magictoast Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Hey, While I was away on business I met a girl online, we chatted and she mentioned she'd recognized me IRL (my job puts me in the public eye a little) but told me she was too nervous to approach and then the moment passed. So we started chatting and things got really heavy really fast, she was also away and in a very isolated work role with nobody she could talk to IRL, we found ourselves looking forward to talking each other on skype as the highlight of our day and I totally fell hard for her, she frequently said she liked me an insane amount and we made plans for me to visit her. But something happened which meant she had to come home, and it was then we moved things forward and decided we'd be meeting up as soon as she got in the country. So then I planned a week where I'd take vacation from work and we'd spend time together during that week doing stuff and getting to know the real person. So she finally got here, but she'd been travelling for almost 2 days straight and been in the country 2 days with little rest, she arrived and it was great, we were totally still into each other and it felt like we had a deep bond and connection already there. We spent the week mostly just cuddling with each other and doing very little, I had to work 2 nights while she was down, and when I did she said she'd visit friends in the area that she had. after she'd visited friends the first night she came back slightly distant, when i asked what it was she said she was worried that I was just infatuated with her and that I'd lost interest, I said that wasn't the case, I'm late 20s she's early 20s and theres an 8 year gap between us, I've been in a few relationships and I told her I'd honestly never felt this way about anybody else. Things went back to being good but the 2nd night I had to work she again went to hang out with the same friends and came back even more distant than before, this time she said she didn't want us to be specifically boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, she didn't want to label it and wanted to just say we were seeing each other, she didn't want to sleep with anybody else and is very anti-cheating, but she said she wanted things to slow down, assured me she was still crazy about me, but all the same seemed distant and less interested in what I had to say, got frustrated with me a lot. I took that as a pretty huge blow, she has a very easy going and free spirit lifestyle, she felt like I was trying to change her and to force her to settle down, but that's not really the case, I would've been happy if thats what she decided to do, but I liked her so much there are a lot of compromises I am willing to make. I took the news kinda weirdly, at first I thought she was breaking up with me, and while I was happy with what she said, I still felt pretty sad, was slightly teary, it kinda felt like the fairytale shattering. So now she's gone back home which is still only a few hours away, but we text each other sparingly, maybe once a day or so, and I'm not sure what I should do. I want her to feel what she did before for me, the way I still feel about her, but I feel like also I don't want to smother her, in my mind I am thinking I should just not contact her first, wait for her to contact me and not bomb her with messages, play it cool and just let her decide which direction she wants to take things in. But I wanted to just post my situation and ask if I'm doing the right thing or if anybody has any advice, I probably won't take it because I don't really trust strangers on the internet, but different views might help me get a bit more perspective, especially if somebody has been in her position or mine before.
justwhoiam Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 she mentioned she'd recognized me IRL (my job puts me in the public eye a little) Hmm, you're either a politician, a sportsman or work in the entertainment industry. Or you're a speaker for some reason (like a professor/doctor/scientist?). But you're also very young, so I would rule out some of the options. Anyway, your ongoing PRs would be enough to make a woman insecure. I know because my man used to work with models. And in my mind, it didn't make sense he wanted ME. Or maybe it was the inflation of them that make me different to him. Anyway, about your case, I have thought of different options (I don't know enough to establish which is the correct one, or if it's a combination of them): 1) her friends told her negative/horrible stories about LDRs 2) she saw someone she had feelings for 3) she thinks you're in your late 20s and ready to settle down, while she doesn't see herself at that point yet (no family, kids, etc.) 4) she thinks you have plenty of chances with women through your job and she stands a small chance being (far) away 5) if you're not able to get a couple of nights off work when she had the chance to be with you, what are the chances of a relationship to work? Maybe her visit was unplanned and there was not enough time to cancel your engagements... 6) when she was with you, you didn't balance cuddling time with other experiences (taking her out, etc.) and she might have perceived that negatively in my mind I am thinking I should just not contact her first, wait for her to contact me and not bomb her with messages, play it cool and just let her decide which direction she wants to take things in. Ok. That wouldn't work with me. Hopefully it will work with that girl. If a guy starts to slow down contact to zero, I will just read it as a lack of interest in me, and that whatever was there, if anything, just fizzled out as quickly as it came. I won't look for the guy because in my mind, if he really cared, he would contact me. I wanted to just post my situation and ask if I'm doing the right thing or if anybody has any advice, I probably won't take it because I don't really trust strangers on the internet, but different views might help me get a bit more perspective, especially if somebody has been in her position or mine before. No one will have a magic recipe for you, especially because we don't know enough about this girl and if she's in love with you. Because that's what you need to find out before anything else. If she's in love with you. If the answer is no, then you need to let her go and move on. If she is, then you need to work hard to get her. If she's worth it, you'll want to put any effort to make things work, despite the age difference, the distance, etc. Just to let you know, we have a 9 year gap and are at least 8 hours away from each other, with a 6-hour time difference. And we both have children, so things are way more complicated. I might be wrong' date=' but I get the feeling that she acted the way she acted and told you what she told you, simply because she's afraid of losing you[/quote'] I don't know about this. But it sounds like an oxymoron.
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