Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Well I won't rehash my BU story but I still have good and bad days. Actually thought about getting back out there soon. Starting to realize its over. She will never contact me again. Has showed no compassion in our one text conversation started by me. Sigh. This is the reality. She wanted out and stupid me to think she was bluffing. I will admit i still analyze the relationship and keep hear her saying when we were breaking up that i was right when we got in a tiny argument on a trip and i said it seems whatever i do doesn't make her happy. The trips, the favors, the support, the good bf i was to her wasn't good enough. I know for sure she checked out early before the actual BU. Why she went to a wedding with me 2 days before BU still boggles my mind. I guess i am still dealing with i put so much effort into her and got this in return. How will i love and trust again. Relationship was 2 years. It hurts that were both in NC and her saying to me have a good holiday season means i think she is telling me not to bother her and i wont be hearing from her. My bd is coming up but i dont expect a happy bd from her. Why do i still care? She was selfish and immature. Said she wanted other experiences and is an experience junkie whatever that means.
EuTuBrute Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 It kinda sounds like my relationship with my ex.... The pain will be there for a long time, however like everyone says, it does get better with time
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Yeah. Breaking NC on my end set me back. Lesson learned.
FortunateSon Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Do not contact her and if she contacts you, do not respond. Nothing good will come from it. Take comfort knowing you did everything you could trying to make her happy. The sooner you are able to let go, the sooner you can heal and find that special someone who will appreciate your efforts!
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thanks. So true. I really feel under appreciated.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I know for sure she checked out early before the actual BU. Why she went to a wedding with me 2 days before BU still boggles my mind. Most women, and some men, are really self conscious about going to an event like that without a date. Further, there is the chance that being at a wedding made her think about the long haul. Many women will date a guy that deep down they know isn't right for them long term. They will say all the mushy things and talk of love when really, not unlike men, they just want some booty. I guess i am still dealing with i put so much effort into her and got this in return. How will i love and trust again. Relationship was 2 years. You will. A good rule is that it takes being out of a relationship 1/2 as long as you were in that relationship to get over it. So 3.5 months feeling how you do is normal. It sucks but you are doing just fine. It hurts that were both in NC and her saying to me have a good holiday season means i think she is telling me not to bother her and i wont be hearing from her. My bd is coming up but i dont expect a happy bd from her. Why do i still care? She was selfish and immature. Said she wanted other experiences and is an experience junkie whatever that means. I know the feeling bro. I've gotten a couple of bizzare contacts from an Ex lately. One who I thought was moved on to someone else, just as much as I've moved on to somewhere else. Now we are left to ponder why they would reach out to us at all. Don't think about it. Unless there is something concrete, just don't think about it. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) Well regarding wedding. You are correct. She did say the wedding had an impact on her decision but her decision was made up before the wedding. It was just the icing on the cake. You are correct that our last night of intimacy was the wedding weekend. So I feel used for that. When you analyze the relationship and see the red flags i do recall telling her about a friend using his gf for sex and her saying u be surprised what people would do or stay with if their satisfied in that dept. Guess I fell in that category. She dumped me twice and was indecisive thru the whole relationship. One night we could be having the times of our lives and then the jekly and hyde act would start. She get mad at me for the smallest things. Happened many times. Got worse as the weeks prior to the break up. Said to me once she didn't see a future with me and i still dated her. Maybe she was selfish for meeting her needs but i regret not walking away. I put my heart on the line and got burned. All doesn't matter now. Its over. I do hope to find someone who appreciates me and gives me back what i put in. My ex doesnt appreciate anything. Mean to her parents, treats friends like crap, and has fled boyfriends before when she got scared. Didnt think it would happen to me as she always told me i was different but i was wrong. Maybe she met someone else but at time of BU she said that's not the case. However she was always talking about a guy she met who had a gf, went on a trip before BU and admitted she had her eyes on someone. I always felt she was looking for something else and I was second fiddle. Edited December 13, 2013 by Kermit76
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 You could obviously tell I'm still hurting. When im working I don't think about it often. Before bed I do. I am on my own now. Moved to a new city so maybe being lonely is triggering all of this. I wonder if i should seek a counselor or if this is normal. I can't afford one right now anyways.
FortunateSon Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 If it's only been 3.5 months, it's may hurt for a bit more, counseling or not. It sounds like you invested a lot emotionally into your relationship, that seems to make the healing process a bit longer. I have found LS is great place to vent and relate to people with similar stories, it has helped me. Staying busy, working out, reading all the kind of things people mention can help the process. No contact is also key, on both sides. I have not done counseling but have read some books on breaking up/moving on, I found the John Gray Mar/Venus Moving On book to be very good, I reference it often.
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Yeah. I saw that book on amazon. Will pick it up. Thanks I gave a lot to this relationship. I was hurting for work and still paid for everything. Also, my time. We lived an hour from each other. A lot of late nights. I think in a month or two i may try online dating again or do a speed dating event. I think it will help me. Any thoughts?
