PinkInTheLimo Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 The test says I'm an INTJ ...... interesting. Does this mean I should seek the company of other INTJ's ? I think that for a relationship it is best that you have a number of basic things in common but also are different concerning more superficial things, to add some spice. As an INTJ I lead a very solitary life and I would not want to be with a partner who is as much a loner as me because then we would never leave the house (it's not that I don't like to travel, go to restaurants, concerts, it's just that I have to force myself to do it - always happy though once I managed to do it) So I would hope to find a partner who is a bit more social than me for example. But if my partner would be a man who is like the woman Babolat describes that would never work. I would feel like I have to fight for his attention all the time. I think it would also be very important for me that my man can live with the fact that we don't let a lot of people in our house.
Author Babolat Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) I think that for a relationship it is best that you have a number of basic things in common but also are different concerning more superficial things, to add some spice. As an INTJ I lead a very solitary life and I would not want to be with a partner who is as much a loner as me because then we would never leave the house (it's not that I don't like to travel, go to restaurants, concerts, it's just that I have to force myself to do it - always happy though once I managed to do it) So I would hope to find a partner who is a bit more social than me for example. But if my partner would be a man who is like the woman Babolat describes that would never work. I would feel like I have to fight for his attention all the time. I think it would also be very important for me that my man can live with the fact that we don't let a lot of people in our house. I'm a lot like you; once I get out, I have a great time. I can lead a very solitary life though, if left alone. I don't have to fight for her attention. Quiet the oppositie, she is very attentive to me, she is there, wants to spend time with me, etc. She has told me she wants me to come over to her place more, which I am not. To much noise and activity there; I'd prefer to stay home, in my quiet house. An example, she texted me last night asking if I wanted to spend the day Saturday with her daughter and friend at a local amusment park for a Chstimas Snow show, then go to a charity Christmas Party that night, and Friday night she has plans for us to go to a local park for a carriage moonlight ride for Christmas. It all sounds like fun, but, i immediately felt overwhelmend, anxious, and asked "can I pick 1 or two?". When she is around at my house on the weekend, she is constantly looking at her phone, looking for things we can do that day, events, shows, festivals, parties.... I feel anxious while she is talking/making suggestions. I struggle with this, as she does get me out of my box, and, like you say, I usually have fun. What else would I do; sit around the house all day/night? She got upset, said I don't want to do things with her, but I do with my friends, more active types of things. She is partially right. Maybe it's a control thing for me too, I dunno. When doing my own thing, I am in control, I know when I can leave, when it will be over, etc. One of my male best friends likes to bust on me for staying in..he has to work on me to go out, and, when I do, I have a great time. I am glad he is in my life, and gets me out. My ISTJ FWB, we would go out, dancing, for dinner, to a club, to a festival, and it was fun. But, it felt different, difficult to explain. It's like I knew it was going to get too crazy, too much excitment, and, I felt comfortable saying "I'm ready to leave now". With the ex, I can't seem to do that. My female best friend, we go out often, stay out til 11PM or so, she goes home, i go home. I like it. It never gets "too crazy", and, there is an end, and I can go back to my alone place. Maybe I am just not cut out for a relationship! When my ex-wife and I dated, we only saw each other on the weekends, and, had little to no communication in between. I loved it. Once married, together all the time, things changed. She was more social than I, and, liked to go out a lot with friends, to bars, clubs, dinners. I felt anxious, a lot. She once commented after we were married that I had changed, that I use to like to go out more when we dated. Edited December 18, 2013 by Babolat
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