Author Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 I see some good signs here that he does care about you. He is genuinely concerned that you still care about him and your relationship. He seems worth the effort but confused as to release his heart to your protective care. Just back off and watch with amazing results how he will start persuing you the way you want.... Practice Practice Girl ! I think he needs some patience in this ....give him time Good thing he does not want FWB...that only works if the couple just want sex.... Thanks again girl... I agree... so yeah it helps me a lot to see what I think isn't cwwaaazzzyyyy! (Well not always anyway! LOL) I'm being patient.. (as I can doh!) and I did tell him this morning when he called, that I'm not going anywhere either... that I'm being as patient and understanding as I can.. and that I'm willing to work on this with him. We did agree (and actually had before we ever became intimate) that we both wanted this to be "exclusive" he reassured me again last night that it's still what he wants with me... So yeah, I do see the good in him as well... and I also know that a lot of my problems here are just that.. MY PROBLEMS... Not really his... Curly.. the plan at this point is to move forward with him... keep talking with him, keep seeing him... and give us both the benefit of the doubt. He is a good guy.. not always perfect, but honestly I do think his heart is usually in the right place... Just going to see where it goes... bug you guys a lot LOL and be okay with life. Again... you guys are soooooo cool, thanks!
Mary3 Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Hey you know we love helping you ! I am sure if we posted you would help us the same But its more about giving here trying to help....and I have posted here too.. God only knows with previous problems lol Its the best site ever though ! I like coming here and finding real solutions or at least helping others find theirs if I can
savethedrama4allama Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Hey, girl. This really stuck out to me as a red flag: Said his "ideal situation" would be an amazing girlfriend... with the benefits of being single as well... When I asked him what that meant, he said that he wants his HIM time without a girl around all the time... but that he wants all the benefits of having a girlfriend.... uh... okay. I can tell it was a red flag to you too- I don't even have to explain it. You know what you have to do- you already said it- you have to care less (or at least pretend). He may be a great guy, but he's telling you himself that he doesn't want to be the kind of man you want- and he's showing you as well. I know its hard but I would never text message him one single time again. If he texts you with a question, just call him back. Texts can be unreceived, misinterpreted, seen as needy or ignored too easily (as in the case with your dinner invitation.) I wouldn't call him either. Merin, I've seen your pictures. I've heard your words, and felt your concern for others pour onto the pages of this site. You don't need to chase a man. You've made it clear that you're interested in him...if he can't reciprocate, thats his loss. Some say quit analyzing everything he does or says- but we should remember that is what this website is for. The beginning of relationships, when we set up our expectations and boundaries, are usually rocky. There is miscommunication, akwardness, insecurity. Its necessary to analyze behavior on some level (because it shows a lot more than words do.) I know that just because you're analyzing every thought on a thread doesn't mean that its a part of your normal thought process about the situation- just an exercise done among others to straighten out one's own feelings. Props to your dad too!
Author Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Hey, girl. This really stuck out to me as a red flag: Said his "ideal situation" would be an amazing girlfriend... with the benefits of being single as well... When I asked him what that meant, he said that he wants his HIM time without a girl around all the time... but that he wants all the benefits of having a girlfriend.... uh... okay. I can tell it was a red flag to you too- I don't even have to explain it. You know what you have to do- you already said it- you have to care less (or at least pretend). He may be a great guy, but he's telling you himself that he doesn't want to be the kind of man you want- and he's showing you as well. I know its hard but I would never text message him one single time again. If he texts you with a question, just call him back. Texts can be unreceived, misinterpreted, seen as needy or ignored too easily (as in the case with your dinner invitation.) I wouldn't call him either. Merin, I've seen your pictures. I've heard your words, and felt your concern for others pour onto the pages of this site. You don't need to chase a man. You've made it clear that you're interested in him...if he can't reciprocate, thats his loss. Some say quit analyzing everything he does or says- but we should remember that is what this website is for. The beginning of relationships, when we set up our expectations and boundaries, are usually rocky. There is miscommunication, akwardness, insecurity. Its necessary to analyze behavior on some level (because it shows a lot more than words do.) I know that just because you're analyzing every thought on a thread doesn't mean that its a part of your normal thought process about the situation- just an exercise done among others to straighten out one's own feelings. Props to your dad too! Thank's girl... I appreciate you keeping it real with me... Yeah it was a red flag for me... and it's why I told him that I needed to step back... My Dad of course lol confirmed to me that if he was/is more into his boys and his things that he needs to "sleep with them" and leave me alone. You're right that I'm not over thinking things on a constant basis... but yeah being here.. it's why i'm here. Thank you sweetie for your kind words... it means a lot. I'm making a deal with myself to let things be... as you've said, he knows where I am... so if he's so inclined, he will come around and if he's not... then that will have to be okay too.
