I broke up with him but now I'm having my doubts...

[Mondmellonw]

So, hey. I'll try to make this shorter.

He knew about me before we actually met. He was amazed by my likes and hobbies. I didn't knew anything about him. Then I entered to the college and met him there. He had a relationship, wich, on his own words "wasn't working". However, I didn't wanted to mess with that, so I respected the fact he wasn't single and stayed away. Eventually, he broke up with her. Everybody got the notice. He was very relieved to be out from that. He started to chase after me. We talked a lot at school and via social media.

 

He seemed very interested, I started to feel the same. At first I just noticed he was very good looking, but with the time, I knew we were compatible and I had a terrible crush on him, the first on my life. We were into the same stuff. Except, maybe, for drinking. He told me he used to drink a lot. Told me a lot of stories about it, but he seemed regretful. He said he was going to stop drinking, and was never going to do the same things he used to. I believed on him. I saw a light on his face, a need to live and become a better individual. As I know, he did stop. For a while. When he went drinking with his friends he told me. Told me I was going to be upset with him. I was, but I just explained to him that it wasn't about me, it was about him, it was him who took that decision. However, as I said, we were pretty much compatible.

 

So I let that go from my mind. We started having problems because sometimes I ignored him while being together... (and now I totally recognize: It made me look like an egoistic ***hole). He got graduated. After a few weeks he got a job. I started to take piano lessons. He always told me he was going to take them with me. And then he got his job and called me for telling me. I kinda got mad at him. He got upset because I didn't encouraged him to his work. I felt like an idiot, I acted like it. But he would still be upset. Everytime he'll got upset it was because I didn't accept my faults, or accept them an then feel sad about it. We started to date less, to contact less. Suddenly, I was starting to tell he was different, but I also felt I was being exagerated. There were times I felt like he didn't care about my feelings.

 

And he was the one who tried to solve things like adults (he's 6 years older than me). I started feeling like he was seeing me as a child who did not understand anything well. So I wanted to take a time away from him. I explained the "why". to him. I knew it was just impossible to be at the same stage of life he was. When we met again (after two weeks) I felt more comfortable on expressing my emotions, and he missed me. We both wanted it to work. We sometimes had this talks about the future. Anyways, I wasn't that secure. I mean, I loved him, but I was feeling a lot different. (I haven't had permission to go to his house, and I did. So basically I was lying to my parents, and he knew about it all the time.

 

It was a lot of pressure. In one hand I knew it was my decision. But on the other hand I wanted to feel safe, and there were times I felt he was seeing me as an "adult-children"). I don't want to make excuses for my behavior. But yes, I was feeling very insecure. And worst of it, I didn't told him. We had a couple of arguments, and they made us be even more apart. I couldn't separate my own weakness from his care/or lack of it. So I was basically becoming demanding.

 

One day I told him I wasn't being a better person, I used to be the first of my class, and I wasn't anymore. I told him too that I knew he was drinking every weekend, and that I didn't liked that. He told me it was his thing. And that he could control it. I just told him "ok, it's your thing", and that was it.

We didn't talked on a week. I knew he went to a friend's house and stayed the night with him (they were having some beers). But he didn't told me. He just posted a photo on fb. It made me upset. But I didn't wanted to be controlling, so I focused on other issues.

 

Then, one day (the last day I saw him, his birthday) he told me about this girl friend he never mentioned before. She gave him a scarf for his birthday, and came from another city. It was weird to me, cause I asked about his parents and he added that comment. Btw, he was wearing the scarf. So again, stupid me, didn't said anything cause I didn't wanted to look like I was jealous. Wich I wasn't, I just found that weird cause he never mentioned that friend of his before. He wanted us to go drink but I said no.

Then we had a little weird moment when I told him that my parents didn't really liked him now.

 

... However, our date endend up with "i'll see you xxx day, kiss, I love you".

