Jilly10340 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Me and my bf broke up on New Years day. Things haven't been going very good lately and it just escalated after midnight on New Years Eve and it ended. We got into a big huge drunken argument and I broke up with him. And then, I did it again in the morning when I was sober. I realized that I made a mistake and that I wanted to try to work on things with him. I was beginning to love him and I thought he felt the same way I did. I told him that I was sorry and that I made a mistake and we talked about everything but he still said no.... I poured my heart out to him, how can he be so cold and distant all the sudden. I know that I broke up with him but he's acting like I cheated on him or something or did something that was totally unforgivable. Everyone makes mistakes, why won't he forgive me? He said that we need to take some time apart and figure out what we really want. I told him that I know what I wanted and I couldn't torture myself and wait around for him to decide if he wants me. He said that I was in no position to give him an ultimatum. ????? I think i'm in the perfect position to not want to be strung along in the hopes that someday he might change his mind and come back to me. I have more respect for myself then that and I told him that too. So I guess it's really over. He never answered my email saying that so I guess that's it. I'm so sad right now...and I miss him so much. I don't know what to do I can't get rid of this sick feeling in my stomach. I don't know how things got so bad so fast, we were so happy together in the beginning....
Merin Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Jilly isn't this the same guy who was having a difficult time regarding your past sexual experience? I'm so sorry for what's happend girl.. but you know honestly it seems like the 2 of you may not have been all that compatiable to begin with? If he isn't willing to give things another chance at this time.. could be that it just wasn't meant to work out you know? I know that doesn't make you feel much better right now.. but again.. perhaps the reason you broke up with him twice once drunk and again sober is because you sort of already know, he isn't the right guy for you? I hope you feel better girl..
alphamale Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 i think your b/f is in the right here cause you broke up with him. you can't have your cake and eat it too. you have humiliated him and he is pissed off, and rightly so. the ball is in his proverbial court now.
Teag Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 jilly- Try to move on, I know its hard but he's the one w/ a problem not you. There's nothing wrong w/ you, he's the one who didn't really acept you as your are. He thought you had been w/ too many people, if I remember correctly. But the number you put doesn't seemd like that many considering most of the girls I know have been w/ that many people by the time they reach 14. (not me) Its probably better that you broke up now instead of later before your feelings got any stronger, he made you feel bad(again if I remember correctly) You can find someone that treats you better & will accept EVERYTHING about you. He's NOT Mr. wonderful just b/c he's a virgin. Good luck & Cheer up, your single go have fun
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 I know that it was his right to say no but I honestly made a mistake. I thought relationships were so supposed to be about forgiveness and compassion. I did all but beg him to come back to me. I explained everything that I was feeling and all my reasons for breaking up with him. I told him how sorry I was and everything. He must not really care that much to throw something away that didn't even have time to get started. All because of some stupid mistake. And yes, this is the same guy that had a problem with my sexual past but it seemed that we finally moved past that. This sucks....
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Give him some time and space to figure things out. In my experience with my H and my previous bf's, men need to do it on their own. The more you push him, call him and get ask him to forgive you, the more you will scare him off. If he loves you, or has some deep feelings for you he will come and find you to talk when he is ready. I know it must hurt, but you can't dump someone twice, then say sorry I want you back then expect them to just forget and forgive so fast. You hurt him and now he needs time to chill out and deal with it, to figure out what he wants. Be patient and I hope he comes around. Then when he does, that is when the open and honest talks, and the sorry's will mean more. Good luck!
Barby Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Your temper got the best of you? Well it can happen to all of us at one time or another......!! With all the drama this relationship has had...I think maybe you're better off. I won't continue to point out the obvious about repeat behavior...but seriously you two were having always one problem or another, him being a virgin, him being mad you weren't, him spending too much time w/his friends and not calling with with enough time to talk, ect, ect, ect. My advice is to take a step back and figure out what is really important to you in a relationship, don't jump in so fast (what you've only been with this guy a month or two)?!! And try and figure out why this relationship ended in the first place, if it was something to do with you (only you really know) then work on it so it won't happen again. In the meantime good luck and I hope you feel better soon!
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 Ok, as if it wasn't enough, does he really feel the need to try to talk to me online. Like nothing every happened? Why did he just do this, when he knows I'm completely devastated by our breakup. Did he feel the need to add insult to injury. I actually got through five whole hours without crying and now here I am, back at step one. What does this mean? Why does he want to talk to me anyway, he's the one who doesn't want to be with me? And what's even weirder is what he put in his profile on AOL instant messenger: "I miss you... ...Over and over again" What's that supposed to mean?
Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 That he misses someone (I'm assuming that someone to you) so talk to him and see where it goes.
