Bonheur Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I hope I can tell you my story clearly and not lengthily, Im sorry but i have to say it all to be understood: I will start from the beginning. Me and A started 4 years ago when she was at her final univ year at 23 and me at 31 starting a new good job. the first year we were madly in love, she used to be very jealous and me too, Our sex life started gradually and this actually hooked me up and i loved it, though she was fresh like im the second guy in bed.. we got very close to each other the second year helping her to start her career and always hanging together, during these years sex was at its best romantic passionate and sexy, she showed interest in getting serious, So after 2 years I proposed to her, though i did not have any financial plans for the future I was just sure I dont want anyone else. And she accepted gladly. In our next 2 years come the decline mainly triggered by the inability to move forward in our marriage plans. I place lot of responsibility over myself for perhaps I wasnt ready yet. Her life with her parents wasn't happy and she insisted that i should do something, she cant wait forever, and my inactivity show her im not that interested, I didnt take her words seriously..there was sexual distance specially the 4th year where my desires started going in all directions, I didnt notice anything about her desires, just we were fighting more and words like ur not with me ur not understanding me u know nothing about my problems arose... We planned to travel to turkey the past summer, and we traveled it was great fairy but i had my snaps, though at the end of the trip i was completely taken by her...but she didnt feel the same and i didnt know that... We planned after our trip we will budge our marriage and move forward. In fact now i knew she started flirting with a colleague just before our trip, and continued after until 2 month ago something happend sexually, I didnt have any idea of whats going on, just felt her distance and her sudden increase demand for sex. last month she asked for a break cuz she wasnt sure of her feelings, i agreed but after 4 days she said that we're over, that actually crashed me at a time i was never sure of my feelings to her as now, so I fixed my finance took a few loans and got ready for marriage in like 2 weeks, but she told me please im not sure of anything now.. I started looking around and found out about the chinese from a frnd, We talk and chat all the time all day long, I asked her bout some1 else she denied, confronted her with the colleague she said he's nothing. I Saw a msg from her that she slept wit him, and she kind of crushed on him, until finally she tells me he is there and its childish but no worry there is no sex, we are not together anymore and im free, Right now my position is really hard and I need help, we talk all the time from morning to night, see each other almost every day, she has no definition for me, maybe close friend, I asked her should i look for some1 else she said no, she sees the chinese like once per week (they make out but she denies) and is with me all the other time, she shows me no emotion, only if she got tipsy but not much. Last thing she said I will turn 27 in March, for the sake of 4 years together hang on there and will see what the future hides... Im 35 now at a critical age i find it in my life where decisions are more important then waiting, Any advice please, specially the woman over there cuz really guys don't know what's on women's head
Author Bonheur Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Thnx for reading, but can u please elaborate more
2fargone Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Sure... She is keeping you in place while being with someone else. Wich is a very comfortable position. You are analyzing her, her reasons for doing things. You are hooked. You will get hurt... more. Since you seem to know it all and say guys don't know what's in girls' heads, I won't get into explaining what she is doing and why. Women are really not that much of a mystery in these types of situations... YMMV
Author Bonheur Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 The thing is I know the other guy is leaving the country for good and probably not see her again or at least any time soon...is it worth to wait and see what she wants then...I feel like im being kept as an option, is that right?
Author Bonheur Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Shouldn't I give it more time...like 4 years vs 1 month of break up...Im waiting to see when the other guy leaves if she has any feelings left or where she stands then...did she really want to end this long serious relation for just a fantasy? or she was just looking for the 1st way out?
2fargone Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Shouldn't I give it more time...like 4 years vs 1 month of break up...Im waiting to see when the other guy leaves if she has any feelings left or where she stands then...did she really want to end this long serious relation for just a fantasy? or she was just looking for the 1st way out? Yes, you are an option. And if the option is always present, why take it ? If she was looking for the 1st way out, what does that say about her wanting to be with you ? She doesn't. You are 2nd choice, is that what you want? Because if it is, you can be that for the rest of your life, regardless if she is with you or not. Stop thinking for her and trying to base decisions or draw conclusions on it.
Author Bonheur Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 I wish i can just walk away man...I think i'll hang on there for a while until every part of me is convinced its time to move on...she still talks bout future plans she still talks someday we might be married...but as u said i have to stop basing my decisions upon what she thinks...I'll be there for her but as well I'll be preparing myself to move on...its extremely hard to move on but hopefully i will be able.. Thanks
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