When I got home I started to review all of what happened. He once refused to give a hug to me (actually, a lot of times) and he gave a hug to his friend. I felt weird. AGAIN. I didn't wanted to make a statement about the whole thing. So I asked my older brother for advice. He told me that this scarf incident was pretty much intentional.

I got like s***. And after all the fights and this, I decided (I was really nowhere) to break up with him. Yes... That same day, via fb. (I know it now, it was jus too stupid). He just told me I needed to see a therapist and that he was cool, cause he knew he never cheated on me. Gosh... I never thought he did! I just found that incident weird.

 

I got mad. At school I talked the whole thing with a few friends. The days passed by and I wanted to apologize with him for a few things. He asked me to **** off cause he knew I said things about him, and he said that was bull****. Well.. I felt terrible. I knew I talked, but I didn't understand why did he got so upset. I just told the situation and that I found it weird.

 

I'm not the kind to have male-close-friends when I got a boyfriend, so it was weird to me. However, now he hates me. And I don't know if I should apologize. I don't even understand what really happened. I omitted many details because I do not want to bore you with my story. If it was for me, I would do anything on my hands to save this. But he was harsh and said some nasty things to me, that time, when he asked me to **** off. And I guess he is not taking it back. I just don't understand why did he got so upset to say things like that. I miss him sometimes, but I also remember the bad stuff.

 

What do you think?

Thnks for reading.

Edited December 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mondmellonw]

I'm new here. but this is recent. It's been three weeks.

I want to know...

I apologized to him for some things but he wouldn't answer. I didn't asked for a response, so...

He used to say "I'm just doing what you asked me for". So I dunno. Help, please

[Zahara]

I'm sorry Mond but it was a little difficult for me to follow your story but most of what I gathered is that there is a communication problem you have a hard time dealing with. You've felt insecure and uncomfortable many a time and you failed to express yourself. Sometimes people can't read your mind and when you react passively, things get read and perceived differently/wrongly. You need to work on your communication. I can't speak for him because I can't follow your story.

 

You broke up with him over FB. I would be upset if someone did that to me. It's rather vague as to what was said over email i.e. friends got involved, etc. I'm trying to see why he got so mad.

 

You broke up with him and he is now avoiding you. You tried to reach out and he has shut you down. The only thing you can do is move on from this.

[mirage12]

A breakup is about the most extreme move you can make in a relationship and doing it over FB is pretty horrible for the dumper. You might regret it now but sounds like he's not interested at all anymore...

[Mondmellonw]

Yeah, he shut me down.

However, the idea of that he believed as much as I did on to this makes want to still hope for it. I want to fix my problems. I just guess he doesn't want to fix his own mistakes. And yeah, he might be upset so :/ I guess you're right...

[Mariposa10]

Yeah, he shut me down.

However, the idea of that he believed as much as I did on to this makes want to still hope for it. I want to fix my problems. I just guess he doesn't want to fix his own mistakes. And yeah, he might be upset so :/ I guess you're right...

 

It's really hard to read a wall of text... Paragraphs always help...

[Mondmellonw]

I'm new here, so I'm not used to this. But, yeah. I guess I screw it up badly.

[ponchsox]

Your hurt and betrayed him. I understand exactly how he feels.

 

If you really care about him, please don't contact him and let him move on from this. Reaching out to him will only make it harder for him.

[Mrlonelyone]

You broke up with him and now you want him back. You need to make a bold and risky move and he may reject you. Breaking up hurts someone. So just leave him alone.

[Mondmellonw]

He first said I was crazy.

That's why I reacted the way of talking about what happened, I usually don't do that. I found also weird that he wanted to go drink with me when he first said "I'll stop drinking".

The other thing is, well, I don't want to make silly excuses. I know I hurted him. I'm very sorry about it.

[Qactus]

He first said I was crazy.

That's why I reacted the way of talking about what happened, I usually don't do that. I found also weird that he wanted to go drink with me when he first said "I'll stop drinking".

The other thing is, well, I don't want to make silly excuses. I know I hurted him. I'm very sorry about it.