soccorsilly Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Grasshopper (aka Merin)-- Your father and the Lama speak the truth. Go there!
Author Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly Grasshopper (aka Merin)-- Your father and the Lama speak the truth. Go there! "He who stand on toilet, is high on pot" I'm doing okay... going to chill out... buy my Dad some beer he's da man! AND Llama... thats my girl!
savethedrama4allama Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 If I were a man, I'd sooo date ya
Author Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama If I were a man, I'd sooo date ya IF I were into Llama's like that... pssshhhhh I would be all over ya! Who's your Llama?! Love ya girl!
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 I f**king give up! I got home after work.. did my crap that needed to be done.. didn't call him, didn't text him.. He finally text me about 30 minutes ago.. after 8 p.m and asked how I am... I text him back said I'm good and you.. so he calls... He doesn't sound all about talking to much... asks me if I'm okay.. how was my day.. small talk.. silence... Says he got some things done in his house and is going to do laundry... Silence... Asked him if he was okay... he said "Why wouldn't I be" um.. okay... small talk... then he said well I just called to say hi.. I'm going to start my laundry. I'm like Okay, good to go... Then he says "I'll talk to you tomorrow... well, I'll see what I've got going on.. maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow." I said Okay.. he says "I'm not mad or anything" I said Okay... he asks again if I'm okay... I said yeah I'm okay. Then he says well I don't want to use up all my minutes on my cell phone (he had just added me on his cell phone plan for tmobile to tmobile so we could call for free and it doesn't take effect until next month) I said Okay... So in short I get from it this... I called to say hi because I thought you would be pissed if I didn't... you didn't call me or text me.. so I'm wondering if you're okay or mad... so you say you're not... I think you're full of **** but really I don't care... I won't be calling you tomorrow.. so don't wonder IF I will, just know I won't... AND I would appreciate it if you didn't call me either because I don't want to waste my minutes on your lame ass... so yeah. Have a good nite and f**k you. WHY even bother with calling me tonite!? Bah!
soccorsilly Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Don't make me lecture you! Merin--you know what needs to be done. You are tearing yourself up on something that looks like it is going to do nothing but hurt you down the road. You have not invested that much time and energy at this point, so cut your losses. There are plenty of other good guys out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Too bad I am a middle aged old fart living across the country!! LOL Re-reas the majority of the posts to this (not yours) and most of us here--your friends--say to stop the effort, move on. Seriously, you are tearing yourself up over this and it is just not worth it!
Mr Spock Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I read through your thread. Your boobs look nice in your avatar, BTW. It's hard when one person is ready for a kick ass relationship and the other is dragging their feet. He's not ready to "settle" just yet, not that he wants to go out and bang everything he sees but that he wants to be able to do his own thing, and see you on his terms, not on yours. "Alright, well I've played Doom for 6 hours wonder what she's up to" It's up to you Merin. Can you put up with that? Chances are if he's doing it now and you accept it he'll continue to do it throughout the course of your relationship.
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly Don't make me lecture you! Merin--you know what needs to be done. You are tearing yourself up on something that looks like it is going to do nothing but hurt you down the road. You have not invested that much time and energy at this point, so cut your losses. There are plenty of other good guys out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Too bad I am a middle aged old fart living across the country!! LOL Re-reas the majority of the posts to this (not yours) and most of us here--your friends--say to stop the effort, move on. Seriously, you are tearing yourself up over this and it is just not worth it! Crraaaappp! Yeah I know you're right Soccor... what sucks about this whole thing is I always seem to wind up in this situation.. with a guy who's "available" but not really... I will put my best effort now into leaving things alone... Thank you Soccor... I know you're right.
