herself Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 we have been platonic friends for 13 years. Met at work and instant friends. lunch, happy hours, texts, emails...all day every day for 2 years until he left and abandoned friendship. He came back about 4 months later with apologies. We were able to repair but that definately hurt my trust with abandonment issues. We always dated others so never kissed or got involved physically. We were always well aware of our mutual chemistry and attraction but just never took it there. This unexplored relationship caused many difficulties as there were many times we fought and broke up over the years but I think it was the underlying tension although the arguments always seemed to be blamed on something else. fast forward to the last year we were still only friends but he admitted and began sharing feelings more openly as we were available, I followed suit but we still agreed we couldnt ever be officially together, our goals, jobs, background, wish for having a family, every single thing we differed on. He pulled away and the same fears from him leaving our beautiful friendship resurfaced. I then pulled away and he pulled me back. Said nothing in life would be worth it without me in it. Said he loved me (friendship sense) told me he couldnt imagine life without me in it. He has sweet nicknames for me, lots of memories, tons of smiles and mutual support through good and bad. But also lots of devastating fights just from sensitivity and the push and pull. Each time weve talked candidly after arguments and space and seem stronger only to go through same cycle. He distances, I distance then harder, he pulls me back, is sweeter than ever sending giftcards for coffee and sweet friendship sentiments, protective, and concerned, super caring...then hurts me again, I say mean things out of self defense, right back to a break. This past year is hardest and finally after 5 days of an unexecpected drop off in communication after we had been doing SO well and seemed on a straight and very healthy path..he is mia. I got sensitive...asked him about it and mentioned the circumstances of it continuing to happen this way and he says "Im over it you wont hear from me again" I apologize 10 days later after giving room to breathe, he accepts but in a cold way and just says "Ive made mistakes too, Im sorry, Merry Christmas and all my best" Its tough to hold a friend accountable like a boyfriend. Its not as if in friendship someone owes the other communication. Its just there was so much talk of friendship forever and we have so much love and concern but its been tearing me apart the makeup and breakup cycle. I dont want to lose him. I love him. We cant be a couple. But what can I do to make it healthier. Weve talked many times candidly. I think we both like ego strokes so it isnt one sided that way but I feel like I want consistency and loyalty. Often times he gets real mad and very quick and its as if Im on eggshells. I want us both to be happy. 13 YEARS. What should I do. I feel like this last fight was a final straw and my heart is broken, I lost sleep, stomach upset. I promise I dont want to date him, TRULY know I cant and he TRULY does too, so no illusions there. Just heartache to have distance and feel like Im not sure it can be repaired. I miss the joy of the close bond. I was divorced before and it hurt less. Thougts?
headinthecloud Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 You had an emotional affair. There was nothing platonic about it. If you want to have healthy relationships in the future then drop these types of "friendships". They are unhealthy. Essentially, your BU with your "friend" is a real BU and you should try to move on and invest your time in fostering healthy, supportive friendships. Good luck.
Author herself Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thank you. I didnt think to categorize as such. I know its over though and i wish I didnt waste 13 years. Its going to be hard. And I wish gmail would allow block on email. I know it can be sent to trash or spam but then you still can see it & have to manually go & delete. I dont even want to chance to be triggered. We were never on fb & already blocked on phone. The recovery will be long & i dont have many friends or family but i do go to the gym already every day, and i stopped playing music at all. Huuurrrttttts.
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