Mr me to Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I haven't had sex in 3 months I did about a month after we broke up but I was drunk and felt guilty afterwards. I've always had a high sex drive but I just don't seem to find anyone sexually attractive at the moment (weird) I made a post about trying it on with my ex in the coping section this was after I found her vibrator apparently she's sexually liberated now and has been experimenting as she drunkingly informed me. Guess that's only with other people now as she rejected my advances. The thought of her being with other men haunts me that is my place of worship and my advances were a failed attempt of re establishing ownership (Ill admit it). Even when masturbating I still think of her not intentionally she just creeps in problem is before I finish I picture her with someone else leaving me feeling disgusted, gives a whole new meaning to guilty wank . Even this she has ruined for me. I need to stop obsessing about her with some one else, it really is soul destroying.
OpheliaSong Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Are you saying she is having sex in church?
Author Mr me to Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Are you saying she is having sex in church? Don't know where she is having it but she is and I really shouldn't of asked but I did. All I know is she sexy as Hell and I'm afraid no other girl is going to compare
NoLeafClover Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I haven't had sex in 3 months I did about a month after we broke up but I was drunk and felt guilty afterwards. I've always had a high sex drive but I just don't seem to find anyone sexually attractive at the moment (weird) I made a post about trying it on with my ex in the coping section this was after I found her vibrator apparently she's sexually liberated now and has been experimenting as she drunkingly informed me. Guess that's only with other people now as she rejected my advances. The thought of her being with other men haunts me that is my place of worship and my advances were a failed attempt of re establishing ownership (Ill admit it). Even when masturbating I still think of her not intentionally she just creeps in problem is before I finish I picture her with someone else leaving me feeling disgusted, gives a whole new meaning to guilty wank . Even this she has ruined for me. I need to stop obsessing about her with some one else, it really is soul destroying. When people are trying to move on, they go No contact so that they don't think of their ex's.......Don't you think trying to think of your ex initially is kind of not helping your situation? You need to accept the fact that she's out of your life. You should not contact her and accept that she is and will be with someone else sooner or later. Only when you get to that point, then you can.....masturbate freely as you please..... with your hands in the air....like you just don't care. ..hopefully by then you have found yourself a girl 2
Author Mr me to Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Yes I completely realise that now but it doesn't make it any easier... Here is the initial post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/448699-sabotaged-my-self-deep-deep-pain
Sososad Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Very cliche but time will heal that ... Your just not there yet ... It's gonna take time .. U will get there .. And don't worry we all Move at different speeds. I found accepting my ex is gone has made it easier (for me at least) Like what she does isn't my business it's nothing to do with me she's entirely Entitled too sleep around or whatever ... As soon as she pops into your mind stop it and change the thought. With time u will do it automatically! 1
Honeybun11 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 You will find someone sexy again I promise! PRobably even sexier than your ex! Perhaps try and get to know a few people first because sometimes its personality that can make some extra sexy! I know what you mean about the masturbating thing because I used to find it difficult at first but now I do it whilst watching a tv program with men I find attractive in it, perhaps you should try that but with women? And just fantasise about them and only them, they're right there in front of you so shouldn't be too difficult! 1
jba10582 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Lately I have felt a lower sex drive as well, but with an increased calmness and melowness.I know after my breakup everything in life felt empty, but as time goes by, you'll begin to let go of things more and more, and it may even feel uplifting at times as the weight of burden slowly fades away.
sambo77 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Yeah...I can totally relate to this. Been celibate for about the same length of time as you and am struggling with the exact same issues you mention. I feel like I have COMPLETELY flatlined in relation to being sexually aroused over anything other than my ex. Either (a) I'm f&cked now and my brain has wired itself only for her, or (b) I'm in a process of "recalibration"...where I'll slowly lose the almost instinctive need to pair HER with sexual arousal and learn to get aroused over other stuff too. I hope it's (b) but, as Socrates said, turning 70 and losing all sexual desire was the first day of "freedom" he'd experienced in his entire adult life...so maybe (a)'s better?! I understand exactly what you're saying about a BU turning masturbation into a surreal guilt-ridden, anxiety-filled, "muted" sort of orgasm. Meh...a BU even robs you of the usually dependable pleasure that a good old fashioned hand shandy used to provide, doesn't it. Seems like it's just impossible to find the smallest island upon which to shelter from the storm...