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I read through your thread. Your boobs look nice in your avatar, BTW. It's hard when one person is ready for a kick ass relationship and the other is dragging their feet. He's not ready to "settle" just yet, not that he wants to go out and bang everything he sees but that he wants to be able to do his own thing, and see you on his terms, not on yours. "Alright, well I've played Doom for 6 hours wonder what she's up to" It's up to you Merin. Can you put up with that? Chances are if he's doing it now and you accept it he'll continue to do it throughout the course of your relationship. Thanks Spock! :Checks the boobs... not bad: Funny you should say exactly what you did... he actually did just buy a playstation2... AND for Godsake when he called me last night... he said "I've been playing games on the station... so whats up?" I also know that if I was to continue to be "patient" and "wait and see" here with him, in the end it is only going to piss me off to the point I can't be civil... and I don't want that. I don't know why, but for some reason or another even when I find myself in something sh*tty, I have a hard time just sucking it up and walking away... I tend to think it's because of other past ghost(s) that float around in my head.. the whole I hate to "fail" at another deal so let me see if I can fix this kind of crap... Thanks for reading through it all Spock... I know you're right girl... now I have to figure out to accept what is, not try to change what I can't and be okay with "failing" here...
Scott S Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin :Checks the boobs... not bad: They are very nice. You are quite photogenic, I must say! Merin, do you know much about his ex, what kind of person she is, how their relationship went, etc? I'm wondering if perhaps his ex is over-possessive, domineering, over-critical, etc. Now having been apart from her, perhaps there have been some liberties that he is reluctant to give up. This is an issue that often arises during a trial separation, leaving one or both reluctant to get back together. I know he likes you, but these issues are a long time in brewing, & they don't go away over night. When Gina & I first became an "item," we each had a plethora of issues from previous relationships, & the road was rocky at times. She didn't trust her judgment about men, & I had concerns about what I might have to sacrifice to make the relationship work. Even now, 10 years later, these issues occasionally rear their ugly heads. What we know, though, is how much we love each other, & that we're committed to see through whatever obstacles life puts in our path. One of our vows was "For Better or Worse, until death do us part." Neither of us sees this merely as beautiful words. Now I'm starting to ramble a bit. Perhaps if you think of you & Josh being like a tender seedling. It needs a lot of care, but needs to start slowly. If you over-water it, you'll drown it or wash away all the soil. Remember you have a lot of friends here who are behind you! ______________________________________ Don't cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer!
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 He doesn't want to use up his cell phone minutes??? I have to give you props for keeping your cool. I think I would have opened up a can of whoop-ass. That is such a rude, insensitive thing to say. Has he not seen the boobs? Good lord! ****er.
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama He doesn't want to use up his cell phone minutes??? I have to give you props for keeping your cool. I think I would have opened up a can of whoop-ass. That is such a rude, insensitive thing to say. Has he not seen the boobs? Good lord! ****er. Damn he has seen the boobs! WTF is wrong with him! OMG! LOL!! Yeah girl, I did remain calm when he told me that crap last night... and actually had to laugh about it this morning again... wtf is wrong with him? I have zero idea... what little message he was giving me again... I don't know... I guess I don't speak assclown fluently enough to understand that.
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Scott S They are very nice. You are quite photogenic, I must say! ______________________________________ Don't cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer! LOL Thanks Scott! Spilled beer... isn't that like alcohol abuse? JK JK.. No flames okay! What I know about him and the Ex... She got pregnant before he was 20 They got married He was gone a lot (from what he said) doing motorcross on the weekends... He worked and she didn't.. she was mad when he got home and didn't help her more at home. He says she was a screamer He says she called him stupid IMO she was pissed (and who could blame her) that he put his friends and good time in front of her... although there is 3 sides to every story... I think they both had thier crap. They get along "okay" now.. and seem to do okay for thier little people... A few things he said the other night... that a wife is someone who is "bitchy, annoying and a lot of work" so take what you can from that... I don't know. I don't think I'll be hearing from him again anytime soon... from our conversation last night... AND I think in the end, he will see it as all my fault that I turned out to be an assclownette... just as HE PREDICTED. What else can I do....