 

Okay look.. If you really want to make things work out and still care for him then do this.

 

Just ONCE only Once. Try to reach him out say this

 

" I'm sorry for what i did, I just wanted to say my heart still has those feelings for you. I respect you and I need a chance to prove myself. If you feel okay just let me know. "

 

 

And thats it.. If he responds good then surely good way to do else.. You wont have any regret, you tried yoru best to make things work but the other person was not interested.

[Mariposa10]

Okay look.. If you really want to make things work out and still care for him then do this.

 

Just ONCE only Once. Try to reach him out say this

 

" I'm sorry for what i did, I just wanted to say my heart still has those feelings for you. I respect you and I need a chance to prove myself. If you feel okay just let me know. "

 

 

And thats it.. If he responds good then surely good way to do else.. You wont have any regret, you tried yoru best to make things work but the other person was not interested.

 

 

I guess you can reach out one last time, but I would wait maybe a week or so...

[Mondmellonw]

So... A week an then make the "move"?

[Mondmellonw]

I'm on disadvantage.

I want to make some things clear with him and have a talk.

I would ask him for it, and if I got no response, then I'll knew he just moved on from this... An that is too late for me.

Thanks everyone.

[Mariposa10]

So... A week an then make the "move"?

 

I said a week because everybody needs to calm down first, that includes you and your ex, so that you two can think more clearly...

[Mondmellonw]

I said a week because everybody needs to calm down first, that includes you and your ex, so that you two can think more clearly...

 

 

Yes.

I have to be patient. I've been doing a lot of other things, so I've been busy and feeling better. If he says "no" or just ignores me, I'll have to accept it... I think we both made mistakes but I acted like an idiot on the break up...

Thanks again.

[Qactus]

yeah wait for sometime.. but dont make it too late. Its better to wait for a week and then reach to him one last time.

 

ANd please dont make this the aim of your life. Just get prepared to live your life. Your aims, your ambitions. And if it was meant to be.. he will be yours but not today.

 

It will all happen at the right time. If you believe in GOD than its only when he wills to do this.

 

If you dont believe in GOD then this universe has this destiny which will come up when its meant to be.

 

 

SO whatever you do.. First of all.. MAKE YOURSELF a BETTER PERSON. try to look at your negatives and make that your strength. I promise you wont be disappointed by the results.

[Mondmellonw]

yeah wait for sometime.. but dont make it too late. Its better to wait for a week and then reach to him one last time.

 

ANd please dont make this the aim of your life. Just get prepared to live your life. Your aims, your ambitions. And if it was meant to be.. he will be yours but not today.

 

It will all happen at the right time. If you believe in GOD than its only when he wills to do this.

 

If you dont believe in GOD then this universe has this destiny which will come up when its meant to be.

 

 

SO whatever you do.. First of all.. MAKE YOURSELF a BETTER PERSON. try to look at your negatives and make that your strength. I promise you wont be disappointed by the results.

Thank you so much for your words, Qactus.

The first thing I did when I broke up with him was to start thinking about my mistakes, but not only with him, in general, with family, in life...

I want to become a better person and been working on it for the first time in (well, I'm young), 20 years.

This was the very first serious relationship I had.

I haven't had many bf's, btw.

[Mondmellonw]

He's actually just going out to drink.

And he is going out with his friend, the one who gave him the scarf.

I knew it.

It was just a metter of time...

[Qactus]

He's actually just going out to drink.

And he is going out with his friend, the one who gave him the scarf.

I knew it.

It was just a metter of time...

 

nevermind, Let them do this. Just dont think about this.

 

Look, whenever this thought of HIS comes to your mind.. just try to remember this fact " why the hell do you care on what he is doing? enjoying great times, great sex with her " ?

 

You have no right or duty to think about it! You have your life with you and you should try your best to look into yourself.

 

And be strong! Face this thing. I promise this will make your even more better and stronger!

[Mondmellonw]

nevermind, Let them do this. Just dont think about this.

