Confusion!!!

[RamonS]

Hi All,

 

This is the first time I write on a forum, and I really hope that someone can help me in this situation because I am totally lost… To (try and )make a long story short, this is basically what happened in the past half year:

 

I am 32 years old and my wife is 30. We have a 10 year old daughter. In the beginning of July, my wife announced to me that she wants a divorce because she doesn’t love me anymore. She has been totally convinced of this and I have been going through hell for 5 and a half months. Trying to do everything I can, to the extreme, to get her back. It has been very rough on me, lost 40 pounds and been acting really crazy. Anger, emotions, pain they just took me over. Have been a real ass, but only to try to convince to take me back. The feeling of my family breaking up has killed me. Anyways.. My wife has been enjoying her freedom basically, while I was crying my eyes out. She is seeing this 23 year old scrub for 2 months now, which is another thing that kills me. Through all of this, we still live in the same house.

 

Now.. Since 3 weeks, I have been feeling better. I got envolved with another woman (nothing serious) and I basically started accepting the fact that it is over and we have to take care of the divorce asap. I had been feeling better then ever, up until this week. The strangest thing happened. We were at a sports event of my daughter last Sunday as a family. I have been acting normal for a few weeks already and having no hopes anymore at all. In between games me and my wife ended up in the car, heavily kissing and really into each other. She promised me we would finish it off when we got home, and so we did. It was great, and afterwards held each other and enjoyed. Next morning, when our daughter left for school, she came and hugged me, and cried. The first time in six months.. It felt great, but very confusing. At night, we were eating at the table and she started crying again and said that she loves me. That the decisions she made were wrong and that she thinks she wants to continue our marriage. I was totally confused and started crying. Went for an hour walk with my dog, wondering what just happened to me.. Is this real? After 6 months of hell, I would have never expected this, since she never showed any sign of even liking me. Since I left her alone, not worrying about what she does, or who she spent the nights with, having my own thing going with other women (which she knows about), it seems like she is finding her interest in me again. Since I lost all this weight, she says I look good. I told her I need a few days to think this all over.. But the person I am, the next day I already started planning in my head, telling her how much I love her, talking about the future. I just wanted to forget about everything, and move on together as a family. It felt good.

On Wednesday, I came home from work, and my wife tells me that she is very sorry, but she can not continue with me because everything what happened in the crazy period the past half year, will be haunting us. Also, two days after she tells me that she loves me, she tells me that she loves this new bf of hers… I really do not understand what is going on here. First going through hell, full of hopes for 6 months, then unexpected she tells me she loves me, and two days later says she loves someone else. I have been doubting her psychological state for the past months, but now I am pretty sure there is something wrong with her. All she says is that she is confused. Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I feel like this is an unique case, and wonder what I can do in this situation. All I want is my family back and forgive her for everything. My family is all I know, and now my hope is up again, which I gave up for the past couple of weeks.. Please comment if you have any good advice for me about what to do. Thank you a lot!

Edited December 13, 2013 by RamonS

[iworthmore]

hey man. i am sorry about what u'v been thru. i am on the same boat. we are much younger and it wasn't serious relationship as you( not married). she acted the same until i started to think she's a real bipolar. telling me she loves me and within a week ending it and repeated that many times and i was always excited and back with her hoping this is the last time this happen.

i am new here but i can tell you what ppl here told me. would you ever trust her again?? u saw how she kiss you and cry saying loving you and then she change her mind. something wrong with her. if you keep your hope and emotions towards her only pain your gonna gain from that.

accept the fact the she has changed. no longer the wife u knew for years. maybe she was interested back into you after you lost some weight and started seeing another woman but that's not love.

i advice you to tell her that you cant trust her any time again. and the divorce is a great idea and you can find someone else that loves you and can be sure about it. let her face the lost and you'r not a game to play with and then get bored of.

i am trying to move on after very same situation.

wish you feel better with time

 

iworthmore

[RamonS]

Thanks for your reply. The thing is that she has been saying for 6 months straight that she does not love me. We are living in the same house and it has basically been a war zone. Our child is suffering from it. Now the past weeks we have been calm, mainly because I am not giving her no BS anymore. What is weird to me is that it came so all of a sudden. Maybe I should just keep doing my thing, seeing other women and have a blast. I have no problem finding other women, but to be honest, I want nothing more than keep my family together. I know I would risk the same situation again in the future, but hey, nobody is guaranteed what will happen in the future.... Any sugestions to make her come back to me? In my opinion I have to be normal towards her, and do my own thing (?)

[CYBER77]

i'm not married but one thing i can say is that she is bipolar changing like that then being so cold with you! playing you around pretty all women are like that they don't like if we move on quickly and ignore them,that day when she kiss you and said i love you i guess she wanted to know if you still have something for here she was messing up with you she is confused,i had an ex like that,i'm having some hardtime forgetting her! but one thing can be sure you will be happier if you move on,though you have a child you will always doubt your wife and you will never feel secure! just go through the pain! feels like you are a man who cares for love and family!

[Shaine]

Yes. Do you own thing. You lost desirability for her because she knows she can get you anytime she wants. The moment you began to be okay with the separation and started seeing other women, she saw you in a different light again. Your desirability went up.