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly CHEERS for Merin's boobs! WOoOoOter's for Da HOoOoter's! JK JK JK JK!!!!
Scott S Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Damn he has seen the boobs! WTF is wrong with him! Perhaps he's a leg man?
soccorsilly Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 IMO she was pissed (and who could blame her) that he put his friends and good time in front of her. OK so he is not with his ex wife becaue of the above. OK in this new relationship, he is looking for ....hey look it is the above (maybe add in a playstation to boot) OK and you are looking for......not the above? MERIN--Wake The **** Up!
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly OK so he is not with his ex wife becaue of the above. OK in this new relationship, he is looking for ....hey look it is the above (maybe add in a playstation to boot) OK and you are looking for......not the above? MERIN--Wake The **** Up! Yeah, I know Soccor.. trust me I see the pattern here.. So yeah.. like my Dad has said... let him sleep with his buddies then :Merin takes her boobs and goes home:
Author Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Scott S Perhaps he's a leg man? Yeah perhaps he is... OR maybe he is a a** guy? OR just an a** LOL no, he isn't... honestly I still think he is a decent guy... with a lot of issues that I CAN'T resolve or make better for him... I don't got a lot of junk in my trunk... I'm only 5'5... and uh... I'm a pretty small girl... so ya know.. what can I do? Not everyone digs the same things I guess....
Scott S Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin LOL Thanks Scott! Spilled beer... isn't that like alcohol abuse? JK JK.. No flames okay! What I know about him and the Ex... She got pregnant before he was 20 They got married He was gone a lot (from what he said) doing motorcross on the weekends... He worked and she didn't.. she was mad when he got home and didn't help her more at home. He says she was a screamer He says she called him stupid IMO she was pissed (and who could blame her) that he put his friends and good time in front of her... although there is 3 sides to every story... I think they both had thier crap. They get along "okay" now.. and seem to do okay for thier little people... A few things he said the other night... that a wife is someone who is "bitchy, annoying and a lot of work" so take what you can from that... I don't know. I don't think I'll be hearing from him again anytime soon... from our conversation last night... AND I think in the end, he will see it as all my fault that I turned out to be an assclownette... just as HE PREDICTED. What else can I do.... This explains a lot, actually. I will assume that he was about the same age. Which would indicate his being put into a position he was not really prepared for at that age & maturity level. Many people (both genders) at that age are nowhere near the point in their lives where they are prepared to “settle down” into the domestic routine. Too many things they still need to do. Motocross. Beer bongs on spring break at the Cabo Wabo. Frat parties. Fishing trips. And so forth. When suddenly forced by circumstances to mature & take on adult responsibilities, his life changes abruptly, & things he enjoys & still wants to do are no longer feasible. Amongst the feelings this would likely cause is resentment. And the fact that it’s taking responsibilities for ones actions is of no consolation. So he feels trapped. He resents it. She feels that he’s not doing his fair share. She resents it. She screams at him. He resents it. And away it goes! His views of a wife are disconcerting. A marriage is, by nature, very high-maintenance, & such an attitude does little to enhance it. I’m certain there are women here that would make similar observations about husbands, attitudes which also are neither helpful, nor conducive to a relationship. You’re right about him having issues. It appears one of the biggest is maturity. Of course, you have to decide whether you are willing to wait for him to grow up. I think you may be happier in the long run by cultivating a lot of friendships. The fact that you’re one of the most popular people on the board suggests you make friends easily. You play well with others! You don’t run with scissors, though, do you?
Scott S Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I don't got a lot of junk in my trunk... I'm only 5'5... and uh... I'm a pretty small girl... so ya know.. what can I do? Not everyone digs the same things I guess.... Well, that's a nice size. And you are a pretty lady. It is, of course, the inner person that ultimately matters. Looks will fade with time. Jenny McCarthy will not look the same as she does now when she's 60. A relationship based simply on physical attraction will not last. Sooner or later the novelty wears off, & if there is nothing else to the relationship, they will start looking for something else.
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