 

Look, whenever this thought of HIS comes to your mind.. just try to remember this fact " why the hell do you care on what he is doing? enjoying great times, great sex with her " ?

 

You have no right or duty to think about it! You have your life with you and you should try your best to look into yourself.

 

And be strong! Face this thing. I promise this will make your even more better and stronger!

Thank you. I felt disgusted to find out.

I think it's a rebound. Or maybe it's just me, wantig to feel better.

There were many details I didn't wrote.

Like him, once kicked me out from his car.

Or the fact that he left from a 5 year relationship and after a month we became a couple.

Ugh...

I loved him but I feel dizzy now.

 

I'll keep on the cool path. Thanks again.

[Qactus]

Thank you. I felt disgusted to find out.

I think it's a rebound. Or maybe it's just me, wantig to feel better.

There were many details I didn't wrote.

Like him, once kicked me out from his car.

Or the fact that he left from a 5 year relationship and after a month we became a couple.

Ugh...

I loved him but I feel dizzy now.

 

I'll keep on the cool path. Thanks again.

 

Again you should try forget him. I know it sounds really awful.

 

About the rebound, look you have to believe that Rebounds theory is just a theory. I know they are based on facts but just follow this stuff.

 

I told you earlier, if it was meant to be then he will come up. But for now.. Dont try to look at him, Please block him from every possible way. Block him right after you reach him this last time with an open heart.

 

You have a self respect and you deserve this. If he is happy with someone else then you can stay happy with yourself. You have nothing to loose you. You have to gain this world now. Be a better person and you will see how much people will value you.

 

Just for now, forget him. Try to make this boundary between you and this guy. The better the boundary the better you will heal and get out of this.

 

Please do not try to follow him, Whats done is DONE! its over. He made his choice and let him live with this. Only time will tell him what was right or what was wrong.

[Mondmellonw]

Again you should try forget him. I know it sounds really awful.

 

About the rebound, look you have to believe that Rebounds theory is just a theory. I know they are based on facts but just follow this stuff.

 

I told you earlier, if it was meant to be then he will come up. But for now.. Dont try to look at him, Please block him from every possible way. Block him right after you reach him this last time with an open heart.

 

You have a self respect and you deserve this. If he is happy with someone else then you can stay happy with yourself. You have nothing to loose you. You have to gain this world now. Be a better person and you will see how much people will value you.

 

Just for now, forget him. Try to make this boundary between you and this guy. The better the boundary the better you will heal and get out of this.

 

Please do not try to follow him, Whats done is DONE! its over. He made his choice and let him live with this. Only time will tell him what was right or what was wrong.

He met this girl years ago.

He stopped contacting her while he was still on his 5years relationship.

I don't know what's the story in there. I just think it would be silly if I ask him for this chance to talk. He'll keep thinking I'm crazy. I don't really want to end up like that.

He changed a lot in our relationship. Now he just doesn't cares.

I shouldn't either. This broke any hope on me.

[Mondmellonw]

Your hurt and betrayed him. I understand exactly how he feels.

 

If you really care about him, please don't contact him and let him move on from this. Reaching out to him will only make it harder for him.

Harder in what way?

He was avoiding me two weeks before our BU.

I understand why, but I can't understand why he would stay with me if he was already disinterested. Because that what he was showing. I'm not the kind to be with a parter 24/7. So I wasn't clingy at all. I only see him once or twice a week. And he started to drink again.

Btw, that girl from the gift on his birthday is getting closer to him.

He just doesn't cares.

[Qactus]

Harder in what way?

He was avoiding me two weeks before our BU.

I understand why, but I can't understand why he would stay with me if he was already disinterested. Because that what he was showing. I'm not the kind to be with a parter 24/7. So I wasn't clingy at all. I only see him once or twice a week. And he started to drink again.

Btw, that girl from the gift on his birthday is getting closer to him.

He just doesn't cares.

 

 

You are right. I think you should just show him what he truly deserves. Just keep him off your life. Believe me... you will feel better in long run.