. She never remarried or moved in with anybody else. For like 10 years or so my uncle and aunt were not able to see each other, but now they spend xmas with us all together... no prob... weird, but no prob. And since their oldest daughter had babies, they got more friendly with each other, they're co-grandparenting... Althought sometimes I do feel my aunt is a little bit mean to the new wife... I still can't believe we still call her "the new" wife when she's been married with him for longer than his first wife... weird, isn't?
Marriedwithgirls Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Not quite 10 years yet, but only two off. Not my second marriage, but is my Husbands and still going strong. His first marriage lasted four years. 2
Author M30USA Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 As I've said, I don't know a lot anymore. I would have thunk that a woman would rather have a man in his 30s or 40s who had no previous marriage or kids; but evidently women are suspicious of these men, as if there's something wrong with them. I guess this is good for me. I guess me having a screwed up previous marriage with 2 kids is a perk, huh? 1
dichotomy Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 A. I guess me having a screwed up previous marriage with 2 kids is a perk, huh? It could be. I was happy to find a woman - with a child, who wanted a good man and father. Those issues and challenges I was up for.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Married 10+ years the first time, messily divorced after several separations due to my wife's infidelity and my desire to make it work for our young son. Remarried after being single for 3 years, now ready to celebrate 25 years with my second wife (her first marriage). 3 great kids with all the usual ups/downs in a long term relationship, all of which we've been able to get through because, unlike my conflict-avoidance ex, my wife has been willing to do the work required to face life's problems. Looking forward to retiring, traveling and enjoying the kids and grandkids. Happy together :-) ... Mr. Lucky 7
Author M30USA Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Married 10+ years the first time, messily divorced after several separations due to my wife's infidelity and my desire to make it work for our young son. Remarried after being single for 3 years, now ready to celebrate 25 years with my second wife (her first marriage). 3 great kids with all the usual ups/downs in a long term relationship, all of which we've been able to get through because, unlike my conflict-avoidance ex, my wife has been willing to do the work required to face life's problems. Looking forward to retiring, traveling and enjoying the kids and grandkids. Happy together :-) ... Mr. Lucky Good for you!!! 1
CrystalCastles Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 My parents have both been married twice. My dad's first marriage happened when he was 20, and lasted 1 year. Getting married early was acceptable in the Soviet Union and your family worried about you if you were still single at 20. My mom married at 19, marriage also lasted a year. Both my parents met each other at 26. They're still madly in love, and they're 50 now. OTOH, many of my mom's friends remarried, and their marriages didn't last. My uncle divorced my aunt (don't remember how long their marriage was, but it was several years) and he's now happily married to another woman who I've never met. My cousin has been married twice, and divorced twice. I think the success of the marriage depends on the individuals, and whether they are willing to stick together through the hard times, or give up. 2
painfullyobvious Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 My next door neighbor remarried and they married each other after engaging in an affair while he was married. They are going on at least twenty years marriage now. They are happy and have two of their own children. It does happen. I never knew they circumstances of their marriage until a few years ago.
Author M30USA Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 My next door neighbor remarried and they married each other after engaging in an affair while he was married. They are going on at least twenty years marriage now. They are happy and have two of their own children. It does happen. I never knew they circumstances of their marriage until a few years ago. Your post is confusing. Are you saying the original couple, who went through an affair, went on to remarry each other?
central Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 We've been together 14 years, married for about half that time. Our first marriages were awful, but this time there are none of the problems (no problems of any kind, actually), and all of the joys we'd hoped for. So I'd say we got it right the second time, are amazingly happy, and see no obstacles or issues to that remaining true for the rest of our lives. 1
violet1 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I know the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. So can anyone here confidently say they remarried and now have a fulfilling, secure marriage which has lasted longer than, say, 10 years and isn't having the "same" issues pop up as first marriage? I'd love to hear your stories. I've always thought those statistics are a bit off. Most of the people I know are in 2nd marriages and quite happy. I think the problem is most people (at least in my area) get married the first time around too young.
liloldlady Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 This will be my man's second marriage, but his 1st was brief and a lonnnnnng time ago. It was a long term relationship he was in -- like a LONG time -- and he already knows I don't play that. I'm not playing house and shacking up and not trying to be his girlfriend for no 5 years. He agrees. You just don't do that in 2013. No no.
SolG Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I actually have LOTS of examples, but this one is the best. My brother first married when he was 21 and divorced 7 years later (no kids) - they were too young, she didn't want children, and a lot of other stuff just wasn't right. He remarried and now three kids and 29 years later, I can say that his marriage is the benchmark for me. I wouldn't say that they are picture book perfect (wouldn't that be boring anyway); but they're happy, successful, each others favourite companion and obviously still in love. Their disagreements are invariably minor and resolved with respect. Nothing at all like his first marriage! My brother often says to me that marrying his wife was the first great thing he ever did. BTW, when we have these discussions, he often calls her his 'real' wife; the first one wasn't a real marriage, just a test run :-D
karnak Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I guess it's never a question of wether it's the first, second or third marriage. It's a question of wether the people are compatible, if they are honest, have emotional intelligence and love each other. Everyone makes mistakes. It's ok to fail in a first marriage. But you should learn from your mistakes and grow to be a better and stronger person. 1
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