Fangorn Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I'm in pretty much the same boat, for a few days I had these brutal dreams of my Ex and I having really aggressive sex and that set me off but then I just felt **** afterwards and realised she's going to be doing that with someone else. I figured I'd turn this muted libido into a positive though so I'm trying the 'Nofap challenge' over on Reddit to see if I gain some super powers. It seems very worthwhile and a lot of people report feeling far more confident and focussed as well as having healthier and better sexual relationships with women. I'd say try it out.
JDPT Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 The process is pretty standard. I too went through the same and I'm currently at 7 months post BU. I went from having someone whose sex drive was possibly as high as mine and we did it everywhere and anywhere to being left stranded to take care of my needs. I used to fantasize about our intimate moments when spending time with "myself". It later got boring and realized that even doing that was hurtful to my recovery process so I went on to reminiscing about previous casual encounters I had with other women for later to realize that I can't keep living in the past and that I need to create new memories. The first few months of her dumping me I couldn't even look at another woman without comparing. I felt no attraction whatsoever, I used to think there was something wrong with me. I also had sex with a gorgeous girl, 6 years younger than me but afterwards felt terrible. Things have changed for me, just 5 years ago I was chasing tail that's all I cared about. I didn't bother to get to know her or perhaps appeared to be interested in whoever I was after to accomplish my ultimate goal which was to get her in bed, with a 99% success rate. I loved one night stands, no strings attached, spend the night and they can go home first thing in the morning. However, now I feel I need more than just that. I need a connection with her and spend time together and when we end up having sex we will and it will be great. Don't rush things take your time, take care of yourself for you, you are all that matters from this point forward. 1
xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 The process is pretty standard. I too went through the same and I'm currently at 7 months post BU. I went from having someone whose sex drive was possibly as high as mine and we did it everywhere and anywhere to being left stranded to take care of my needs. I used to fantasize about our intimate moments when spending time with "myself". It later got boring and realized that even doing that was hurtful to my recovery process so I went on to reminiscing about previous casual encounters I had with other women for later to realize that I can't keep living in the past and that I need to create new memories. The first few months of her dumping me I couldn't even look at another woman without comparing. I felt no attraction whatsoever, I used to think there was something wrong with me. I also had sex with a gorgeous girl, 6 years younger than me but afterwards felt terrible. Things have changed for me, just 5 years ago I was chasing tail that's all I cared about. I didn't bother to get to know her or perhaps appeared to be interested in whoever I was after to accomplish my ultimate goal which was to get her in bed, with a 99% success rate. I loved one night stands, no strings attached, spend the night and they can go home first thing in the morning. However, now I feel I need more than just that. I need a connection with her and spend time together and when we end up having sex we will and it will be great. Don't rush things take your time, take care of yourself for you, you are all that matters from this point forward. sounds a lot what I went through. My therapist helped me realize that I kept fantasizing about our sex life because that was when we were "closest"...thats when everything felt "right". That feeling was gone and I wanted it back, thus I thought about it and craved it. Sex clouds a persons judgement...for me, my ex and I started as f-buddies...so from the start our relationship was off. It just takes realizing that these feelings will come again with someone else.
JDPT Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 sounds a lot what I went through. My therapist helped me realize that I kept fantasizing about our sex life because that was when we were "closest"...thats when everything felt "right". That feeling was gone and I wanted it back, thus I thought about it and craved it. Sex clouds a persons judgement...for me, my ex and I started as f-buddies...so from the start our relationship was off. It just takes realizing that these feelings will come again with someone else. Haha... same here. One night my therapist asked me "what is it that you are missing, are you missing her or the fantasy?" At first in desperation my first thought was I miss "her" later with tons of self analysis I came to the conclusion that I miss the fantasy I lived with her, and that fantasy can only be morphed into a physical form by way of my ex. Once I came to the conclusion that I missed the fantasy there was nothing tangible for me to hang on to anymore. I was now trying to grasp air and space, there was just nothing there anymore.
crederer Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Don't know where she is having it but she is and I really shouldn't of asked but I did. All I know is she sexy as Hell and I'm afraid no other girl is going to compare I know that feel, bro. You gotta try to not think about it the best you can. Easier said than done, however.
Author Mr me to Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Cheers fellas Was getting a bit concerned, is good to know im not the only one going through this ... I used to be a its only sex kind of person. That all changed when I had children, being there when she gave birth I suppose I viewed her as something sacred if that makes sense... For me this is one of the most difficult parts of separating and is certainly causing me the most pain. Im going to sound like a chauvinist but loosing that sense of ownership is a big struggle. What makes it worse is the fact that im not ready to move on and she is. when we first got together she told me she had only had sex with people she loves well guess that isn't the case anymore or if it is its even worse.
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