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 I did talk to him. He asked how I was doing and I said not too good. He asked me if I'd ever woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't move, even though I tried, but just couldn't. I told him no, but I've heard of it and I thought it was called sleep paralysis. I told him if he wasn't hallucinating during it I didn't think it was too big of a problem. He says that he doesn't know if he hallucinated the first night but the past two nights he has. he said it's happened three night in a row now. He asked why I wasn't doing too good and I asked him if I really needed to explain that. He said Ok. I told him that it's good that it doesn't seem to bother him though, that was good. (I'm so bitter.....) So a little later he asked me if I was done typing and I said yeah, I'd been done for awhile. He said that his IM said that I was still typing and he didn't want to leave without seeing what I said but he had to go because he coaches basketball at 10. I said alright, bye. He said Ok.....cya Jillian. That was the extent of our conversation. Should I just act normal and happy around him, and try not to show him how much this hurts me?
michelangelo Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 so you jerk the guy first this way, then jerk him that , and now you want him to jerk yet another way. Do you think love is about your selfish needs for attention? Sorry to be so harsh, but you know, you did break up with him and follow it up with another round of making sure you were broken up. So now when he wants to step back and reflect on the whole idea, you are in a panic that he may not want you back? I'm thinking you are driving him nuts with your behavior. Maybe you ought to reflect on this a bit. BTW, your theory about love is about getting second chances when you make stupid decisions is mostly wrong. Yes, people do SOMETIMES get second chances when they do really bad things, but not always. And your perception that you can time-slice the "fight/breakup" from the rest of what's been going on your relationship needs review. Do you understand what I mean?
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 Not really but thank you for making me feel worse about the whole thing.
michelangelo Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Love is not about selfishly testing your guy. it's not about drama. It's not all about you being satisfied with the whim of the moment. Love, the kind that lasts, is not infatuation. It's not all about oneself. The love that lasts puts the other first much of the time. It is not an anxiety-ridden, high then low emotional rollercoaster. Try to step outside of yourself and see what would make him happy. And if he is doing likewise you two could have a shot. But if all you do is be like a love sponge, suck all the energy to yourself and constantly test the relationship, be anxious about it, and even push the one thing you want away from yourself, then that is not a mature, longlasting kind of love. Not trying to whip you, but do you understand what I mean yet?
snilljente Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I agree that it is immature and careless to throw break ups around like they are nothing and then want to take them back. I would probably be feeling exactly as it seems he is..hurt that you broke up with him so easily and very hesitant to take you back.....
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 You guys are right, I don't deserve to have him back. I made a mistake and now I'm just going to have to deal with the consequences. He's done nothing wrong by not forgiving me. I deserve all the pain I'm feeling right now. He deserves much better then someone like me. Thanks for helping me see that....
Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Jilly NO ONE said that he "deserved better" than you....or that you didn't deserve him back. They are just trying to point out that if you can't be mature and you always cause drama then NO matter WHO you date, it's going to end the same...Nothing against you but it's just a fact of life.
michelangelo Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Why the sarcasm? Is that what you think people are telling you? You deserve pain as punishment for hurting him? Why not take it step futher and reflect on your life and how you interact with your boyfriend? Even if you do not reconnect, it will be a useful exercise for you to try to 1. know what you are doing, and 2. fix it.
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 I don't see how I'm the one creating all the drama. HE'S the one who had a problem with my sexual history, HE'S the one who constantly tells me that I'm being distrustful and dishonest when I want to keep my private information and thoughts private, and then tells me that he won't talk to me until I tell him. I'm not the one always creating drama in this relationship. Sometimes he can be really immature, he's only 20, it's not all just me causing this. I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him, but now I realize that I made a mistake. I can see the blame from both our sides, just not mine. So before you all think it's just me to blame, make sure you know the whole story.
Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Okay so you're not "all to blame" but you're the one on here asking for advice..believe me if I knew who he was I'd be telling him.... "Look Jilly seems to be a really nice girl, she really truly seems to like you and care about you deeply. You need to get over yourself and feeling "morally superior" because you chose to remain a virgin....you chose to be with Jilly and chose to care about her, trust her, ect. With you "judging" her on her past how in the world do you expect her to trust you with her deepest thoughts/feelings? Either grow up and leave the drama out of it or take a risk of losing a great person" But since he isn't here I can only give you one sided advice..know what I mean Jilly bean?
snilljente Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I don't think you are all to blame...I was just addressing the specific issue that you brought up and that was that you broke up with him 2x and then changed your mind...I mentioned possibly not throwing around break ups as most people take them seriously, or are at least going to be pretty hurt by being broken up with and then the person changing their mind.....that's all....
Author Jilly10340 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 I understand that in this situation it was my fault. But I don't know what he's trying to do now. Like when he got home from basketball practice last night he im'd me to see if I was still there, even though he knows that i should've been in bed. And after I did go to bed he wrote me an email that said: If I could rewind time I would go back to the beginning of this and to tell me to sleep good. Is there hope that we'll get back together? Is he just trying to be nice? I don't know what to make of all this.....
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