ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 First - I am a man in his 50s, I am dating a woman who also is in her 50s. We've been seeing each other for a good while and know each other pretty well. Her preferred method of communication is texting. The reason for this is, she is kinda of busy and with a text she can respond when she has a free minute or so. In addition, she is a bit quiet and not a big talker. All this is fine with me. However, I am somewhat new to texting and with texting I can't hear the inflection in someones voice, so it's hard to gauge things and obviously there is no body language to read. Anyway, 95% of the time, I am the one who initiates contact. I don't mind this, but I don't want to make a pest of myself either. I have asked her and she says I am not. But, I am not sure she would say if I was as she may feel it would hurt my feelings. So, I kind of have the habit of texting her in the morning to say hello and we have a small chat. Then, I usually text her in the evening as well. I've thought about, not texting her so often, and wait for her to text me, but I don't want her to think I am playing some kind of game. Anybody have any thoughts on this from an age 50 or so woman's perspective?
PegNosePete Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 You've been seeing each other for a "good while" yet you're asking the kind of thing you would ask if you'd only been on 1 or 2 dates. You should know each other well enough by now to know the answer to this, or to discuss it with the only person that matters.. HER!
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 You've been seeing each other for a "good while" yet you're asking the kind of thing you would ask if you'd only been on 1 or 2 dates. You should know each other well enough by now to know the answer to this, or to discuss it with the only person that matters.. HER! That's true - and I have asked her and as I said she said it was cool, but just was wanting to get a woman's perspective.
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 I guess I was wondering, if some women or most women - just prefer you to be the pursuer and that is why they don't initiate contact too often. That would be my thought, but just wanting some other input.
emva07 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 if she thought you were a pest she wouldn't even answer you enough to have a small conversation with her, she'd be short and quick and not answer often.
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 She still comes from an era when nice girls don't chase boys. Think back to when you were a teen. No girl would have called you or initiated contact then. Judge her by those standards not modern ones. You may mention that you would like it if she called you more. 2
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thanks D0nnivan - I was thinking that might be the case. And I really don't mind, I just am so unused to texting. I can't get a good feel for the interaction. I am much more used to phone calls and in-person interaction. But, I am getting better at this - I just can't read the other person, which frustrates me.
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Seeing each other for a good while. How long is that?
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Around a year - but we are both busy, so we don't get to see each other as much as we would like to. Plus our work schedules are not in sych.
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Around a year - but we are both busy, so we don't get to see each other as much as we would like to. Plus our work schedules are not in sych. Around a year! Chasing period is over. Two adults should be able to have a phone conversation and initiate. You don't even get to see each other much and your means of communication is only texting. It's impersonal, lacking connection and cold. If I don't get to see someone often, I would at least want to be able to connect with them by at least hearing their voice. I only use texting to relay quick information, say a quick hello, etc. I don't use it as my sole means of communication in managing my relationship.
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 We do on occasion, but work gets in the way (since we work opposite schedules) - and during work, texting is okay, but phone calls really aren't. And for some reason - she likes texting, she is like that with friends & family too.
soccerrprp Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Are you both in a long distance relationship? Why the infrequent get togethers?
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 We do on occasion, but work gets in the way (since we work opposite schedules) - and during work, texting is okay, but phone calls really aren't. And for some reason - she likes texting, she is like that with friends & family too. I'm not sure what to tell you. Personally, it would be difficult for me to connect with someone that you don't get to see much, and in addition, don't even get to talk to over the phone, except through text messaging. If it works for you, great. Doesn't matter what perspective anyone or woman has to offer. But I don't think it boils down to perspectives, but more so it isn't working for you.
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Are you both in a long distance relationship? Why the infrequent get togethers? It depends on what you call long distance, it's about an hour each way. So, 2 hours driving all together. And we do get together, just not all the time. With our opposite work schedules and other responsibilities, usually we only get together once or twice a month. That's about all we can work out right now. It's not perfect - but it's okay for now. And if things continue, we will make some changes. Outside of the work situation, we both have elderly parents, which is a good thing, but they do require some assistance.
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 ItIsJustMe Like anything else you will get used to texting. It can come in handy & is wonderful for things like "please pick up milk" & "where r u?" when trying to find somebody in a crowd. It's lousy as a substitute for human interaction because it has no context.
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 I'm not sure what to tell you. Personally, it would be difficult for me to connect with someone that you don't get to see much, and in addition, don't even get to talk to over the phone, except through text messaging. If it works for you, great. Doesn't matter what perspective anyone or woman has to offer. But I don't think it boils down to perspectives, but more so it isn't working for you. Sometimes life gets in the way, so you can't have exactly want you want, when you want it. I understand and accept that. I try to make the best of things. I was just a little frustrated and trying to get some insight from others.
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Sometimes life gets in the way, so you can't have exactly want you want, when you want it. I understand and accept that. I try to make the best of things. I was just a little frustrated and trying to get some insight from others. Perfectly understandable. Life gets in the way. But with that comes compromise. You do 95% of the initiating. You manage your relationship based on what's a comfortable means of communication for her. While she doesn't like talking on the phone, you've accommodated her terms. Who is accommodating your frustrations, especially when it is perfectly normal to want healthy, meaningful and open communication with your partner. One year into a relationship, you shouldn't be playing, thinking or even contemplating the who's going to text whom first game because you want her to text you first. You both are in your 50s and in a year long relationship. If you're holding back because you fear being a pest because you're always the one reaching out, then I am not sure what sort of relationship you have or are progressing towards. But if it works for you, then I'm happy for you. I was just giving you my perspective on texting and dating. Good luck to you.
Author ItIsJustMe Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Perfectly understandable. Life gets in the way. But with that comes compromise. You do 95% of the initiating. You manage your relationship based on what's a comfortable means of communication for her. While she doesn't like talking on the phone, you've accommodated her terms. Who is accommodating your frustrations, especially when it is perfectly normal to want healthy, meaningful and open communication with your partner. One year into a relationship, you shouldn't be playing, thinking or even contemplating the who's going to text whom first game because you want her to text you first. You both are in your 50s and in a year long relationship. If you're holding back because you fear being a pest because you're always the one reaching out, then I am not sure what sort of relationship you have or are progressing towards. But if it works for you, then I'm happy for you. I was just giving you my perspective on texting and dating. Good luck to you. Very good points and maybe you are right. I am a bit frustrated or I wouldn't have asked the question. I guess I might mention it to her and/or cut back on my texting. It's not like I get a whole lot out of it anyway. By the way, are you male or female? Thanks.
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Very good points and maybe you are right. I am a bit frustrated or I wouldn't have asked the question. I guess I might mention it to her and/or cut back on my texting. It's not like I get a whole lot out of it anyway. By the way, are you male or female? Thanks. I can understand your frustrations. And you are perfectly reasonable in wanting communication. It is one of the most important aspect of having a healthy relationship. I think you should express your needs to her and let her know how important it is for you to connect with her seeing that you have so little time together. Maybe you both can set a schedule for when you can talk to each other. Even if for 10 minutes a few days out of the week. There has to be some compromise. You aren't asking for much. I am female.
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