Sososad Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Hey dont be so hard on yourself .. 3 months is a tough time I'm feeling the exact same too and I've noticed a few more of this style threads Popping up too .. It is the realisation maybe it is over and she's not coming back (Last of the hope dies out too) Also bear in mind it's like 2weeks from Christmas a time we probably all Would have enjoyed with the ex.. But not be too hard on yourself your not alone !!
Author Kermit76 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thanks. Holidays I'm sure are a factor but i have to stop thinking im having a difficult time while she is enjoying freedom.
Sososad Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Don't think about what she's doing.. Its not your business and It's only going to hurt or upset you, I've worked really hard on changing the thoughts about her when they pop into Your head ... With time it happens automatically ... We've all bad days and hey I'm not afraid to say I've had about 2 bad months so far .. And somedays feel no better than day 1.. You gotta work to be happy again and you will get there !! Stay in there pal!
FortunateSon Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 It can be hard to not speculate what your ex is doing in her life, it is easy to glamorize or assume everything thing is great for them. Keep in mind that you have no idea how she is REALLY doing. There is a very good chance she is struggling as much or even more than you are. One thing I realized when my ex broke contact and texted me is that she is having just as hard of time as me. Overall, it is best not to think about it. Casual or online dating has helped me. It was good to go out and meet some new women without any expectation. I was very honest with them about were I was at and they appreciated that. You never know, you could meet someone great sooner than expected?
Author Kermit76 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Was tempted to check out her facebook page today. But didn't. Need to stay busy. Hit the gym. Was doing so well not sure what the hell happened this week. Maybe its the realization it's really over. Sigh. Thanks for everyone's support.
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Was tempted to check out her facebook page today. But didn't. Need to stay busy. Hit the gym. Was doing so well not sure what the hell happened this week. Maybe its the realization it's really over. Sigh. Thanks for everyone's support. Perfectly normal. Youll probably be recovered in another 4 motnhs or so if you stay NC. Right now can be one of the worst months. Months 3 and 4 are the months that reality hits that it REALLY REALLY OVER FOREVER. This is critical to your healing. Step forward not backward. Just more processing of the BU. Cav 1
Author Kermit76 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Thanks Cav. I was doing yoga, hitting the gym etc... Doing really well and then i got a new job and moved to a new city all by myself. Broke NC a few weeks ago. Really set me back. Thinking of trying online dating or going to a speed dating event after the holidays. This almost feels like an addiction that needs to be broken. She is not doing a single thing and I'm the only one not letting go. Have to drill it in my head its over. If it wasn't i would have heard from her. Very simple concept. Just have to grasp it.
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 (edited) Thanks Cav. I was doing yoga, hitting the gym etc... Doing really well and then i got a new job and moved to a new city all by myself. Broke NC a few weeks ago. Really set me back. Thinking of trying online dating or going to a speed dating event after the holidays. This almost feels like an addiction that needs to be broken. She is not doing a single thing and I'm the only one not letting go. Have to drill it in my head its over. If it wasn't i would have heard from her. Very simple concept. Just have to grasp it. Yes it is over. Time to get really depressed about it (not kidding). Then pick yourself up!!! No breaking NC. This is also the time you begin to realize that you are REALLY on your own. She isnt and wont be there to support you on these transitions. It is all on you. So im sure that these changes for you are hitting especially hard. You just need to slug thru this. Emotional fortitude and controling your thoughts are the name of the game now. No being a pussy. Maybe have a couple cries more but that is it.Cav PS this would be a great time to put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it evertime you think of her. Then roll into some positivie affirmations! Edited December 14, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Kermit76 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Ha ha. Trust me she doesn't deserve a single tear more. I like how straight forward and honest you are Cav. This is the reality and let's not sugarcoat it. 1
FortunateSon Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Online dating will definitely take your mind off things. It can be very hit or miss, both fun and disappointing, but it is definitely a distraction from an ex. It is good to meet some new people and it can definitely boost your confidence. You are absolutely right, if she wanted anything you would have heard from her. In my situation, I was able to convince myself I would never hear from her again, and that helped immensely. Unfortunately, she selfishly broke contact to find closure and "make peace". I learned that if she does find away to contact me again with "breadcrumbs", to not respond...it is self serving on her part and will in no way help you. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Yeah. I keep telling myself she will never contact me again. In all honestly don't think she will. In our 2 years together she never once mentioned regretting leaving an ex or contacting them to see how they were. She did meet one once and admitted it was sad and hurt her ego that he didn't have that gaga feeling over her. He could careless. This is the type of woman I'm dealing with. More selfish in how it will affect her ego than having the decency or compassion to see how the person is doing. One day i will fully wake up and realize i just wasnt with a very nice person. 1
Recommended Posts